y high heels hurt.
My skirt is too long.
My bra is too big.

But I am beautiful.

And, more importantly, I am annoying the hell out of Jen.

I have been copying Jen for two days and she’s about ready to kill me.

I have copied her talking. I have copied her walking.

But tonight is the biggest challenge of all.

The school social.

Tonight I’m not only walking and talking like Jen, but I’m dressed like her as well.

We are walking towards the hall. I am following a few steps behind her. I swing my arm just like she does. I stick my bum out and sway from side to side. I am doing a brilliant job.

At the foot of the steps she swings around to face me.

I swing around too.

‘I don’t see you!’ she says to my back.

‘I don’t see you!’ I say to nobody.

‘I don’t hear you,’ she says.

‘I don’t hear you,’ I say.

‘If you want to make a complete idiot of yourself then fine, go ahead. But the only person you’re embarrassing is you. Got it?’

‘If you want to make a complete idiot of yourself then fine, go ahead,’ I mimic. ‘But the only person you’re embarrassing is you. Got it?’

She sighs loudly, turns around and stomps up the steps.

I sigh loudly, turn around and stomp up the steps too.

But it’s not easy to stomp in high heels. Halfway up I slip and fall back down the stairs. Damn! Jen didn’t slip and fall. It’s my first mistake of the night.

I’m trying to pick myself up.

‘Are you alright?’ says a deep voice. ‘That was a nasty fall.’

Oh no. It’s Craig Bennett. Number one school sleaze. The worst thing is that all the girls think he’s gorgeous. And doesn’t he know it.

He’s dressed in a sharp new suit. He reeks of aftershave. He has the top three buttons of his shirt undone. I guess that’s so he can show off all three of his chest hairs.

‘Here, let me help you,’ he says.

Before I can say no he slips his arm around my waist and lifts me up.

He holds me for a second, looking straight into my eyes, before taking his arm away.

What a smooth operator! He makes me want to puke.

‘My name’s Craig,’ he says. ‘What’s yours?’

‘Andy,’ I say automatically. Doh! I’m supposed to be a girl!

‘Andy?’ says Craig.

‘I mean Andrea,’ I say. ‘My friends call me Andy.’

He smiles.

‘That’s cute. It suits you.’

There’s no doubt about it. This guy is good.

‘I haven’t seen you around before,’ he says. ‘Are you new?’

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘We’ve just moved here from Ballarat.’

‘Excellent,’ says Craig. ‘May I escort you in?’

All I want to do is to get away from this creep and go and annoy Jen. But then a thought strikes me. Maybe the best way to annoy Jen is not to copy her, but to enter the social on Craig Bennett’s arm. She’s as crazy as the rest of the girls about him. When she sees me with him she’ll go nuts!

‘Yes, that would be . . . elegant,’ I say. I think that’s what you’re supposed to say. I don’t know. I’ve never been in this situation before.

Craig holds out his arm, his elbow bent.

I slip my arm through his and he helps me up the stairs.

Craig opens the door and we walk through.

There’s a group of guys hanging around the foyer.

I hear a long low wolf-whistle.

Craig freezes.

He looks in their direction and shakes his head.

‘Kids,’ he snorts. ‘They’re just kids. Ignore them.’

They snigger as we walk past them into the hall.

I look for Jen.

She’s standing over near the drinks table with a group of her girlfriends. They are all staring at us. Jen is gaping like a fish. She didn’t count on this.

‘Would you like a drink?’ says Craig.

‘Yes thank you,’ I say. ‘That would be elegant.’

We move towards the table.

White plastic cups are lined up in rows beside a couple of punch bowls.

‘Orange or lemon?’ says Craig.

‘Surprise me,’ I say.

Craig picks up two cups and hands one to me. He’s about to drink from his cup when I have an idea. I catch hold of his wrist with my free hand and twine my arm around his. We sip our drinks and look deep into each other’s eyes. I glance over to make sure Jen is getting all this. She is. She looks furious.

She comes over to us.

‘Hi, Craig,’ she says with the sweetest smile. She’s almost as good an actor as I am.

 

‘Hi, Jen,’ he replies without taking his eyes off mine.

‘Who’s your friend?’ says Jen.

‘Her name’s Andrea,’ he says. ‘She’s from Ballarat.’

‘You can say that again,’ says Jen, shooting me a very dirty look.

‘Huh?’ says Craig. ‘Do you two know each other?’

‘You could say that,’ says Jen.

I shrug.

‘Let’s dance,’ I say. I have to get him away before Jen blows it. I don’t want to let her off the hook too soon. I spent hours getting ready—plucking my eyebrows, getting the stupid wig to sit straight, not to mention stuffing my bra with those little white balls from the beanbag. I’m going to make her suffer a while longer.

I take Craig’s hand and lead him towards the dancefloor, but he doesn’t need any encouragement. Craig leaps into the centre of the room and starts going for it like he thinks he’s Michael Jackson.

He’s pulling every move in the book. Fist in the air. Leg splits. Pirouettes. Even moon-walking. Doesn’t this guy have any shame?

 

‘Come on,’ he says. ‘What are you waiting for? Get down! Woooh!’

The only move I’m capable of right at the moment is to shake my head in disbelief. But head-shaking is not exactly a snappy dance move. If I want to keep Craig interested then I’m going to have to get down and dirty—and pretty damn fast.

Trouble is I don’t know how.

I’ve never actually danced before.

I usually spend school socials on the sidelines laughing at everybody else trying to dance.

I don’t know the first thing about it.

And then it hits me.

I may not be good at dancing but I am an expert at copying. All I have to do is copy Craig and I’ll be fine.

He bends his knees and punches the air.

I follow. Simple enough.

He does a star-jump, a mid-air twist and then lands on his knees.

I do the same. Only I don’t land on my knees—I still haven’t got the hang of these high heels. I fall backwards onto my bum.

I hear cheering. A large group has formed around us. How embarrassing. I reckon the only person more embarrassed than me at this point must be Jen. But I can’t back out now.

 

I pick myself up off the floor.

Craig is on his knees. He’s leaning backwards, staring at the roof, shoulders pumping.

I have no choice but to do the same.

Only I throw in an extra touch of my own.

As I lean back I thrust my chest out and shake.

More cheers.

Craig is impressed.

He helps me up and then pulls me close to him.

‘I haven’t known you for very long, Andrea,’ he says, ‘but I feel a real connection to you.’

‘That’s nice,’ I say, trying to pull away from him.

I notice that my dancing has caused some of the beanbag balls to fall out of my bra. They are scattered around my feet.

Craig notices too.

‘I see you’ve brought some snow with you from Ballarat!’

I giggle girlishly. ‘Oh, Craig. You’re so funny. Would you excuse me while I freshen up?’

‘Sure,’ he says, frowning a little.

He releases his grip on me. I practically run to the toilets at the far end of the hall.

This will not only give me time to repack my bra, but more importantly, give him a bit of time to cool off.

I push open the door of the Mens.

‘Hey! You can’t go in there,’ says a teacher on duty.

Doh! I didn’t even think. I’m a girl now. I have to use the Ladies. No way. It must be crawling with girl germs.

I look behind me.

Craig is still standing in the middle of the dancefloor watching me.

I have to go in.

I push open the door. I’m almost knocked backwards by the smell of perfume and hair-spray.

A group of girls are all gathered around the mirror.

‘Did you see them?’ says one.

‘Who is that girl he’s with?’

‘I don’t know,’ says the first. ‘But did you see her dancing?!’

They all giggle.

‘Craig deserves better than that. He is so good.’

The door slams shut behind me.

They look up and go quiet.

I duck into the closest cubicle and lock the door.

I didn’t think I was that bad. They’re jealous, that’s all.

I take my top off and pull my bra straps back onto my shoulder.

More beanbag balls have fallen out of one side than the other. I have to balance them up. I may not be a real girl, but I have my pride.

I hear the group of girls whisper and giggle and then leave the room.

It’s safe to come out.

I’m at the basin washing my hands when Lisa Mackney walks in.

She looks even more beautiful than usual. She is so nice. I hope she doesn’t recognise me.

I stare down into the basin and pretend not to see her.

‘Hi,’ she says. ‘You’re new aren’t you? My name’s Lisa.’

‘Hi, Lisa,’ I say. ‘I’m Andrea.’

‘I know,’ she says. ‘Everybody’s talking about you.’

‘Oh?’ I say.

‘Yes,’ she says. ‘You’re a really . . . original dancer.’

‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘But it’s hard to dance badly when you’re with someone as good as Craig.’

Lisa puts her hand on my arm and lowers her voice.

You musn’t take this the wrong way,’ she says, ‘but just be careful. Craig’s got a . . . reputation. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.’

‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘But it’s okay. I can look after myself.’

Lisa smiles.

She is so beautiful. If there was one girl I could go out with in the whole school it would be her.

But she would never bother with anyone like me. Not dressed like this, anyway.

I become aware that I’m staring at her.

‘Are you okay?’ she says.

‘I’m fine,’ I say. ‘Just a bit dizzy from the dancing.’

‘You remind me of someone,’ she says, studying my face.

‘Oh really?’ I say, starting to panic.

‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘This boy I really like. His name is Andy.’

She’s blushing. My heart is pounding. Could it be? Nah. Of course not. Could it?

‘Andy?’ I say. ‘Does he have a sister called Jen?’

‘Yes!’ she says. ‘How do you know that?’

‘Friends of the family,’ I say.

‘Really!’ she says. ‘So you know Andy?’

‘Of course,’ I say. ‘He’s a really cool guy.’

‘Yes,’ says Lisa. ‘But he can be very immature at times.’

‘Oh!’ I say. ‘He strikes me as being very mature actually. And so good looking!’

‘Yes,’ says Lisa, sighing. ‘I was hoping he would be here tonight.’

‘Maybe he’ll be here later,’ I say.

I can’t believe what I’m hearing! If only I wasn’t dressed up like a girl I could ask her to dance. I have to get home and change before it’s too late.

Lisa shrugs. ‘Maybe.’

I dry my sweaty hands on a piece of paper towel.

‘I have to get back to the dance,’ I say. ‘It was nice to meet you.’

‘You too,’ she says. ‘I hope we can be really good friends.’

‘Me too,’ I say.

‘And remember what I said about Craig.’

‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘I’ll be careful.’

I pull open the door and go back out into the hall.

I can’t see Craig anywhere. Fantastic.

 

I just want to get home, get changed and get back as quickly as I can.

I’m heading towards the exit when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

‘Hey,’ says Craig. ‘Where are you going?’

‘I have to go home,’ I say.

‘But it’s so early,’ he says. ‘How about one more dance? You really set that floor alight, you know.’

Dancing with Craig is the last thing I want to do.

‘I’ve got a big day tomorrow,’ I say.

‘But it’s Saturday. You can sleep in.’

‘I have to wash my hair.’

‘Just one more,’ he begs.

I get the feeling it’s going to be quicker to have the dance than to argue.

‘One more,’ I say, ‘and then I really have to go.’

He leads me onto the floor. But this time he doesn’t go crazy. He puts his hands around my waist and tries to pull me towards him.

 

 

I try to pull away but he is strong.

The smell of his aftershave is making me feel sick as we shuffle around the floor.

As we pass the drinks table I catch Jen’s eye. Help me, I mouth silently. She winks at me. She’s enjoying this.

The song finishes.

I pull away from Craig.

‘I really have to go now,’ I say.

Danny comes up to me. He’s the last person I want to see.

‘May I have this dance?’ he asks.

‘In your dreams, buddy,’ says Craig, pushing him away and grabbing me around the waist. ‘This one’s mine.’

‘No, it’s not,’ I say, jerking out of his grasp.

For a moment Craig is stunned. He is not used to being rejected.

He grabs my shoulder.

I shrug his hand off.

‘Stop it!’ I say, turning towards the door.

He reaches out to pull me back. I’m quick. But not quick enough.

Craig grabs the back of my dress.

The dress rips right down to my waist, revealing my underpants.

I guess you’ve probably never had the experience of standing in your sister’s bra and your Action Man undies in front of the whole school.

 

If you have, then I feel very sorry for you. If you haven’t, then I don’t recommend it.

But my embarrassment doesn’t end there.

Without the dress to support it, my bra collapses.

The floor is awash with polystyrene balls.

I try to make a run for the door but I trip on my high heels.

Craig reaches forward to stop me falling. He grabs a handful of my hair. My wig comes off in his hand.

‘I knew it was you,’ says Danny. ‘I knew it all along.’

Craig looks at Danny.

Craig looks at me.

He looks at the wig in his hand.

I start to slide away on my back.

‘No hard feelings, Craig?’ I say. ‘Just a bit of fun.’

He throws the wig on the floor.

‘I’m going to punch your head in,’ he says.

Craig takes off his jacket and starts rolling up his sleeves as he walks towards me.

Jen runs forward. She grabs his arm.

‘Don’t do that,’ she says. ‘He’s not worth it! He’s just a kid. Come and have a drink.’

He looks at me. He looks at Jen. He looks back at me with such anger in his eyes that I wonder if he’ll ever get over it.

‘Come on,’ says Jen.

He turns and allows her to lead him away to the drinks table, his arm around her waist.

I think he’ll get over it.

‘I knew it was you,’ says Danny. ‘I wasn’t fooled for a second. I just asked you to dance for a laugh.’

I look up.

Lisa Mackney is looking down at me.

‘I can explain,’ I say.

‘Go ahead,’ she says.

‘Um . . . er . . . I . . . ah . . . um . . .’

‘You could always try telling the truth,’ she suggests.

She’s right. I never thought of that.

‘Um—the truth is that I’m very immature for my age.’

‘I know,’ she says. ‘And you know what else?’

‘What?’ I say.

‘You have terrible taste in underpants.’