Anthony thinks I’m joking. He throws back his head and laughs. (Even his laugh is bullshit.)
The truth is I didn’t really mean it. I just wanted to say something that would irritate him but still sound like an answer. Joining the Army just sort of popped into my head. I knew he’d hate it. He likes to think of himself as a pacifist. Actually, he’s just too lazy to fight for anything.
But now that I’ve said it, I realize it’s not a bad idea. It’d be a regular paycheck. And it would make Dad happy. He likes the military. He was in the Navy for twenty years until he retired and took a job as a commissionaire.
I can always play in a band in my spare time.
“I’m not kidding,” I say. “I’m signing up next week.” I use my baby finger to pick some food out from between my molars. That’s how much Anthony’s opinion means to me.
His chair slams back onto the floor.
“The Army!” He makes it sound like I’m joining the circus—though knowing Anthony, he’d probably think that was perfectly fine. (Just what we need. Another freak in the family.)
I shrug. “Yeah, the Army.”
He stretches out the fingers on his right hand and turns to Mom. “Maura!” he says. He’s too lazy to even fight his own battles.
I’m loving this. He’s so helpless— he’s so hopeless. Anthony’s big problem is that he thinks he’s so frigging gorgeous he should rule the world. He’s obviously watched too many Disney cartoons. That’s the only place they make you prince just because you’re pretty.
I make sure there’s no smile showing on my face and then I turn and look at Mom too.
She’s fussing with her collar and her eyes have gone all teary again.
Damn.
I didn’t mean to upset her.
Marlon says, “Paddy’s joining the Army? Yay!”
Mom says, “Quiet, Marlon, please,” but he jumps off her knee and starts racing around the table pretending to shoot everyone.
“Bang! Bang! Bang! You’re dead!”
Anthony looks at me. “Is that what you want to do? Kill people? Huh? Or maybe you’d prefer to get killed?”
Olivia stops braiding Tara’s hair. She looks at me. Her bottom lip starts to quiver. Then she bursts into tears. “I don’t want Paddy to die!”
Anthony puts on this fake smile. “Good work,” he says to me. “Look what you did to your little sister…” Olivia runs into his arms, sobbing.
I turn to look at Tara. I’m sort of hoping she’ll be laughing at this. I mean, it’s so ridiculous. What else can you do?
Tara’s got three scraggly braids on the side of her head. Her arms are crossed so tight that her collarbones are all sticking out and webbed with skin. They make me think of a bat’s wing. She’s not laughing.
She’s mad at me too.