“And I was therefore drawn from Hell’s wide throat to show him–and I’ve still to show him more – as much as my own schooling will allow.”
―Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy
Over the years I got used to the fact that Paul’s life was a mystery, but this whole bullshit about him being sent from heaven was really too much for me to handle on the same night that I lost my daughter. I decided to leave and head over to Ricky’s apartment and not ask any more questions.
It appeared that Paul had been lying to me for the entire time that I’d known him. He obviously had some connections in hell. I wouldn’t have been surprised if all his previous stories were fabricated. Did he know about the deal that I made with Morpheus? Had he been supplying me with magical tequila this entire time just so he could keep an eye on me?
I was exhausted, drained and emotionally pissed off with everything that happened. In any other circumstance I would have stayed and asked Paul a million questions, but that evening I was done.
“We still need to talk, Maxine. Expect me tomorrow,” Morpheus said when I was leaving. I simply nodded and then I was out the door, walking through my familiar neighbourhood. The streets were quiet and I thought about Zach. Earlier on I chickened out and ran away. I should have told him the truth, and he would have backed away.
I took the tube to Chelsea. It was too risky to go back to my own flat. Rodriguez most likely left his people outside in case I went back there tonight. Morpheus’s interference in the pub only made my situation worse.
Once I walked through the door, I felt like I had been up twenty-four hours straight. Suddenly bed was the only place I wanted to end up. Alexis had Summer; Matilda had bought me a bit of time to figure out my next step. Tomorrow was a new day and I had to gather my energy to get my daughter back. Even though I was doomed, and Paul wasn’t the person that I thought he was, I fell asleep remaining positive—and sober for the longest time that I could remember.
I woke up late, and when I glanced outside the world seemed greyer and more depressing than usual. I rubbed my face, thinking about Summer and Ricky again. My world collapsed last night, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet. My little girl was struck with a sleeping charm. She was still alive, so there was hope.
Sitting tight on my arse and waiting for Morpheus to show up wasn’t an option. I had to find the way to track Alexis down on my own, without getting him involved. Five minutes later I rolled myself out of bed and went to look for my phone. I located it on the floor in the living room. The screen was slightly cracked. I must have smashed it somewhere in the Forgotten Street. Zach and Emma had tried to call me a few times.
Vivid memories from last night assaulted my mind. Paul and his angel wings, Rodriguez and his discussion with Morpheus. The retired Watcher had been hiding so many secrets from me in the past decade. He was supposed to be my friend. Now I couldn’t even trust him.
I had to admit that I missed Arthur. The roles had turned. Two months ago he was the one chasing after me, promising the world. Now he couldn’t even stand to look at me.
There was no alcohol in the apartment apart from whiskey in Ricky’s fancy minibar. I wanted to give myself a high five. Magical tequila hadn’t passed through my mouth since my disastrous night in Gjöll. Maybe I had finally conquered my addiction or at least changed for the better.
I puttered around the apartment constantly thinking about the small chubby face and those eyes that were the spitting image of Arthur. I kept telling myself that Summer was the most beautiful little girl that I’d ever seen, and I would fight for her until the end.
Around midday my stomach and fridge were both empty, so I decided to go out and grab something to eat. I was planning to press Morpheus tonight about Alexis. He did save my arse last night, but so far his instructions were worth a lot of nothing. On top of that, Emma and Zachary were ready to follow me all the way to hell if that was necessary.
The food in the local coffee shop was tasteless, but I kept telling myself that I needed to recoup my energy for later. All my potions were left in storage in my old flat. Ricky didn’t have enough ingredients to brew more, and I needed to get my hands on magical potions. Things like that were very useful when I was battling dark forces.
A customer had left a gossip magazine on the table, so I picked it up and started turning the pages. There was an article about Prince Arthur. I automatically pushed it away. I didn’t want to read it at first, but soon curiosity won and I found out that the prince appeared to be depressed. According to the reporter, Arthur stopped going out and had been locking himself in his residence, away from his family. Everyone was worried about him.
I knew that most of the tabloids were full of crap, but this one was actually telling the truth. Arthur was down because of Summer. I’d betrayed him and I had to make this right. Soaring guilt reminded me that I wasn’t the only parent out there that was suffering. It was time to face reality and see him. In the end of the day Summer was his child too. I paid for the food and the headed to the tube station.
The food fuelled my demonic energy, although I was still tired when I walked through the wet streets of London. In the tube people seemed more depressed than usual or I wasn’t able to block their doomed thoughts as well as I wanted. The weather was to blame; it was a grey and rainy day.
I didn’t head to Buckingham Palace. Rodriguez wouldn’t hesitate to arrest me if I showed up there, especially after what happened last night. I needed to catch Arthur in one of his private residences. From the past I knew that Kensington Palace was one of the places where he had a bit of freedom, so I was pretty sure he would’ve gone there today.
The rain was pouring down from the sky heavily, and I got soaked by the time I got to my destination. I didn’t want to try my chances with the guards and I had a feeling that after everything that happened Arthur would refuse to see me.
So far I had burned my bridges with all the men that showed me any affection. Last night I ran away from Zach. It was pathetic but necessary. Zach needed to understand that we didn’t have any future together. I was broken and he deserved to experience real love.
Arthur’s private residence was riddled with security, so I went around the building and used my demonic abilities to get inside. I knew the ins and out of its surroundings; the protocol hadn’t changed much since the last time I had been here. My clothes were soaked by the time I got into the gardens. One of the guards spotted me, and I tampered with his head. I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t afford to get caught.
It took me a while to find the way inside. I used the staff entrance at the back. Once I started walking through the rooms, I nearly walked into one full of maids. They were having a meeting in a room that led to the other side of the prince’s residence. I was forced to hide in an old massive wardrobe until they were done. I retraced my steps when I heard one of the maids still standing outside. She was talking to one of the guards.
“And that mistress? He had been talking about this other woman in the papers? Maybe she broke his heart and that’s why he is so depressed,” she contemplated, leaning over the pillar on the second floor.
“There has never been a mistress. I once heard a rumour that he was having an affair with his head of security. I don’t remember her name now. Anyhow … she was too tough for him,” the guard pointed out. I wanted to roll my eyes, expecting that some staff knew about what went on in the palace.
I waited until they disappeared in one of the rooms. When the stairs were clear I ran to the second floor, thinking about our intense moments together. That was almost two years ago.
The prince had the whole second floor at his disposal. I figured that some things changed when he got engaged to Natalie. I stood outside his room for a few seconds. Strong nostalgic emotions began sailing through me. We had so many plans, things that we wanted to do together. Nowadays we were like two strangers that passed each other on the streets. Both wounded and lost.
I took a deep breath and opened the door.
“Arthur? Are you there?” I asked, peering inside his open plan living room. Everything looked the same, all the furniture, pictures on the wall and his clothes that lay around the sofa. I inhaled his cologne, closing my eyes for a brief moment and picturing myself in his arms. I remembered standing in the exact same room two years ago when he revealed his true feelings for the first time since I started working for him.
The prince wasn’t home, so I started checking all the rooms just to make sure that I hadn’t missed anything. When I opened the door to his office and glanced at the wall by his desk, the blood rushed to my ears.
Arthur had created a board with pieces of paper, letters pinned with various colours, shape and seizes. There were several pictures of me pinned down in the centre of the board with Summer’s name attached in the middle.
It was obvious that Arthur hadn’t given up and he was still looking for her. The board represented his pain. Something about this whole thing was very unsettling. I felt like I had destroyed whatever was left between us.
Arthur had listed a number of possible locations all around the board. He wasn’t stupid; we both knew that he couldn’t go public with this. At least not straight away. He had the list of adoption agencies, and some other unknown names and addresses. I stared at it for at least ten minutes before the guilt pricked under my skin. Raw emotions circulated and I wished that I had done more than just lie to him.
My eyes filled with tears against the violent tide of pain that I was experiencing in that moment. Okay, I had sacrificed myself, but I’d never considered his feelings.
Seconds passed, maybe minutes. I had no idea how long I stood there, crying over something that I would never be able to fix, when I heard the steps. Panicking, I glanced around, looking for a place to hide. I came here to tell Arthur that I was sorry, but now after seeing what was going on in his head I couldn’t go through with it.
There was a small library that Arthur had rarely used, so I hid in there, trying to understand what the hell was wrong with me. I sensed him even before he walked into the room. The door was not completely closed, leaving a small slit which allowed me to see what was going on in the office. My chest cracked open. Even Zachary couldn’t shut down these emotions that I experienced when Arthur was near me.
“Arthur, you know that what you’re asking me to do is almost impossible.”
Natalie was there with him and she had her palm on his arm. Of course, he was heartbroken and she had always been there for him.
“I don’t know what else to do. I’m the father. Do you realise how much it hurts knowing that she never even considered telling me?”
He told her—Arthur had told Natalie that I gave birth to our child. Suddenly I felt lightheaded and sick. Through that small opening I could clearly see her face. She wasn’t smiling; she felt genuinely sorry for him. Well, I couldn’t be angry. After all, she was in love with him.
“She still has feelings for you, but I think she is only trying to protect you. Imagine what would happen if your grandmother found out,” Natalie said.
“Fuck her, this is my life and it’s now ruined!” Arthur shouted, then stormed out of the room. Natalie sighed and looked after him. The emotions on her face were staggering. That girl loved him so much, unconditionally, even when it turned out that he had a child with some other random woman.
This wasn’t something that she was supposed to just accept. I didn’t have to worry about her spilling my dirty secret. Natalie had a pure soul. Arthur must have gone out, wanting to be away from her. She stared at the board for a bit longer, with the saddest expression on her face that I’d ever seen. Her emotions were hitting me hard, stabbing me in the gut. I hated myself, hated that I caused so much pain to other people.
When she finally left I was drained. It took me a while to crawl out of the hiding spot. By the time I sneaked back downstairs, I knew that I had to share with Arthur the whole truth.
I owed him at least that much. He needed to understand what I was, even if that was against faction order or rules. Either way, I wasn’t going to stay on this earth for long and Arthur deserved to know the truth.