Chapter Twenty-five
With her mother and father, Gracie made her way through the clinic’s door. She had made sure she was the very first appointment of the day. She hoped to see the counselor and get the news she had come for.
All three had swollen eyes and trembling hands. They remained silent in the waiting area. The uneasy churning of their stomachs could be heard amid the silence of the clinic. A door opened and a counselor stood in its entranceway.
“Miss Gregory,” the counselor said. No emotion was in her voice and her face was as blank as freshly fallen snow.
Gracie and her parents stood, but before they walked through the door, the counselor touched Gracie’s shoulder and asked, “Are you sure you want your parents to be with you when you hear the results?”
“I’m sure,” Gracie said, nodding. “I need all the support I can get. They are all I have.” She felt like a dead woman walking. Gracie tried to focus her mind on more positive thoughts like the child that she wanted in the future. The one she would give birth to. Her mind was moved to birth instead of death.
In the counselor’s office, Gracie’s parents kissed her cheeks. Gracie and her mother sat in the chairs that faced the desk while her dad stood behind them, his thick hands on their shoulders.
Gracie was slightly shaken when Sandy, the counselor, reached her pale hands across her desk, to Gracie and her mother.
“Let us all bow our heads, if you don’t mind,” Sandy whispered to the trio before her.
Gracie and her mother clasped Sandy’s hands and bowed their heads.
“Heavenly Father, I come to ask you for guidance to help your dear daughter through whatever lies before her. I ask you to work through me, Lord, to be of comfort to Gracie and her family in this time of need. Bless us in this room with peace and comfort ...”
Sandy didn’t ask God for anything more than strength and for His will to be done. She prayed with anointing that could come from none other than the Lord. Her words of prayer let the Gregorys know that they were not dealing with a beginner, but with a praying woman. The prayer that went forward from the counselor put a refreshing calm over their nervousness.
As the counselor’s prayer came to a close and their amen’s and thank you Lord’s rifted into the air, Gracie’s father took over and began his own prayer.
“And Lord, we know that whatever you allow to happen, it’s in your will. We thank you now in advance for whatever you have in store for our baby. Lord, I know that you’re worthy, and for that, Lord, we give you the praise. We give you the honor, and we give you the glory. This is a day that we haven’t seen before. This is a situation we haven’t gone through before, but Lord we believe your Word when you said you’ll never leave us, nor forsake us, we believe you, Lord. We believe you!”
It was like a prayer watch meeting, when you specifically go to church only to pray. The time hadn’t mattered, nor did the other appointments. God came into the room for a reason. Strength was needed and wanted, and sure enough, given. Guidance was the way, the Lord was having His way.
The prayers immediately touched Mrs. Gregory, and they gave her the extra edge to release her warm spiritual feeling. She spoke in tongues and it echoed throughout the moderate office. They all praised God in their own individual ways. Glory was amongst them all. With prayers going up, blessings were sure to come down. That’s where Gracie took over.
“I just want to thank you,” she said. “I just want to thank you in advance, Lord. You’ve given me strength where I knew my spirit was weak. I can only ask for your will to be done in my life. I pray that I continue to live as you want me to live. It’s in your hands. I trust in you and lean on you. No other do I know. I thank you for the relationship I’m allowed to have with you. These and other blessings I ask in your name, Lord. Thank God, Amen!”
Mr. Gregory had to turn and face the door because his praises had not yet subsided. Gracie stood and joined her father in a hug. She loved to see her father praise the Lord. That let her know that real men could praise God!
There wasn’t a dry eye in the office as Sandy picked up a slender envelope from her desk.
“Gracie, do you want to read them and let us know?” she asked. “I haven’t looked over the results yet. I felt it would be your right to know before anyone else.”
“I’m okay,” Gracie replied. She took in a cleansing breath and nodded. “You can go ahead.”
Sandy tried to be professional and stoic, but her hands shook as she opened the envelope and removed the document. Gracie never watched anyone as intently as she watched Sandy and the blank expression on her face.
Sandy looked up from the paper and over to Gracie and her parents.
“Gracie,” she said in a voice thick with emotion, “your HIV status is negative.” A few tears escaped from her eyes.
In slow motion, all the tension inside of Gracie built into the very center of her being. She looked at her mother who was nodding. Her father’s eyes were closed, and he was whispering, “Thank you, God.”
The tension continued to build and grow until Gracie asked, “It’s negative?” and reached for the results. In red, Gracie read the word NEGATIVE in small letters. She raised her face to heaven and the tension rushed from her body, out into the atmosphere. “Only by the grace of God!” she yelled, tears streaming down her face.
The hard part was over. The scare wasn’t.
As she ended the meeting, Sandy explained how even though the first initial test wasn’t positive, Gracie would have to be tested several other times, regularly, over the next year because she had been in contact with someone who was positive. It was best to abstain from sex so that unseen antibodies couldn’t be transmitted to a partner in case a later test proved that she was positive.
That was the least of Gracie’s worries now. Sex had gotten her into this situation in the first place. In the future, her boyfriend, fiancé—whatever “he” wanted to be called—wasn’t going to risk her life at all. She made a vow to the Lord to keep on His path and not that of her own. Because of that, things in her life was surely going to change. She made her appointments for HIV testing, and promised to get tested annually.
On the ride home with her parents, Gracie felt that she could start over, but thought about the two people who had tried their best, unsuccessfully, to hunt her down. Since Kendra had gone to Sean’s hometown for the holidays, she didn’t want to burden her friend with her problems. But as soon as Kendra returned, Gracie would just have to make the call and accept the yells. For Marcus, Gracie had no idea where to start. The whole story that lay before her was still sensitive to explain.
At home with her parents and thankful for her negative results, Gracie rested in her room and searched for all the energy she had lost in the past day’s events. Later that night, after she had gotten rest and strength to feel like herself again, Gracie sat in the front room with her parents and cried. She felt blessed and could hardly believe that she was only one smart move away from being a statistic in the deadly world of AIDS. Again, with her parents’ comfort, they let her know that she was special and that it was God’s grace that had kept her. Gracie thanked God.
She was still debating on phoning her best friend. Gracie stayed busy on her laptop while her father watched football, half asleep, and her mother put the finishing touches on the cake she had baked for Christmas.
Gracie was searching, but she didn’t know what she was searching for. She had so many ideas about what she wanted to do with her HIV scare. Her ideas would now make her an activist for HIV and AIDS, and she was proud of that. She had a testimony that would help save others.
While surfing the internet, Gracie came across the Web site of a woman, living in Dallas. She was in her mid-thirties and had been living with HIV for seven years. Gracie read its entirety. She found it a blessing on the woman’s behalf that the woman was able to cope through faith, even though she now had AIDS. The woman on the Web site wasn’t giving up. When Gracie read of the woman’s dedication to teach young men and women about the risks of unprotected sex, she decided that she would make an appointment with the lady and help her help others. Without hesitation, Gracie sent an e-mail to the lady.
She got up from the comfortable position she had been in for the past couple of hours. She went into the bathroom to run her bath water before bed. Sitting on the toilet, Gracie tried to decide if she should get in contact with Dillian or not. When her mother knocked on the door, Gracie ushered her in, but couldn’t hide her full eyes fast enough.
“Honey, you all right?”
Forgetting about hiding her tears, Gracie looked up at her mother with a full heart. “I don’t think so. I guess I’ll be this way for a while, crying and all. It’s just that ...” Knowing that Dillian was the culprit, Gracie found it hard to tell her mother about the message that Dillian had left. “Dillian left a message on my machine the other day. He has HIV.”
“It’s okay ... it’s okay.” Not drastically surprised about the news, Mrs. Gregory opened her arms to Gracie. “Gracie, I know that is a hard pill to swallow. It is for me. Just thank God that he finally called you. Be strong, honey.”
There were no comforting words, no lullabies from her mother that would soothe her, no relaxing position. All Gracie wanted to do was soak in hot water and rest ... and she did.
With her journal in tow, Gracie retreated from the bathroom and into her bedroom. She sat in the middle of her bed. Making a point to let herself heal through words, Gracie jotted her thoughts.
Today was another blessed day. I got a second chance at life. I got a second chance to clean up my act, STAY closer to God, and help bring others closer. With my second chance, I plan on doing more, loving more, caring more and help others care for themselves more, all in the love for Jesus. I’m simply blessed through God.
She wanted to save the rest for her testimony for others. As soon as she thought about the others she needed to talk to, Gracie immediately thought about Marcus and Kendra.
Gracie had never kept a secret from Kendra before and only did so this time because it wasn’t something that people could easily share. She planned on sitting her friend down after Christmas and letting her know why she had become distant. Gracie really wanted to get it over with, but she dared not ruin her best friend’s holiday.
The same with Marcus. Gracie really cared about Marcus. She always had and always would. She didn’t know exactly what to say to him, but she would just have to take her chances on whether he would understand.
He had always been understanding. But this was a deadly disease that would still be a conversational piece for years. Gracie didn’t know how understanding he would be. She wished she had done things differently in terms of dodging calls and so forth, but she didn’t ride herself too hard. Gracie knew that no one could actually say what they would and wouldn’t do in such situations. All she could pray for was that he would forgive her for cutting him off. She hoped Marcus would allow her back into his life.