Saturday, June 30, 1888
Perhaps I only imagined Mr. Rigby, or maybe he was a ghost all along. Either way, he has apparently disappeared.
I sipped my drink, my eyes darting to the door every time it opened. Beside me, Polly Foster was having her first glass of champagne.
“Papa would not approve,” she repeated between timid sips. “He says women should not drink, that it leads to sin.”
“Oh?” I tore my gaze from the door for a moment to look down at petite Polly. “And does he usually say this while enjoying a whiskey?”
Polly blinked up at me. “How did you know?”
“A lucky guess, my dear.” I glanced away, disappointed to see some other gentleman let himself in.
I cursed myself silently for becoming obsessed with Mr. Rigby. From my seat at the theater, I had spent the entire time trying to casually scan the audience in search of his beautiful face. The crowd swelled at intermission thanks to the horde of fallen women who purchased cheap tickets, making my hunt even more challenging.
My friend Mrs. Viola Lockhart, an acquaintance of Mr. Tom Lindsey, had kindly provided an invite to Mr. Lindsey’s post-play gathering. Mr. Rigby said he would attend as well. So there I stood by the fireplace, desperately watching the door and waiting, my champagne glass already running dry.
It was most pathetic.
As I looked around the crowded house I wondered if there was a person in London not invited to Mr. Lindsey’s home that night.
Viola spotted us and joined Polly and I by the fireplace, her husband, Dr. Lockhart, trailing after her.
“Dr. Lockhart, Mrs. Lockhart, you both look well tonight.” Polly glanced down at her glass and back up to Dr. Lockhart. “Please do not tell my father I had champagne. Better still, if he asks, you did not even see me here tonight.”
Dr. Lockhart grinned. “If Dr. Foster asks, I will tell him you were helping the sick, feeding the poor, and praying for all of our wretched souls.”
Polly nodded enthusiastically, not realizing he was joking. “Yes, he will like that, thank you.”
While Viola and Polly were engrossed in their gossip, Dr. Lockhart turned his attention to me, his easy smile spreading wide as he surveyed me from head to toe.
“You look well this evening.” He paused. “You are always at the height of fashion. Do not tell Viola I said this, but she is a bit jealous of your exceptional taste.” His eyes roamed over my curves a little too freely, despite his wife standing nearby.
Draped in layers of peacock blue and green silk, ruffles and ribbons, my dress that night was made just for the occasion, the colors chosen to complement my flaming red hair, milk white skin, and emerald eyes. But I certainly had not put the effort in for Hugh Lockhart, the imbecile.
“I will not tell her you said that,” I replied.
Dr. Lockhart excused himself to speak to one of his chums and Polly and Viola sidled up to me. The door opened, and I quickly glanced at it. Viola caught my eye.
She pursed her lips at me. “Cora, who are you waiting for?”
“Nobody,” I said quickly. “A friend.”
Viola’s eyes flickered with mischief. “Polly, I want to introduce you to some friends. They will just adore you.”
Polly nodded at me and followed Viola obediently, looking back at me over her shoulder. Poor thing, like a lamb in a den of wolves.
The door opened and closed several times, but my Mr. Rigby had still not arrived. I cursed him for making me wait like this.
Mr. Lindsey, his cheeks red with drink, spotted me, beamed, and joined me at the fireplace.
“Good evening,” he said with a bow. I feared his seams may give way under the action. “My mantle has never looked more stunning than it does with you standing near.”
I smiled weakly. I had met Mr. Lindsey a few times before and excessive flattery seemed to seep from his mouth at every opportunity.
“Your home is lovely,” I replied. “You have exquisite taste.”
His portly face widened as he smiled. “Thank you, my dear. It is so important to show your good taste in all things whenever possible.” His gaze flitted across my chest. “I always make time for pretty things.”
I fought the urge to wrinkle my nose. “Of course.”
Mr. Lindsey sipped from his glass, clasping it within stubby fingers. “Did you enjoy the play this evening?”
“Oh, yes. It was a delight. I assume you had a hand in that?”
Mr. Lindsey, a theatrical investor of some renown within my social circle, gave a single nod. “I expect to see a healthy return from that production.”
There was a flurry of activity when the door opened and Fannie Dixon, the play’s lead actress, stepped inside. One of the most famous women in London, she was one of the few actresses in Britain that had managed to keep her stage career going for more than a decade and had the unique ability to perform dramatic parts as well as comedies.
An actress who can make someone cry and laugh—now that is true talent.
Mr. Lindsey, easily one of the tallest men in the room, raised his hand and waved her over to us. Despite the throng of guests trying to get close to her and their autograph books shoved in her direction, she flashed her perfect smile at them and squeezed her way through the crowd.
Miss Dixon, resplendent in a gown of rich red fabric, gave Mr. Lindsey a quick kiss on the cheek. “Mr. Lindsey, your small gatherings are never quite as small as you say they will be.”
“They’re all here to see you, my dear,” he said. “How could I refuse your adoring fans?”
Adoring fans. I let the phrase roll around in my mind. What would that be like?
During this short exchange I watched from the corner of my eye as several attendees craned their necks to get another look at her, as if she might disappear at any moment before they were able to get their cursed autographs. Polly stared agog at me and then back at Miss Dixon from her perch on the staircase.
Miss Dixon smiled wide at me. “I just love your dress; it is stunning.” She tilted her head slightly. “Do I know you from somewhere? Are you an actress?”
I introduced myself, pretending to act much calmer than I felt. “No, not an actress.” If only. “Just a theatrical enthusiast,” I clarified.
We had met briefly once before, right after she starred in a production of The Taming of the Shrew. Her dynamic portrayal of Kate had made me an instant admirer and I had joined the crowd in the lobby to get her autograph.
I was not about to tell her that though.
She smiled graciously. “Did you enjoy the play this evening?”
“It was fantastic,” I said, possibly a little too quickly. “You were perfect in that role.”
“Well, she certainly should be,” Mr. Lindsey butt in. “It was written for her.”
Holden Booker, one of the lead actors from the play, arrived and the autograph seekers bubbled up with excitement again, swarming the foyer and hallway.
Miss Dixon gave us a polite nod. “I should go before they swamp Holden, poor thing. Please excuse me.”
As she waded back into the din, Mr. Lindsey’s smile returned to me. “Oh, I suppose I should try to keep the guests in line before they devour the cast. Shall we speak again later?”
Before I could respond, he clutched my hand roughly and lifted it to his moist lips, kissing the top of it.
“Of course, Mr. Lindsey.” I gave a quick nod, pulled my hand away, and watched as he waded through the crowd once more.
“Buffoon.”
My heart jumped at the sound of his smooth, deep voice. I wanted to spin around and throw myself upon him, but I persuaded myself to maintain a coy distance, especially in front of so many people. Instead, I looked over my shoulder and up at him, my previous annoyance at his delay evaporating immediately.
“How do you know our gracious host, Mr. Rigby?”
His icy blue eyes sparkled as he looked at me and an air of amusement played on his full lips. I wanted nothing more than to taste those lips and touch my face to his cheek, letting his black whiskers tickle my skin.
“I am trying to persuade Mr. Lindsey to invest in my play,” he said.
Turning fully to face him, I stepped closer.
“It is not yet finished, but I am confident in the bones of the story,” he continued. “I’m still looking for the perfect ending.” He folded his hands in front of his solid frame, leaning his back against the wall.
“I’m intrigued.”
This wasn’t the first I had heard of Everett Rigby’s passion for playwriting. It was one of the first things he had told me about himself when we met during a play intermission a month before.
Mr. Rigby straightened his posture, slipped his hand under mine, and lifted my gloved fingers to his lips, letting his kiss linger for a moment.
“I am so happy to see you,” he said quietly, leaning in closer to me.
He lowered my hand but only so he could entwine his fingers with mine, using the fullness of my skirts to hide our intimacy.
I gave a quick glance around to see if anyone was watching our inappropriate behavior. One couple I did not recognize hovered nearby, studying us curiously. Well, they were watching Everett at the very least, probably for one of three reasons: he was the only man of Indian descent at the party; he was incredibly handsome; or, perhaps, a combination of both.
I smiled sweetly at Mr. Rigby, my heart hammering in my chest and my breath short. “As am I.”
Even though we had only met a few times, I had a fondness for Mr. Rigby I had never felt before. Our conversations were stimulating. and he made my pulse race with every touch. I risked my reputation by exchanging amorous notes with him. His letters were like a spectacular poetic salve for my spirit, a heavenly delicacy for my hungry heart.
Mr. Rigby gave my hand a squeeze. “Care to take a walk with me in the garden?”
I nodded and followed him through the house to the back door. No other party guests had discovered the private oasis, protected by vine-covered stone walls and a veil of darkness, the air thick with the exquisite perfume of peonies. The streetlights and the full moon illuminated the enchanting little green space, home to well-groomed flora and a koi pond. This little refuge was just dark enough to keep our identities hidden if anyone happened to look out a window or down from a balcony.
A marble statue of a goddess—Aphrodite, perhaps—watched over the garden, encouraging us in our tryst.
Mr. Rigby took me to the far end of the garden, still clasping my hand in his.
He looked at me for a long while and then lowered his eyes. “I feel as if I want to tell you so many things, but now that you are here the words escape me.”
I positioned myself in front of him, my palms sliding up his chest to rest on his firm shoulders. “Let us not waste this moment with words, Mr. Rigby.”
He kissed me then, sweetly and gently, and his soft lips teased mine with their tenderness. My heart unfolded like a shy rose in my chest, its petals unfurling as the warm summer sun hits them for the very first time.
He kissed me like a delicate thing, as if I might break. I melted into him, encouragingly, and shivers ran through me as his arms enveloped my waist, drawing me into him. He instantly became hungrier for me, his kiss speaking all of the words he could not find. I gripped his shoulders as his tongue met mine, lost entirely in our secret moment in shadow. We stumbled clumsily against the stone wall behind us as Mr. Rigby buried his face into my hair, trailing kisses down my jawline and neck. My breaths grew ragged, my chest heaved, and I held on tighter to him to combat the sudden lightheadedness.
How does he make me feel like this?
I pulled my lips from his and searched his eyes, wondering if he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I would have given anything to disappear into the night with him, find some secret place, and give him my everything. My body ached for his intimate touch.
Just then I heard the intoxicated giggling of another pair of lovers as they tripped down into the garden. This was soon followed by the familiar sounds of lips smacking against lips. They obviously had not seen us, but it was by luck alone.
Next time, we might not be so fortunate. My reputation is at stake.
I cupped Mr. Rigby’s face in my hands and gave him a quick kiss.
“I must return to my friends before they grow worried and send a search party,” I whispered beside his ear, giving his earlobe a quick peck, followed by another on his cheek.
I adjusted my skirts and tucked a few stray curls back into place as Mr. Rigby cleared his throat and straightened his waistcoat and jacket. I smoothed some of his dark hair back into place. He smiled shyly at this gesture and took my hands again.
“When will I see you again?”
The pleading in his eyes made me want to weep.
“We will arrange something,” I said. “I promise.”
Instead of returning to the house with me, Mr. Rigby pulled himself onto the wall’s upper ledge.
“Last chance to run away with me tonight.” He stretched his hand out to me and arched an eyebrow up.
What if I just left with him? What if I just gave in?
If my heart had the final say, I would have let him pull me over the wall with him and we would have fled into the darkness of London, the glow of the oil lamps lighting the way to our new life together.
My head, in the end, won out.
“I cannot.” My throat constricted around the words.
Mr. Rigby’s face softened. “I know.” He gave me a final wink and disappeared behind the garden wall.
I sighed and made my way back inside to rejoin Polly and Viola. For the short while I remained at the party everything was a slow blur of faces, laughter, liquor, and small talk.
“Are you feeling alright?” Polly’s enormous and constantly concerned eyes blinked at me. “You have gone dreadfully quiet.”
“I must have caught a chill when I was admiring Mr. Lindsey’s garden,” I said. “Perhaps I should retire for the night.”
In the hansom cab home, I touched my fingers to my lips, willing Mr. Rigby’s kiss to stay there as long as possible, or, at least, until his lips could wake my slumbering heart once again.
Marshall lowered his book—a tome on lung diseases, no doubt—just below his eye line as I passed the front parlor on my way upstairs. I had not expected him to be home when I arrived back. I intended to act as if I had not seen him, but he immediately thwarted that plan.
“It is late, Cora.” His mouth remained hidden behind his book, but his cold, angry, and unblinking eyes bore into me.
“Yes. Apologies,” I said quickly. “I completely lost track of time.”
He sighed loudly and closed the book in his lap, resting his folded hands on top. “Why do you continue to believe this type of behavior is acceptable?”
I blinked at him, my mind chasing after the most believable lie. “Polly and Viola and I—”
“Were at a party, I know. Hugh mentioned it this morning.” He waved his hand at me, his voice descending into a low grumble. “You lied to me about where you were going tonight and now you come home drunk—”
“I am not drunk,” I said, my voice clipped. “When I asked if you minded if I went out tonight, you said no—”
Marshall rose, his book sliding off his lap and onto the floor. He stepped directly in front of me, towering over me—one of his favorite intimidation tactics that I had seen many, many times. “Do not dare raise your voice at me, Cora. I spent the evening here alone—”
I burst out laughing before he could finish. “Yes, I am certain you missed my company terribly,” I blurted in between cackles. “Had I been home, we would have sat in silence while you read, or you would have excused yourself for the evening and left to…” I trailed off and gave him a look. “Well, whatever it is that you do in the evenings.”
I had no proof he kept a mistress. Given his disinterest in physical intimacy, his lack of attentiveness, and his frequent disappearances, I wagered a mistress in a flat somewhere was likely a solid guess. That, and the unique aroma that clung to his clothes when he returned from those particular late-night escapades.
Marshall pressed hard on the spot between his brows, rubbing it with two fingers; a telling sign of one of his oncoming headaches. He snatched his book off the floor and returned to his easy chair, flipping through the book’s pages to find his place.
I started up the stairs.
“I looked at a flat in Covent Garden today,” he said casually.
My hand stilled on the polished wooden railing. “What do you mean?”
He is buying a love nest for his mistress.
“I believe it is time for us to consider alternative living arrangements, Cora.” He turned the page of his book, not bothering to look up at me.
I stared at him. “I do not understand.”
“You are a hindrance to my happiness.”
“A hindrance?” Angry thoughts and words batted around in my head at a dizzying speed. I stepped back down to the landing at the bottom of the stairs and slowly approached him. “What are you—”
“Our dispositions are too dissimilar and we do not complement one another. We never have.” His gaze fell to my abdomen for a fraction of a moment before landing at the bit of carpet at my feet. “It is quite clear we are incapable of having children. Thus, there is no need for us to share a house any longer.”
The skin on the back of my neck grew hot. “You want to evict me from our home because we cannot have children?”
“Evict is not the word I would use—”
“Do you not see how cruel that is—”
“Forgive me,” he said. “I misspoke. You cannot have children, but I have proven myself capable.”
Marshall was right; I suppose that was what made the remark especially cold. His first wife, the ghost he was still very much in love with, had died in childbirth with their son. It was clear to both of us our childlessness was my fault and mine alone. I was the broken one.
His tone continued to be humdrum and that made my blood boil even more. “I believe we should live separately and find contentment that way.” He paused. “Or we could consider divorce.”
“We will do no such thing, Marshall,” I snapped. “Divorce would ruin the both of us, not just me. Do you really think your patients would continue to call upon you if you went through with it?”
“My patients are not your concern,” he spat, his volume raising. “Separating, one way or another, is the only sensible solution to our unfortunate situation.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Perhaps you should lock me in the attic or send me to a nunnery.”
His eyes hardened and he rose from his chair again. “You are behaving like a child, as usual. I expected you to find the idea appealing or at least acceptable—”
“Really? You thought I would find abandonment acceptable?”
“Paying for you to live elsewhere is not abandonment.” His jaw clenched around the sentence like it was a tough piece of meat between his teeth. “I would have thought you would rather write letters to your lover in the privacy of your own home, rather than under my roof.” He stormed passed me, his shoes heavy on the staircase steps.
A wave of nausea pummeled my stomach, knocking the breath from my lungs. The sound of his bedroom door slamming upstairs was but a faint whisper, nearly smothered by the roaring in my ears.