It is wet and gloomy today. I watch from the window of my chamber as the wind whips sheets of rain across the lawns and over the wall to the lane outside. I finish my tea but I leave the buttered toast on its plate. Because even though I am empty, I have no appetite.
I think of Beth and I hope she has found somewhere safe to be. I wish with all my being that I had been able to go with her. But I know that is one wish that will never come true. She is long gone. But all the same, I wish good things for her. I wish for her to find happiness.
I make a wish for myself too. It is a foolish wish really, because I know it is too late for me. With Mrs Holloway breathing down my neck at every turn, there is no chance of escape. There is no miracle left that will free me from this place. I have made my bed. But I keep wishing for freedom nonetheless, because there is still a tiny part of me that believes I can make it happen.
Our Beloved is to travel to Bristol today and to my relief he is taking Ruth with him and not me. They will be gone for two days at least. He has left me a pile of sermon notes to write up for him. ‘You are more use to me here, than out on the road,’ he said.
I wonder if this will be my life now, hours and hours spent writing down words that I don’t believe, or even understand. I have nothing left now and I don’t want to feel this empty forever. So maybe if I write for long enough, I think, for a year or even two, maybe the words will seep into my brain and organise themselves into some meaning. Then maybe one day I will believe again and I will have something to live for.
I watch as the carriage rolls towards the gates. Poor Agatha and Ruth. Even their oilskins will not keep them dry in this weather. The gates are opened and the horses nose into the lane.
Then something strange happens. The horses stop, half in and half out of the gates. For a moment I think he has changed his mind. Maybe he wants me with him after all. My heart twists into a tight knot. But then I see four figures running into the grounds. I press my face to the window. The figures are men and I see that two of them have thick sticks in their hands. They are waving them at the bloodhounds to try and keep them at bay. The women have all emerged from the cottages now and they are running towards the men. I hear their angry shouts.
One of the men breaks loose and he is sprinting towards the mansion. He is shouting too. I lift the catch on the window and push it open. Rain spatters on my face, but I hear him clearly now.
My heart stops.
‘Alice! Alice! Alice!’ I step back from the window, not quite believing what I have seen. Is it really Eli down there? Eli calling my name? Has he come to free me? Has my wish come true?
I dare to look again, but all I can see is a confusion of bodies. The women have surrounded him. They are pushing and pulling him, back towards the gates. ‘Eli!’ I call out of the window, ‘Eli! I’m coming!’ I look frantically around the chamber, trying to remember where the carpet bag is. There. Under the chair at the foot of the bed. I pull it open and scrabble inside until my hand closes on the gold locket. With shaking hands I clip it around my neck, then I slam open the chamber door and fly along the corridor and down the stairs.
‘Leave my brother alone!’ I shout as I run out to the lawns. ‘Leave him be!’
‘Out … Out … Out … ’ they are all chanting. ‘Out … Out … Out.’
I push my way through, not caring who I scratch or bruise. The rain is running down my face and into my mouth. ‘Eli,’ I gasp. ‘Eli.’ I finally reach him and I grab hold of his hand.
‘Oh my god, Alice,’ he cries. ‘What have you got yourself into?’
‘STOP! STOP THIS NOW!’
A powerful voice sails over all of our heads and suddenly the skirmish stops and quietness descends. We turn to the voice and there is Our Beloved, standing on the steps of the carriage with the bloodhounds prowling around his feet.
Eli pulls me towards the gates. The other men are already standing out in the lane, panting fast and adjusting their dishevelled jackets.
‘WAIT!’ Our Beloved holds out his hand to me. ‘Who is this, Alice?’ he asks.
‘Don’t answer him,’ Eli hisses. ‘Come on. Let’s go.’
‘Where are you going, Alice? You don’t want to leave us, do you?’
I look at Our Beloved as Eli drags me out into the lane. I watch as his lips form the words that are coming out of his mouth. I push Eli away. I want to do this on my own.
‘Alice!’ Eli shouts. ‘Don’t. Don’t go back!’
‘Alice,’ says Our Beloved, as I walk towards him. ‘You know you belong here. Come back inside now, so we can shut the gates.’
‘No, Alice,’ yells Eli.
‘Come,’ says Our Beloved. ‘Come, my spirit bride. We are all here for you.’
I look back to Eli. ‘Come home, Alice,’ he says, sounding suddenly exhausted. ‘I have missed you so much.’
I turn again towards Our Beloved, and all I can see is the ugliness of him. There is no shining God, no saviour, no divine being. He is just a man. A mortal man named Henry Prince.
Mrs Holloway walks to his side. Her eyes are spitting flames at me. I step back into the grounds of the Abode while Eli shouts warnings from behind me. I walk straight to Mrs Holloway and I slap her hard, right across her face. Her buttonhole mouth splits wide open. ‘You know what that is for,’ I say. Then I run back to Eli and grab his hand again.
‘Come on!’ I yell. ‘Take me home!’ Then we are both running, as fast as we can, down the lane towards the carriage that is pulled up outside the Lamb Inn.