Chapter Thirteen

Amber

“I can’t believe you’re going on a date!” Hannah practically burst my eardrum she squealed so loud. I jerked the cell away from my ear, shaking my rattled brain as I stood in front of my bed.

I’d hit publish on my latest post an hour ago, and I was behind on the non-date prep.

“It’s not a date,” I said once I felt safe enough to draw the cell back. “We’re friends. He’s totally on board with my whole no guys for at least a few years mission statement.”

“Dude,” she said. “That only makes him that much more adorable.”

I laughed. “Dean isn’t adorable. He’s—”

“Sexy af,” she cut me off.

“Hey!” I heard Jake chide in the background. “You’re sitting in my lap.”

Hannah shushed him before there was a good long smacking of lips from her end of the line. I rolled my eyes as I stared down the two outfits I had laid out.

“You’re sexier,” she said once the wet smacking sounds were finished. “Anyway,” she said, returning her focus to me. “Amber. This is huge.”

“It’s really not,” I said, trying to convince us both.

“It is. You haven’t even wanted to speak to another male since Douchenozzle…outside of Jake anyway. Friends or more or whatever in between. This. Is. Awesome.”

The butterflies swarmed my stomach, swirling and spinning until my heart raced.

“Thanks for the added pressure.” I groaned.

Is this as big of a deal as Hannah says?

She wasn’t wrong about me shying away from every single boy at Wilmont after Brandon…but then again, I’d never stopped talking to Dean. It was simply different between us now.

“Sorry not sorry,” she said over the line. “Look. Forget everything. Please. I know it’s hard, but let go of all the bad ish from the past and have fun tonight. For me?”

“Yes, Mother,” I teased despite the hollow feeling in my chest. I loved Hannah like a sister, but Jake was one of the good guys. She had no clue how hard it was to let go of things.

“Someone say mother?” Mom asked, rapping her knuckles on my opened door.

“Got to go,” I said to Hannah.

“Text me all the details! Before, after, and during!” she yelled.

I chuckled. “Yeah, yeah.” I ended the call, spinning on my bare feet toward my mom.

“Help,” I said, and she strode into the room, her eyes already on the outfits on my bed.

“What’s the occasion?”

“Kept from me.”

She grinned. “A surprise? Who’s the guy pulling out the stops?”

“Dean.”

“Oh, the second best hacker at Wilmont?”

“My love for you knows no bounds,” I said. “Now, which one?”

She eyed me then the clothes. “Is it a date?”

I groaned. “No. Friends.”

“Does he know that?”

“Yes, and he’s the one who reiterated this is a friend thing.”

“I like him.”

“Me, too.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and that familiar icy fear did everything to rob me of the warmth thoughts of Dean created.

Mom rubbed my spine, her eyes on mine, catching every emotion as they soared across my face.

“They’re not all assholes,” she said. “But you can not date as long as you want.” She sighed. “Just don’t let one jerk ruin something special for you.” She pulled me into a side hug. “He doesn’t deserve the energy you use to keep those walls up, Amber.”

I know.

But that didn’t stop me from reinforcing them for fear of it ever happening again.

Her words sank deep into my mind. Am I letting Brandon rob me of something with Dean? Does Dean even think of me like that?

He’d said before that he didn’t have time for a relationship, either, but the way he teased me, almost flirted with me…

“This one.” Mom pointed to the lavender V-neck T-shirt and skinny jeans. “It’ll go great with the light purple Converse in your closet.”

“Nice point,” I said. “Thanks, Mom.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” She smiled, heading toward my door. “Amber,” she added.

“Yeah?”

“Think about what I said, okay? Have fun tonight, and do what you want to do. Don’t let anything else hold you back.”

I forced out a laugh. “It’s just a friend thing. So, I’m sure I’ll have fun.”

Without the pressure of it being a date, how could I not?

“He picking you up?”

I nodded.

“Didn’t you meet Dean online?”

I tilted my head.

“You skipped across his game or something?”

I chuckled. “I stumbled across his server the first week freshman year, yes.”

“Quite the meet-cute,” she said, waggling her brows. “Oh my God, what if he shows up with a bouquet of flash drives or external hard drives or something other than flowers?”

I rolled my eyes. “Mom, this isn’t one of those rom-coms you love.”

She held her side from laughing, finally taking a breath.

“Okay, okay,” she said, tapping my door. “You know the code word. Text me if you need me to call you with an excuse to leave.”

Banana Brunch. Mom had drilled that into me since I’d been old enough to sleep over at Hannah’s house. If I texted that, or said it over a call, she’d come get me, no questions asked. Or, if I had driven, she’d call me with an excuse to come home immediately. Mom and Dad both taught me that they’d love me no matter what and would have my back just the same.

Luckily, I’d never had to use it before.

Hannah and Jake had been with me the night of…

I clamped down on the memory.

“Got it,” I said. “But Dean is different.” I couldn’t help the smile shaping my lips. “I…trust him. As a friend,” I hurried to add when Mom’s grin got a little too wide.

“I’m glad, honey.”

A knock at our front door jolted me. “Gah! I’m not even dressed.”

“Hurry up,” Mom said, waving me on. “I’ll stall him.” She was gone before I could stop her.