Any idiot can grate some cauliflower, steam it a little, and try to pass it off as rice. You’re not fooling or impressing anybody with that sandy mess. It takes a special kind of idiot like me to take it one step further, spice it up, and turn it into something you’d choose to eat on purpose. I’m not going to say that this tastes exactly like fried rice. It’s more like the best couscous you’ve ever had.
2 cups frozen edamame, shelled
Canola oil
2 tablespoons minced garlic
1 bunch scallions, chopped
1 cup whole almonds
2 heads cauliflower, pulsed in a food processor, or grated, until it looks like rice
1½ teaspoons Chinese five-spice powder
½ teaspoon ground ginger
2 tablespoons chili sauce (Sriracha works)
Kosher salt
Soy sauce (optional)
1. Bring a small pot of salty water to a boil. Add the edamame and cook for 4 minutes. Drain and reserve.
2. Coat the bottom of a large frying pan with canola oil and place over medium heat. Add the garlic, scallions, and almonds. Stir and cook for 3 minutes until fragrant.
3. Add the cauliflower, five-spice powder, ginger, chili sauce, and salt to taste. Stir to combine everything. Cook for 2 minutes.
4. Cover the pan, lower the heat, and let cook for 6 minutes more.
5. Taste and adjust salt if needed.
6. Feel free to add soy sauce … if that’s your thing. I like it better without.