This is a very inappropriate story for me to tell in a cookbook. (Sorry.) If you’re squeamish, I suggest just skipping down to the recipe.
While testing this super-tasty, super-rich recipe, I ended up with a huge amount of this stuff. I gave some to my neighbors, my doorman, a homeless dude in the street, and I still had enough left over to fill a pint-size container, which I gave to a friend we’ll call Dave. Dave is a very physically fit guy who is always training for some kind of charity Iron Man nonsense. He was feeling a little peckish on his long bike ride to meet the Tinder date of his dreams, so he pulled over to have a taste—and wolfed down the whole pint. He met his date and they got to chatting, but that didn’t last long. He literally ran away from her … and into the Union Square public bathroom, where he experienced a humbling bout of gastric distress.
“I know I shouldn’t have eaten it all, but it was so gooooood,” he moaned to me on the phone later that night. “I can never talk to her again. But it was worth it.” The moral here is portion control. Serve it a half-cup at a time.
8 cups whole milk
One 6-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
1½ teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup Arborio rice
4 tablespoons (½ stick) unsalted butter
½ cup sugar
Pinch of kosher salt
4 large eggs, beaten
2 ounces dark chocolate, grated
1. Combine the milk, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla, rice, butter, sugar, and salt in a medium saucepan. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat to low and simmer for about 40 minutes, uncovered, stirring every few minutes. If the rice isn’t fully cooked, give it more time until it is.
2. Whisk in the beaten eggs and cook for 1 minute. The pudding should coat the back of your spoon.
3. Remove the pan from the heat and let the pudding cool to room temperature.
4. Refrigerate and serve cold. Sprinkle grated chocolate on top.