part0017

I ’ve only bumped into Jonathan once in the couple of weeks since the dinner debacle. I was on my way upstairs to the restaurant with Trina for a sneaky bacon sandwich and he was coming down the stairs clutching a takeaway coffee. He winked at me as he passed and gave me a complicit smile but that was it; no attempt at conversation at all. He hasn’t sent any texts either.

Trina raised an eyebrow at his retreating back and once we’d devoured out bacon butties we’d sat in the restaurant re-hacking over the dinner disaster. Trina kept saying she wished she’d been there; I told her it might have been funny in the retelling but it definitely wasn’t when it happened. I’ve banned her from going on YouTube to search for it because I know it’ll be on there and if I know that it definitely is I won’t be able to stop myself from looking.

So I’m thinking that maybe Jonathan did believe that Flynn and I are partners.

Disappointed? asks the Beccabird.

Of course not. Maybe a bit surprised, that’s all, I didn’t expect him to give up so easily. I’m also wondering what, exactly, Flynn said to him in the restaurant – because that might also be why Jonathan gave up so easily. Although I have no way of knowing because if I ask Flynn again he’ll think I don’t believe what he told me. Which I don’t. It’s all very mysterious but at least I don’t have to worry every time my phone pings that it’s Jonathan.

Yeah, right, the Beccabird says annoyingly. Admit it, you’re just gutted that he clearly doesn’t fancy you enough to pursue you.

The thing I have started to wonder about is if Jonathan and Em are seeing each other because from the safe distance of my desk I’ve seen him coming out of Em’s office quite a few times. He seems to spend a lot of time in there, although I suppose he could be talking to Ed so it might be totally work related and I’m just being overly suspicious.

But I know Jonathan and I don’t trust him.

It’s none of your business who he goes out with , the Beccabird reminds me, he can see who he likes.

Completely true but I wouldn’t like him to treat Em the way he treated me; she’s not my friend but she’s a decent sort. Cold, but decent.

Anyway, enough about him. At home – because it really does feel like home now – Flynn and I have settled into a routine of sorts over the last couple of weeks, not that it was planned or that we’ve even spoken about it; it just seemed to happen. Basically, if I’m cooking for myself then I’ll make enough for two and Flynn does the same when he cooks and it seems to work pretty well. It saves us from making double the mess in the kitchen at different times – Emily style – and apart from a few nights when Flynn has been out or I have, we’ve been eating together and spending most evenings with each other. And Sausage, of course. And when you think about it, it makes total sense because what’s the point of the both of us cooking for one?

We’ve even ventured across the road to the George on a few occasions to watch the open mic nights and they’ve been hilarious. The landlord, Charlie, is so funny and I think he has the open mic evenings so he can get up there and sing all of his favourite rock numbers himself.

It’s really nice living with a friend instead of being on my own all of the time and it certainly beats living in one room and eating my dinner on a lap-tray sitting on the bed. The embarrassing comment that I made to Flynn that sounded as if I was coming onto him hasn’t been mentioned, thank God, and we’ve slipped into an easy friendship. I did plan to bring it up and clear the air but stopped myself; sometimes you just have to know when to keep your mouth shut. Least said, soonest mended, to quote Mum.

I have told Flynn the whole truth about Jonathan though – because what’s the point of having friends if you can’t confide in them? Plus it was a long time ago now and I really need to get over blaming myself for everything and wallowing in the past. Flynn was very quiet when I told him all about it though he didn’t say very much at all so God knows what he thought. But anyway, it’s said now so I won’t be mentioning it again because Jonathan has had more than enough air time in my life. Flynn always refers to Jonathan as Jono and now when I think about Jonathan I’m reminded of Flynn calling him Jono and it makes me chuckle to myself. Maybe I should call him that to his face because he definitely wouldn’t like it or find it in the least bit funny. Not posh enough for him.

I’ve been to see Mum and Dad again and they’re chomping at the bit to book the flights to Australia. I feel a bit bad because it’s just me that’s holding them up because I’ve been dithering as usual and haven’t booked the time off from work yet. I need a kick because they’re being very generous by paying for me so the very least I can do is get my arse in gear and get the time off. They’ve been into the travel agents and priced the flights up and once they’ve got the nod from me they can go ahead and book them.

I need to request three weeks off from work – they’re going for six weeks because they want to make the most of it so I’ll be flying back on my own which will be strange because I’ve never flown on my own before.

I don’t know why I’ve dithered, it’s not exactly a big deal because I have lots of holidays carried over from last year so I need to start taking some time off anyway. From what I’ve seen in the office the attitude towards holidays is pretty laid back so I don’t know why I’m making such a problem where one doesn’t exist.

Although I have noticed that there’s been a strange atmosphere in the office this last week; I can’t quite put my finger on it and even the youngsters are feeling it too because they’ve even been talking to me and Trina to try find out if we’ve heard anything on the grapevine. Trina says there’s definitely something going on but even she can’t find out anything concrete and she always knows someone who knows someone who knows but even she’s come up against a brick wall. There is gossip – totally unsubstantiated – that the company is being taken over. Which reminded me about Jonathan’s bragging to Flynn about Atkinsons merging with the US. If it is true I’m sure he wasn’t supposed to tell us but he never could keep anything secret, he just doesn’t understand the concept of keeping his mouth shut. So although Jonathan is a liar I think there might be some truth in it.

I repeated it to Trina and sworn her to secrecy although I don’t know why. If it is true – and I’m guessing it is – Jonathan shouldn’t have been showing off about it. Anyway, it’s not my secret to keep.

You still care, because you don’t want to get him into trouble, the Beccabird chirrups.

Not true - I don’t like getting anyone into trouble and it might not be true; it might just be the usual Jonathan bragging bullshit.

The Beccabird harrumphs and flaps her wings.

I’ve also discovered that the youngsters are actually quite okay once you get chatting to them. They are self-obsessed – aren’t we all – but they’re also quite funny and refreshing and I’m feeling a lot more comfortable in the office now; I feel as if I’ve settled in and people are getting to know me. I feel more at home.

I also have another meeting with Em this morning regarding my ‘project’, a follow up meeting. Because I used to do it all the time at Westchester it didn’t take me very long at all to whip up a spreadsheet and put on all of the info she’d requested and email it to her each week. She emailed late yesterday to call me in for a meeting this morning but I’m not anxious about it this time because I know what I’ve done is fine. It’ll also be the perfect opportunity to give her my holiday request form and get that out of the way and then Mum and Dad can book the flights.

Five minutes before my meeting time I trot down the office to Em’s office to make sure I arrive a couple of minutes early instead of practically running down there at the last minute. I rap lightly on the door and then open it and say a cheery good morning with a bright smile plastered on my face. I get a tight-lipped good morning back with the merest hint of upturned lips which is Em’s attempt at a smile. A quick glance at the desk in the corner as I go in shows that Ed’s chair is empty – he hardly seems to spend any time in the office at all but I don’t know whether this is normal or not. I make a mental note to ask Trina, the fount of all office knowledge and important gossip.

I can’t say that Em is any less icy towards me or that she’s becoming friendlier – I think she is what she is and we’re never going to be best chums – but I feel more comfortable with her. I think maybe she’s like this with everyone. I go in and settle myself down on the too small chair in front of her desk and listen as Em totally surprises me by launching straight into telling me how impressed she is with my spreadsheet.

She’s not exactly gushing but she is very appreciative and while I bask in the praise, I do feel a bit of a cheat. It wasn’t anything different to what I used to do and once I’d set up the spreadsheet it pretty much did itself. I still have plenty of time to waste on the internet so it’s not as if I’m overrun with work. If I’m totally honest I’ve quite enjoyed having a bit more to do – it’s quite nice to get my teeth into something.

I keep hold of the holiday request form that I have in my hand and bask for a bit longer before I give it to her. She’s in a good mood and appreciates what I’ve done so surely she won’t want to turn down my special request for three weeks holiday – any holiday over two weeks requires special permission from my line manager.

Suspiciously, I’m also thinking that surely she’s not got me down here just to say thank you because she could have done that by email so I’m guessing that she has another ‘project’ for me. What she says next proves me right.

‘Rebecca,’ she says, ‘I wonder, in view of the excellent job you’ve done so far, would it be too much to ask for you to go back over the last two years’ figures and collate them all in the same way?’

I look at her and frown slightly to make it appear as if I’m thinking about it as obviously it’s an awful lot to ask. It’s not a big ask at all and realistically I know that it’s not a request I can refuse but I don’t want to look like a complete pushover.

‘I think that’s do-able,’ I say thoughtfully whilst nodding my head. There’s something about Em and nodding that goes together, I can’t seem to stop myself.

‘Excellent,’ she says briskly. ‘Super. If you could email it to me when it’s completed that would be good, and I know it’s going to take some time, so no rush. But obviously, the sooner the better.’

More thoughtful nodding from me. So it is a rush job but she’s trying not to put the pressure on. I know that it won’t take very long at all but I don’t tell her that. I decide now is the perfect time to produce my holiday form and I whisk it from my lap onto the desk in front of her with a flourish.

‘Can I leave you with my holiday form to authorise, Em?’ I give her a simpering tight-lipped smile. Don’t want to frighten her with all those teeth.

She picks the form up slowly and I cross my fingers that she’ll okay it without a fuss. I suddenly realise how much I want to go to Australia with Mum and Dad and see my brother again.

She picks her pen up and scribbles her signature on the bottom of the form.

‘Of course, no problem. Are you going somewhere nice?’ she asks with obvious disinterest, trying to be polite.

‘Australia.’ I beam in relief. ‘Me and my parents are going, my brother lives there and he’s throwing a big party for his fortieth. It’ll be the first time I’ve seen him in seven years.’ To my surprise I feel suddenly emotional and swallow down a huge lump in my throat. I’ve so missed him.

‘Australia?’ Em looks at me in surprise. ‘Are you sure three weeks is going to be enough? I know you have a lot of holidays carried over from last year so you could take longer if you wanted to. You’ve been with Atkinsons a fair few years so I’m sure Ed would sanction it.’ She turns and taps a few keys on her computer and studies the screen. ‘Yes, I thought so, you’ve two and a half weeks carried over from last year plus this years’ allocation of five weeks.’

Longer? I’d never even considered it – for some reason I’d imagined three weeks was the absolute limit that I’d be allowed to take off work.

‘Well,’ I say hesitantly, ‘My parents are going for six weeks but of course they’re retired now so getting time off isn’t an issue for them.’

Em picks up her pen and holds it over my holiday form.

‘It’s a very long flight, nearly twenty-four hours isn’t it?’

‘Yes, I think so,’ I say, having no real idea at all. Why didn’t I listen properly when Mum and Dad were talking about it?

Because you’re slapdash, barks the Beccabird, always have been, always will be.

‘A very long flight – you should surely make the most of it, shouldn’t you?’

‘Yes, I should,’ I say, nodding again. ‘I would love to go for six weeks but I know that’s a very long time to request off work.’

‘It is a long time,’ agrees Em, ‘But you’re a long-serving, valued member of staff and I can’t see why Ed wouldn’t approve your request. Would you like me to amend your form and pass it on to him? He’s working from home today but I can email him and ask him to approve it as soon as possible so you can go ahead and book your flights.’

I stare at Em in shock and hear myself mumble thank you . I think I’ve misjudged Em; underneath that cold exterior beats a huge heart of gold.

‘Shall I just add three more weeks on to the three you’ve already requested?’

I watch as she amends my form with efficient pen strokes and then taps her fingers swiftly over her keyboard.

‘There, all done. I’ll let you know as soon as Ed replies.’

‘Lovely, thank you.’

She gives me another tight-lipped smile and I wonder if I’ve been over gushing. She is a strange one.

‘So, you’ll let me know as soon as you’ve completed the spreadsheet we discussed?’ She looks at me expectantly.

‘Yes, of course,’ I say, heaving myself out of the tiny chair as I swiftly realise that the meeting is now over. Honestly, what did I expect – a new friendship?

Yeah you did , snaps you know who, someone’s nice to you and you think they’re your new best friend.

Annoyingly, she’s right.

I do feel uplifted as I stand upright on cramped knees to come out of the office – six weeks! Mum and Dad will be so thrilled – I’m so thrilled .

And what I should have done was come out of Em’s office on this warm and fuzzy note and kept my big mouth shut but, as usual, when I’m winning and something is going well, I have to go and ruin it.

‘Em,’ I say, as I open the door to leave, ‘No doubt you’ve heard the rumours on the office grapevine, is it true that we’re merging with an American company? I wondered if that was the reason for the extra spreadsheet - do you need the statistics because of the merger?’

As soon as I’ve uttered the words I know that I should have kept my big, fat gob firmly shut. Em’s usually deathly white complexion infuses with colour and her face became the most animated I’ve ever seen. Her mouth opens and closes silently like a goldfish and then she pulls herself together and jumps up from behind her desk and stares at me in horror.

‘Sit down!’ she hisses as I gawp at her in shock.

I shuffle slowly back to the chair while she marches around the desk and stomps past me and out through the doorway and into the main office. She stands silently outside for a few moments and appears to be listening to see if anyone has heard what I’ve said.