Chapter Twenty-two
Her parents made it into town that Saturday night. Gracie sat them down two hours later, after their short rest and explained her situation to them. They took the news exactly like she had thought they would. They hurt for her.
Her parents sat on the sofa opposite from her, fighting through tears as she talked with no energy. Gracie exhaled a deep breath, waiting for a response from her two supporters.
Her mother responded first. She halfway ran over to Gracie and comforted her in her arms. Her dad stayed in his seat and searched for words. He couldn’t move; he knew that his legs wouldn’t be able to hold his emotional frame.
“Girlie ... uh ... I don’t know what to say. Are you okay, your life, umm? Is there anything ... umm?”
Mr. Gregory, a big man who never shed tears in front of his daughter, was now sobbing uncontrollably. He always wanted to be the strong one in his family, to be there for “his girls” no matter what, but the unpredicted news tore him up. The words, questions he had for Gracie couldn’t even settle on his lips before he swallowed them whole. Putting his head in his hands, Mr. Gregory couldn’t look in Gracie’s direction. He knew that there wasn’t anything he could do for her. This battle was one that he hadn’t even anticipated.
Mrs. Gregory placed one kiss on Gracie’s cheek, her tears matching her daughter’s. Mrs. Gregory released her daughter only to console her husband. “Now, Jacob, it’s going to be ...” She hadn’t thought that she would break down along with her husband. Mrs. Gregory kneeled on the floor in front of him and embraced him as they cried together.
Mrs. Gregory stayed in her position, frozen with horror, holding her husband. She didn’t feel her own tears that had rolled down her aging, but well-kept face. Several times, she’d stopped her mind from fast-forwarding to the end, but she couldn’t keep her hurt inside. Remembering that death was the end to HIV on television programs, Mrs. Gregory saw an end for her daughter.
“Lord, no! Lord, why?” Mrs. Gregory cried.
Mrs. Gregory didn’t know much about the disease, but knowing that her baby girl could be in pain before she left the world was enough to break her heart.
“I just don’t get it ... I just don’t get it, Lord! Why my baby?”
Wiping the tears from her wet face, Gracie walked over to her parents who took her into their circle. As soon as one would calm down, the emotions ran through the next one’s veins. It went on like that several hours.
“Momma, I know... I’m sorry! I don’t want to take y’all through this. I’m sorry!” Gracie cried in fear. “Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to bring this to you, but I don’t have anyone else.”
“It’s okay, baby girl. It’s not your fault. Lord, help us, please! Help our baby, Lord!” Mrs. Gregory cried out.
“Baby don’t you dare think that we don’t want to walk this walk with you. You’re our baby, Gracie ... you’re still our special baby no matter what. You hear?” Her dad said sternly as tears crowded his eyes.
They rocked, moaned, cried, and loved each other for whatever it was worth until they had gained enough strength to pull themselves together... for the time being, anyway. They knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but they searched and found strength.
Later, after everyone’s emotions had settled, Gracie explained the changes she would have to go through if she was positive. She elaborated a bit on the medications and withdrawals and so forth. It was hard to be strong in front of her parents when all Gracie wanted to do was cry and sleep.
She was embarrassed to have to tell them how it was slightly possible that she wouldn’t be infected with HIV. There was a slight relief in her parents’ eyes. Although they knew abstinence was best, they were glad to hear that she had used protection.
“See, I know God can make a way,” Mrs. Gregory said. “So, honey, we are just going to believe that God will bless you. You know He’s still in the blessing business, and don’t you forget that!”
When Gracie heard, “no matter what, we still love you,” she knew she could make it through the storm with the strength from God and the love from her parents. No one scolded her with “should’ve” messages, only support and love. It rested in Gracie’s overwhelmed and damaged heart.
On Sunday morning, Gracie held hands with her parents as they listened to a church sermon on faith. Gracie had always tried to live by faith. Recently, she found it hard to believe in, but yet she was fighting for it. Sitting between her folks, Gracie felt her parents’ love emanate from them to her. This along with the sermon, bought tears to her eyes. The tears eventually slipped down her cheeks.
Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. That was the first scripture that Gracie had ever learned. She had kept it dear to her heart. It was her inspiration through college and in the stressful first years of her business. Faith meant something more to her. Without it, she felt she couldn’t be positive and prosperous in her life. The sermon from the pulpit jumped out at Gracie. She knew that it was going to take faith for her to overcome.
“Open up to God ... believe God. People, whatever you need from the Lord believe it! Receive it! Have faith and hold onto God’s unchanging hand ...” Reverend Darsey told the congregation.
Knowing that the sermon was given to her from God, Gracie’s bones shook as she felt the Spirit moving in her. She knew she would have to stand fast in her faith, even if she received the news that she was HIV positive. The reality of that pained her, but she knew no matter what, God was still in control. That’s when the real test would come. With tears flowing, Gracie knew that all the trials of the previous week could only have been the beginning.
All and all, even with her slight optimism, Gracie needed support behind her. Like in the scripture her mother had given her to read the night before, “now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” She found that miracles were the evidence of faith. It all became clear.
When she was just a little girl, Gracie remembered the preacher saying to never underestimate one’s prayers to God. With the prayers, you have to have faith that things will come to past. With that thought, she spoke her hopes into existence.
“Lord, I believe you! Lord, I love you!” Gracie joined the congregation and stood up. She raised her wet eyes toward heaven. She asked that God’s will be done completely in her life. Although Gracie wanted desperately for her results to come back negative, she refused to harp on the results. Either way, she asked to remain healthy and move in the direction that He wanted her to go.
She released her worries to God. Gracie knew she wasn’t the only one praying for her when she felt her parents’ hands on her back. They comforted her and prayed that healing would seep into her body through their hands, God’s anointed hands.
When Rebecca heard the voice on the other end of the phone, her breath caught in her throat. It had been so long since she heard her brother’s voice, she couldn’t get her hopes up.
“Dillian?” she asked into the phone, her voice high and shrill. “Dillian, is that you? Where are you? Are you okay?”
Tears spilled from her eyes. She could hear Dillian sniffling.
“It’s me, Becky,” Dillian said, breaking the silence. “I’m in the hospital.”
“Hospital? What are you talking about, D? Which hospital are you at? I’m on my way.”
“I’m at Baylor, sis, but you don’t have to rush down. I have something I need to tell you first, okay?”
“Okay. What? I’m listening, D, go ahead.”
Dillian paused; the words stuck in his jaw. “I’m sick.”
“Sick? Okay. Sick like what? You’re scaring me!”
“I have HIV, Becky.”
“Oh no! Dillian, don’t tell me that!” With no response from her brother, Rebecca let out a heart-wrenching scream. “Dillian, no! What do you mean?”
“Yes, Becky, it’s true, and I’m sorry for springing this on you like this. I swear I am. From what the doctors are saying, since I’m not taking the medication properly, my immune system is weakening. I’ll be in here for a while.”
“I’m on my way, D,” Rebecca said through her tears. “Do you want me to get Momma and bring her with me so you can tell her?”
“You go ahead and tell her and see if she wants to come or not.”
“Okay.”
“Have you talked to Gracie?” Dillian asked.
“My Lord!” Rebecca felt the oxygen seep from her brain as she grew faint. She sat. She thought about the disease being passed to Gracie. She cried out again. “I’ll call her too. She’s been looking for you.”
“No. That’s something I’ll have to do. Thanks, Becky.”
After hanging up, Dillian tried to pray. He had given up on himself, and he never once thought about praying or asking God to help him. He closed his eyes tight and opened his mouth to speak, but no words would come out. He still felt helpless. He had given up on the idea that he could fight this disease. Several failed attempts later, Dillian gave up trying to pray and picked up the phone. He still had one more person to talk to, someone he loved and who didn’t deserve what he was about to place upon her.
“I tell you,” Gracie’s mother said as the trio entered Gracie’s apartment. “There’s nothing like a good sermon to make you feel wonderful inside.”
“You got that right,” Gracie’s father agreed.
Gracie dropped her purse onto the sofa and noticed the answering machine blinking on the end table.
“I’ll be right back,” Gracie told her parents, who were still discussing the sermon. “I’m going to check my messages.” Gracie began listening to her awaiting messages as she walked to her room.
Gracie walked into her bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. There were three messages. One was from Kendra, who called to check up on her. Another was a daily message left by Marcus, who finally said he was coming over after church no matter what she said. The third ... the third made Gracie’s body go rigid. It was Dillian. Her mouth dropped open and she stopped breathing to hear the message clearly.
“Gracie, this is Dillian. I’m not sure if you know by now, but I’m in the hospital. I wish you were there so that I could talk directly to you while I have the nerve ... but ... Oh, well. The answer to the question I’m sure you’ve been asking yourself over and over, is yes, I’m HIV positive ...”
Nothing ... nothing at all could stop Gracie from dropping to her knees to fight her invisible pain. To actually hear the words come from his mouth, it was now evident that Dillian had been the one behind her whole dilemma. She eased her shoes off with one hand while the other covered her opened mouth. Gracie scooted herself backward until she was hidden behind her closet’s door.
In her closet, Gracie held her heart and rocked herself. Her mind wandered from the church service to her parents in the other room to her appointment at the clinic. With her mouth open, tears fell into her clasped hands and she prayed to God, asking Him to keep her mind. She fell back onto the floor and and cried until sleep covered her, followed by peace.