Amanda moved around the kitchen, completely in her element and utterly content. Okay, mostly content. Content save the giant cloud of what the fuck was I thinking following her around the last few days. Content aside from wondering what the hell to do next or how to respond to the flirty texts Mel had taken to sending during the day.
Erin sniffed the air. “I love it when dinner is at your place.”
“Hey.” Jack’s and Julia’s protests came out in unison.
“You’re both amazing cooks, but Amanda cooks and bakes.” She put the emphasis on “and.”
Amanda pulled the pan of chicken picatta from the oven. “It’s not a competition.”
“It’s okay.” Jack wandered over and gestured to the pan. “I don’t mind losing to that.”
Julia nodded. “Yeah.”
Amanda brought the pan to the table out on the deck, then returned to the kitchen for the salad and roasted potatoes. “I don’t care who cooks. I love all our dinner parties.”
“Hear, hear.” Julia lifted her glass and everyone clinked a toast.
She’d lucked out in the friend department. An unlikely crew in a way, but they clicked and it just worked. At this point, there was nothing she didn’t share with them. Well, practically nothing. She remained undecided re the whole Mel situation. She wanted to. They’d tease her but come through with support and wisdom and maybe a knock upside the head. The problem was, telling them made it one hundred percent real. Once she confided, there would be no pretending it didn’t happen.
Not that Mel and her texts were letting her do much pretending. She should probably get it out there so she could process it and get on with her life. Because that’s what she wanted, right? To accept it for what it was and go back to life as usual. Why did the idea make her sad?
She shook off the question and the emotions and everything else. Maybe she’d try to get a handle on things first. She picked up the salad bowl and turned, almost running into Jack.
He narrowed his eyes and looked her up and down. “You had sex.”
“What?” Her reply pitched higher than she would have liked. She cleared her throat. “What?”
He pointed at her and moved his finger up and down to indicate the length of her. “You had sex with someone. I can tell.”
“What can you tell?” Erin appeared behind him as if on cue.
There went any notion of getting a handle on the situation. “Nothing.”
At the same time, Jack said, “Sex.”
“Wait, wait, wait. We can’t be discussing sex and nothing at the same time.” She lifted her chin at Amanda. “Unless it’s the fact that Jack and Julia are getting lots and you and I aren’t getting any.”
“What am I getting lots of?” Julia stepped into the kitchen behind Erin.
“Sex,” Jack and Erin said in unison.
Julia let out a contented sigh. “Yeah.”
Jack waved a hand. “This isn’t about your bliss. This is about Amanda having sex.”
“Amanda’s having sex?” Julia looked her way, a mixture of confusion and accusation in her eyes. “You’re having sex and you didn’t tell me?”
As an only child, she didn’t have a lot of experience being ganged up on, but that’s definitely what was happening. “I might have had sex. And I might be willing to discuss it. Can we sit down, though? Dinner’s ready.”
Her friends mumbled and exclaimed an assortment of questions and opinions, but they did as she asked. Amanda took her time refilling her wine glass. Not stalling, exactly, but okay, stalling. She’d waffled but was already relieved to have it out in the open. There’d be judgment, for sure, but maybe advice, too. Lord knew she could use some of that.
She took her seat, put some potatoes on her plate, then passed the bowl to Jack. He let out a dramatic sigh but took it from her. Dishes were passed and, when everyone had a full plate, Amanda took a long sip of wine. Yep, stalling.
“Well?” Erin asked.
All eyes fixed on her.
“I may have had a hookup.” Even saying the word hookup made her feel ridiculous.
“May have?” Julia asked. “I think that’s a pretty definitive yes or no kind of thing.”
“When?” Jack added.
“With whom?” Erin demanded.
No going back now. “Friday. In Rochester.” She closed her eyes. “With Mel.”
The entire table erupted in a cacophony of disbelief and demands for details. Amanda methodically cut a bite of chicken. She put it in her mouth and chewed slowly. Eventually, the questions and commentary died down. She was left with three people staring at her expectantly. She took another sip of wine.
“Well?” Erin asked again.
“Well.” Amanda set down her glass and launched in. Bella not coming and why. Having dinner. Cal wanting to stay with his sister. Drinks at the bar. Good conversation. More drinks. She got to the after drinks part, skimming over the more explicit details. Even the closest friendships had their boundaries. Or, maybe more accurately, she had her own boundaries when it came to kissing and telling.
“When I woke up and she was right there, naked, I just about had a heart attack. And then I had to put on my clothes from the night before and do the walk of shame back to my room.”
They stared at her, wide-eyed. No one spoke. Amanda took, not a sip, but a gulp of wine. At the rate she was going, she was going to be hammered before dessert.
“What did Mel say? The next morning, I mean. After.” Jack quirked a brow.
Amanda blew out a breath. “That it was amazing and we shouldn’t overthink it. Oh, and we should do it again.”
Jack let out a low whistle. “Yeah, she did. You’re so much hotter than Bella.”
Amanda waved the compliment away. “You’re biased.”
His finger wagged. “Oh, no. Don’t even think about going there with me. You’re gorgeous and she’s plastic.”
“Yeah,” Julia added, just as Erin said, “Exactly.”
“Well, it’s not like it matters one way or the other.” They weren’t in a competition. At least not anymore.
“No?” Erin asked.
“No.” Her answer held more conviction than she did.
Julia frowned. “But what does it mean? Or, I guess what I’m asking is, what do you want it to mean?”
Erin smacked her arm. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
Jack made a sweeping gesture with his hand. “Unless she wants it to mean something.”
“Agreed.” Erin nodded.
They all looked at her again.
“I don’t know what it means or what I want it to mean. That’s the problem.” She hadn’t thought about Mel in that way in so many years. Going from zero to sex in one night was enough to give her whiplash.
“Okay.” Erin’s voice held all the authority of a woman used to being in charge. “So, that leaves two questions.”
“Okay.” No authority on Amanda’s part. Just apprehension.
“One. Was it good?”
She looked around the table. Based on their faces, the question was clearly on everyone’s mind. No point in being anything but honest. “Yeah.”
There was a gasp. And maybe a squeal.
“What’s the second question?” Jack asked.
Erin’s smile was slow and full of mischief. She looked at Jack, then squarely at Amanda. “Are you going to do it again?”
God. She’d been so worried about what a terrible idea it was, she’d not given serious thought to repeating it. “No.”
Julia laced her fingers together and gave Amanda a look of concern. “Why not?”
“Because it’s a terrible idea.” Wasn’t it? And Mel might not have even meant it when she said she wanted to do it again. It was the sort of thing she’d say in the moment and not want to be held to later on, a lesson Amanda had learned the hard way.
Jack’s face softened. “I’m not necessarily disagreeing with you. God knows I am not a fan of Mel’s.”
“Thank you.” She didn’t need the vindication at this point, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy it.
“But.” He lifted a finger.
Sigh. There was always a but. “But?”
“Are you saying no on principle, because you feel like that’s what you’re supposed to do, or because you don’t want to do it again?”
Sometimes, it was a real pain in the ass to have insightful friends. Even if it kept her honest. “I don’t know.”
No teasing in Jack’s eyes this time, just understanding. “That’s what you have to figure out.”
“Right.” Moments like this reminded her how little practice she had focusing on what she wanted instead of what was best for everyone else.
Julia nodded. “Right.”
Erin shrugged, but then nodded as well. “Right.”
Amanda closed her eyes, grateful for her friends but so done with this conversation. She opened her eyes and looked around the table with purpose. “We should eat now.”
“You’ve had enough, haven’t you?” Erin asked with a grin.
“Yes, but the food’s going to get cold. You know how I feel about that. And I made cream puffs for dessert.”
Jack picked up his fork and made a point of piling a massive bite onto it. “Oh. Well, then.”
They made it through dinner, serving dessert, and pouring coffee without incident. Jack filled them in on the most recent foster kid he and Chris had been assigned. Julia asked about Cal’s graduation party and lamented losing him at the store when he started college in the fall. And Erin regaled them with her latest exploits in the wilds of dating. Now that Julia had fallen hard for Taylor, Erin was the only one of them actively on the market.
Of course, that somehow managed to turn the conversation back to her.
“So, are you back on the market?” Jack asked.
“What? No.” The thought of subjecting herself to that made her skin crawl.
“Maybe you should be,” Erin said with a wink.
“Julia, a little help here?” Surely, her misadventures before Taylor would make her an ally.
“I don’t know. I learned a lot. And I think there’s something to be said for getting back in the saddle. Keeps you on your toes and keeps all the parts working.”
Amanda pressed her fingers to her temples. “It’s not like I’ve been completely celibate.”
Jack folded his arms. Erin laced her hands together and set them on the table. Julia pressed her lips together and made a show of looking around.
“Oh, stop. It’s not that bad.”
No one moved. No one spoke.
“Okay, fine. I’ve maybe been neglecting it more than I haven’t. I’m busy. It’s simply not a priority.”
Still nothing.
She knew they were doing it on purpose but couldn’t seem to stop herself. “So, I should sleep with Mel again? Is that what you’re saying?”
“It doesn’t have to be Mel,” Erin said.
“It might be better if it isn’t,” Jack added.
Out of nowhere, Quinn’s face popped into her mind. Well, not exactly nowhere. She’d seen her the day before. And even if she knew she shouldn’t be thinking of her in that way, Amanda couldn’t seem to help it. She wasn’t quite ready to give her friends that fodder, especially given Erin’s teasing before their first meeting. “I’ll take it under advisement.”
“I could show you the app.” Julia lifted a shoulder and offered a perky smile.
She’d tried online dating briefly a couple of years after her divorce. It had been the single most demoralizing experience of her life. “No, thanks.”
“Come on.” Erin stuck her hands out. “Tanya met Kofi that way.”
She didn’t believe online dating never worked. She’d simply had enough traumatic experiences that it didn’t seem worth the risk to life and limb. Or ego. “I love you, but I’m a hard no.”
Julia smirked at the phrase, but then sighed. “I’d love to stay all night, but I should probably head home.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “You’d think she was the one with the kid.”
Amanda shook her head. “Don’t begrudge her the honeymoon phase.”
“Yeah.” Julia lifted her chin. “Don’t begrudge me.”
Amanda stood. “Go on. Get laid. At least one of us is.”
Erin got up, too. “You don’t get to say that when you’re rocking the ex with benefits.”
“What she said.” Jack stood and stretched.
“You three are a thorn in my side, but I love you.”
“Ditto.” Jack gave her a hug.
Erin and Julia echoed the sentiments and took turns giving her a squeeze. “I’ve got cream puffs for you to take home.”
“Of course you do.” Erin rubbed her hands together. “And I won’t even have to share mine.”
“There’s plenty for everyone,” she said.
She handed out the boxes she’d put together earlier and bid her friends a good night. She put on music and tried not to think too much about being on the market—for Mel or Quinn or anyone else, really. It wasn’t that she was too old. She simply wasn’t interested.
Even if her body had yet to stop humming. Even if she felt that perfect combination of sore and limber that only came with good sex. Even if it felt like she’d flipped a switch that had been in the off position for too long and she wasn’t sure she wanted to flip it back.
Between being kind of turned on and more than a little confused, her plan not to think failed miserably. But Cal and Daniella came home while she was still cleaning the kitchen, providing her favorite distraction of all. “What have you two been up to?”
Cal opened the fridge. “Dinner with M.”
She looked at him with amusement. “Did you not manage to eat dinner at dinner?”
Daniella rolled her eyes. “He ate plen—wait. Are those cream puffs?”
The next thing she knew, she and her kids were sitting around the table with a plate of pastry, talking about everything and nothing. With Daniella starting her summer job as a camp counselor in a couple of weeks, there wouldn’t be many more evenings like this, save holidays. Rather than dwelling, she reminded herself to enjoy it. The rest could be sorted out later.