ADDIE DIDN’T WANT to feel the grief anymore, and she certainly didn’t want Marcus to feel it, either. She pulled away from him, turning to look into his eyes. She wished she could see him better. The moonlight was dim.
“I loved someone. Once. A very long time ago.”
“What happened?” he whispered.
She held her breath. For so long, everyone she knew had known about Cal. She hadn’t had to explain. She hadn’t had to speak about him, about the events, or the pain.
She didn’t even know what to say now, but somehow the words began. She glanced at him, gauging his reaction. “Cal Ferguson was my boyfriend in high school. I thought he was the one.” She paused. She still did sometimes. She still loved that boy. Her heart hurt thinking about him.
“He was Dutch and Elizabeth’s only child. The couple I introduced you to earlier? He was a bit spoiled, I think. He got everything he wanted. Which, since his dad was the sheriff, pretty much gave him star status.”
Marcus rubbed her shoulders. She nearly purred it felt so good to let him take the tension away.
“I came out here to spend the summer on the ranch. And being the new girl—let’s say it was a fun summer. Wyatt and Granddad had a heck of a time.”
He laughed and kept massaging her shoulders. “Sounds like a lot of fun.”
“It was.” It had been the best summer of her life. “It’s the only time in my life where I focused on what I wanted. What I needed. I had that one summer of wildness.”
She couldn’t hold back the hiccup of her tears. The massaging hands moved around her and pulled her up against him again. She let him comfort her.
“Cal was wild. Living on the edge. That day...we...we were all down here at the river. Someone had smuggled some beer in a cooler, and he was pretty drunk.” She sobbed. “We were barely seventeen.”
“You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay,” Marcus whispered.
“I need to.” As much to rid her soul of the pain, as to make sure this man who’d become more than just a neighbor or a friend knew exactly what he was getting into. She hadn’t said the words aloud, barely even thought them in years.
“This used to be where we swam. All summer long.” Addie’s voice broke.
“Used to?” he asked.
She took a couple of steps, moving more carefully down the bluff this time. Now she stepped out in front of him, dipping her bare toes into the gentle current. “I haven’t been here since...” She tilted her head back and stared at the sky. “Since Cal drowned.”
Several minutes ticked by, the rush of the water filling the void.
“That’s why Elizabeth says water’s evil.” Realization dawned on his face and in his voice. His arms tightened for an instant. “I’m so sorry, Addie.” And she could tell he really was sorry, he felt for her. “So sorry.”
She nodded, letting the rough fabric of his shirt against her cheek comfort her.
“Elizabeth never recovered from that night. I think I’ll always hear her screams when Dutch told her.” Why she’d been with him, she didn’t remember. She didn’t remember much else of that night beyond the pain and screams. She’d wondered if any of those screams had been hers.
Slowly, cautiously, Addie turned to face Marcus. “When Emily asked you tonight about why you left Chicago, I saw it.”
“Saw what?”
“That flash of pain. That grief that I feel, that follows me everywhere. I hated that you have that, too.”
He nodded, and she saw the darkness creep into his gaze. She wanted to scream and chase it away. “I don’t want them to be between us.”
“Are they?” He pushed her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her curls.
“I feel like something is.” She leaned her cheek into his hand, loving the warmth of his touch. “For so long, I was afraid to see anyone. Everyone kept warning me about rebounding.” She looked down. “I don’t want to be your rebound.”
Even in the darkness, she could see his throat move as he swallowed. He didn’t look away. “I never planned to find someone new,” he said softly. “For a long time, I felt guilty even thinking about being with someone else.”
“Me, too. I felt like I was betraying him. Betraying what we had.”
Marcus nodded. “But if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t want Carolyn to live the majority of her life alone. Cal wouldn’t expect that of you, would he?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. We were too young to think about forever and death. We were invincible then.”
“Carolyn and I never talked about it until she got sick. It doesn’t usually come up.” He shrugged.
She looked at him then, and he saw fresh tears in her eyes. “I—” She stopped. She’d never told anyone what was on the tip of her tongue.
“You can tell me. What?” he asked gently.
Addie bit her lip, as if that would keep the words inside. She couldn’t ignore the shame. “Looking back...” Deep breath. She focused on the button of his shirt. “I don’t even know if we’d have been together forever if he’d lived.” She rushed her words. Another deep breath.
There, it was out there. She couldn’t control what he thought of her now.
“You’ve tormented yourself too long with that guilt.”
She looked at him again. “Maybe.” She couldn’t look away. “I don’t know how else to feel.”
For a long time, he sat there, holding her, not speaking, not moving. Finally, he spoke. “The day Carolyn died, I felt a huge relief. She was at peace. She wasn’t in pain anymore and I wouldn’t have to watch her suffer anymore.”
“Oh, Marcus—” She reached up to soothe him, but he grabbed her hand and pulled it away from touching him.
“I’m not telling you this to get your sympathy. I want you to understand. The guilt I felt is why I drank. I was ashamed.” He breathed in deep, his chest expanding and moving against her. “For being glad...she was gone.” His voice hitched, and she knew it was from unshed tears.
Only the rush of the river nearby broke the quiet of the night. She didn’t know what to say. She understood. “Marcus?”
“Yeah?” he whispered.
“Will you do something for me?”
“Anything.”
She reached up and ran her fingertips along the rough line of his jaw, stopping to linger on his lips. “I know we won’t ever forget.” She didn’t really want to. “For the first time, I’m ready to move on.”
His smile was bittersweet. He leaned closer. “Let’s make some new memories.”
“Yes.” She sighed, her breath fanning over his lips just before he settled them on hers. So warm. So firm. So right.
She kissed him back, parting her lips to silently ask for more. Marcus gladly complied, deepening the kiss.
Gently, he slid his big, strong hand into her hair, cupping the back of her head and holding her to him. His other arm slid around her waist. Somehow, they were stretched out on the cool sand, her curves snuggled against his solid angles.
Where her mind had been full of memories and words just a moment ago, it was now blessedly blank, filled with nothing but the sensation of his taste, his touch.
She couldn’t get enough of him, and she reached up to the buttons of his shirt that she’d stared at earlier. The simple white pearl buttons slid easily through the worn buttonholes. The t-shirt he wore underneath held his body heat, and she savored the warmth as she slid her hand over the hard muscles of his chest.
“Addie,” he whispered as his lips left hers and slid along the edge of her chin to the sensitive skin of her neck. “You feel so good.”
He slid his hands along her shoulders and arms, finding the curve of her hip. Then, slowly, cautiously, he slid his hand up, over her ribs to the soft curve of her breast.
Surprised, she gasped. As if he took the sound for protest, he halted the movement of his hand—until she encircled his thick wrist with her hand and hesitantly guided his hand upward.
There was no mistaking his groan for a protest.
Heat washed through her veins, and her body tingled in places she’d nearly forgotten about, reminding her that they wanted more. Of him.
Arching her back, Addie begged him with her body for more. Much, much more.
Marcus moved, rolling over so that she was beneath him, the sand warm against her back, his body hot over hers. They were eye to eye now, and he looked at her, pushing her hair away from her face, giving him more access.
For an instant, he paused, staring at her. “The moonlight suits you.” Marcus lowered his head, kissing her with an intensity he hadn’t before.
This man. His touch. His kindness. His smile. Everything about him fit into her heart. She gasped as she realized how much she wanted him. How much she cared for him.
Was it possible? Could she...?
She didn’t know how, didn’t really care how, but she knew she’d fallen in love with him. How could she have been so foolish as to confuse this with anything else?
“Marcus... Please...”
“What?” He lifted his head, giving her space, time to think, though she saw the strain on his face. She smiled, loving him even more for the restraint he was struggling with.
“Make love to me,” she whispered. “Tonight. Now.”
His gaze darkened, passion shadowing the eyes she knew were a rich, deep blue.
“I want you.” He kissed her swiftly. “You’re killing me.” But instead of coming back to her and touching, kissing her, he pulled away.
She frowned, afraid she’d said too much, afraid he’d changed his mind. “I—” He didn’t pull away.
“I did manage to get to a drugstore. Not a lot of good it will do us in my backpack at your brother’s house.”
And then she laughed. At first soft, sweet, almost a giggle. And then it grew, loud and hard. He joined her until his eyes shone with mirth. He rolled her over in the sand. “I still want you.”
Her laughter melted away as quickly as it had come. An ache grew in her chest, spreading lower, deeper, to the hollow inside her that ached to have him.
“My room is across the hall from yours,” she whispered. “It’s already late.”
“Late enough?”
She nodded slowly. “It will be by the time we get there.” She reached up to pull his lips to hers. He didn’t even bother to resist.
* * *
THE HOUSE WAS empty when they approached. That wouldn’t last much longer, even though the party would last well into the night.
Addie hoped no one was sitting on the porch or relaxing in the kitchen. And no one was. She held Marcus’s hand and led him in the front door.
The old house muffled the sound of outside. She didn’t hear anyone even snoring, which was a good thing. They had the place to themselves. “This way.” He followed her instructions as they climbed the stairs.
It was one thing to want to make love, it was another thing completely to sneak into the house and actually do it. Her entire body shivered at the realization she’d be as close as she could possibly be to Marcus. It wasn’t soon enough.
She couldn’t see much from the doorway, but when he went into his room, she saw him put something into his jean pocket.
The realization of what that was, and what was ahead, made her entire body ache with longing. Finally, he walked to her, silently closing the door.
They stood there. Staring at each other. Waiting for what? She felt smaller now that they were on solid ground. “Did you change your mind?” she whispered.
“Ah, babe.” He ran a rough finger down her cheek. “I couldn’t if I wanted to. You are so damned beautiful.” He leaned in and kissed her. Slowly, she backed up, bringing him with her until she reached the door across the hall. She reached behind and turned the doorknob. It opened silently, and she mentally praised Wyatt for his maintenance skills.
Then all thought was gone as Marcus scooped her into his arms. She laughed softly, hiding her face against his neck to muffle the sound. He paused only long enough for her to close the door. “Lock it,” he said.
She did.
* * *
MARCUS STRODE ACROSS the floor through the darkened room. The moonlight, falling in through the single window and landing in a square of white on the bed, was all the light he needed. He didn’t stop until he reached the bed, where he laid Addie on top of the old-fashioned quilt.
The light fell over her, wanting to touch her as much as he did. The moonlight in her eyes, she smiled. “Marcus.” She said his name. “Love me,” she whispered.
“Ah, honey.” He leaned in and joined her on top of that quilt. He put his lips on hers deep and hard, not even hesitating. There was no reason to hold back now. Nothing could interrupt them now.
But that didn’t mean he intended to hurry. He was ready for this, and he was going to make sure it was special for them both.
Slowly, he pulled back, just wanting to look at her. He wanted to make sure he saw her in his mind’s eye as well, and that she was seeing him. He needed to make sure.
Her hair, all those luscious curls, was tangled and scattered around her face. He pushed a few stray strands out of her eyes, loving the soft feel of them between his fingers.
Her cheek was smooth and warm against his fingers, and those lips. They tasted sweet and turned up so adorably when she smiled.
The shirt she wore was high necked, but that was an illusion as the lace showed him plenty of tanned skin through its design. He slid the tiny button through the collar, then kept following the row of matching buttons downward. The heavy fabric fell apart, exposing the gentle curve of her breast and the white cotton nothingness of her bra.
It didn’t take much to move the fabric off her shoulders so that he could slide one narrow strap off her shoulder. And then the other. And then suddenly she was there in the moonlight, her shirt cast aside, the white strip of her undergarments scattered on the floor. He looked his full.
But he’d never been good at just looking. He wanted—needed—to touch her. And he did. Slowly, carefully palming the full curve of her breast and tweaking the tender nipple with his thumb.
Her sigh was pure pleasure. “Marcus,” she whispered, reaching out to pull his head down to her kiss. “You’re driving me crazy,” she whispered just before her lips took his.
Marcus had been so focused on tasting and touching her, but Addie had been doing her own exploring. The sensation of her hand slipping beneath his shirt and gliding up his bare spine shot straight through him. He couldn’t get that shirt off fast enough, needing to feel her touch everywhere.
She was happy to assist and oblige. “More,” she whispered, those magical fingers finding the button of his jeans. “Now.”
Marcus laughed and did his own finger dance down her belly. Feeling her muscles contract in reaction made him want more, too. Lowering his head, he tasted the dark, round nipple that had been taunting him since he’d first started to undress her. Her moan of pleasure sent heat straight to his groin.
He was ready for her. More than ready. But he wanted to make sure she was right there with him. He ignored her plea to show her more. He wasn’t sure how long he could hold out if there were no barriers between them.
Slowly, he undid her jeans. The thick denim was a rough contrast to the pure, soft skin he found beneath. His fingers brushed lace panties, and he felt her shiver and buck against his touch.
She reached down then and pulled off the jeans for him. “I need you closer. Much closer.” Her breath came in quick, hot pants, and he wasn’t going to deny her much longer.
Before he granted her wish to lay skin to skin with her, he made sure he grabbed the packet from his pocket. Holding one up, he grinned at her, enjoying her knowing smile in response. She plucked it from his hand and opened it for him.
He stared. He couldn’t do anything else. His entire body froze in delight and desire. Waiting.
Addie nudged his shoulder, pushing him back so that she could touch him, gently, carefully sheathing him. Marcus groaned aloud. Anyone in the rest of the house might hear, but at this point, he didn’t care, nor was he able to deny the pleasure this woman gave him.
“You amaze me,” he whispered, reaching for her and pulling her lips to his. He deepened this kiss, lengthened it to the point of forgetting where he ended and she began.
As gently as she’d touched him, he slid his hand lower, finding the spot where he ached to be. Slowly, he slid his finger along the tender fold, testing, teasing.
She was as ready as he was. Maybe more.
Carefully, he slid over her, letting his body envelop her and hold her close. He kissed her, pouring all his want and need into that single kiss. Taking all her desire inside.
“Addie, are you sure?” he whispered at the last, as he was poised to take that next step.
She nodded. “Please,” she whispered, as she lifted her legs and put gentle pressure on the small of his back. “Now!”
With a single thrust, he was inside her, moving slowly, wanting to prolong this moment. Passion took over and she was moving with him. Taking him deeper, harder, more.
Addie let herself experience it all, tasting Marcus’s kisses and the wonder of his heat inside her. She felt herself flying higher, closer to the joy she knew lay ahead. She let it overwhelm her. Throwing her head back, she pressed her breasts against the wide expanse of Marcus’s chest, increasing the pleasure, sending her higher.
Finally, she tumbled over, taking him with her. She rode it, savored it, wrapped her arms tight around him and prolonged it.
Catching her breath, she held on to Marcus’s shoulders and tried to calm her thoughts. Nothing had prepared her for that. Nothing.
His chest rose and fell in the same rhythm as hers. He looked at her. “You okay?”
She couldn’t hold back the smile. “Oh, yeah. More than okay.” Leaning up, she kissed him softly, quickly, half-afraid to do anything else yet...yet.
Marcus reluctantly rolled away, returning to pull her against his side and settle them beneath the covers. Something hitched in her chest. He planned to stay with her. Not sneak off like this was some kind of secret.
She snuggled against his shoulder, knowing, hoping that the night was still long ahead of them. She kissed his shoulder and closed her eyes, not so much to sleep as to savor the memories of tonight.
“What are you thinking about?” Marcus asked softly, pulling her tighter into his arms.
“Us. You.” Heat washed up her cheeks. “About just now.”
“Good thoughts, I hope.”
“Oh, definitely.” She looked at him. “Most definitely.” Their gazes caught, and the heat in his eyes ignited the fire in her.
His lips met hers just as a loud pounding echoed throughout the house. At first, she thought it was Wyatt or one of her other brothers at the door. Then she realized it was downstairs.
It came again, this time with the sound of hurrying footsteps in the hall.
“Wyatt? Addie?” Dutch Ferguson’s voice cut through the night.
What did the sheriff want this time of night?