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DAVID
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TWO MONTHS. TWO MORE months until the date of my death. How weird is it to think that, to know it with such certainty? I’m scared something is going to go wrong. So scared. I’m scared to leave my Ivy alone and my kids without a dad for good. I’m scared all this was for nothing.
I try to shake the thoughts away and get ready to step through the rocks. Today is my last rehab visit, and I’m looking forward to six weeks with my family. My dad is going to join us next week for a few days, but he’s busy helping me line everything up as well.
Before I know it, I’m through the stones and walking up Ivy’s driveway, our driveway. I open the door, and call out, “Honey, I’m home!”
Both kids come running. “Daddy!!” I catch them but hear chairs in the dining room and “Oh shit, Ivy.”
“Dammit, I mixed up the dates!”
I smile. My Ivy is so cute when she is flustered, but I won't tell her that.
“Daddy, Adam said I'm his little sister, but I’m not. I’m a big girl!” Clara gives me her pout lip.
“You are a big girl, sweet pea, but you are also Adam’s little sister because he’s older than you. But that just means his job is to protect you always.”
“See, I told you that!” Adam sighs but puts his arm over Clara’s shoulder.
“Good, then you can check for the monster under my bed tonight.”
“I got this, Dad,” Adam says and runs off to check under Clara’s bed.
I stand up to see Ivy watching me with a worried look on her face next to an older man I don’t know.
“Hey, sweet girl.” I walk over and pull her into my arms because it’s been too long, and I just need to reconnect. She melts against me.
When she looks up at me, I can’t help but lean in for a kiss. Ivy kisses me before pulling back, making the kiss too short, in my opinion.
“What’s wrong, beautiful?”
“I’m sorry I mixed up the dates.”
“What do you mean?”
She takes a deep breath and looks up at the other man whose eyes are wide, and I realize he hasn’t stopped staring at me.
“David, this is Scott.”
Scott, like my son Scott? I do a calculation, and this man looks to be the right age.
“My son Scott?”
Ivy nods, and what I can’t vocalize is this is the best gift she could give me. I know I’ve said I didn’t want to meet him in case this whole plan backfires, but what I haven’t said is I was scared too.
I reach out and pull him into a hug, and no sooner does he start crying. We stand there for a few minutes, just taking in the moment.
“He’s been having dinner with us every week. He loves spending time with the kids and having another piece of you here helps me through the dark days.”
“Ivy, Ivy, Ivy, this is a gift I can’t ever say thank you enough for. Did I miss dinner? I’d kill for your cooking right now.”
She laughs. “No, we were just sitting down.”
I spend the evening talking to my son over dinner with Adam or Clara on my lap. Ivy makes a dessert as we talk the night away, and it is perfect.
As we wind down and he gets ready to leave, I ask him. “You will be here next weekend, too right?”
“Yeah, I’d like to.”
“Well, I’m here for six weeks, and my dad will be here next weekend.”
I watch his eyes mist over. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“You understand this can’t leave this house. You can’t even tell your best friend about it.”
“I understand, not that anyone would believe me.”
We hug, and he whispers in my ear, “I love you, Dad. Thank you for this life you gave me.” I hug him a bit tighter. That right there makes it all worth it. The time away from Ivy, having to deal with Anna, all of it was worth it for this moment right here.
“I love you, Scott, I’d do anything for you. All you ever need to do is ask. And Scott?”
“Yeah, Dad?”
I smile. “I heard I have a few grandkids?” He nods. “Maybe bring them around next time. I know Dad would love to meet them too.”
“I’d like that too.”
When he leaves, I walk up to Ivy and wrap her in a hug and cry.
She walks me to our room, and when she closes the door, she asks, “What did he say?”
“He thanked me for the life I gave him. Ivy, everything we went through, the years apart and my time with Anna, it wasn’t because history said so. It was for him. That makes it all worth it.”
“It does make it all worth it. When I visited Ivy Hill with him the first time, the time I told him everything. At one point, he was worried about how I felt about him because of Anna. I said to know that a piece of you, your name is out there in the world, carrying on your name, your legacy means the world to me.”
I lie down in bed and pull her with me.
“Tell me everything I have missed, my sweet girl, and let me hold you.”
“Brian dragged me to Ivy Hill for your birthday. Since it was your eighty-fifth birthday and guess who I talked to there?”
“Who?” I send up a silent prayer it’s not Anna.
“You.”
“What?”
She smiles. “I talked to eighty-five-year-old you.”
“Me... Does that mean...?”
I can’t seem to voice the hope I have right now.
“I don’t know. I want to think it means everything is going to be okay, but I don’t know. I’m still scared things won’t go as planned. I’m still scared to lose you because other than those five minutes with older you, I have no proof this worked. I had proof you would come back from your Army time fine. I had proof we would survive your time with Anna. I could see it. This is the first event I can’t see what is going to happen, and I’m so scared.”
I nuzzle her ear and close my eyes and just breathe her in. Her rose scent that is distinctly Ivy fills my soul and settles me.
“I’m scared too, beautiful. I’m scared to leave my kids without a father. I’m scared to leave you to raise them all on your own, and I’m scared of not getting to hold you again. But I am also scared of it working too.”
“What?”
“I’m scared it all works, but when I get here, I’m found out, or that I’m too late and my kids won’t want me. I’m scared that once you are around me all the time, you won’t love me like you think you do. I’m scared I won’t be able to take care of my family, which includes Scott, Brian, and Kevin.”
Ivy turns to face me and pulls me in for a tight hug, and we just lie there holding each other in our warm bubble.
“You have more than taken care of us, David. Do you know what that lost album was worth? We won’t change our lifestyle, and our grandkids will be set for life. You took care of Scott, and he has done amazing things in your name, and his kids will continue to do so.”
Then she leans in and kisses me soft and slow. When I try to push further, she pulls back, forcing me to let her have control. After several minutes, she pulls away and looks me in the eye.
“Most importantly, David Miller, I love you. Do you hear me? This isn’t an ‘I love you when you are around’ or an ‘I love you because I can’t have you’ kind of love. This is a soul-crushing, can’t function when I’m not with you, I can’t survive without you kind of love. If you don’t make it back to me, I won’t be far behind you in the grave. This is a Johnny and June kind of love. Do you understand me?”
I remember her telling me Johnny and June’s love story, and how they were together for so long when June died, Johnny wasn’t far behind. I know that’s how I’d feel, too, if I ever lost her.
“Yes. But can you make me a promise?”
“Depends on what it is.”
“After all this and I’m here for good, will you consider having another child with me? I missed you being pregnant, and I want to go through it all with you.”
“If we make it through this, I would love nothing more than to have another child with you, David. As many children as you want.”
“When, not if,” I whisper against her lips before I roll on top of her and kiss her hard and thoroughly. There is a knock on the door and little Clara’s sleepy voice sounds from the other side. “Mommy?”
“Yes, baby?”
I slide off Ivy to lie beside her before the door opens, and Clara comes in.
“I don’t think Adam got all the monsters from under my bed tonight. Can I sleep with you and Daddy?”
I know she is thinking the same thing I am. We won’t deny these kids any time with me because this is the last time I will be here before August.
“Come here, sweet pea.” I scoot to the side and make room for Clara in the middle. Just as we are cuddling, Adam walks in.
“She woke me up coming down the stairs.”
“Climb on in, there is plenty of room.” Ivy smiles as she turns off the light.
I reach across the kids and take her hand, rubbing my thumb over her wedding ring.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“Love you too, Daddy.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
“I love you too, David. With everything that I am.”
With any luck, there are many more nights like this. I just didn’t know the fight it would take to get there.
