Chapter 2

Ava

 

People would look at me and think I look like a normal girl, with a normal life, and a normal personality, but really, I was the opposite. I was the girl who would go to parties every single night. The girl who would drink and drink and never stop until my body couldn’t take it anymore. I was the girl everybody knew, everybody heard about and seen. I was the girl who thought she had a boyfriend who loved her, but I was wrong.

I was wrong about everything. I’m not the girl that I was anymore. I’m not the girl who would go to parties or drink or have a boyfriend that said that he loved me. And it all started with one fight, one punch, and one call.

I remember like it was yesterday, although it was actually a year ago. I was at a party, of course with my friends, and Jayce, my (now) ex-boyfriend. I was stoned of course, and so was he. I wanted to go home so I was looking for him everywhere since he drove me here. I found him outside smoking pot which made me mad. I don't usually get mad when I’m stoned and so it surprised me that I was yelling at him. I think I was yelling at him though because he promised me he would stop smoking pot, but of course, that hadn’t changed.

I ran up to him and started hitting him until he took hold of both of my hands and yelled at me. I started crying, tears running down my face, which made him yell more. I spit at his face, and to win, he slapped me. Hard. I felt that hard palm across my face, making me fall on the ground. I went unconscious then woke up in the hospital. The first faces I saw were my parents'. My mom’s tears falling down her face, my dad’s worried look on his face, both coming to me in a hurry, smothering me in kisses.

They told me everything. How Jayce punched me, and that someone called the police when they saw me lying on the floor. They told me how Jayce got arrested because of slapping me. Which of course is abuse. I remember coming home after I woke up, going straight to my room and looking at myself in the mirror.

All I see is a monster. A monster with a black eye, a purple streak on the right cheek. The stitch on the top of my eyebrow which makes me twitch when I would touch it. My lips were swollen, which made them hard to touch. Now it’s been a year and if I look at myself again in the mirror, you wouldn’t see the wounds anymore. The only wound you would see is the wound in my heart. It’s broken, because of Jayce. It’s broken and now I have no trust in guys anymore. It’s broken because I gave my whole life to one guy, and he just threw it away. Threw it away like it was crap. I take my headphones off, and go downstairs. I am scared by my big sis. Of course.

“Em, I’m going to kill you.” I say putting a hand on my heart, feeling the beats going by fast.

“Oh, calm down, scaredy cat. I hope I didn’t make you poop your pants or something.” She says giving me a head rub. I hate how she treats me like a little kid. I mean we are only two years apart. I’m eighteen and she’s twenty. I mean, she’s old, but I’m old too. I kind of want to ask her when she’s going to leave to go back to college, but I shouldn’t ask. I know she’s here for me. I’m leaving tomorrow for university. That’s right, university. A top higher than her. I guess I was just smarter than her, and she was just plain smart. My sister and I look nothing alike though. I mean, she has brown dark chestnut hair, and I have blond hair with light streaks. She has dark brown eyes just like the colour of her hair, and I have blue eyes. I guess I kind of got it from my mom, and she got her looks from my dad. Ah, genes. I’m the same height as her. I think she’s a little bit lighter? But maybe only a pound. Anyway, we look nothing alike. Which I love. I wouldn’t look good with brown hair and eyes, and neither would she with mine.

I jump on her back while she walks away from me.

“Ava! What the hell!?” She says which makes me laugh. I know my parents are in the kitchen, probably thinking about how stupid we look right now. I mean we are adults, not little kids, but I don’t care.

“You scared me, and now I’m getting back at you,” I say as she jumps up and down. She knows that makes me scared. I let go right away before she makes a third jump. She laughs and combs down her hair.

I roll my eyes and go to the kitchen to eat something. My mom kisses my cheek while my dad kisses my head. Ugh, parents. I see that my mom has already made me breakfast, which I smile at her and sit down. She made me my favourite, of course. Whole wheat bagel with a big dollop of Nutella on it. I take a big bite which makes my sister laugh.

“What? I’m hungry. Don’t laugh at me. Don’t think I’ve seen you not eat like this. I’ve seen you eat bacon before, Em. And it’s not pretty.” I say which she sticks her tongue at me. Classic Em.

“Emily, don’t criticize your sister. If she wants to eat like that, she can. It’s her choice, not yours.” Ah, classic mom. Always sticking up for me. I kind of hate it now, though, since she has treated me like a little kid ever since the accident. But I can’t blame her. I would do that to my kid if her boyfriend hit her. I didn’t even know that I was finished the bagel, and now I was asking for more. I’m skinny, so no matter how much I eat, I don’t know where the hell it goes. I stand up going to the fridge pulling out a bag of bagels until my mom stops me.

“Ava, I don’t want you to eat anymore, or else you're going to spoil yourself for dinner.”

“Dinner?” I say turning around to face my mother with a question mark on my face.

“Yes, dinner. Remember? We’re meeting your grandparents there tonight.” She says leaning back on the island. Oh no, no, no, no. I am not facing my grandparents tonight. I mean I love them, but seriously? I am the last person to ever know what’s happening on family plans. I guess I should've seen it coming since I am leaving tomorrow for university and not coming back in a while. So, yeah, of course my grandparents want to come and see me. But it would be better if they came here, not us meeting them at a restaurant. I groan at my mom then turn around and head up in my room. My room and Emily’s room are beside each other, so she can basically hear everything I do in my room. I plop down on my room, then hear my door open.

“Leave, Em,” I say mumbling into my pillow. I feel her weight when she sits down on my bed. She puts her hand on my back and rubs it up and down. I love it. I know I'm supposed to hate it, but I love it. This is just what need. Emily rubbing my back, and not leaving my side. I mean she kind of got a little protective when she heard that I got abused, she rushed to the hospital and stayed by my side until I woke up. I mean, she cried, the first time I saw Em cry. And believe me, I am so going to cherish that moment forever in my head.

“Ava, what’s wrong?” She says in a quiet voice. So that no one can hear us.

“I don’t know. What do you think?” I say mumbling into my pillow. I don’t want to have a conversation right now.

“Well, what I think is that you're being a little stubborn Ava. I mean ever since ‘the accident’ you’ve been gloomy like hell. I mean, I know it’s been hard, but don’t take it on other people Ava. Not even yourself.” Damn it. Why does she gotta be so therapist-like? Crap. I don’t do anything, then feel the weight lifting from the bed. She left. I lift my head up a little bit, to see if she really left or if she’s going to scare me again. But she left. My door is closed and before it was opened. I don’t care that I’m moody. And it’s not because of ‘the accident’. Maybe it’s because I have nobody to love anymore. Nobody to care for. Nobody to hold, or hug, or kiss or touch. I mean, I have my family, but I don’t have anybody for the love. I’m alone. It’s only me, myself and I.