Chapter Twenty-six
Gracie woke up early on Christmas morning. She wanted to surprise her parents with breakfast in bed, but her plan was pushed to the side when she walked into her living room and saw a real Christmas tree, fully decorated. Her parents obviously wanted to make sure Gracie’s Christmas was Christmas.
She had a full grin on her face the entire time she was preparing breakfast. Gracie knew that she was special and that her parents thought so as well. She thought of the times when she would worry in secret because she thought she would upset her parents. Gracie was proud to know that her parents were there for her through it all. They had showed her that she could always lean on them.
Gracie knocked on the guest bedroom door and very slowly proceeded to open it to find her parents waking. She smiled and moved toward them carefully, placing their breakfast tray on the bed.
“Merry Christmas,” she whispered. “It’s not too early is it?”
Gracie nestled herself at the bottom of the queen-sized sleigh bed and gave them small pats on their legs.
“What time is it?” Gracie’s father asked, rubbing at his eyes.
“It’s seven o’clock,” Gracie chided. “Don’t tell me you’re still sleepy.”
“Aw, he ain’t sleepy,” Gracie’s mother said. She picked a strawberry from the small dish of cut fruit. “Just old. I made him stay up with me to decorate the tree. Oooh, I hope I didn’t spoil that for you.”
“Don’t worry about it, Momma. I already saw the tree, and it’s absolutely wonderful. Y’all are just too sweet to me.”
Gracie leapt up from the bed and hustled over to her mother’s side of the bed to give her a big hug. She did the same to her father.
“Eat up,” she said, walking to the door. “I’ll see you guys in a bit.”
Gracie went into her bedroom. Immediately, she picked up her Bible to read her daily scripture. When she read the scripture in Matthew about forgiving the sins of your brother, Gracie thought of Dillian and knew she had unfinished business. She sat the Bible on her lap and picked up the cordless phone from the nightstand and dialed.
When she told her parents her plans for the morning, Gracie practically had to beg them to let her talk to Dillian alone. She finally got them to understand that this was between her and her ex-fiancé. She needed to close this chapter of her life alone. Gracie dialed Dillian’s room number, determined to see him.
“I’m coming up there Dillian,” Gracie announced as soon as Dillian answered his hospital’s line. Gracie spoke once again. “Did you hear me?”
“I hear you Gracie, but it really isn’t necessary. I...”
“What do you mean? Dillian, I need to know why you didn’t you tell me. I need to know—I need to see you. I need to do this for myself.”
“I don’t want you to see me like this,” Dillian responded as he looked at himself.
“Dillian, I’m not even worried about that. You owe me this!” Gracie became aggravated at the thought of Dillian turning her away.
Knowing Gracie wasn’t going to take no for an answer, Dillian obliged. “Well, you know where I’m at. I’ll be here. It’ll be good to see you, Gracie.” He was hoping for a similar response. He returned the receiver to its cradle as the dialtone sounded.
Dillian’s door was cracked open. Gracie stood in it counting to ten before walking in. The room was bright and white and housed only Dillian. Before this moment, Gracie had tried hard to imagine what Dillian would look like or if he would have tubes running every which way. When she walked in and saw him lying peacefully on his side, her nervousness lessened.
“Dillian?” she whispered as she stepped closer. “Are you asleep?”
Turning to face someone he thought he could never face again took a lot of energy for Dillian. Though his physical appearance hadn’t changed drastically in the last few months, his motions told his story. He had spent so much energy running from his problems and beating himself up over what had happened. He cursed himself time and time again for the mistakes that he had made in the past, both known and unknown to Gracie.
“Hey, I’m up,” he said. “Come on in.”
He motioned for Gracie to come closer. He had hoped she wouldn’t be afraid. By the looks of her, Gracie was far from scared.
With unexpected tears in her eyes, Gracie sat her purse in an empty chair and went to sit on the bed with Dillian. Gracie leaned in to give him a hug. In her gut, two emotions were battling one another. She was angry and sad. Beyond all the hurt, she could not completely turn away from Dillian. All the things she thought would come out of her mouth wouldn’t even reach the surface.
“Oh, Dillian,” Gracie said, digging her forehead into his shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Dillian pulled Gracie up and looked into her eyes, something he hadn’t been able to do ever since he’d gotten his results earlier in the year.
“Gracie, I don’t know,” he answered. “I found out when you kept telling me to go to the doctor at the beginning of the year. When I did find out, I couldn’t tell you. I was too ashamed. The thought of you being infected didn’t make it any better for me either. Thank God you’re not.”
Dillian had made Gracie tell him the news of her negative results over the phone. He needed to hear her tell him before he felt he could do anything else. When he heard the results through the phone, he was grateful to God for sparing Gracie’s life, even though he hadn’t been so lucky himself.
“So all this time,” Gracie was fighting tears, “all this time, you were talking about a knee injury and that wasn’t the real story, was it?” Gracie wiped her tears from her face with the back of her hand. After all that she had gone through in just a week’s time, she could only imagine how Dillian had been suffering with his diagnosis all alone.
Dillian nodded.
She closed her eyes, attempting to calm the tide of questions that splashed through her mind. Not one subsided, and she released what she had tried to keep in.
“How did you get it, Dillian?” she asked. “How long have you had it?”
After Dillian explained his steroid use and contact with a bad batch, the room became silent. Gracie was speechless. In a weird way, Gracie was thankful that she didn’t have to hear about Dillian sleeping around on her and coming in contact with the virus that way. Nevertheless, contracting the disease itself was bad enough, no matter how he had gotten it.
Dillian’s nurse came in to administer his meds, breaking the stale silence. “Good afternoon Mr. McNab ... oh, hello there,” she said to Gracie. “I’m sorry to intrude, but Mr. McNab, you need to take your medication.”
“Will I need to leave?” Gracie asked the nurse. She was looking directly at Dillian as he turned to his side, exposing his hip for the coming shot.
“Nonsense, you stay seated. He’s getting the hang of things now ... isn’t that right Mr. Universe?” Dillian’s nurse asked. She already had given him his first round of meds.
“Oh, yeah,” Dillian answered, keeping his sight off both women.
“Hopefully you can be a source of continual support for our good patient,” the young, swift nurse suggested to Gracie. “I’m really happy that you’ve started participating in your recovery.” Seeing Dillian’s arched eyebrows, she continued, “Yes your ‘recovery’.”
Gracie was listening to the nurse more than Dillian was. She asked him about the nurse’s directions for his medication intake and taking care of himself, after she’d exited the room.
“Dillian, what is she talking about, take your medicine and eat your meals? Are you not doing what you’re supposed to do?”
“Well, that’s the reason I’m in here to begin with,” Dillian answered. “I can’t go out like this, Gracie. I can’t take twenty-some-odd different medications everyday for the rest of my life ... however long that will be.”
“But you have to. It’s for your own good. You can’t just give up. I mean honestly, what sense does that make? You said you took steroids and took them on a daily basis just about. Now, for your own well being, you can’t take the medicines that will save your life? You have to, Dillian.”
“Why not? Why can’t I give up? What kind of life can I have? Let’s face it: you’re not going to marry me or have kids with me. I won’t have a family, and I don’t want to be alone.”
“So you’re just going to give up on life because your life has taken you down a different road? Dillian, when I found out that I might be infected, I lost it. I threw things, broke things, and even thought about taking my own life. But for what? Just because I wouldn’t have the ideal life any longer?
“When I realized that God thought enough about me to bring me into this world, no matter what, I couldn’t let Him down, so I slowly accepted it. Heck, what else could I do? I realized I had family that loved me, and all and all, I loved myself. You’re right though. I won’t sit up here and pretend with you that I will take up where we left off, but I want you to know that I’m your friend until I can’t be your friend any longer. And that’s not even possible.”
Dillian could not stop crying. He couldn’t believe it. Outside of his family, Gracie was the only person he needed support from. He shook his head, unable to believe Gracie’s devoted friendship.
“How can you do this, Gracie?” he asked. “I have hurt you so much. I could have destroyed your life!”
Gracie remained strong though the tears welled up. She pulled Dillian to her and hugged him.
“All is forgiven Dillian,” she said. “I can’t hold anything against you. True, I may cry every time I think about it, or when I look at you, but what would I gain for turning my back on you? I love you.”
The two held onto each other and cried, not questioning the past or the future. They sat for another hour talking about the level of their friendship. Dillian still had undying love for Gracie and he knew that he would have to pray for extra strength and comfort. She told him that her parents were in the waiting room and wanted to see him. They waited because of her decision to see him alone. He requested their presence.
For the most part, his Christmas was okay. As well as it could be, anyway. He found hope deep down inside. With the prayers from Gracie and her family, he chose to give his now complicated life another chance. He planned on doing everything possible to ensure he was around until God told him it was over.
Even though he felt better and considered life more precious, there was still something more he had to tell Gracie. He promised himself he would tell her and soon. He just hoped that she could stand strong through it all.
Gracie felt peace all through her being as she drove her parents back to her apartment to start on the Christmas turkey. She felt fresh and new. She looked around as she drove silently, praying about her second chance to live life freely. As they pulled up to her condo complex, Gracie saw Marcus’s car. He must have gotten her voice mail saying that she was ready to talk.
“Well, looky here,” Gracie’s father said as he saw Marcus. “What’s going on, man?”
“Aw, nothing, Mr. Gregory,” Marcus responded. He stared at Gracie. “Just coming by to chat with Gracie, I hope.”
“Okay, well, we’ll leave you two alone.” Gracie’s father grabbed his wife’s hand and pulled her into the apartment. “Come on, old woman, let’s go into the house and leave these kids alone.”
“Not until I get me a kiss from this handsome man.” Gracie’s mother waltzed up to Marcus and planted a kiss on his cheek.
Gracie and Marcus watched as her parents went inside. They stood in silence, staring at the apartment.
“Want to go for a ride?” Gracie asked.
“Who’s driving?” Marcus replied. “Me or you?” He pointed between the two with his index finger.
“You—since you asked.”
“Sure thing.”
Marcus reached his hand out. Gracie lowered her head but met Marcus’s hand with one of her own. He brought it to his mouth and kissed it gently.
Gracie hoped he would still feel the same way after he found out her reason for disappearing. A few moments later, Marcus and Gracie sat out front of a small cafe, sipping mochas.
“You surprised me,” Gracie said after awhile. “Seeing you at my apartment when we pulled up.”
“Well, you surprised me when you left the message,” he retorted. “Especially since you haven’t been answering or returning my phone calls all week.”
“Believe me, it was a long week, Marcus.”
“Tell me about it. I’m listening.”
Taking a sip of her drink before she started, Gracie knew it was all or nothing.
“The day that you called, asking me those questions, Marcus ... I knew what you were talking about. I was afraid.”
“So there is a certain reason why Dillian left you?”
“Yes ... Dillian is HIV positive.” Staring down at her cup, Gracie breathed in a steady breath and waited for Marcus’s reaction. There wasn’t one.
Several minutes passed by before either said a word. Gracie was waiting for Marcus to etch in.
“So, it was true? What about you, Gracie? Is that why you cut me off? Are you infected as well?”
“I’m not. I’ve been tested and I’m not. Granted, I do have other tests to take, but I protected myself. I’m sorry, Marcus, but this was and still is all too scary.”
Pouring out her entire episode, Gracie had just about finished her mocha while Marcus was still holding a full cup. Too engrossed in Gracie’s story to drink, he just listened.
“I figured it had to be that. I hate to say it, but Michelle was the one giving me the leads to what was going on in your life. I wish it had been you.”
“Michelle? Hmm. I can only imagine what her motive was. I’ll worry about that later. But, Marcus I was too afraid. I’m sorry, but if my results had been different, there was no way I could have faced you.”
“And to be honest, if they would have been different, I don’t know what would have happened either. But one thing is for sure, I would still be here for you. Did you think different?”
“Of course I thought different. I’m not dumb to the fact that this virus breaks up friendships, marriages, and families. But you know it’s not over for me. What if things change? What if my second test results reveal that I’m positive?”
“We’ll have to cross that road when we get there. I know that being with you is all that I’m looking for right now, and hopefully you feel the same way.”
“I do, but—”
“But ... just let it happen. Whatever it is we need to do, let’s do it. I just want to do it together. I lost you once, but I don’t plan on losing you again in this lifetime. Remember, we’ve been down the physical road. This gives us an opportunity to learn more about one another.”
Marcus’s words were music to Gracie’s ears. She was afraid to believe, but she didn’t want to doubt it. Again she was going to let go and let God. If it were too good to be true, only time would tell. But the feeling that she had in her heart said that the adventure with Marcus was indeed good and true.
Gracie had officially made this Christmas the best Christmas of all. After finishing up their mochas, Marcus asked Gracie if she’d like to go by his house for a while. She agreed.
Driving down Marcus’s street was slow going. It seemed as if every house on the street had planned to have their Christmas parties that night. As they pulled up to the curb in front of Marcus’s house, Gracie asked what he knew she was going to ask.
“Whose cars are those in your driveway, Marcus?”
He took the key out of the car’s ignition. He turned to look at Gracie and only smiled. Smiling back, she continued to ask the same question until they were on the porch, about to enter.
His family. The mood at Marcus’s house had Gracie fighting back tears. She had no idea that his family had come into town to visit with him, but she didn’t regret being in the midst of the small family’s holiday. Fitting in like old times, she sat around his mother, step-father, sister, and brother, and the rest of the family. Gracie always felt at home with them.
She moved through the house playing games, watched Christmas specials on TV, and ate some of the best food she had ever tasted. Gracie hoped that the feeling she had around Marcus was mutual and that it would last a good while.
She ensured that she stayed long enough, but not too long. Gracie let Marcus know when it was time to get back to her parents. She gave out hugs and kisses and promised that she’d start visiting again. Gracie and Marcus headed to the other side of town.
When they made it back to her address, Gracie wouldn’t let Marcus leave without eating a few bites with her and her parents as well. Luckily for him, there was room on the sofas to sprawl out. After they ate, they were all too tired to move.
After the first movie, during which they drank hot chocolate, Marcus leaned over and kissed Gracie on the forehead. He told her it was getting late and he had to leave.
Walking him to the door was just like back in the day. They fit so well. It was proven indeed that, “if it is love, let it go, and if it comes back, it was meant to be.” Love had come back home.