Chapter Twenty-One

Reed took another hit from his venti Frappuccino and tried to jolt himself awake with as much sugar and caffeine as he could possibly ingest. Last week had been shit. He could only hope this week wasn’t going to be worse.

“How long until this is over with?” he asked.

Aaron checked his watch for the millionth time that hour. “If we’re lucky, it’ll be fast. Get her in, get her out, no problems.”

Reed’s knee jogged up and down in the back of the van. The Frappuccino was making him jittery. His nerves were all over the place.

They’d spent months working with Stacey, building up a case piece by piece, making sure every move was carefully executed.

And now, in what felt like a matter of minutes, they were suddenly going in.

Did Aaron know what he was doing? For that matter, did Reed? He couldn’t believe how quickly the paperwork had happened. He was in the office, going over the photographs from the crime scene yet again, like maybe if he squinted at them from another angle, maybe if he did a dozen jumping jacks and then stood on his head, he’d be able to see something he’d missed before. If only he could figure out the puzzle, find the way to connect Jonnie West to the murder and bring the case together without relying on Stacey and her testimony.

The next thing he knew, Aaron was dragging him into an unmarked van and they were driving across the city to a block of row houses in Queens that Reed had never been to before.

He was supposed to pull rank over his brother, but Aaron kept saying they had to move fast, there was no time to explain. He hadn’t even seen the paperwork yet.

Now they were cramped in the back of the van with two other technicians, wires everywhere, a woman with neon green hair bent over a pair of headphones, her face pinched into a perpetual frown. Vicky, he thought her name was.

“Aaron, what’s going on?” Reed said again, but Vicky waved at him to shut his mouth.

His leg jogged harder. More coffee. Like that was really a good idea right now.

“We’re in,” Vicky said. She put down the headphones and flipped a switch. Static played through the van. Reed heard muffled sounds. Breathing. Somebody walking. Then a conversation too quiet to make out.

“Don’t tell me we can’t even use this,” Reed started.

“Shh,” Vicky said, face intent on the audio.

“Come on,” Aaron muttered under his breath. “We can’t hear you.”

“Who’s in there with Jonnie?” Reed asked.

“Just give it a minute,” Aaron told him.

“Who’s in there?” Reed demanded again.

“We got another dancer,” Vicky said. Breezy, offhand. Like it didn’t matter who they’d sent into the lion’s den, as long as they got the results they were looking for. Reed tried to get a name, but Aaron waved at him to shut up. A voice was coming through loud and clear over the wire.

“Hey, what’s going on, you guys?” Friendly. Calm. Happy as could be.

Someone who’d been coached on how to talk so the team in the van could hear it. Someone who’d practiced how to be natural, how to be normal, how to sound like she wasn’t in tight with the DEA.

Someone with just a ruffle of nerves around the edges, the kind of thing most people wouldn’t be able to detect unless they were listening for it.

Unless they knew her well.

Reed dropped the Frappuccino. It fell straight out of his hand, like he couldn’t make his muscles work anymore. He thought he’d been frozen before—in moments of fear, moments of panic. Back in the car with Talia, unable to say a thing.

But this was different. This was the real deal. Everything in him was wound so tight, there was a second of pure, floating nothingness before reality stabbed him and he was roaring so loud that both Aaron and the two technicians were on him to shut the fuck up as his brother grabbed his arm and pulled him down.

He hadn’t even realized he’d jumped up, ready to tear out of the van and race inside.

Aaron picked up the coffee cup and passed Reed a handful of napkins. “Just wait,” he said. “Wait and listen. It’s going to be fine.”

“How could you.” Reed’s voice was a hiss. “How could you put her in there.”

“She came to me,” Aaron said.

“I don’t care if the fucking Queen of England called and asked to blow you, you don’t run shit without talking to me first!”

“It’s been cleared all the way up the chain of command. Did you see how fast we got this wiretap approved? This is the moment, Reed. We have to go for it.”

“How could you not tell me?” he roared.

“I didn’t want you getting all emotional and fucking up the chance!” Aaron shot back just as viciously.

“I’m not getting—”

“Would you two lay off it,” Vicky shouted over them. “I can’t hear what’s going on in there. If I can’t hear, then I don’t know what’s happening. If I don’t know what’s happening, I can’t give the signal if anything goes wrong with your girl. So sit down, shut the fuck up, and behave.”

“Not a chance.” Reed was opening the door to the back of the van when his sweet, baby-faced little brother tackled him like he was some kind of perp.

Reed could have taken him if he wanted to. But the move was such a surprise, he faltered.

“Wait,” Aaron ordered, yanking him back. “We’ve got a whole team of backup ready to go in if she so much as sneezes. You go in there now, her cover is blown. You know as well as I do that that’s when things get messy.”

Reed’s knees buckled of their own accord. That was the only thing that could get through to him. Knowing that as bad as it was for Talia to be in there, it’d be even worse for her if he was in there, too.

He sat down numbly, palms tapping on his thighs. Fuck, fuck, fuck sounded like a drumbeat in his head.

In the new silence in the van, he could hear Talia over the wire and the light, tinkling sound of her laugh.

“Yeah, Chelsea said this is the place to go,” Talia said cheerfully.

“Chelsea also said this was a friend of hers I’d want to meet.” Jonnie’s voice was low and dripping. Reed could practically hear him salivating over Talia. His hands clenched into fists. Not a fucking chance.

“Looks like Chelsea’s right about a lot of things.”

That laugh again, high and easy. Was Talia flirting with this scumbag? Reed tasted iron in the back of his mouth. Iron and blood, adrenaline firing through him.

Aaron shot him a wary look, but Reed stayed sitting. They had to get Talia out of there unharmed. That was the only thing keeping him from tearing out of that van.

“So, whatcha looking for?” Jonnie crooned.

“You know I dance, right?” Talia said, and Reed had to hand it to her. She knew how to play this guy, sounding just eager, just stupid enough to let Jonnie think he was the one in control, and she was the silly girl eating out of his hand.

“Couldn’t miss it with those legs of yours, sweetheart.”

A growl came from Reed’s chest. Vicky shot him a look. He couldn’t help it. If Jonnie were in this van right now, he’d be hard pressed to find a reason not to tear the guy’s head off with his bare hands.

“These legs are tired,” Talia said, with a tone that let Reed picture her flipping her hair and pouting. “Opening night is tonight and oh my God, I’m so nervous. Plus I had knee surgery over the summer and it’s been bothering me lately with all the rehearsing, you know?”

She let the unspoken assumption hang between them.

“Sure, sweetheart. I can give you some candy to take care of that.”

“Chelsea said you only had good stuff. I gotta perform, you know? I’m too nervous to risk it from just anyone.”

“Of course, of course.” Jonnie’s voice was soothing, all bass. “What I have is completely pure.”

“How do I know?”

Reed’s heart seized in his chest. This was the moment. This was it. Talia didn’t say it like she was suspicious, like she was fishing. The sweet, innocent routine was good. Really good. It came across like she didn’t quite understand how this all worked. Like it was a great opening for Jonnie to show her what a man he was.

And Jonnie, bless his heart, took the bait. Hook, line, and sinker.

Static on the wire. Then Jonnie’s voice. A whisper. Like he was leaning right in Talia’s ear.

Reed felt a shiver go through him. Disgust at the thought of that man so close to Talia. Touching her. Breathing down her neck.

His heart was racing. And then, Jonnie finally said it.

“Because I got these right from the source, sweetheart. You can go fill out a prescription at your local Duane Reade, or you can come to me.”

It was too much for West to reveal. An idiot move. But Talia was a woman who men would be idiots for. Reed knew that much firsthand.

“Got him,” Aaron said, exhaling slowly in the stillness of the van, where all of them had stopped breathing.

Talia gave more giggles, asked more questions, played Jonnie like a violin. And Jonnie sang for her. He didn’t confess to any murders—that would have been too much to hope for. But he let Talia know how pure his supply was, how he’d gotten it right from a pharmacy, how Talia didn’t have to worry…

Aaron was grinning. The technicians were giving each other high-fives. Over the wire, Talia was agreeing to the sale, begging Jonnie to let her hang out with him a little. Making him break his protocol, so that he was the one handing her the pills. He was the one taking her money. He was the one explaining which was which, when to take them, how she was going to get so high, that knee surgery would seem like a lifetime ago, and when she got on stage, she’d be floating…

But Reed couldn’t celebrate. He couldn’t stop clenching his fists.

“Be happy,” Aaron told him. “We nailed it. Jonnie’s going away for this, and he’s not coming back.”

Reed whirled on his brother like he was a stranger. “How could you let her do that?” he hissed. “I told you no, and you went ahead and did it anyway.”

“Whoa.” Aaron held up his palms. “She’s the one who came to me.”

“I don’t care!” Reed’s voice was loud enough that anyone walking by outside the van could have heard them. “I don’t give a fuck what she did,” he repeated, calling on every ounce of self-control to lower his voice. “You should have known better than to put her in danger.”

“She helped us,” Aaron said. “She knew what she was getting into, and she did it anyway. You wanted me to say no to that? You wanted me to forego the case and give up what we just got? I know it wasn’t perfect, Reed. But let’s be realistic. It was the best chance we were going to get.”

But Reed didn’t care about the case. For once, what pulsed behind his eyes when he blinked wasn’t the outline of the bodies Jonnie had brought down. It was Talia walking into that row house. Talia with a wire clipped to the button on her shirt. Talia in danger. Talia hurt—because of him.

“Didn’t you care about her at all?” Reed asked, his face hot, his hands still clenched into fists. “Didn’t you stop and think about what you were getting her into?”

Aaron stared at him. “I thought you guys broke up.”

“So?” Reed shot back.

“So…I thought you weren’t serious about her. You said so. At Mom’s. It just sounded like not a big deal to you anymore. I’m not saying I’d sacrifice any of our precautions,” he added quickly. “I wouldn’t let anyone into a situation I thought was too risky. Neither would the captain. Neither would any judge worth their salt. But come on, Reed. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

Reed’s jaw tightened. Tightened so hard, he thought it might snap.

Overreacting.

Like Talia meant nothing.

Like this danger was nothing.

Like it was all just another day to everyone else.

Get a wire, nab a few bad guys, head on home.

Like his heart wasn’t right now twisting inside him, all the blood wringing out of him, pooling on the floor.

“I can’t,” he stammered. “I just—” He ran a hand over his head, his mouth moving but no words coming out except, “I can’t.”

“Holy shit,” Vicky said, one ear on the headphones, listening to make sure Talia was safely out, the other ear soaking up Reed’s conversation with Aaron. “That’s your girlfriend in there?”

Her eyes widened, but Reed shook his head. “Ex-girlfriend. Ex-something. Whatever.”

The woman snorted.

“What?” Reed demanded.

“I don’t know you from Adam,” Vicky said. “But that’s not a ‘whatever’ to you.”

Reed took a deep breath, ready to go off on her for sticking her nose where it didn’t belong. Then he let it out, and the rush of heat went with it.

“Does anyone have a mirror?” Aaron asked suddenly.

“What?” Reed looked at him, confused.

“I just wish you could see your face right now, man.” Aaron shook his head, a smile stealing across his features. “I wish you could see what’s written all over it.”

Reed tried to look normal. Just another batshit crazy day at work. Happened all the time. Nothing to see here.

But it was too much. The adrenaline, the pounding of his heart. The fear over protecting Talia. The fear over protecting himself.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said to no one in particular. To Aaron, to the technicians, to himself. “Obviously my job is a mess. I can’t go dragging her into my shit.”

“I’m pretty sure she dragged herself,” Aaron said. “And anyway, this is about to be over. How likely is it that Talia’s going to get to know a slew of other dealers around the city? This isn’t going to happen again.”

“It shouldn’t have happened once,” Reed snapped. “I shouldn’t have done this to her.”

“For the last time,” Aaron said. “You didn’t get her involved. You didn’t introduce her to Stacey, you didn’t get her that apartment, you didn’t drag her into the case, and you didn’t make her go in there just now. She could have run the other way when she took one look at you, but she didn’t. She stayed in your shitty apartment. And danced the electric slide with Nana. You think she had to do any of that? You think you made her?”

“Offering a woman’s perspective,” Vicky piped up, “I wouldn’t meet someone’s grandmother unless I seriously, seriously liked them. And even then.” She wrinkled her nose. “It’d have to be pretty special.”

It was. The thought came to him unbidden, but no less clear for its unexpectedness. It was the exact opposite of what he’d told everybody. But it was entirely true.

It was special with Talia. Everything was.

And he’d gone and thrown it away anyway. Even though it was special. Or maybe precisely because it was.

“I can’t let Talia get any closer to me,” Reed said. “It’s over, and it has to stay that way. Not even this crazy stunt can change that.”

“She didn’t do it to get you back, Reed,” Aaron said. “She made me promise not to tell you—she knew you’d be pissed. Why do you think I didn’t let you know what was happening?”

Reed couldn’t answer.

And then, Aaron kept talking.

“She’s not Lisa,” he said quietly, inching toward him on the bench in the van where Reed had somehow found himself sitting.

“I know that,” Reed said, wincing involuntarily at just the name. “But Talia still has to stay away from me. From this. Us. This kind of life. I don’t know how you do it with Maggie, but I can’t. I tried with Lisa, and it just—” He took a jagged breath. “It didn’t work for me. Okay? It didn’t work.”

“Did that sound like Lisa on the wire just then?” Aaron jutted his head toward the audio equipment.

“No,” Reed had to concede. Lisa never would have done anything like that. Not in a million years.

He put his hand on the handcuffs clipped to his belt, feeling the cold metal press against his palm. If he had to think about how different Lisa and Talia were, it went so much deeper than anything Aaron could know. It wasn’t just Talia’s voice on the wire, walking into danger and nearly charming the pants off of it.

It was Talia with her arms clasped behind her, wrists in handcuffs, bent over the ledge of the roof, crying Reed’s name until she came apart for him.

Talia grumpy in the morning before she had coffee. Talia laughing her head off at nothing. Talia talking a mile a minute, never letting him get away with shutting up. With shutting himself off.

He kept saying he couldn’t be with her because of his job. The same way he kept telling himself his relationship with Lisa didn’t work out because of his job. As opposed to not working out because he and Lisa weren’t right for each other, period.

Because here he was, doing his job, and the impact on his relationship with Talia was nil. He hadn’t broken up with her because he had work to do, and that work was dangerous. He’d broken up with her because he had work to do, and that work was dangerous, and even that wasn’t holding her back from being with him. From giving herself to him.

Nothing was holding her back from him.

And that was scarier than every gang leader in New York City combined.

“She’s out,” Vicky said. “She’s heading to the subway.”

“Is someone going to meet her?” Reed asked.

Aaron shook his head. “Not if there’s a chance one of West’s guys could be trailing her to the subway to make sure she’s clean.”

“But she’s going back to the DEA office, right?” Reed asked.

“Nah,” Aaron said. “She said she had somewhere to be.”

Reed checked his watch. It was only early afternoon. That was when it finally occurred to him to think of the date. He swore.

“I have to go,” he said to Aaron. “I have to take a shower, clean up. Tell the boss you did good today.”

“Don’t you want to come back to the office, be there to follow up?”

He knew what Aaron was asking. Didn’t he want to make sure the chain of command saw him there, demonstrating leadership, taking responsibility for their success?

But Reed shook his head. He had more important things to do right now than secure the next step to lieutenant.

This time, when he went to open the van door, nobody made a move to stop him. Even Vicky grinned at him with her green hair shining and told him good luck.