Chapter 11

Connor

 

I wanna die. Like right now. I have about an hour until I’m there at the university right now, and I don’t feel good at all. Last night when I came home all I thought about was Ava. Her laugh, her eyes, her hair and her goddamn beautiful body. Oh, god, her body. Just thinking about that body makes me shiver throughout my whole body. Last night my parents weren’t that happy that I left during the dinner. I mean I guess I kind of must’ve looked like an asshole when I left my family alone at a restaurant. I even stole the car to take a pretty girl out to eat somewhere. And that was the best damn thing I have ever done in my entire life.

I couldn’t even sleep last night at all because all I was thinking about was Ava. Her lips against mine just made me want to drive around the entire world to find her. Even when I feel asleep for just a little bit, I dreamed about her. All about Ava, and I loved every damn second about it. I feel this tap on my shoulder which makes me groan. I open my eyes to see Aiden tugging on my arm. I take one earphone out and hear what he has to say from waking me up since I was dreaming about Ava.

“What?” I snap. Maybe I should dial the attitude down since it was just a dream. It’s not like he kissed her in front of me or something. Dial it down Conner. Don’t act like the asshole Ava had as a stupid boyfriend.

“Sorry man, but mom just wanted me to tell you that we’re making a quick stop since James has to pee.” He says while running his fingers through his hair. My brother, just like me. He is so damn lucky. I just gotta be a good role model or else he might just be an asshole for his entire life.

“Oh yeah, I guess I should go too. Maybe buy a bag of chips or something since I’m freaking starving.” I say as I unbuckle. He nods then puts his earphones back on. I laugh and open the car door so I can do whatever I can for about five minutes. I see James coming out of the bathroom which is telling me that now it should be free to use. I go to him and flip his hat off.

“Hey!” He says as he picks it up then looks up to see who it is. His eyes widen when he sees it was me who flipped his hat off. I laugh while he punches me on the arm. Damn that dude it strong. For a twelve-year-old, not that bad.

“Yo, tell mom that I’m just buying some snacks.” I say as I look out the window seeing if our car is still there. Of course it is, I’m just freakin dumb sometimes. He nods then waves away.

“Don’t take long. I wanna see some pretty girls there at your university.” He yells which makes everyone look at him and me. Great, now they must think we’re pervs or something. Damn it James, why?

“James, just leave dude. I’ll be back.” I say which makes him nod quickly and then tugs his hat down so far, I don’t think you can even see his eyes. At least he’s embarrassed. Other guys would’ve laughed about how idiotic he looked.

I scratch my stubble, thinking that I should’ve shaved but I’d been too tired to do it. Maybe it was on how I dreamed about Ava all night, or because of how freakin scared I am about university. I think it’s more likely because of dreaming about Ava. I mean that one makes much more sense.

I go in the bathroom first and do what I gotta do. I wash my hands and face. I need something to wake me up from this reality, and coffee ain’t gonna work. As I’m looking in the window I stare. I stare for about a good five minutes thinking about a pretty good darn question. Who the hell am I? Am I a guy who’s just a person who got in a car crash and has a metal plate in his brain and someone else’s heart? I mean, who am I? Am I the same person I was long ago, before the accident? The person who had the perfect life, the perfect girl, and the perfect friends?

People idolized me, and now all they must think about me is garbage. How shitty I am and how I won’t be the same as I was before. But how could I? I was kind of an asshole before. I mean I used to stay up late and talk to girls and slap them on the ass and do whatnot. Not to mention what I used to do with Beth. Damn it was so hot with us, but now since she cheated on me when I was almost dying, my heart is just cold about thinking about her. The only thing my heart is thinking about is Ava. Only Ava, no on else.

Somehow staring at my face for a long time is making me mad, so I throw water on the mirror. At least I didn’t break it or something. I get out of the washroom and let the next guy go in it. I then look around the store and try to find some good snacks to last me the road trip to my next life. University. I hear a ding then realizing that it’s my phone. I check it and see that Aiden texted me.  

Hurry up.

I roll my eyes. I text back saying that I’ll be there in five minutes. Sheesh brothers. I look around and try to find some good chips. After looking around for about a minute, I finally grab some Doritos and a Henry bar. What? I’m hungry. Sue me. I bring it up to the cashier which I notice that it’s a pretty girl who’s actually checking me out. I really don’t do anything since I don’t feel anything about that girl at all. I’m only thinking about Ava, and how cute she is when she covers her mouth when she laughs. Damn that girl is sexy. I say thank you to the girl and smile at her so I don’t look rude. I’m then outside, opening the door of the car and climbing inside of it. Aiden eyes me for a minute, somehow to check if I’m okay.

“Dude, calm down. I just wanted to go to the bathroom and get some snacks.” I say opening the bag of Doritos. I know my brother wants some so I pass it to him and tell him to pass it to James too. They are my brothers, and so whatever they want, they can have. Expect drugs, tattoos and girls, of course. I continue listening to my music and trying to fall asleep so I can dream more about Ava. Even thinking about her just makes me fall asleep.

…………………………………………………………

 

I hear this voice. This voice that makes me wake up from my dream about Ava. Damn these people. I open one eye just to see who’s waking me up and hoping that they have a pretty good reason why they did it. Aiden was the one who was waking me up. Great, now I have a reason why I want to kill him now.

“What???” I say, in a voice like a little kid. Aiden just rolls his eyes and unbuckles his seatbelt.

“Well I’m sorry your majesty, but mom told me to wake you up since we’re here.” He says motioning me to look outside. I sit up and unbuckle to open the door. I put on my sunglasses so my headache doesn’t start since I’m squinting my eyes a lot. The sun beams in my eyes and in my face, making me squint hard. Even with sunglasses, the sun is almost turning me blind. Great. In my eyes, I see this big ass school which, of course, is the university. There must be dorms inside and classes. I need to go in the front and get in line so I can know what dorm number I am and so I can meet my roommate. Oh, dear God I hope he’s not an idiot like other guys. Somehow my parents aren’t allowed to come in the dorm because there won’t be time for me to get where I want to. Besides, my parents really cry a lot, and so I don’t think I could take it. My dad grabs my bags out of the trunk and hands them to me.

“I guess this is it, Conner.” He says giving me a hug. I give him a big manly hug and pat on his back. My mom then comes and gives me a tight hug. Of course.

“Mom, don’t cry. I’ll be back for the holidays. Sheesh.”

“It’s just, you’re my little boy. I just can’t believe this day that we’ve been dreading has finally come.” She says crying into my neck. Great. I’m not really trying to be mean, but can they just leave now. I look like a little kid right now.

“Mom, get a grip. This is not forever. I. Am. Coming. Home.” She laughs and let’s go, wiping her eyes with a tissue my dad gave her. James is rolling his eyes, and Aiden is patting my mom’s back. I think the most I’ll miss is my brothers. They’ve been with me through so much, I mean my parents have as well, but my brothers have been like amazing.

“Ok, boys, say goodbye to your brother.” My dad says, while my mom is crying in the background and just won’t stop. I roll my eyes and turn to my brothers. James comes first and gives me this big hug, which makes my heart fill with warmth. I love them so much.

“Love you dude. Don’t steal my room okay?” I say while rubbing his head. He laughs and fixes it.

“No promises.” He says, while making room for Aiden to come and say goodbye to me. I know this is harder for Aiden since he’s the one who’s concerned about me all the time. I would go to the bathroom for two minutes, and then he would get that idea that I must’ve fallen when I was peeing or fainted or whatever he thought of. Aiden gives me that stare telling me that if I get in trouble, he might just kick my ass. I take that for granted though since he is strong and that he would definitely kick my sorry little ass.

“Don’t get in trouble with any kids okay? Especially with any girls.” He winks at me with a malicious grin. I laugh and mess his hair up. He yells but then smiles.

“I guess this is it.” My dad says, while he holds my mom close. Sheesh, parents.

“Mom, dad. Calm down. It’s not like I’m never coming home. Let’s not make this hard okay?” I say as I look around where all the parents are saying goodbye to their kids. As I look around my eyes stop on one thing. A girl who looks just like Ava. Nah, it must be my brain messing with me again. Ugh, I must be losing my mind again. Great. I shake my head and then turn around to see if that girl is there. She’s gone, great I have officially lost my mind. I knew this day would come.

“Um, mom. I think you guys should get going so I won’t be late for the meeting.” I say, not even knowing what the meeting is actually about. I basically just lied to my parents so they can leave and I can unpack and actually see if that girl is Ava. I’m stupid for thinking that, but also I really wanna meet my roommate. Who knows what that guy will be like. I look at my parents and grab my bags. They nod which makes my mom cry more.

“Yeah, we shouldn’t make you late Conner. Let’s go boys. Karen?” My dad says to my mom, meaning that it’s time for her little boy to leave. Like right now.

“I guess… Just Conner, call me. Like all the time. Please?” She says in this sad sad voice. Oh crap. Now I’m the boy who calls his mom all the time because she’s nuts. I can’t say no, but I can’t promise to call often since this is university. I mean I’ll have a lot of work to do and I can’t just call her in the middle of that. But she is my mom, and so I guess I do have to call her. Why the hell do I have to be so nice?

“Sure, I’ll call you. Don't worry though if I don’t call you the twenty times a day, okay?” I say, which makes her laugh. Hey, at least I’m making her laugh, not cry. I give her one more hug, and then lift up my bags and say goodbye to them for the last time. Hoping they won’t stop me and say all this sad shit again. I can’t take this anymore.

“Bye Conner!” My family says as I go through the doors. I turn around and laugh at them. I wave them goodbye and walk in the university. The one thing that comes to my mind is how the cool AC is going through my body which gives me a rush.

I turn around to see if they're still there, which of course they are. I can see that my brothers want to leave now since they also have stuff to do, but I think they’re just staying for my parents.

I roll my eyes and take a deep breath. This is it. This is my life right now for about a good four or five years. I’m so psyched that I accidentally bump into this dude. He looks kind of stoned to me, which makes me step away. He’s big, but I can take him if he throws a punch at me for bumping into him. I can take it, I just don’t think my body would. I mumble sorry at him with a little bit middle finger action. What? The dude asked for it. They already emailed where my room is, on what level, so that’s where I’m going. I also know my room number but not my roommate. I’m sweating. Like my palms are getting sweaty and so I wipe them on my jeans so I don’t have to shake the guy’s hand with a sweaty one.

I pull out my phone to see what time it is if Mom texted me or something. She didn’t. I think she knew I wanted space, but for some reason I want her to text me and ask if I’m doing okay. Whatever, I’m a big boy now, I can do this. I don't need my mommy to hold my hand and guide me. I don’t need any of that shit, I got myself and that’s what’s gonna guide me through this life. My room is all the way up and so I’m trying to see how I can get there, cause I ain’t flying.

I find where the stairs are, but I am so not holding my bags while I walk twenty flight of stairs. I go around and see the elevator. I quickly press the button and wait for the door to open. There is a lot of kids here and so it’s making me a little bit nervous. I mean, there’s a lot of people here.

As I’m waiting for the elevator door to open, I see this cute girl standing next to me. I honestly did not realize until then that she was standing there waiting for the elevator, but she’s looking at me. I mean, I’m flattered but I only have one girl on my mind. Ava. Not her. And so as much as I want to smile and flirt and ask her for her phone number, I’m not as over Ava as I thought I would be. I mean some guys would kiss girls and forget about them in five minutes, but somehow with Ava, it’s hard too. Her kisses just bring me to life, and I can’t forget about her that easily.

The elevator door opens and I let the girl go first. Manners, of course. She smiles and does this little flirty thing with her hair like all girls do. Ava doesn’t though. She just bites her lower lip which makes me crazy as hell. She doesn’t know that I would stare at her when she does that. And the truth is? That habit is crazy sexy.

As I step into the elevator, I lean back and take a deep breath. I keep somehow flexing my hand because it makes me calm down. I know that girl is looking at me, but I don’t care. I don’t blame her though, I do have abs and muscles. I also have a twelve pack which I think is the best thing in the entire world for guys to have. I look straight ahead, waiting for the door to close. It’s taking forever. Damn it.

As the elevator is still open I see this girl who’s talking to someone. Someone I know. A girl who makes my heart skip a beat. A girl whose name is Ava. Ava. My Ava. What the hell? Am I hallucinating or what? I mean, I thought I saw her outside while I was saying goodbye to my parents and brothers, and now I see her again! Is this real or not? Holy shit. She’s talking to a girl while holding her bags. Maybe it’s just someone who looks like her? Ugh!!! Okay, if it’s really her, she would do the habit that Ava has. Biting her lower lip. As I’m waiting for that signal from her, the elevator starts to close and my nightmare has begun. She puts a piece of hair behind her ear and then as she talks to that girl she does it. She bites her lower lip and fixes her hair. What???

I drop my bags right away which make a big sound but it’s not like I care. I might’ve scared the girl next to me though. As I rush out from the elevator it closes on me. The elevator door closes on me as I wanted to rush out of it to see Ava! What kind of stupid world is this! If this was fate, which I think it is, why would fate close on me even though it’s helping me??? I kick the elevator door and also punch it. I think I’m scaring the girl in the elevator with me, and so I stop and mumble sorry to her under my breath. I lean back and lift up my bags. Damn all of this. It’s Ava, my Ava.