Chapter Eight
She started again. It was one thing for Gracie to cross-examine her about Dillian at the club: wanting to know who she was with. But asking about her spending time with her own man and then diving into the church issue, Kendra had just about had it with Gracie. It wasn’t like she wasn’t grateful and still thankful for all the love that her friend had for her, but her business was her business.
Lauryn Hill was the artist of choice. The soulful, truthful sounds of Lauryn were healing to Kendra as she drove through Dallas headed home to head back out once more. How did I get here? It was all Kendra could think as she drove in the direction of the apartment she shared with her current beau, Sean. Kendra drove and immersed herself in her thoughts.
Within the last six months, her world had turned upside down. On top of that, she had had a wreck that could have ended it all. Still not knowing if her survival was for the best, Kendra was struggling with her future. For one, she didn’t know how long she could take Gracie and her motherly approach to their friendship. Gracie had no idea who Kendra really was. Gracie knew her, but she never tried to know her.
They met one day in August, approximately one week before classes actually started on the college campus. Sitting on her college-sized twin bed, Kendra sat and read the latest Essence magazine, throwing herself into the cover articles.
Having already unpacked before noon, even before others had made it on the school grounds, Kendra sat with her rolled blue jean shorts and baby doll shirt clinging to her well-developed body. With the dorm room’s door propped open, Gracie walked in with her parents.
“Hey,” Gracie spoke as if she had already been acquainted with Kendra. “I’m Gracie and these are my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Gregory.”
“Hi. It’s nice to meet you all,” Kendra responded as she placed the magazine face-down on her bed and gave them her undivided attention. Offering her hand, Kendra rose to her feet. “I can leave and give you all time to unpack if you’d like.”
“Nonsense, honey. You two need to mingle and get to know each other,” Mrs. Gregory insisted. When Kendra saw all the new towels, sheets, and clothes in Gracie’s luggage, Kendra wished she had followed her first mind and left the room.
Watching Gracie’s parents escort her on her freshman journey, Kendra already assumed that Gracie had it easy, unlike herself. It took everything in Kendra to push herself and pack what little clothing she had from her mother’s home and hop on the DART bus. With her two suitcases trailing close, Kendra made it downtown to the Greyhound station and rode in silence as the bus guided her to the college on the outskirts of Dallas.
Having been raised on other people’s problems, Kendra was already mentally twenty-five when she was physically eighteen. Surviving on her father’s social security, Kendra had to be her own daddy and teach herself what her mother wouldn’t.
Herlene tried, but not her best, to continue and raise Kendra in beautiful and booming south Dallas in the eighties after Kendra’s father died. But when the streets called her, she answered. Even before Kendra graduated from T.W. Brown Elementary School, she knew for herself that her struggles were going to be more than the other kids’ struggles.
No one was looking out for her best interests. Herlene’s clubbing habits left young Kendra at home many nights out of the week with a dinner of no more than noodles and crackers. If it hadn’t been for the free lunch program at school, Kendra’s diet wouldn’t have included any protein or vegetables.
As things went from bad to worse, Kendra’s uncle came to her rescue. She thought she would find refuge with her mother’s younger brother when he showed interest in her welfare. Kendra packed and moved in with him in his efficiency apartment on the east side of Dallas. Just as soon as he gave her dreams, he took them away.
All of her hopes and dreams dissipated the day he started in on her. It started with his brushing the back of his hands on her behind, then the groping. By the time Kendra hit the eighth grade, within two years of living with him, he was commenting on her body and lying on top of her at night and having his way with her. By that time, her innocence, along with her hope, had vanished.
When Kendra told her mother about her uncle’s abuse, Herlene apologized profusely and cleaned herself up to be the mother that Kendra needed even though Kendra considered it too late. Kendra’s mind was set on getting all the education she needed in order to never have to look back. And she did. The day she met Gracie, her life took on a whole new meaning.
She thought that an education and being away from her family would make her a different person. She didn’t think she would need counseling, and so the deep secrets of her youth crowded her young adult life. She was a promiscuous young girl with no one there to catch her fall.
They were friends and would have to be to remain business partners, but Kendra was tired of pretending. Keeping up the charade of the two still being best friends was old. It was hard for Kendra to be overly involved in Gracie’s life. Not once had Gracie given her a friendly shoulder. Gracie had no clue about the physical abuse that Kendra went through as a child.
Gracie had no clue that Kendra loved Sean, but knew she couldn’t be with him. She didn’t know that all the guys Kendra now spent her time with took her mind off of her true problems. There was too much that Gracie didn’t know.
In her parking space outside of her downtown apartment complex, Kendra turned on her favorite FM station and listened to the loud, jumping, and bopping music. She suppressed her thoughts and feelings. She knew that going out always took her mind off of her problems. Gracie, Sean, and even her secrets would have to wait.