DAY 20, 7:21 P.M.
Aboard the Tower Space Station
Vandemeer finds me. The door to my room scans open. He glances in cautiously. His eyes note the nyxian rings I’ve removed from my gym bag and placed safely on the dresser. After what happened, I’m afraid to touch them. As he enters the room, Defoe fills the entryway like a shadow.
“Emmett,” Vandemeer says quietly. “Are you all right?”
“Bad question.”
He nods. “You’re right. Bad question. We saw the vids.”
“They came for me,” I say. “They wanted to hurt me.”
Vandemeer sits at the edge of the bed. “We know. We saw.”
“Roathy?”
“He’s alive. Recovering.”
Relief floods through me. Two fears took over as I waited. First: I am at the mercy of a dark power I don’t understand. Second: I am leaving a trail of destruction behind as I make my way to Eden. First Kaya and now Roathy. Vandemeer’s words remove one of those fears. I point to the six nyxian rings on my dresser.
“It manipulated me.” I throw a dark glare at Defoe. “You have no idea what this stuff is, do you? You’re treating it like a Lego set, but you don’t have a clue.”
When I got back to my room, it wasn’t hard to figure out what had happened. The nyxia saved me. It wasn’t just an extension of my desires. It took control. It acted like a living, breathing being. The most frightening part is that this living, breathing being felt a lot bigger than I am.
I’ve felt helpless before. In school and at home, I’ve felt what it’s like to be powerless, and I can tell the difference between that and this. With this, the nyxia took what little I call my own and did what it wanted. I know it saved my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough to think it’s a good thing. You should never give something that much control over you.
“It can be conquered,” Defoe says with confidence. “We’ve had episodes such as yours. People have found themselves in the grip of the substance. We know the risks and have tested it extensively. It was my understanding that you cared about honoring Kaya’s memory and being one of the competitors chosen to go to Eden. Above all else. Is that no longer the case?”
“Stop using her like that,” I snap. “She’s more than that.”
Defoe shrugs. “Should I fetch the paperwork for your dismissal, then?”
“No,” I say quickly. I hate how quickly. “No. I don’t want to go home.”
“Are you certain?”
“Yes.” He turns to leave, but I’m not finished. “What’s their punishment?”
Defoe turns slowly, a sleek eyebrow raised. “Punishment?”
“I had points docked after what happened. I got Kaya killed. Aren’t there punishments for attempted murder? You saw what they wanted to do.”
His lips curve into a feral smile. “I’ll fetch the sword for you. The same one I gave you for Dr. Karpinski’s sentence. We’ll make a grand ceremony of the trial, but only if you’re willing to swing the sword.”
I don’t know if he’s serious, but I shake my head. It’s only when Vandemeer heaves a relieved sigh that I realize how long it took me to answer the question. My hesitation pleases Defoe. Whatever he wants to carve me into, I’m closer than ever.
“Rest assured, they won’t try anything like this again. The situation has been explained to each of them. Neither of them will risk the consequences again. You have my word.”
Defoe shades out of the room and Vandemeer and I are left alone. He deliberately switches his watch off. “You know, I almost resigned.”
I glance over. “What?”
“After Kaya died. After I found out about the Adamite. I was going to quit.”
“Why didn’t you?”
His eyes soften. “You. I don’t trust Babel anymore, but I couldn’t leave you, Emmett. It will be safer if we can get you away from them. If we can get you to Eden.”
For a while, we don’t say anything. I lean back and close my eyes, but Vandemeer doesn’t leave the room. He sits and reads beside my bed, like he knows I don’t want to be alone.
He eventually says, “I’m glad you said no.”
“I’m not.”
“One day, you will be.” Vandemeer’s voice is as quiet as a bedtime story. “You will be glad that you are not like them. You’ll be glad that you showed mercy to those who did not deserve it. Watching you gives me hope. If we are to send representatives down to a new world, they should not be people without mercy. Babel chose you because you’re poor. They thought you would be easy to manipulate. Twice you’ve proven them wrong. Twice you’ve set the sword aside when they’ve asked you to swing it. When you look back, it won’t be mercy that you regret.”
He leaves the room, but my body’s not ready for sleep. There’s too much momentum in my thoughts to slow anything else down. I’m thinking about my call home. I’m thinking about how close my brush with danger really was. I’m thinking about Babel and all their secrets. My thoughts eventually drift back to the scoreboard. The numbers get clearer and clearer every day. Unless I change something, I’ll be on Babel’s first ship back home. A failed castaway with pockets just big enough for the consolation prize.
It has me realizing these could be my last nights with Azima, or Bilal, or Katsu. If I don’t make the final cut, when will I ever see them again? Maybe back on Earth? For some reason, it’s hard to imagine our crew getting together for a ten-year reunion. If I do fail, this week will be the final pages of an unforgettable chapter of my life. But I know I’m not ready for it to end.
My feet carry me out of the room. It’s night, so the lights are dim and the stars are bright and the halls are empty. I move through the quiet until I’m standing in front of her door. I knock twice and wait there awkwardly. I’m not even sure how late it is or if she’s awake or…
The door opens.
Morning’s in a black tank top and sweats. Her dark hair hangs down past her shoulders. She looks up at me like she’s trying to figure out why it took me so long.
“This is a bad idea.”
She nods. “The worst.”
Before all the reasons not to can bully their way between us, I cross the distance and pull her into a kiss. Her arms snake around my neck and I have her off her feet. I almost miss the bed as I set her down, as gravity presses my lips against hers, as she fumbles my shirt up over my back. Our kiss breaks for the second it takes my shirt to hit the floor. There’s an understanding as we crash back into each other. This might be our only time together. This might be as much of an end as it is a beginning. The weight of that truth makes every touch and every kiss more than collisions. We steal eternities from each passing second. Our hands and our lips craft memories big enough for both worlds. Eden or Earth, I know I’ll carry all of this with me wherever I go.
For the first time, it doesn’t matter that we don’t know what happens next.
It’s enough to crash into something new, something beautiful.