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February is always a difficult month in New England. Not only do we get all the snow, but there seems to be no sun. I still struggled during the month. When the first snow day hit on a Wednesday at the beginning of the month, I took the opportunity to roll over and go back to sleep. I woke up to find Jenna on the floor, surrounded by craft supplies and crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, rolling on to my side to see her.
She quickly wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
“Sorry, I thought you were asleep still. It’s nothing.”
“Obviously, that’s not true.”
“I just, you know, I don’t have a Valentine.”
“Well, I don’t either.”
“I want one and I, like, have to design the bulletin board and our door. How can I do that if I don’t have any, you know, inspiration?”
I looked around at the craft supplies.
“Why not decorate our door in an anti-love theme?”
“Like all black and stuff?”
“Yeah! Put your mood on the door.”
“What about the bulletin board?”
I sat up and looked out our window.
“Snow?” I said.
“Will you help me?”
We took our supplies into the Common Room so we could spread out. Other people came out of their rooms when they heard us moving around the floor. They all started helping Jenna and me put up the decorations. When we were done, we made our way to the Common Room and watched movies through the afternoon. I rarely had days like this, but I loved it when I did, especially when it was a bunch of us all doing nothing together. We stayed in our comfy clothes, ordered pizza once the snow stopped, and only argued about which movie to watch next. Frank was among the people who joined us, sitting next to me on a couch. He pulled my legs up on his lap and threw a blanket over us. I was sure I was reading the signs right, and we would soon have the hookup I wanted.
"Want to have dinner with Adam and me tomorrow night?" Jenna asked as we walked back to the room.
“You’re having dinner with Adam?” I asked.
“Yeah, he said you’re welcome to come. I sent him a text already.”
I thought about it quickly and agreed, but it felt weird that Jenna and Adam were inviting me to join them. Adam was my friend first, and I had barely seen him since we had returned to campus. Since when had they become friends? I tried to bury my irritation, but it was still there when we all met at the cafeteria.
“Have you been spending time with Mel?” I asked Adam, trying to seem as innocent as I could.
“Yes. I’m sure you’re thrilled that our relationship is falling apart.”
“It’s not like I want you to be alone. I simply want you with the right person.”
"I was at the Trustees meeting the other day," Jenna said, suddenly interrupting us.
I knew she had taken it upon herself to go to the monthly meeting of the University Trustees. These people were the real power on campus and could force President Fairfax to do something she didn’t want to do. I had not gone with her, wanting to encourage the other residents to find their way to fight this war. I hadn’t pushed her to tell me the details about the meeting, but I was super curious about what had happened.
“Great, let’s hear about what happened!” I said, happy to find something to talk about and finally learn the meeting’s details.
"They brought up the Boston Globe article, and it was pretty clear they had already talked about it, you know, before the meeting," she said suddenly blushing.
“That’s not uncommon,” Adam said.
“They wanted to know what she’s going to do about the housing affordability issue because, like, it’s important to them that students don’t transfer away or stop coming here.”
While the article had primarily focused on Woodhouse Hall, Beverly, the same reporter who wrote the article about the alumni, picked up on the more significant issue around affordability and economic disparity. She wrote about how students at Woodhouse Hall were accustomed to weaker internet and wifi than any other spot on campus that sometimes we had no cellphone service, the weekend fire alarms, and other issues that we had come to accept as reality. She had taken the university to task for their lack of transparency regarding housing prices. She compared housing costs at Lacock State University to comparable universities, providing the data in the article that proved it wasn't as affordable as it seemed.
She spoke with Eric, as the SGA representative. He said the students supported the university's plan. The article made it clear she was suspicious of Eric's intentions. She tried to contact President Fairfax's office and been told they had no comment. The Woodhouse family lawyer had been quoted in the article. He had been vague but confirmed that the family supported modernizing the dorm. Beverly called the housing office, gotten the same response until an anonymous source blew a small whistle. It turns out that tuition might be affordable, but they made money on the dorms. Woodhouse, which cost $9,000 a year, with meals, was significantly cheaper than the other dorms, none of which included meal plans. It was turning into a huge mess that could get President Fairfax fired.
“Did you know we’re paying nearly a thousand dollars a month to share a room with another person?” Jenna said.
I nodded, acutely aware of the cost differences having done the research when I was having my housing crisis.
“I could pay the same amount to live in an apartment and have my own room,” Jenna said.
“What did President Fairfax say?” I asked.
“She didn’t have much of an answer for them,” Jenna said with a shrug. “Basically, she said they had set the dorm’s prices based on the costs of running each the building. They pressed her on why there weren’t less expensive rooms in each dorm. Like, if you can fit three students in a room, why can’t that lower the cost for each person? Oh, and, like, wouldn’t they know the financial aid packages of new students and be able to put aside room for those who needed affordable housing?”
“Sounds like they’ve already found solutions that the administration hasn’t been interested in considering. Was Eric there?”
“No, but the student who sits on the Trustee board was angry that he wasn’t. Amelia, he said, you know, that you should make sure you’re at the next SGA meeting.”
“That’s Carlos. He’s awesome,” I said.
“Will you go?” I asked Adam while Jenna ate.
“Where?” he asked.
“To the SGA meeting.”
“Why?”
I stared at him, blinking my eyes wondering, if I waited long enough, he would laugh and say he was joking.
“To support me?” I eventually said.
“Why? You’ll have Frank there to do that. He seems happy to support you.”
A flash of anger passed through me, but I didn't push back. Instead, I let it burn through dinner, and once Jenna and I were alone in my room, I let it all out on my innocent roommate.
“What does that even mean?” I asked Jenna, not sure if I really wanted an answer.
“You do spend a lot of time with Frank,” Jenna whispered.
"He's nice, we get along, and Adam's always busy. What happened to the guy who took care of me after the attack?"
Jenna sat there, her eyes wide, clearly afraid to say the wrong thing.
“Adam’s around, I hang out with him tons,” she finally said, trying to pass off her shrug as nonchalant but I could see her wince.
“Maybe I will hang out with Frank more. He makes time for me.”
“Maybe Adam’s angry at you?”
“Why would Adam be angry with me?”
“Well, he told me he thought you were going to do the right thing and press charges.”
“I can still do that. I’m not sure I want to!”
I could tell my voice was rising, and when Jenna winced again, I knew I was yelling at her.
“I’m sorry,” I said, lowering my voice. “I don’t mean to take this out on you, but it’s my decision about what to do.”
“I agree with you!” Jenna said, sitting up on her bed and leaning forward. “It happened to you and, like, it’s up to you what to do. BUT! Adam’s also right. You are enabling Eric to do it again.”
"Everyone seems to know what happened, and he's suffering for it."
"Everyone only knows rumors, and you refuse to tell them anything. You even refuse to talk about it with me. This is, like, the first time we've really talked about it at all."
“I don’t want you to hate me.”
I plopped down on my bed and fell back against my pillows.
“I hate him, not you!” Jenna said. “He should’ve made his feelings clear. He’s in the wrong. I might be new to this, but I’m not dumb, you know. The rumors will die down, things will go back to normal, and someday you’ll wish you had pressed charges. Can you imagine him in Congress or even President?”
I looked up at the ceiling, wondering why every conversation seemed to come back to Eric.
“Then why won’t Adam come to the meeting to support me?”
“I don’t know, but maybe you should ask him again.”
***
“I’m calling this meeting to order,” Eric said from the front of the room.
I was sitting, again, with the general attendees, and not at the senator's table. This time there were only a few non-senators there, and I was practically alone. The Woodhouse Hall residents, who had filled the room all year, had refused to come since Eric had stopped supporting the dorm fight. He had taken a while to call the meeting to order, clearly expecting the room to be packed like it had been in every previous meeting this year.
At the senator's table, Eric had laid out each person's name tag, even Frank, who had now been assigned as a senator, had a name tag, but mine wasn't up there. I knew this was my punishment. If Steve wasn't the elected Vice President, I suspect he would be ostracized to the open seating area with me. In my usual place next to Eric, and with a printed name tag, was Heath, who was not a senator.
“Why isn’t Amelia sitting with us?” one of the other senators asked.
"There wasn't a spot at the table for me," I said from my seat.
“Why is Heath at the table? He’s not an elected senator,” our advisor, Gina, said.
“I would like him at the table since he’s critical to what we’re doing this semester,” Eric said.
“He’s critical to you getting laid,” someone said, I didn’t see who.
"Eric, this is completely inappropriate," Gina continued, ignoring the crude comment. "Amelia is an elected senator. You can't remove her from this table and replace her with your new boyfriend."
“This is a clear abuse of your power,” another senator said.
“Now, get Amelia’s name tag and Heath, please take a spot in the guest seats.”
"Do we need to have all these seats set up now?" Steve asked as Heath, and I switched places.
Heath glared at me as we passed each other. I had no choice but to take the spot he had vacated.
“Why not?” Gina asked.
“Well, Eric has managed to piss off all the Woodhouse Hall residents, who had been attending our meetings, and it seems unlikely they’ll return in the same numbers.”
Eric pushed his chair away from me and handed and switched the name tags. I looked over the agenda (noticing Heath’s doodles of hearts and Eric’s name) as the discussion about chairs continued. I was surprised to see the word “apology” given the top spot.
“I believe we have an agenda to follow,” Eric finally said, getting irritated.
I watched as Heath pulled out his phone and lifted it, ready to record something.
“The first thing on our agenda is an apology I need to make.”
I looked at Heath who gave Eric a thumbs up.
"It has come to my attention that many of you are under the impression that I sexually assaulted Amelia before Thanksgiving. I'm sorry you all misunderstood what happened, but it was not sexual assault. Nothing happened, period. Amelia, I'm sorry if you feel like I attacked you. I thought, after Halloween, that we shared an attraction. I mean, we spent nearly all semester together and even went on a road trip together. You seemed to want the same thing I wanted. If you had been clearer about your feelings, I would never have misinterpreted them the way I did. I hope everyone can let this go and move forward. Obviously, Amelia agrees with me since she hasn't pressed charges."
Eric sat down, and the room was quiet. I couldn't even look at him, but I did look at Heath who had a massive grin on his face and was practically bouncing in his seat. I wanted to look at Steve and get his reaction, but that would have required I look at Eric too since he sat between us. Instead, I looked at Frank who, when our eyes met, rolled his. I looked at my fellow senators and those who didn't stare at Eric, with disbelief, were shaking their heads.
There was very little to discuss at the meeting, other than the upcoming elections. People drifted away from the meeting in a haze. Eric and Heath left together, the only ones in a good mood. Frank and I walked back to Woodhouse Hall together.
“If Eric manages to get his head out of his ass, he might be a brilliant politician,” Frank said after we walked halfway back to the dorm in silence.
“That was the weirdest apology I’ve ever heard,” I said.
“That’s because it wasn’t an apology.”
We walked the rest of the way in silence.
“I’ve kept my mouth shut because I’m new,” Frank said as we walked into the dorm. “But I think you should press charges.”
“Why?”
“He only apologized because of the backlash.”
***
"The world's most insincere apology has gone viral!" Jenna said, coming into the room later that night.
I had gotten into bed already, exhaustion hitting me as soon as I got into the room. I was doing some reading for a class when Jenna came in.
“What?” I asked.
"Heath posted it, and now everyone's making fun of Eric. Someone made it a meme, like a funny one too."
“Why?”
“You don’t seem that amused.”
I shrugged.
“That just happened really fast. It’s not like I believe him.”
“Oh, that was pretty obvious from your reaction.”
“I’m on the video?”
“Yep,” Jenna said and brought her phone over to me so I could watch it.
The video was clearly an attempt to make Eric look good again. Heath turned the camera to me every so often, and the look on my face did make my feelings clear. I could hear Heath making his own commentary, and it was priceless.
"It's Heath's commentary that's getting made into a meme, isn't it?" I asked, giggling when the video was over.
"I think my favorite was 'behold our president,'" Jenna said, my laughter infecting her.
The other best one was, at the end of the video, Heath saying 'apology accepted' as if he spoke for me. Soon we were rewatching it and laughing as we repeated the best lines.
“He must have known we would all hear him talking, right?” I asked when we finally calmed down.
“I was surprised you accepted the apology,” Jenna said with a shrug.
"I didn't, but why would you be surprised?"
“Because it’s, like, so obviously fake!”
"It speaks for itself, and so does the commentary," I said with a shrug.
“True, but you could have called him out on it. By not saying anything, it makes people think you accepted it.”
"Why? I haven't said anything so far, and he keeps digging his own grave. I think my silence makes me look like the bigger person."
“You’re wrong; it makes you look like you accept it. Pressing charges is a clear message.”
Despite my exhaustion, I struggled to fall asleep that night. Every time I thought I was on the verge of sleep, I would start thinking about Heath's video and Eric's apology again. Everyone seemed to want me to press charges. I woke up the next morning, feeling more exhausted, but went to Adam's room to talk to him.
“I’m off to class,” Adam said when he opened the door.
“Do you have a second?”
“Just one.”
His tone wasn't as playful as it would have been a few weeks ago. He backed up into the room, and I moved into the doorway, not letting the door close.
“Did you see the apology video.”
Adam didn’t answer with more than a laugh.
“Jenna and Frank think I should press charges.”
“Well, if Frank thinks you should!”
“What’s your problem? What did Frank do to you?”
“Nothing, but you seem to listen to him instead of me.”
“I’m here for your advice.”
Adam sat down at his desk, but I continued to stand in the open doorway.
“Fine, I told you that your lack of response makes him think he can get away with this. The video and his apology make it clear that I’m right. He takes your silence as confirmation that he did nothing wrong.”
“No, he thinks I forgave him for doing something wrong.”
"There is no way Eric thinks he did anything wrong. That apology was like a politician apologizing for cheating on his wife. He took no responsibility for anything. He doesn't think he did anything that requires an apology, and he only wants to stop people from talking about it."
“You’re wrong.”
“You’re naive and have been wrong about him all along.”
"Ouch," I said, backing up into the hall.
The door closed, and the last thing I saw was Adam shrug. I wanted a sympathetic ear and someone who wouldn't be mean. Frank was in his room, so we went to have breakfast together. His mood was light and playful, we walked out of the building, but that changed when I spotted Sally as we walked to the cafeteria.
“I was coming to see you, Amelia,” she said. “I saw Heath’s video and wanted to find out what happened.”
Frank’s mood instantly changed, as if he didn’t want to share me with anyone. I still wasn’t ready to share my struggle. I was too raw after Adam’s words. She wasn’t really paying attention to me anyway, trying to make it seem like she was ignoring Frank.
“I’m not quite sure what happened yet.”
“Oh, cool... I’ll see you,” she said before turning and walking away.
“Are you going to run for Vice-President now?” Frank asked me when Sally was gone.
I had forgotten I had told Frank about that when I explained everything to him a few weeks ago. I had forgotten I was even considering it since I had felt completely out of sorts. It was a bad idea to make decisions in February when I'm typically fighting the seasonal lull because I tend to make bad ones. Maybe that was why I was reluctant to commit to pressing charges too.
"Where's Bobby?" I said, changing the subject. "I haven't seen him in a while, and he doesn't seem to be hanging around Jenna."
Frank shrugged.
"I didn't know he was friends with Jenna, but he found a video gaming club and joined. They have an office somewhere, and he's been playing with them. Some new game came out this week, so they're constantly playing. He's even playing when he's in the room."
Had I ruined Jenna’s chance with Bobby?