‘Lose...? No.’ Every muscle in Dolph’s body clenched. ‘You must be mistaken.’
Leah would never leave the boys. Would she? He thought they’d resolved that kiss... Was that not why they had agreed to avoid being alone together in future? Why they’d agreed to avoid temptation?
‘She has not seemed unhappy in her role here.’
‘There’s no mistake, Dolph.’ George sipped his claret. ‘Philippa mentioned Miss Thame’s visit yesterday, and how much she would miss her. Of course, having said that much, she was obliged to explain further, but she was also surprised I was not aware—Miss Thame told her she would speak to you at the earliest possible opportunity.’
And I have purposely avoided giving her any chance to do so.
Wolf nudged his hand reproachfully, and Dolph absent-mindedly resumed stroking his silky head and ears.
‘Evidently,’ George continued, ‘Miss Thame has come into an inheritance, and she has asked Philippa to step in to teach the boys until you are able to appoint another governess.’ He cocked his head. ‘She did not inform you of her plans, then, Dolph?’
‘No.’ He felt sick. He must think of a way to stop her leaving. Wolf stood up and laid his head on Dolph’s knee, watching him with worried eyes.
‘And you knew nothing of this inheritance?’
‘No.’
The boys... What would this do to them? They adored Leah. Losing her would break their hearts. He knocked back the remains of his claret and placed the empty glass on a side table, his hand trembling as he realised the full impact on the boys of losing Leah.
And what about you? How will you feel if she goes?
Dolph ignored that inner voice. His feelings were not the point. Only the boys mattered. He had nothing to offer any woman. Not after Rebecca.
His fist clenched on his lap, and Wolf licked it with his warm tongue.
‘It will be a shock for you, no doubt.’ George scratched his head and frowned. ‘I thought the two of you were growing close.’
Dolph shrugged. ‘Not in the way you’re suggesting.’ He worked to keep his voice level and light. He was not proud of the way he lusted after Leah. ‘We share the common objective of the well-being of my sons. Nothing more.’
‘Ah. I see. The boys, then, will miss her terribly.’
‘They will.’
Unable to remain still, Dolph surged to his feet and paced the room, sweeping his fingers over his hair, almost tripping over Wolf, who was shadowing him.
‘Get out of the way, Wolf!’ Dolph pointed to the fireplace and was immediately seized by guilt as the dog slunk over and lay down on the hearth rug. ‘This is dreadful, George. I have to do something to stop her leaving. I cannot allow the children to lose another mother figure—they will be inconsolable. I—I’ll do anything to keep her here. Did Miss Strong tell you any more about Miss Thame’s plans?’
‘I only know she has inherited a house in London together with sufficient funds to provide her with an independent income.’
‘An income?’ He sank down onto his chair again, that sudden surge of energy depleted and his gut churning. The laugh he forced sounded hollow even to his ears. ‘So, there is little point in offering her a pay rise.’
‘Is this still about the children?’
The understanding and the sympathy in George’s eyes squeezed his gut even harder.
‘Of course it is. Don’t be ridiculous. But I must do something to persuade her to stay. I will do whatever it takes, but...tell me, George. What can I do? What can I offer her to make her stay?’
‘You could marry her.’
A startled laugh burst from Dolph. ‘Marriage? You are not serious? You know full well I shall never marry again.’
‘I know you said you would not, but it would make sense, Dolph. Think about it... The children will have a stepmother they already adore, and you cannot deny you are attracted to her, so bedding her will be no hardship.’
No hardship? It would be a pleasure. Bedding Leah had been on his mind since he had first kissed her. But marriage? The thought had never once entered his head. They had only known one another a matter of weeks. Besides, how could he risk another woman’s happiness? What if it happened all over again—the gradual growing apart and the slow sinking of her spirit, until... He jerked his thoughts from following that thought through to its conclusion. How could he risk it? He could not face that burden of responsibility.
He sank down onto his knees beside Wolf and petted him, to make amends for snapping at him earlier. His thoughts continued to whirl.
Although...was marriage such a ridiculous notion? What if he made it clear it was a business arrangement, as so many marriages were? Could that help to steer any expectations away from romantic nonsense and onto the purely practical aspects of a union? If she had no expectations of him, then he could not let her down.
He liked Leah. Found her attractive. Many marriages were built on less.
That’s not the point. You do not deserve happiness after what you put Rebecca through. The children, though...
But there was Leah herself to consider, too. She had confessed her wish to marry for love—he could never offer her that. He was incapable of love. He could never make her happy. Could he?
‘And consider her inheritance,’ George continued, while Dolph’s head was still full of conjecture. ‘A property in London is not to be sneezed at. It makes all kind of sense. You must see that. It is the perfect solution for both you and the children.’
Burning with humiliation, Leah crept quietly back along the secret passage that stretched from the library to Dolph’s study. She’d been so sure she would find the boys here, having been unable to locate them in any of their usual hiding places. She’d been convinced they had disobeyed her and had, after all, hidden in the passage that led to Dolph’s study. She’d been wrong. She hadn’t found the boys crouched down, giggling, as she’d expected. Instead, she had heard Lord Hinckley telling Dolph of her plans. And Dolph’s response.
Why, oh, why had Philippa told Hinckley about her inheritance? Although, to be fair, she had not told him the whole, thank goodness. She could not face the humiliation of Dolph knowing his sons were being taught by a woman whose father had discarded her mother like a worn-out nag once she became a liability to him.
She must go at once to Dolph and resign. She would leave in the morning. Her pride would not allow her to stay a moment longer after hearing that conversation in which Dolph and Hinckley had discussed her as though she were no more than a horse to be traded. Hot fury evaporated any tears before they could even form... How dared they? She was a person. With feelings. Not just a convenience to make his life easier by substituting the children’s mother.
Although...was not that idea all Hinckley’s? Dolph had said nothing to suggest marriage was a business transaction. Despite the hurt, a shoot of hope unfurled. What if, now the notion had been put in his head, Dolph realised he loved her too much to let her go? What then?
Don’t be an utter fool. Has experience taught you nothing?
She emerged from behind the secret panel into the library and stood irresolute, doubts ricocheting inside her head. She must find the boys first. And then she would go to Dolph. As she spun on her heel and headed for the door, she was brought up short by a muffled giggle. She tilted her head.
‘What is that I hear?’ She rotated slowly, her eyes searching every nook. ‘Is it a mouse, I wonder?’
Another giggle, and a movement of one of the floor-length curtains. Despite her longing to curl up into a ball and wallow in her pain, Leah ran across to the window and tickled the solid little body concealed within its drape.
‘I’ve got you!’
With a shriek and a burst of laughter, Nicky erupted from behind the curtain. Leah immediately investigated the other curtains in the room and, before long, Stevie too was winkled out.
‘Bravo, Miss Thame.’
Leah stiffened at that amused masculine drawl. By the time she faced Dolph, her expression had sobered. He’d kissed her. Twice. And then regretted it. True, she had been a willing participant, but only because she’d stupidly hoped he might develop feelings for her. The triumph of hope over experience! Well, no more. She would not wait for him to broach the subject. She’d had enough of not being in control of her own life. Now was the time to begin. She captured Dolph’s gaze and held it.
‘My lord. I am glad you are here, as I must speak with you as a matter of urgency. Stevie, Nicky, would you please go up to Cassie in the nursery? I shall be up very shortly.’
Dolph’s grey eyes narrowed as he frowned. The air between them appeared to crackle with suppressed energy, and Leah’s heart thumped against her ribs as nerves curdled her stomach.
‘But what about our game, miss? It is your turn to hide.’
Their gazes remained fused as Dolph said, ‘Do as Miss Thame tells you, boys. And take Wolf with you.’
Audibly grumbling, Stevie and Nicky left the room, accompanied by the huge dog, who had come in with Dolph. Leah’s nostrils flared as she inhaled, steeling herself, but before she could speak, Dolph held up his hand, palm forward, silencing her.
‘Before you say anything, I have something I should like to say. Or ask, rather.’
Leah raised a brow but nodded, her breath growing short.
‘This might seem as though it comes out of the blue, but I wish to request your hand in marriage.’
Pain sliced through Leah. No words of love. No hint of any feeling for her. Just a bald proposal. A businesslike proposal, made only after prompting by George. She searched his expression, noting the tic of the muscle in his jaw and the compression of his lips. Despite her idiotic hopes, he looked nothing like a man who had discovered he was in love.
‘Why?’
‘Why?’
His expression was almost comical as his brows shot skywards, but Leah had never felt less like laughing.
‘Yes. I have heard you swear never to marry again. So, I should like to understand why you are proposing to me. And why now?’
‘Does it matter why now? The fact is, I have no wish to risk losing you, and I fear our recent...um...encounters...my behaviour...might prompt you to leave. The children love you and I’ll do anything to protect them against further loss and heartache.’
‘Anything?’ She could feel tears prickling behind her eyes. ‘Including marrying their governess?’
‘Yes! No...that is not what I meant. I will do my utmost to make you happy, of course, and not to let you down. Think of the advantages—you will be a countess; I am wealthy; you love the children and they love you. They need you.’
She crossed to the window, staring out, desperately trying to quash the hurt that spiked through her. There had been nothing personal in that proposal. He could have been proposing to any woman.
What did you expect, you stupid fool? When will you ever learn?
She had seen marriages where the men viewed their wives as just another possession, someone to do their bidding and to produce heirs. And Dolph would not even need her for that, as he had Steven and Nicholas. She swallowed. If she did not already love Dolph, then maybe such a marriage would work. But he had spoken no words of love, and a marriage where one partner loved and the other did not...could not... No. She could not bear such a life.
‘Leah?’
With a start, she realised she had not answered him. Slowly, she turned back to the room. She had always been honest with him, ever since his return, and he had seemed to value it. She would not be coy about her reason for refusal, especially as she’d already confessed her silly dream of a love match, so it wasn’t even a matter of salvaging some pride. She faced him, her back straight, hands clasped before her.
‘As I understand it, you are offering me an arrangement akin to a business transaction. For a practical reason, to keep me here as a convenient replacement mother for your children. My answer is no. You already know that is not what I want from a marriage and, as I can now afford to support myself without working, I should prefer to remain single rather than be trapped in a loveless union with a man still in love with his late wife.’
A flash of something like shock crossed his face before his expression blanked.
‘I... I am fond of you. You know I am.’
Are you? Or has any interest in me been driven by lust? No doubt my real father was fond of Lady Tregowan. That did not stop him seducing and ruining three young ladies.
‘I am sorry. That is not enough for me. My answer is no.’
There was indecision in his face. Silently, she willed him on. Please. Find out you cannot bear to lose me. Persuade me we can be happy together. His indecision did not last. His brow lowered.
‘You can afford to support yourself, you say?’
‘I can. I have come into some money. I no longer need earn my living as a governess.’
That was all he needed to know. She would not tell him about the marriage stipulation—that was still a humiliation, in her opinion. All she could hope for now would be marriage to a decent man with whom she could be content, without any of the heartache of unrequited love. Neither would she tell him about her sisters or their link to the Tregowans—thank goodness Philippa had kept that titbit from Hinckley. Of course, if Dolph was aware she was the illegitimate daughter of Lord Tregowan, he might very well withdraw his offer anyway. So, no. She would tell him none of it. It was her business.
‘And you have known this how long?’ he growled. He began to pace the room. ‘No. Let me guess. You have known about it ever since your trip to Bristol. Ever since I came home. And yet you have left it until now to tell me, and you are prepared to leave me in the lurch by giving me no notice whatsoever?’ He halted before her, towering over her. ‘I thought better of you, Miss Thame.’
Leah stiffened and raised her chin. ‘That, my lord, is grossly unjust. I remained here to help the children settle after you reappeared without warning in their lives. But you no longer need me. Besides...’ she narrowed her eyes at him ‘... I did not say I was leaving immediately—I have not even proffered my resignation, even though that is my intention.’
His jaw squared. ‘I inferred as much from your previous comment.’
Clipped and dismissive. No hint of the man who had sounded so desperate to stop her leaving when he spoke to George. She moistened her lips and her hand rose of its own volition to touch Mama’s ring, concealed beneath her bodice, giving her courage.
Her chin lifted higher, pride driving her on. ‘Then I congratulate you on your perspicacity, sir...at least in certain matters. You are correct, and I therefore now tender my resignation, effective immediately. Miss Strong has agreed to teach the boys until you are able to appoint a new governess.’
A single flicker of the eyelid was his only reaction. ‘Might I ask why the haste?’
She searched his expression but saw no hint of dismay at the news her departure was imminent.
‘You and I both know it is for the best after what happened between us the other evening.’
‘Then marry me.’ He gathered her hands in his. ‘We would not have to deny ourselves. Think of the advantages.’
Yet another blow to her heart and yet another good reason why she was doing the right thing. Better to leave now than risk falling any deeper in love with him. And if she were to marry, better to find a man she liked and could respect. She might not experience the highs of love, but at least she’d be spared the lows.
Her voice chilled. ‘I have already told you I have no wish to be married simply for the sake of your children. Allow me to add neither do I harbour any ambition to be wed simply to provide a convenient bedfellow for my husband. I deserve better.’
His expression shuttered. He dropped her hands and turned away. Dismissing her. ‘I see. Well, I cannot deny my disappointment you fail to appreciate the benefits of my proposal. You have made your wishes crystal clear and it would be wrong of me to persist in any attempt to change your mind.’
His indifference was proof enough to Leah she had done the right thing, and it confirmed the glimpses of fire and longing she had seen in him were merely the frustration of a widower with no outlet for his physical needs. And that, to her, was probably a worse reason for marrying a man than to be a surrogate mother for his children.
There was nothing more to say.
‘I will tell the boys now.’ Her throat ached at the thought. How could she explain it to them? She resolutely consoled herself with thoughts of her new family. ‘I shall leave tomorrow, if I may beg the use of the carriage as far as Bristol.’
‘How will you get to London?’
He didn’t seem to notice she hadn’t told him her ultimate destination. That had come from George. But she had not the heart to challenge him on that fact. It was all too much.
‘I shall purchase a ticket on the London stagecoach, of course.’
‘No.’ He faced her, his features harsh. ‘You will not travel alone in a public conveyance. The carriage will take you all the way. I shall instruct Travers. And you will take a maid with you. You are a respectable woman, and your reputation must be protected.’
The relief was huge—she had quailed at the thought of how she would cope with such a lengthy journey, all alone. She had never in her life travelled so far from the West Country.
‘Thank you. I am grateful. I will, of course, reimburse all costs.’
‘You will not.’ His face softened. ‘Allow me to do this for you, Leah. Please.’
She forced her smile. ‘Thank you. I accept.’ She walked to the door, but paused before opening it. She looked back at him, her heart breaking but, still, that foolish hope flickering deep inside, fanned anew by his urge to protect her on that journey. She could not resist a final challenge. If she never saw him again, what would one more slice of humiliation matter?
‘If you should decide you want me for the right reasons, my lord, you know where I will be.’