part0020

T hings haven’t been the same between Flynn and I since the near punch up with Jonathan two weeks ago. We never did get to have that bacon and fried egg sandwich.

When I arrived at the front of the house with Sausage tucked safely underneath my arm, burly Bazza was grappling with Flynn to stop him from getting to Jonathan, who’d fled from the house and jumped into his car and was about to shut the door and drive off. Bazza had dispensed with the length of wood and jumped onto Flynn’s back with his arms wrapped around his throat and was hanging onto him for dear life trying to keep him from stopping Jonathan get away.

Flynn wrenched Bazza’s arms from him and shook him off and Bazza fell heavily onto the pavement. Flynn ran to Jonathan’s car and tried to pull the car door open but it was locked. With a triumphant grin at Flynn, Jonathan started the engine and revved it noisily. Flynn then ran in front of the car and threw himself across the bonnet in an attempt to stop him driving away. It all seemed to happen in slow motion although it must have only been seconds and I felt sick as I realised what was going to happen if Flynn didn’t get off the car.

I ran up behind him screaming to please, please stop and to let him go because I knew that Jonathan wouldn’t hesitate to run Flynn over in his attempt to get away – and I couldn’t bear the thought of Flynn getting hurt.

Flynn seemed to calm down instantly when he heard me; he jumped off the bonnet and stood and watched as the car sped off then turned around and strode past me wordlessly. I followed him into the back garden and watched as he silently gathered up his tools. My legs were shaking so badly and I felt sick, I tried to think of something to say but I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t sound completely stupid and pointless. I must have been holding Sausage too tightly because he made a little squeaking noise and I realised that he was still tucked underneath my arm. I loosened my grip and could feel his little body quivering too.

We both came back out to the street and I got into the cab while Flynn loaded the tools onto the back of the truck, Bazza was nowhere to be seen and I think he’d gone back into the house because the front door was shut. The plank of wood was still lying on the ground.

We drove home in silence and I tried to tell Flynn about dobbing Jonathan in to Em because he deserved some sort of explanation of Jonathan’s behaviour. I hadn’t told him before because to be honest I felt like a snitch; I wasn’t proud of myself for doing it and I told myself I’d forgotten to tell him but the truth of it is that I didn’t want Flynn to think badly of me.

But he wouldn’t let me tell him; as soon as I started speaking he said that what I did had nothing to do with him and I didn’t need to explain myself to him because it was none of his business. I couldn’t get a word in and I felt quite hurt. I thought we were friends but he wouldn’t even listen to me; it was as if he was angry with me .

So we came home and he dropped me off outside the house and said he had things to do and drove off and I’ve hardly seen him since. Things feel awkward between us and I don’t know why, we seem to have lost our easy going relationship and I feel as if he can barely look at me.

He’s been working late or going out in the evenings since it happened and I’ve missed our routine of shared meals and easy laughter. Even when he’s here it’s not the same; I’d cooked an extra big lasagne and he actually came home on time but when I offered him a plateful, he said he’d already eaten. I realised then that things were bad because lasagne’s his favourite.

I’ve managed to annoy the very best housemate that I’ve ever had but more importantly I feel as if I’ve lost a friend and I don’t know why or how to get him back. I just want things to go back to how they were.

Flynn hasn’t told me where he’s been going and why should he? Because of the way things are between us I don’t even feel as if I can ask. Although I have wondered if he’s got a new boyfriend.

I’ve had to give myself a bit of a talking to because I’ll admit to feeling more than a little pang of jealousy at the thought of Flynn spending his evenings elsewhere while I go back to meals for one. The Beccabird has also given me a damn good telling off and told to get out there and get a life. I seriously do need to get a life of my own and stop relying on Flynn to fill my evenings because let’s face it, he’s not going to be single for long and he’s obviously had enough of me if I can’t even tempt him with lasagne.

So this is my life at the moment and I’m trying so hard to not be miserable because I have Australia to look forward to and Mum and Dad are so excited about it. I visited them at the weekend and I could feel the excitement in the air as I went in. They’d been shopping for new holiday clothes – not too summery because it won’t be hot – and Dad even tried all of his new trousers and shirts on and did a fashion parade for me. I tried my best to join in with their enthusiasm and look as keen to go as they are because it is the trip of a lifetime and they’re extremely generous paying for me.

I think I fooled them.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Okay, Flynn and I aren’t as friendly as we were but he’s only my housemate after all, it’s not the end of the world.

Trina says I need to get out there and go out on a few dates, she says that’s what she always does when she’s feeling a bit blue and it cheers her up in no time. But like I’ve told her – they’re not exactly queuing up at the door to take me out, are they? She says it’s because I’m sending out negative vibes and putting them off. I think I must be pretty good at sending out negative vibes because dates have been pretty thin on the ground these last seven years and before I moved here, I was considering internet dating. I might have to consider it again.

Desperate! shouts my non-best friend the Beccabird, and as usual she’s completely correct but actually thinking about it I don’t think I can even be bothered to try and get a date, I’m just not that bothered. I’d rather be on my own and miserable.

Honestly, someone needs to kick me.

And to put the tin hat on it (as Mum would say, whatever that means) I’ve been summoned to a meeting with Em and Ed tomorrow morning. I’ve no idea what it’s about and there was no indication in the very brief email from Em but as it’s both of them I’m guessing it’s not good.

I have seen neither sight nor sound of Jonathan at work since he nearly ran Flynn over; he’s probably avoiding me as much as I’m avoiding him. I’ve not seen him going into Em’s office either although it’s entirely possible that he’s been in there a hundred times and I’ve just missed him; I can’t keep a watch on her office door the whole day.

All my imagined scenarios of me bumping into him have been wasted. I have two favourites – putting my nose in the air in an aloof way and totally ignoring him or laughing in a haughty, superior way and reminding him that he ran away from Flynn. I probably wouldn’t do either in all honesty, most likely I’ll stumble and fall over or do something equally accident prone and end up with a face the colour of beetroot while he smirks. Hopefully I’ll never find out.

All in all I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself and it’s all my own fault, although I’m not completely sure what it is I’ve done but I must have done something.

Enough feeling sorry for myself. It’s just gone ten o’clock so it looks like Flynn is staying out again. I trudge despondently up the stairs to bed.

Bedtime. Also known as a night of not sleeping for worrying about what tomorrow’s meeting will bring.

Trina keeps looking at me; the meeting is at ten o’clock and it’s a quarter to now. We’ve talked this over so many times, Trina keeps telling me that it’s probably nothing – I haven’t done anything wrong so what could it be? More than likely, she says, it’s just a routine follow up about those fancy spread sheets that I’ve been preparing for Em. I wish I had Trina’s confidence.

There still hasn’t been an announcement about the merger although Em told me over two weeks ago that it was imminent – has word got out about it and it’s now off? Is this why they want to see me – to tell me it’s all my fault and my loose lips have cost the company millions and they’re going to escort me off the premises immediately? I said this to Trina and she said I was being ridiculous and I know I am but I also know that when everything in my life seems to be going swimmingly, behind the scenes a huge hammer is waiting to descend and wreck my life.

Let’s face it, just look at my history. Jonathan – I thought I had the perfect life but unbeknown to me he was cheating on me and running up debt in my name as well.

Two weeks ago I thought my life was getting back on track; I had a holiday to Australia to look forward to and housemate that most people would kill for.

Now Flynn can barely speak to me.

Yes, I still have the trip to Australia.

Unless Em’s going to change her mind and that’s what this meeting is for.

Don’t you feel sorry for yourself , sneers the ever helpful Beccabird, there are lots of people worse off than you .

Yes. I know there are, but for once, just let me wallow in peace.

To make things worse I have a blinding headache which probably wasn’t helped by not sleeping last night and not having anything to eat or drink this morning. I felt so anxious that I just couldn’t get anything down. Come to think of it I didn’t eat my tea last night either because I felt so churned up, I pushed it around the plate for a while and then gave up and scraped most of it into the bin.

I could probably market it as a new diet that dispenses with calorie counting and eating healthily; I could call it the get yourself in a right state diet or something like that.

Trina’s voice wakes me from my daydream and I look over at her.

‘It’s ten o’clock!’

So it is. So now I’m going to be late as well. I get up from my seat with a resigned sigh; it really doesn’t matter because I’m getting the sack anyway.

‘Good luck!’ Trina mouths.

‘Thanks.’ I manage a small smile.

I put my shoulders back and hold my head high, if I’m going to the gallows, I’ll do it with dignity.

‘Rebecca, please, come in, have a seat.’

Em is seated on a chair to the side of Ed’s desk and she’s smiling; so is Ed.

Ah, the smiling assassin, says the Beccabird, who always likes to make me feel better. Not.

I close the door and cross to the chair placed in readiness in front of Ed’s desk and sit down carefully.

‘So, Becca, I expect you’re wondering what this is all about?’ Ed smiles his teddy bear smile and I find myself smiling back with my lips sticking to my teeth because my mouth is as dry as the Sahara Desert.

‘Yes, I am,’ I say, stating the obvious.

‘Well, there are quite a few matters to discuss but I think I’m going to let Em take the lead on this while I sit back and listen. For now.’

I swallow. Is he getting Em to do his dirty work? Ed goes down a notch in my estimation.

‘Rebecca…’ Em gives me her tight smile. ‘…there’s going to be an announcement about the merger at lunchtime but we thought we’d let you know that the merg er is going ahead. Obviously we’d rather you kept that information to yourself until the announcement is made.’

I nod. Not again! Stop with the nodding! Why is she telling me? Everyone will be finding out in a couple of hours so why tell me now, it doesn’t make sense. I feel a bead of sweat trickle down my back – it is so hot in this office I wonder how they can stand working in here.

‘Which brings me to the subject of Jonathan Sayers.’ She gives a little cough. ‘After mutual agreement, Jonathan has tendered his resignation and has left the company with immediate effect. As far as everyone is concerned Jonathan has left to further his career elsewhere.’

I can’t keep the shock from my face. It seems very harsh that he’s lost his job over one indiscrete remark – a remark that hasn’t really done any harm as far as I can see. I feel bad now, really bad, me and my big mouth has cost him his job and he didn’t deserve that.

I feel sick. And a bit whoozy, too. It is now extremely hot in here.

‘Rebecca? Are you okay?’ Em is looking at me with a frown.

‘Yes, I’m fine. Um, has he gone because of what I told you?’ I don’t wait for her answer but carry on. ‘It’s all my fault, isn’t it?’

‘Good Lord!’ Emma bursts out, ‘Of course not! No…’ She shakes her head. ‘…that had nothing to do with why he left. The reason he left – and this information doesn’t leave this room – is that Jonathan Sayers had been systematically defrauding the salesmen working for him. He’s been doing it pretty much from the day he started here.’

My first thought is that he hasn’t changed one little bit. I’m not even surprised. My second thought – relief that it wasn’t my fault after all.

Not everything’s about you, the Beccabird whispers nastily.

‘We were first alerted to the possibility of fraud when one of the more experienced saleswomen we’d employed left the company. She never finished her six months’ probation because Jonathan said she wasn’t suitable for the role. Before she left she made a complaint about him to HR which was at first viewed as sour grapes, unfortunately.’ Em looks embarrassed on HR’s behalf.

‘Ed was aware of the complaint as it was discussed at the quarterly meeting and we decided that we should look at our procedures to prevent any accusations from disgruntled ex-employees in the future. It was actually your spreadsheets that brought it my attention.’ Em beams me a smile, a real show your teeth smile.

‘Yes, your excellent spreadsheets. The complaint against Jonathan played on my mind because I have to admit that I’d always had my doubts about him. I’d dismissed them because he was in a higher position than me and it was only a feeling; I always thought there was something slightly untrustworthy about him.’

‘You can’t fool Em,’ Ed says proudly. ‘She’s an excellent judge of character.’

My God, so she didn’t fancy him at all, she was trying to find out what he was up to.

‘Once you’d given me the weekly spreadsheets it got me thinking and when I started looking into it and made a few of my own enquiries I could see that the salesmen weren’t getting paid the commission that they should have – it was going to Jonathan Sayers. He’d very cleverly manipulated the figures and also amended the copies of their contracts so that they only received half the commission they were entitled to. They, of course, knew no different and thought everything was as it should be. Had it not been for the very astute saleswoman who left he’d still be getting away with it now. He will, of course, be reimbursing the salesmen for all of their lost commission although on this occasion the company has decided not to take him to court.’

No of course they won’t, because how bad would that make them look?

‘Which is why your spreadsheets are so important – I can’t think why these haven’t always been done.’

Nor can I. They were always done at Westchester, every week without fail. Does Ed look a bit sheepish or is that my imagination?

‘So, all’s well that ends well.’ Ed beams as he leans across the desk. ‘Between you and me I think they were glad to get rid of him, bit of a blabbermouth, you know.’

Yeah, he always was, he could never help himself when it came to bragging. Should I feel bad that my spreadsheets have played a part in him losing his job? No, he deserved it and he’s got off lightly because they could have taken him to court. No doubt he’ll land himself another nice position somewhere and behave in exactly the same way.

It’s quite nice that they’ve told me about Jonathan because they didn’t need to, they could have kept all of the details to themselves. I feel hugely relieved and loosen the grip of my fingers which are wrapped tightly around my notebook and pen. My fingers feel wet and I look down at the notebook to see damp fingerprints all over it.

‘Now,’ Ed says, beaming his teddy bear smile from underneath his bushy eyebrows, ‘The real reason that we called you in here.’

I stare at him blankly willing him to hurry up so I can get out of this baking hot office.

‘You may have guessed due to my many absences from the office that I have decided to retire while I’m still young enough to enjoy it.’

‘Congratulations,’ I mumble, not having guessed anything of the sort. Is it something to be congratulated on? I’m assuming he’s not ill and being forced into it – he doesn’t look ill.

‘Thank you.’ Another teddy bear smile. ‘I must say that I’m looking forward to it immensely, lots more time on the golf course. Might even manage to trim the old tum down a bit.’ He pats his stomach and I notice the buttons of his shirt straining to contain it.

I nod and smile because I’m feeling decidedly sick and that’s all I can manage.

‘Em, of course will be taking over. It’ll be a gradual process over the next three months.’

Em beams me a full-on smile.

Am I trapped in some sort of surreal dream? For the life of me I can’t understand why they’re telling me this. Em’s going to be the boss – so basically nothing is really changing because she pretty much runs the department anyway.

‘Which of course will leave Em’s job vacant.’

I nod dumbly. I give up, I have no idea what’s going on.

‘Which is where you come in,’ I hear Ed say over the rushing noise in my ears which is getting louder and louder. ‘I know you’ve only been here a short while but with your experience at Westchester and how well you’ve done since you started here, we’d very much like to offer you Em’s job. What do you think? ’

They both look at me expectantly.

So what do I do? Well, I faint of course. The queasiness and heat finally becomes too much for me and I keel forward in the chair and flop onto the floor in a heap.