“Three dispositions adverse to Heaven's still, - Incontinence, malice, and mad brutishness.”
― Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy
I ended up going to the Broken Shoe an hour later. I should have called Ricky, but he mentioned that he was going out with someone special tonight and I didn’t want to stick my nose in his business. My craving for tequila was burning the back of my throat. I would be putting it mildly if I said that my situation was complicated. Arthur had messed up everything. I had the faction on my head, the paps were outside my building hunting for any comments, and Nameless Thief had a letter that weighed on my future on earth.
It was Wednesday night and the pub was empty for a change. Paul was cleaning the tables. I spotted one or two customers at the back. It was strange not to see any demons around, especially since the pub had been very busy in the past few days.
This setup was good, because I could drink alone here, then hopefully crash somewhere upstairs on Paul’s sofa and get up early. Tomorrow I was planning to sink my teeth into my new case. I had to find that bastard before he realised what kind of value the letter truly possessed.
Several minutes later Paul came back behind the bar.
“What’s on your mind, Max?” he asked, with a deep frown.
“My life is complicated again. Give me some magic and let me forget all about it,” I said, telling myself that everything was going to be all right once I tasted tequila. People made mistakes, they fell in love and had their hearts broken. This was nothing new. He nodded, reached under the bar and brought up the bottle of my favourite spirit infused with something more than alcohol. Zach had all the information about the Nameless Thief, but I didn’t need his help. I could find him on my own.
The tiny voice in my head told me that this was bad idea. I was supposed to stick to my resolution after the last time I got drunk and lost all my money to Devlin. However, once the bottle was open, there was no going back. I drank, numbing the fact that I couldn’t move on, numbing the pain in my limbs. The guilt weighed heavy on my shoulders, and for a bit I considered smashing the bottle over the bar and just heading home. The problem was that I had nowhere to go, and the night was still young.
Around ten o’clock the bar started filling up with more people. Devlin showed up and invited me into a game of poker. That demon had a nerve. I said no. Ha! If Ricky had been standing by my side, he would’ve patted me on the back and said that I’d done well, telling Devlin to get fucking lost. That part of me was strong, well, at least I thought that was the case, but the other weakness for tequila kept whipping me like a cowboy during a rodeo.
Paul was a good guy; he understood me. There were demons inside everyone, but my past was so wrecked that I had to drink to keep living, to keep solving the cases that paid my bills.
“Go and get some fresh air before you fall asleep on the bar again,” Paul said, shaking my shoulders when I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I lifted my head abruptly and then slapped myself to make sure I was fully alert.
“Yes, yes, I’m going now. Have you got a cigarette?” I asked, remembering that I had promised myself countless times that I would stop smoking for good. That didn’t happen either. He nodded and placed one on the counter. My head was slightly less messed up than before. In the past eighteen months I learned how to live with the guilt. Tequila had hushed my memories of the most horrible and at the same time one of the most beautiful days in my entire life.
I stepped outside, lighting the cigarette and dragging the toxins in. The night was beautiful, there were no clouds in the sky, and it hadn’t rained for a good few days now. I was enjoying myself, standing and looking at the dark sky when a moment later a human man appeared on the street. There was nothing striking about him, apart from the fact that he had his hands on a woman’s arse. I managed to sense that those two were a couple, but there was something not right about the way he was pushing her around, shouting in the middle of the street.
“I told you not to embarrass me in front of my friends, you stupid bitch. Now they think that I’m a pussy,” he shouted, grabbing her elbow and turning her violently around. The girl was scared. I was drunk enough, but could still sense her fear, spiking so fast that my palms dotted with sweat. So many of her tangled feelings were shooting through me.
“Stop it, James, you had too much to drink. Let’s just go home,” she pleaded, trying to get away from him.
“And that dress, I told you not to wear it tonight. Everyone was staring at your arse.” He laughed, in the cruelest way possible. I didn’t like this guy. Correction, I instantly thought he was a prick. Is that what true love looked like these days?
“You always liked it; you said that it makes me look really pretty.”
“No, it makes you look more like a slut,” the man blurted out and then slapped her, and she stumbled to the ground. That was it for me. I couldn’t keep pretending I was all right with him abusing her like that. I dropped the cigarette, stomped on it and shouted, “Hey, you arsehole, this is not how you should treat the lady.”
He turned around, frowning.
“Stay away from my business, bitch. I’m showing my girl who is the fucking boss. The cow deserves to learn her lesson,” he snarled, laughing at his own pathetic joke.
I was quick, maybe a bit too quick. In a split second I was standing in front of him, although the voices in my head were asking me to stay out of it. This was none of my business, but the guy was a complete prick and he needed to be reminded that women had to be treated with respect. He was drunk, but it was a lame excuse. Maybe I would end up like that one day, filled with bitter anger, violence, and unable to see what was right and wrong.
I swung my arm and punched him. The whole thing happened so fast, the guy landed on the pavement, and the blood started pouring out of him within seconds. My knuckles burned and I shook my wrist, like I just realised that this would hurt.
He started screaming, as blood filled his mouth and shirt. Suddenly the street wasn’t empty anymore. A couple of other humans stopped and stared. A guy in a cap took out his mobile phone and probably began recording the whole thing.
The girl started yelling at me. She then launched herself at her boyfriend who was swearing loudly.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she shouted at me, trying to look for something in her bag. “I was fine. You didn’t have to punch him.”
I was keeping my balance, wondering why she wasn’t thanking me instead. That arsehole obviously enjoyed hitting women. That wasn’t even acceptable within demonic circles.
The girl then started saying that she was in love, and her beloved James had a bit too much to drink. Some of the humans got involved and the arguments evolved. I stood there scratching my head wondering if I had gone too far. After some time the girl launched herself at me, waving her pretty manicured nails in front of my face. The boyfriend was ready to get up and do a bit more than push me over. I was trying to keep cool, but several moments later I heard the police sirens. Paul was outside with me when the boyfriend sat on the ground, threatening to kick my arse yet again. He was much more sober now than when I hit him, but still pretty much a prick.
“Maxine, have you been a bad girl again?” Zach asked appearing suddenly in front of me. He stood next to a uniformed policeman. I shook my head, wondering if this was a bad dream. This whole thing happened out of his district, and I really wasn’t in the mood for games.
“That bitch broke my nose. I want to press charges,” James shouted, waving his fists at me. I rolled my eyes.
Paul placed his hand on my shoulder. “The human boy slapped his girlfriend. Maxine was only trying to teach him some manners,” the retired Watcher explained.
“Paul, it’s all right. I can take care of this,” I said, thinking that James needed much more than just a punch. The girl had obviously no brain, sticking up for him like that. My overbearing darkness overshadowed my vision, pulling me down into a depressed mood, the part of me that I normally hushed with magic. This world wasn’t for me.
“Right, Robin, I’ll take care of her,” Zach said staring at the guy with a smashed nose, not me. Robin, the uniformed officer was going to argue, but the human started swearing again. More people started gathering around us and I hated that Zach was now involved in my pathetic rescue mission. “Come on, Flower, time for you to disappear.”
He nodded to me to move, and I guess I had no other choice. I didn’t want to stay on the street and explain why I got myself tangled in yet another mess.
Zach’s presence calmed me down. Paul was reminding me that I needed to be careful. Yeah, he was broadcasting his thoughts loud and clear.
“Let’s take you home, shall we?” Zach said when we got to his car. I put my seat belt on, feeling tired and still pretty much zoomed out with tequila. At least I hadn’t lost any money tonight, that was a step forward, with a lot more steps backwards.
“I can’t go home. There are paps all over my car park. They most likely haven’t left yet,” I said, rubbing my face. Okay, Zach was only trying to help after I nearly slashed his throat earlier on in the palace. I felt that my life was getting out of control again.
He ran his hands over the steering wheel and exhaled.
“In that case, you will sleep in mine, and before you say anything, we are not going to have sex,” he said, sounding completely serious. Then we were driving, getting out of Brixton, while I was trying to forget that I put myself at risk yet again. The streets were still busy, horns were going off, but Zach turned to the left, leading us through narrow back streets.
“Okay.”
That was it. I couldn’t come up with anything else. Tequila clouded my head and I felt so stupid, so damn silly that things didn’t work out between me and him two months ago. Neither of us said anything for a good half hour. Zach was calm and reserved, thinking about our case for a change. The air suddenly stuck in my throat, as I tried to force the turmoil and my vulnerability away from me. At the traffic light when the car stopped, Zach turned around to look at me.
“I really wanted us to give it a go, Max, but you ran. Why?”
I closed my eyes, knowing that there was no escape now. I had to come clean, explain myself. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest.
“I’m a freak. I mean, look at me, I can’t even take care of myself,” I said, getting tired of pretending that I could fight my internal battles on my own. Zach had his own issues, but we could have made this work. He smoothed his chin, his eyes wary, deep.
“You should just let me in, at least give it a try. We didn’t have to jump into a relationship; we could have taken things slowly.”
The pain started spreading. I didn’t know why his words hurt me. I felt inadequate deep inside, scarred, trying to figure out if there was a way to change the past. I couldn’t offer him much. He would have to teach me how to function as a human.
“I got scared, all right? All of a sudden I was petrified to have someone there for me, someone that wanted to take care of me,” I shouted, not even knowing why I was raising my voice. That weak, other Maxine was talking then.
Zach’s eyes darkened and he pulled over to the side of the road. I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Because of the prince? He fucked you up so badly that now you can’t put your full trust in another man?” he asked gently in a tone of voice that I completely didn’t recognise. I stared at my hands, chewing on my bottom lip, and thinking that I couldn’t cry in front of him.
“Yes, we loved each other. I have never talked to anyone about this, but what we had was special. It was truly like a fairytale,” I said, struggling to keep my voice even. Once the first tear rolled down my cheek I couldn’t stop myself. I was a damaged woman that was too scared to cry in front of a man.
“Now you have a chance to get back together with him. He obviously caused such havoc. He wants you back, Flower.”
“No, it’s over. This could never work. I’m moving forward and not jumping back to that old life. Arthur is going to be the future king and I’m no one,” I said, wiping the tears away. “I do like you, Zach, and I was ready then, but my life always spins out of control. I was afraid I’d screw it up.”
He reached out and lifted my chin, his eyes filled with heat. He used his thumb to wipe the tears away, and my soul sparked back to life. It was okay to show him that vulnerable part of me hidden somewhere underneath.
“You’re beautiful and you deserve someone that can give you everything. Now I understand, and if you let me in, I could smooth your sorrows and seal that frisky little heart of yours back together again. The choice is yours.”