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IVY
3 Months Later
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IT’S BEEN THREE MONTHS since I walked back through the stones. Three months since I’ve seen David, and as I stare at the counter in front of me, I realize it’s going to be at least eight more months before I can go back to see him. I burst into tears again for the third time today. Sinking to the floor, I can’t stop myself from crying.
Brian finds me on the floor in my bathroom, crying and unable to stop. Kevin comes rushing in, and I know the minute they see it. They gasp, and I instantly feel two sets of hands on me, rubbing my back.
“It’s going to be okay, Ivy. We are right here and not going anywhere,” Brian says. Picking me up, he carries me to my bed and lays me down in the middle, then crawls in to face me. Kevin gets in bed behind me, and with their warmth enveloping me, I finally start to calm down.
Who knew a little stick with a plus sign could turn your whole world upside down?
Brian and Kevin are in the middle of planning their wedding. They don’t need this. I plan to kill Angela as soon as I get the strength to move. Her family planning method sucks.
Well, at least there is one positive. Kevin is a kick-ass midwife.
“Kevin, you will be my midwife, right? I want to have this baby here at home, surrounded by as much of its dad as possible. Brian, I need you on video duty. I want the whole thing recorded. I want it documented so that when I tell him, I can show him too. I need your guys’ help to document everything.”
“We are here for whatever you need, and I’d be offended if you let anyone else deliver this baby,” Kevin says.
“I don’t want you guys making a single change to your wedding plans, though. Promise me.”
“We promise,” Brian says after a moment.
“I have a huge favor to ask of you two. Would you consider living here with me after you are married? I don’t use the basement, and it opens to the backyard. We can renovate it, and it can be your space. We can put a kitchen down there if you want, so you guys don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. But I am scared to do this on my own.”
They are quiet for a moment, and I know they are doing some communicating over my head, but I don’t have the strength to look up and watch.
“That sounds perfect, Ivy, but no kitchen needed. We don’t want things to change. We love your cooking,” Kevin says.
“Kevin?” I ask.
“Yeah, babe?”
“How long after the baby is born before I can go see David?” I ask.
He takes a deep breath. “Well, you would have your follow-up appointment at six weeks, so I would say at least that long. You will be cleared pending no complications after six weeks.”
“When can I start exercising?”
“You can do light exercising now and during those six weeks unless I tell you not to, okay?” Kevin says.
I nod.
“What’s going through your head, Ivy?” Brian asks.
“I can’t tell him about the baby. We are getting ready to be apart for four years, and if he knows, it will change everything, and I know he won’t give a shit about keeping history the same. Also, I don’t want too many changes to my body....”
“Why?” Brian pushes.
“Well, I’ve read in interviews that people heard David say he could never be with a woman who has had a child, and a mother’s body turns him off.” I start crying.
“Where did you hear this?” Brian asks, clearly angry.
“In some of the interviews I’ve read.”
“After Anna had her baby?” he asks, and I nod.
“I’m willing to bet that’s something he said to push Anna away. This is David. He’s crazy about you, and you told me he said a few times he wishes he could have a child with you.”
In my heart, I know that’s true, but I can’t help but wonder and worry.
I nod and start crying again. “I know, it’s just...”
“Hormones,” Kevin finishes.
They get me up and lead me to the kitchen for something to eat, and I start to feel like I can do this.
Later that day, Kevin takes me into his office and gives me a checkup, and as promised, Brian records the whole thing. I find I’m about twelve weeks along. I hadn’t had my period, but I was so depressed after saying goodbye to David again that I hadn’t noticed. I thought it might have been the stress or time travel knocking my cycle a bit off.
I spent the rest of the day thinking and planning. This is a curveball I didn’t see coming.
Five Months Later
I am 35 weeks now, and Brian and Kevin have been doing pretty much everything to keep me off my feet. I’m pampered and loved, but I’m bored as hell.
Brian and Kevin got married and went on their honeymoon last month. They ended up buying a cabin in the mountains about two hours from here and spending a week there. They have told me I am welcome to use that cabin anytime, and I’m sure I’ll be taking them up on it.
The basement remodel is finished. It didn’t need much. We moved the washer and dryer up to the main floor, put in a full bathroom down there for them, and tore out the carpet to add wood floors. They painted and had fun decorating it. They have a decent-sized bedroom and bathroom, an office for Brian, and a huge living space.
They made a library in one corner and a traditional living room in another and a little breakfast area and finally gave in when I insisted on a mini kitchen, at least. It’s small, but I got them a sink, stove, and fridge with some cabinets. They have huge windows along the one wall and French doors going out to the backyard. There is so much light that you would never know it was in the basement.
The whole basement is bigger than the two-bedroom apartment Brian and I shared in college.
Brian and I have been working nonstop, digging into everything surrounding David’s death. Every little detail, reports before and after, has given us an outline of a plan for bringing David here, but nothing’s concrete yet. Brian keeps talking about having to create a profile for him and doing it slowly so as not to raise any red flags.
I’ve been researching David and the key events of his life while we will be apart those four years. After an hour, I flip to a video of an interview I’ve been watching at least five times a day since I found it last month.
David is asked why he has two rings on his finger where his wedding ring is. He got this dreamy, faraway look on his face for a moment and then gave a half-smile.
He points at the first ring, and says, “That’s my wedding ring with Anna,” and then he points at the second ring, our ring. “This ring represents a promise to a family member, someone who means everything to me. I promised never to take it off, and I never have, and I never will. The promises this ring represents haven’t been broken.”
“Will you elaborate on that?” the interviewer asked.
“No,” David said.
“How does Anna feel about someone else’s ring coming before hers?”
“Does it really matter how she feels about it? Wasn’t it you who reported she was having an affair with her tennis partner?” David said.
The interviewer got all flustered and went back to asking about his movie. But at that moment, David looks at the camera, and I see it. He looks like he’s looking right at me, as though he knows I’m going to watch this video. He smiles and gives the camera my look, and I know we will make it through this okay.
Four Weeks Later
It’s the middle of the night when I wake up, and I feel like I just peed myself. Lovely. I go to the toilet only to realize I’m leaking. I’m pretty sure my water just broke. I waddle over to the basement steps and open the door and call for Kevin. A minute later, he is upstairs.
“I think my water broke,” I say and show him the bed. I have been having irregular contractions for a few days now, and at least one of the guys has stayed by my side. Kevin has Brian trained on what to do if I go into labor, and he isn’t here, and we have practiced everything.
Brian comes up and helps get my bed changed and covered in the plastic, so it’s ready. At this point, a contraction hits, not hard, but I know they will get worse. I stare at the photo of David eating the cake from his birthday. That look is the one that has gotten me through everything. Once the bed is ready, I lie back down.
My labor is quick for a first-time mom, but it’s not painless. Having the baby at home means no drugs, but it’s the tradeoff I make to have the baby born as close to David as possible. I have one of David’s movies playing in the background, and his music playing softly. Pictures of him are everywhere. Brian is filming and taking photos.
Once it’s time to start pushing, I’m holding our baby boy in my arms after only four hard pushes. I’m crying, and I’m a mess. Once it sinks in that we have a baby boy, I start laughing about how fate likes to mess with us, and of course, we have a son. I name him Adam David, and I cringe, giving him my last name since he is a Miller, but it is what it is.
Adam is a healthy seven-pound, six-ounce baby and has David’s natural blond hair and his blue eyes. Brian says he has my smile.
I am having such a hard time letting him go for others to hold him. It’s the closest thing to David I have. A true piece of him. As much as my heart hurts at the thought of David, Adam can heal it.
While Adam will eventually have his own room upstairs, the corner of my room is set up for him, so he’s with me for now. I’ve been talking to Brian about moving my bedroom upstairs when Adam moves to his own room, but that’s months away.
Brian and Kevin joke about how I’m going to spoil the baby by letting him nap on me, and all I say is damn right I will be spoiling this child.
