The air inside the carriage is heavy with the sound of panting as Eli and I try to catch our breath. I am surprised to see Mr Wraith sitting across from us, but I notice at once that he cannot bear to look at me. He sits as far away from me as the cramped interior will allow. But I don’t care. I am exhilarated. I cannot sit still.
The miracle happened. It happened for me. My wishes meant something after all. I am not lost any more. I wriggle around on my seat so much, anyone would think I had fallen in a clump of nettles.
‘How did you find me?’ I ask, as soon as I can speak again.
Eli clears his throat. ‘It was Sarah,’ he says. ‘She saw you being driven through the gates of that place. I didn’t want to believe her at first, only I thought I had seen you too, in Bath, in the company of that … that Henry Prince. Did he kidnap you, Alice? Is that what happened?’
I don’t know what to tell him. What will he think of me if I tell him the truth? If I tell him that I chose to go there? The bubbles of happiness that have been fizzing around inside me begin to burst.
Mr Wraith takes a handkerchief from his top pocket and blows his nose loudly. Eli glances at him and then, as if he has sensed my discomfort, he puts his arm gently around my shoulders. ‘It’s all right,’ he says. ‘You can tell me all about it when we get home. You can tell me how they came to kidnap you. You will be perfectly safe back at Lions House. And when we get there you can tell me everything … But perhaps we had better spare Mama the details.’
I look at him sharply. ‘Does she know you have found me?’ I ask. ‘Does she know where I have been and that you are bringing me home?’
The guilt that flashes across his face tells me all I need to know.
Eli turns and looks out of the window. ‘Mama will be happy to see you,’ he says eventually. ‘I must tell you, Alice. She has missed you so much.’
A scornful laugh bursts out of my mouth and I try to disguise it as a cough. The idea that Mama would ever miss me fills me with such a mixture of pain and amusement that Eli has to slap me on the back to stop me from choking.
The carriage rattles on, shaking my bones, and Eli begins to tell me of his plans. ‘Once you are home, Alice, and have settled yourself, of course, well, I should like to go abroad for a while. Paris. Rome. You know. Oh, and you must remember not to breathe a word to anyone about where you have been these past months. We will put it about that you’ve been with relatives. People can choose to believe us or not … Mama needs you, you see. A mother needs a daughter close by, don’t you think? And with you at home again, I shall be free to travel.’ He smiles at me broadly. ‘And don’t worry,’ he says. ‘If you behave yourself, Alice, I am sure she will forget any idea she may have had of an asylum.’
He whispers this last word as though it is so dirty he cannot bear to have it on his tongue.
‘And you will behave, won’t you, Alice? After all … being where you have just been … I am sure you would not like to go anywhere like that again.’
On he goes. Yapping away like some stupid puppy. But I am not listening any more. I know the truth of why he came to my rescue now; it was for his own sake and not for mine. In a strange way the realisation gladdens me. It is as though his selfishness has set me free and an astounding thought occurs to me. I do not want to go back to Lions House, to the place I used to call home. But I do not want to go back to the Abode either. I don’t need Mama and Eli, and I certainly don’t need Henry Prince. They might need me for their own twisted reasons but I don’t need any of them. How blind I have been. I thought there were only two choices, but there is a world of choice out there and it is time for me to find my way now.
I pull down the carriage window and lean my head out. ‘Stop!’ I yell to the driver. ‘Stop the carriage.’ The racket of skidding hooves and screeching wheels flies in through the open window.
‘What on earth are you doing, Alice?’ Eli’s eyebrows are arched in panic.
‘I just need a little air,’ I say.
‘But we are almost home,’ he complains. ‘Can’t you wait?’
‘I’m afraid not,’ I say. I open the carriage door and jump to the ground.
‘Will you be long?’ asks Eli. He sighs and leans back in his seat. I reach up and push the carriage door shut.
‘I will be as long as it takes, dear brother. As long as it takes.’
Then I pick up my skirts and I run. I run as fast as I have ever run. I don’t know where I am going just yet. But I know that I will end up somewhere. And somewhere is better than nowhere. The rains pours down, my skirts slap against my legs, Papa’s gold locket bounces at my throat … and I run and run and run.
I wish to be happy! I shout at hedges and trees and empty fields. I only wish to be happy! And the wind picks up my wish and whips it high into the sky and carries it away to the place where dreams come true.