ADDIE OPENED HER eyes to the fading darkness and the glow of her phone screen. Curiosity wasn’t going to let her roll over and go back to sleep. Neither would the memories of last night. Burying her face in the pillow, she groaned in frustration. Had Marcus managed to sleep any better than she had?
Her phone’s ding signaled a text. She reached out and turned the phone toward her. DJ’s text made her heart trip.
Headed to the hospital. It’s baby time!
He’d sent it to them all, and just like her, her siblings were now awake. The responses came quick and predictable.
Drive careful.
From Wyatt.
Yippee!
From Tara.
No more sleep for you.
From Mandy. Jason was in LA, so Addie didn’t expect a response from him yet. They would expect one from her.
Her mind was blank, and she tried to blame it on still being half-asleep. She stared at the phone. Memories of another long-ago night tried to crowd in. Memories she’d worked so hard to pack away.
Addie typed, Keep us posted.
She added one of those happy-face emoji symbols that represented something she didn’t really feel. Was it easier to fake emotions or lie nowadays?
She’d just put her phone on the nightstand when another soft ding sounded. Jason had sent a whole string of smiley faces. That was all. It was enough.
DJ and Tammie had decided to come to Austin to have the baby. It was a smart decision. Haskins Corners had a small hospital, but if there were any complications, they’d send Tammie here. DJ wouldn’t even consider taking any risks.
After a couple of more dings, Addie gave up. They’d be chatting all day now. Sunlight was peeping over the horizon, and sleep wouldn’t return. She knew that.
The same had happened when Mandy had had Lucas. The phone calls and texts. The waiting. The baby plans.
The painful reminders.
Lack of sleep made the barriers she’d erected weak, brought the should-haves back.
Slowly, Addie padded over to the closet and pulled down the lone box on the top shelf. This was probably a bad idea. But she needed to face the sadness. Needed to remember for just a few minutes, so she could close it all up again.
She couldn’t afford to be blindsided later.
This box wasn’t make-believe. It was painfully real. The pale blue box was as pristine as the day she’d bought it. She’d touched it so few times. The old card shop in Haskins Corners where she’d bought it was long gone now, but the price sticker with their name was still on the bottom. She carefully lifted the lid.
Cal’s face startled her, as it always did. She gasped. He stared at her, that broad smile and sparkling eyes so real in the picture. It captured exactly who he’d been.
She moved the picture and all the other memorabilia of their summers together. Movie tickets. Carnival trinkets. The memorial folder from his funeral was the worse for wear. Tear stained and crumpled from her sweaty hands.
Then, there on the bottom, were the two things she’d been seeking. A folded piece of paper and the hospital band.
She touched the white plastic band she’d cut off her arm when she’d gotten home. The final thing she’d done that severed all the ties.
Then she reached for the paper. She wasn’t supposed to have it, but it was only a copy. The original birth certificate was sealed in a court file somewhere.
The paper crackled loudly as she unfolded it. Baby Boy Hawkins. Date and time, weight and length. Below that in some stranger’s precise handwriting—Mother: Addie Elaina Hawkins. Father: Calvin Michael Ferguson.
Time vanished as she read it over and over again. She blinked hard to chase away the hurt of losing Cal and of his never knowing, of the goodbyes she’d never really gotten to say.
For a brief instant, she let herself think about the what-ifs, the maybes, the should-haves. Finally, she whispered the word she’d never really said. “Goodbye.”
Addie knew she’d done the right thing when she’d signed the final adoption papers. That part had never hurt. Too much else had.
Hadn’t Marcus mentioned that Ryan was adopted? That Carolyn hadn’t been able to conceive? The small comfort that came with knowing her baby had given something—to a couple like Carolyn and Marcus—to another couple somewhere helped. A little.
Suddenly, she missed Marcus. Missed the comfort his company gave her.
Carefully, Addie put everything away as it had been and slid the box into its spot on the shelf. She wiped the tears away and took a deep breath. It still hurt like hell, but it didn’t destroy her anymore.
Something felt different this time. Instead of the image of Cal’s face clinging to her thoughts, she saw Marcus’s face smiling at her. Dare she look to a future?
Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Addie squared her shoulders, and just like every other time before, she closed the closet door, and shut it all away.
People were counting on her, and she had to give them her best. DJ and Tammie were expecting the happy, doting aunt. And their new little one deserved that. The kids at school expected the principal to have her act together. The end of the school year was approaching. So much going on. They deserved a proper send-off to the rest of their lives.
And, damn it—that was what she was going to give them.
* * *
IT WAS NEARLY noon before Addie’s phone rang. She’d just sat at the table in the teachers’ lounge with a sandwich and a soda. “Hello?” she anxiously answered.
“Ad. She’s here. She’s perfect,” her brother DJ, the former marine, and one of the toughest guys she’d ever known, whispered in awe over the phone.
She laughed despite the sharp pain in her chest. “Of course, she is.” The thought of a little girl in the family made the pain not quite so sharp. “She’s a Hawkins.”
That made him laugh. “Rachel Ann Hawkins to be precise.” His pride came loud and clear through the phone. “She’s going to rule the world.”
“I’ll remind you that you said that when she’s about fifteen. How’s Tammie? And Tyler?” Everyone was fine, and the details he shared helped them both focus on the less emotional piece of a brand-new baby coming into the world.
“Are you coming to see her?” he asked.
“I— When are you heading home?”
“Tomorrow. Since we’re so far out in the country, the doc wants to make sure everyone’s perfect before we leave. Tara and Mandy are here. Wyatt’s on his way in.” Other than Jason and his wife, who were in Los Angeles, everyone was there. They expected her there, too.
She swallowed. She could do this. She had to do this. “I’ll come after work, then. And DJ, congrats. You’re a wonderful dad.”
Last night’s memories of their father came back. She couldn’t wait to share the wand with her siblings. She’d show them once everyone was settled, and Rachel Ann had finished with her time in the spotlight.
An hour later, her phone rang again, and Addie jumped. She wasn’t expecting Marcus to call. Really, she wasn’t. When it was Tara’s number on the screen, she nearly panicked. Was something wrong?
“Nothing’s wrong, Addie,” Tara said before she could even ask. “But we’ve been sitting here talking.”
“We?” She was obviously at the hospital. Addie could hear familiar voices in the background.
“Yeah. Since we’ve got everyone here, and Jason and Lauren are coming in this weekend—”
“They are?”
“Yeah. Don’t you read your texts?”
“Not during school. Not exactly a good example for the principal to break the rules.”
“Oh, yeah. I guess that makes sense.” She paused to explain the delay in Addie’s response to the others. “Well, we didn’t get to the baby shower since little Miss Cute Britches here came nearly two weeks early. So, we thought we’d do a shower this weekend.”
“Little miss what?”
“You heard me. We thought we’d kill several birds with one stone. The guys want to go to a horse auction on Saturday, and Mandy needs to start dress shopping. So, we thought we’d have the shower, too.”
Suspicion crept into Addie’s mind. “Okay...” She waited for the rest. There was definitely more. “What?”
“Well, we were thinking we could have it at your place.”
Her place? What if Marcus came back? What if he wanted her and she had a house full of family? What if he didn’t come back? He hadn’t said he’d come back. Addie leaned her forehead on her palm. She was losing her mind.
“Addie, are you okay?” Tara’s voice was filled with concern. “I should have thought. Have you recovered from being so sick? I didn’t think—”
“No. No, I’m fine.” Addie shook herself out of her own thoughts. “I was just distracted. Of course, you can have it at my place. Sounds like fun.”
If Marcus came by, she’d just explain he was a neighbor. If he didn’t? Well, this would distract her. Besides, she reminded herself, his parents were visiting. Weren’t they from Chicago? They’d be here longer than a day or two. Wouldn’t they? She knew so little about him, really. And yet, in her kitchen with her legs wrapped around his waist, she hadn’t thought about any of that. She’d just wanted to—
“Addie? Did you hear anything I just said?”
“Sorry. Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ll come by the hospital when I get out of here. We can talk then.”
“Okay.”
Her sister didn’t sound convinced. She’d have to show her she was fine. “I’ve got to see my new niece, too.” And she’d have to make sure Marcus stayed out of her head. The man was just too distracting.
The fact that her phone didn’t ring the rest of the day was a plus. Wasn’t it?
* * *
“YOU LOOK LIKE you pulled an all-nighter, Professor,” Mitch, the thorn in Marcus’s side, said from the third row.
“Still made it to class on time, though.” The class laughed, and Marcus watched a couple of the boy’s buddies nudge him. Mitch had been late for class again, and unfortunately, it was going to cost him a grade. Too bad. He was a smart student.
“Okay, let’s get started. We’ve got a lot to get through today. Mitch, since you’re so happy to be here, let’s start with you.”
The boy groaned, but managed to give his presentation. Marcus’s head was already pounding, and the monotone voice nearly put him to sleep. And this was just the beginning.
Two hours later, the last presentation for the day was up. It was Natalie, the girl who’d asked to write about fashion. Mitch snickered, and Marcus already gave her points for having to put up with him. “Go ahead, Natalie. Mitch, unless you’ve got something to add?”
“No, sir.” The boy sank down in his seat, not so much chastised as to show he wasn’t interested. At this point, Marcus’s head felt like it was going to split in two and he was struggling to stay awake. He wanted this finished, and the longer Mitch delayed her getting started, the worse it felt.
“My presentation is on the fashions of Vietnam, and America. I focused on one specific area, where the two collided. The black market and how clothing contributed to the atmosphere of protests, both here and in Vietnam.”
Natalie surprised Marcus, and most of the class, all except Mitch, but he didn’t really care anyway. Her presentation was fast-paced, interesting and unique. She showed slides of teens in Vietnam wearing American clothing that had been outlawed. She showed photos of the protests all over the United States, similar clothing worn for similar protests.
Her final slide was of a young girl on a motor scooter, also outlawed at the time. Youth. Protests. Fashion.
As he looked at the photo, something about it looked familiar. Just like in Addie’s kitchen last night, when he’d noticed the chair spindles and recognized the similarity to the wand, this picture sparked something in his memory. He was too tired to put the pieces together.
“And that, people, is how you get an A in this class. You might take note, Mitch.” Marcus walked to the front of the classroom. “The rest of you be ready to present next class. And those of you who’ve already presented, remember you owe your classmates an audience. Automatic point deduction for any absence.”
They all groaned, which he ignored. The rules had been laid out early in the semester. This wasn’t news to any of them.
“Natalie, can I have a minute of your time?”
“Uh...sure.” She retraced her steps. “Is something wrong?”
“Not at all. You did a great job. I’m not kidding about the A. I’m curious about that last picture. I assume you credited your source in the paperwork you turned in?” Maybe if he looked at that, he’d figure out what the nagging in his brain was.
“I did. Just like the example you gave us. I sent it to your email.”
“I got it, thanks. I just—” She was probably the last person he should talk to about this. “It just rang a bell, but I can’t remember why it looks familiar.”
“I checked the book out from the university library. Maybe you saw it before.”
“Maybe that’s it.” He had read nearly every book on Vietnam that was out there. That was probably it. “Thanks, Natalie.” He smiled at her, and she followed her classmates out the door. She stopped just before leaving, and waved at him.
Maybe she was right, and he’d simply seen the image in a book before. Why, then, didn’t he think that was the case? Maybe he just needed to get some sleep.
* * *
WITHOUT KNOCKING, OR ASKING, Lindy came into Addie’s office and plopped into one of the chairs. Addie didn’t look up immediately. For one, the task she’d been trying to focus on for nearly an hour was not cooperating, and two, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know why Lindy was here.
“You can’t ignore me forever,” Lindy said.
“Yes, I can.” She finally looked up at her friend and sighed. “What’s up?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing.” Lindy had a grin on her face that made Addie think twice about telling her anything. “Is there anything you want to share with me?” She wiggled her eyebrows in an exaggerated gesture.
Addie wasn’t falling for that trick. It worked only after she’d had a glass of wine—or two. “Uh, let me see? I have a new niece. Tammie and DJ had their baby yesterday.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” Lindy actually looked disappointed.
“Then what do you mean?”
“Oh, I dunno.” Lindy rolled her eyes. “There are some interesting rumors circulating out there.” She tilted her head toward the halls. “Very interesting, indeed.”
“Rumors about what?”
“About you.” Lindy’s grin widened. “And a certain new student’s hunky dad.”
Addie groaned and looked at the paperwork she’d been struggling with. She barely resisted the urge to cover her face with her hands. When she finally leaned back in her chair, and met Lindy’s gaze, a shiver of panic shot through her. “How bad?” she whispered. Was she going to hear from the school board soon? Sweat filled her palms and snaked down her spine.
Lindy laughed. “Oh, nothing to panic over. Just enough to make me curious—and wonder why you aren’t sharing details with your best friend. So, come on. Give.”
“Shh...” Addie shot to her feet and quickly closed the door. “There’s nothing to tell. Not...really.” Memories of Marcus’s late-night visit to her house, after his parents interrupted them, weren’t that big of a deal. The heat in her cheeks made a liar out of her.
“Ha! There’s something behind that blush. Come on. I deserve details after I practically set you two up at the dance.”
“You didn’t set us up.” Maybe she’d made it easier for Addie and Marcus to connect, but it wasn’t a setup.
“So, my spending the rest of the evening with Jack Wilson didn’t do you any good?” There wasn’t a drop of regret in Lindy’s voice, and Addie looked more closely at her friend.
“I didn’t say that.” She didn’t want Lindy to think she didn’t appreciate her effort.
“I knew it. You two did hook up!”
“We didn’t...hook up.” She hated that term. It sounded so...sordid. And what she and Marcus had wasn’t sordid at all, it was sweet...and wonderful...and like nothing she’d ever felt before.
“Yoo-hoo.” Lindy snapped her fingers in front of Addie’s face. “Where’d you drift off to?”
Addie might have been irritated by Lindy’s grin, if she didn’t know she was right. “Stop it.” She returned to looking at the scattered pages of what had been one of the teacher’s end-of-year review. Right now she couldn’t even remember whose. She pulled the papers together, hoping the action would distract Lindy—and herself.
Once she’d set the straightened stack, she looked up into Lindy’s grin.
“Oh, you are in so much trouble.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t even know how far you’ve fallen.” Lindy laughed. “Not a clue.” She rubbed her hands together in mock glee. “This is going to be such fun.”
“Cut it out.” Addie gathered the file folders and continued straightening her already-organized desk. Whom was she trying to distract? Lindy or herself?
Lindy hopped to her feet, hopefully realizing she wasn’t going to get any more information out of Addie. “Okay, but either you tell me, or I’ll have to rely on the grapevine to get my gossip.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“If you say so.” Lindy stopped at the doorway. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Was that laughter Addie heard coming back through the open door? She hated when Lindy was right.
* * *
BY SATURDAY AFTERNOON, Addie was exhausted. One night of little sleep had turned into two, then three. She kept waiting for the phone to ring. When it didn’t, she debated about calling Marcus.
But his parents were still there, a fact she’d learned from Ryan when she’d seen him at school yesterday. She’d wait until they were gone.
When Saturday came, Girls’ Night turned into Girls’ Day. Mandy needed a wedding dress and bridesmaids’ dresses—and a million other things. And everyone wanted to play with little Rachel Ann and Lucas.
No baby shower had ever been done quite like this.
Addie stared at her not-as-big-as-she’d-like living room. Mandy was setting up chairs while Lucas snoozed on his favorite blanket in the spare bedroom. Tara was in the kitchen putting the final touches on enough food to feed the entire ranch, and Tammie snuggled in the big recliner with the baby in her arms.
Looking at Tammie, and the cozy mama-baby scene, Addie spun around and went to help Tara. She could take only so much. “Do we have enough?” She looked at her dining room table, her sarcasm strong as she feared it might buckle under the weight.
“Very funny,” Tara said from the stove. “This was a brilliant idea.”
“What? The party or the food?”
“Both. Combining everything. Today’s been a blast.”
“And waiting until after the kids are born to party, so we can all drink,” Tammie said from the other room.
“Yes,” Lauren signed before reaching for the Riesling and shoving the corkscrew into the cork. “Great idea.” They were all learning sign language, but it was a slow process.
Thankfully, Lauren was patient, and a pro at reading lips. Her sense of humor fit right in with the rest of them.
The only one missing was Emily, who’d had a last-minute call from the court house. Being a judge in family court was a career she loved, but it occupied a lot of her time.
She’d called Mandy when they were leaving the dress shop, and swore she’d be here in time for the food. She’d just called to say she was on her way. It sounded like she’d be ready for a drink when she got here.
Finally, the food was all set, the wine poured and, other than Emily, everyone had a seat in the living room. No silly games at this shower. Tonight was about serious escape.
And opening presents. At least that part Addie looked forward to. Her siblings loved the noise-making toys she was famous for giving.
Emily came barreling in just then. “Sorry. I’d have been here sooner, but traffic sucked.”
“I’ll get you a glass of wine,” Tara offered and headed to the kitchen.
“Uh, no thanks. I’ll just take water or a soda, no caffeine, please.”
Every woman in the room did a double take and stared at her. Frazzled Emily always needed a glass of wine.
She blushed. “I guess what you guys have is contagious.” She shrugged and beamed at them all. Though Emily slowly signed for Lauren, she didn’t really need to. Lauren’s expression showed she understood and was as happy as the rest of them that another baby was on the way.
Addie stared at the women of her family. The children of her brothers and sisters were all here, except for Tyler, who’d decided to go to the auction with the men, much to DJ’s delight. He hadn’t wanted anything to do with “girl or baby stuff.”
Addie almost wished she had gone to the auction, too. Thankfully, the wine helped. She took a gulp, washing down the emotions she didn’t dare acknowledge right now. In the kitchen a short while later, she couldn’t stop her thoughts from turning to Marcus and the events of the other night.
The old chair from Mom’s house was still in the corner. She still hadn’t told anyone about the wooden wand. And now didn’t seem the time—especially when she recalled what had almost happened between her and Marcus. She wasn’t sure she could hide her emotions.
With the way the women in her family were procreating, there was no way the fates would have let her off the hook for not using protection.
“What are you thinking about?” Mandy asked, looking up from filling her plate.
Addie blushed and shook her head. She was close to her sisters, but she wasn’t sharing. “I’ll tell you later,” she said, deciding she’d share the information about the wand instead.
The sound of running footsteps startled her. She looked out the front picture window just in time to see Ryan racing up the steps. She almost beat the doorbell.
“Ryan, what’s the matter?” He sucked in breath, and his face was flushed red from running.
“Dad. And Grandpa.” He panted.
“Where’s your grandmother?”
“She—” He tried to catch his breath. “Went to get her nails done.” He panted some more. “I think they’re gonna kill each other!”