I KEEP thinking about my dream of St. Joseph. You can tell he likes children. He understands about things. Like what Sister told us about devils dragging us into hell if we sin.
During the day I’m not afraid of devils but at night when the lights go out an awful thing happens. I feel like I’m falling into a huge black hole where the devils are waiting, laughing. They are really horrible. Big. I feel sweat on my face but I’m cold. I take tiny breaths so they won’t hear me. They stay under my bed all night waiting for me to make a mistake or breathe too loud. I stay awake sometimes until it starts getting light outside.
After I saw St. Joseph I felt like someone was looking out for me. I was still scared of the devils but I got up anyway and tiptoed to the bathroom really quiet. I kept hearing creaks behind me but I wouldn’t look. The hair at the back of my head prickled. When I got to the bathroom I switched the light on really fast. It took me along time to go back to bed because I was scared to turn off the bathroom light again.
I’m still scared of the devils. I still can’t sleep for a long time at night or let my hands or feet go over the edge of the bed, but at least now my bed is dry.
Sister told us about sin in catechism class. She said we sin when we lie or cheat or steal or skip Mass on Sunday, eat meat on Friday, kill, or curse, or argue, or call names, or even think bad thoughts. She said everybody sins every day, at least seven times. If we die without confessing small sins, then we will go to purgatory. If we die in a state of mortal sin we go to hell. You can pray people out of purgatory but never out of hell.
But what about Sister? She’s not nice. I don’t think St. Joseph liked it that I was so angry at Sister. He said Sisters are poor things sometimes too. He said to keep my eyes on my own heart. What a funny thing to say.
Once I stole a pair of socks from Edna. Somebody stole my socks and I think it was her because she hates me. She holds her fist up to my nose all the time. Edna told Sister Theo that I stole her socks but Sister didn’t believe her.
We have to wash our socks every night before we go to bed and hang them on the iron bar above our pillows beside our towels and facecloths. Next morning my socks were gone, and there was an ugly pair there instead. Somebody usually steals my comb and my toothpaste, probably Edna. Then I have to borrow a comb and brush my teeth with baking soda. It tastes ugly. Sometimes Cookie and I get so hungry at night we eat her toothpaste. It tastes like peppermint candy.