EDNA asked for a fight again this afternoon. She came up to me when Sister was out of the rec and twisted my arm around my back before I knew she was behind me. She shoved me into a book case so it looked like we were just talking.
“You think you’re so smart,” she said. “Don’t you?” I didn’t say anything. I was trying to keep my eyes from getting tears. She was hurting me, and I was really scared. She’s a lot bigger than me. She’s in grade six too, but she’s fourteen. She failed two grades.
“I think you’re chicken,” she said. When someone says that it means they want to fight. I didn’t move.
“You blue eyes,” she sneered. “You dirty sha-mah. How does it feel to look like a white?”Sometimes I look out the dorm window at the Tomas River and I wish I could hide under the water and never come out. I look at the stars at night and wish I could travel a million miles into outer space and never come back.
I would like to punch Edna in the stomach even if she beat me up. But I couldn’t stand it if the girls took her side and crowded around me and called me that awful name.
A couple of grade eight girls from her hometown came running over asking what the matter was. Edna let me go and whispered something in their ears. They looked at me and ran away laughing, making noises like a chicken.
I stood there staring at the wall for a minute, rubbing my arm. It was red where she twisted it. Then I went into the lavatory to wash my face. I’m not allowed to drink anything after five o’clock. Sometimes even the water in the toilet tank looks tempting.
When we were junior girls we used to have gangs. There was one from Williams Lake, Prince George, Kamloops, even one from Firefly. The girls in a gang stuck up for each other. They got mad at girls from other towns. They said, what are you staring at, or liar liar pants on fire. The gang from Chase was the toughest. Sometimes when Sister was out of the rec they used to fight with other gangs. They used to roll on the floor with everybody cheering. When the lookout girl said, “Sister’s coming,” everybody would jump up and pretend nothing happened, because the worst thing you can be in this school is a snitch. You don’t ever tell on anyone here.