let's say you find out
early one spring
you've got cancer
your lover begins to miss his wife
your husband's sorrow
drags itself across every sky
let's say you pray for your life
to go on
accomodating
the machine turns on
off & on
the answer to your prayers
clicks and whirrs
the big machine
hangs like the last word
of a love affair
a holy punctuation mark
the technicians consult your chart
joke about the lead lollipop
as they slip it into your mouth
position the lead chunks above your face
then sidle into another room
to watch the grid
you're spread upon
this is radiation
the seconds
you know there are places
the sinister rays leak
or go bouncing off
the cement walls
ring with ricochetting light
your face is screwed
to the table
the seconds
there is finally a smell
the smell your hands pick up
from fondling keys
or other objects you'd rather not need
you hear the technicians coming back
talking in tongues
you feel them wince
where the green hallway turns
their scented fingers
remove the lead chunks
above your face
your drawn and quartered face
their lips move
talk about the heat
on their day off
as you lift your head
you think the strangeness
of heat
burning so politely
in this room
you sit up
turn your body
watch your sandals
touch the floor
your blessed toes
so safe
so far away