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The drive across the country flew by. We decided to drive straight through, Michael resting a bit during the day if he felt he needed it, and letting me sleep through the night. He drove like a maniac, but with his special talents, he had no problem staying under the radar of police or avoiding causing any accidents. The trip took us fifty hours, and that was only because Michael insisted that we stop so I could stretch and we could eat. While it felt incredibly long, it was still a lot more fun than the trip with Jim and Sally the previous year from Niagara Falls to Port Coquitlam.
Early Monday afternoon we pulled onto interstate ninety that would take us through Buffalo and onto Niagara Falls. I recognized all the landmarks I had grown up with, and began shifting and moving in my seat as we neared, getting antsier by the moment.
“You excited?” Michael had been very quiet the last hour, but had been constantly glancing at me.
“Yeah—No, actually. I feel kinda nervous. I’m sorta wishing we were back in Port Q.” I bit my lip and looked at him. “Please tell me this was a good idea – that I haven’t made a mistake in wanting to come here?”
His hand reached for mine and held it. “I don’t think this is a mistake at all. Trust your instincts, they’re usually right.”
We headed towards the tollbooth and bridge for Grand Island. The large, blue, twin bridges has always seemed beautiful to me. Now they looked like mountains I was going to have to climb. We drove through Grand Island in silence. I had nothing to say because my mind was running through everything that had happened in the past year, while I was trying to remember my first memories from when I was little. I couldn’t come up with anything significant. The twin blue bridges appeared again to take us into Niagara Falls. I pointed to the Niagara Boulevard exit. “We can find a hotel here if you want.”
“Sure. Good idea.” He pulled into the right lane and then headed onto the exit ramp. He headed south on the boulevard. A couple miles down, past all the shops and restaurants was a brand new Holiday Inn that advertised an Indoor + Outdoor pool on its welcome sign. He parked the car under the entrance by the office. “Give me a sec to grab us a room.”
I waited in the car, rubbing my temples with my fingers, trying to get myself to relax. I tried concentrating on my breathing and counted even numbers until my racing heart slowed and I began to feel calm. I took one more deep breath and looked up as Michael walked around the Jeep and got into the driver’s seat.
“We are on the first floor, just around the corner. Let’s get our stuff inside and grab some lunch.”
“Good idea. I’ll give my old Foster-Counsellor a call and see if I can set up a meeting for tomorrow. Mrs. Hawthorn always left Tuesday mornings open for kids who needed to see her without an appointment. I’m pretty sure she won’t have a problem with me coming in.”
Mrs. Hawthorn had been my guidance-foster counsellor before I had moved to Port Coquitlam. She was a woman who would do nothing without your case file in front of her. She was a good lady, just beaten down by years with the system.
We walked into the hotel room and threw our bags down. Michael went back to the Jeep and made a few trips with the rest of our stuff. He flopped down onto the king size bed. I dropped down beside him – he on his back and me on my belly. I folded my arms across his chest and rested my chin between my hands.
“So... is there anything you would like to do?” I leaned my face closer to his and my lips brushed lightly against his as I spoke. I’d brushed my teeth and freshened up while he ran back and forth to unload.
“Hmmm... I can’t seem to think of anything at the moment.” He brought his hands from behind his head and rested them along my ribcage. Ever so gently, he pulled me so I lay on top of him.
I brought my lips towards his neck and nibbled my way to his ear. I heard him sigh, and it gave me courage. I brushed my hand across his chest and undid a few of his buttons. His skin was cool but it created heat inside of me as I ran my fingers along his abdominal muscles. I brought my lips towards his and felt his tongue instantly inside of my mouth. I groaned and pressed my body closer to his.
In a flash, Michael flipped us so he was on top of me. It only created more burning heat inside. I opened the remaining buttons on his shirt and ran my hands over his chest and stomach. It was intoxicating.
His hands pulled at my shirt. His mouth never left mine as his hands touched my stomach and reached higher towards my breasts. I wanted this, badly. A desire burned inside me that I had never felt before. I broke away from his kiss so I could sit and pull my shirt off.
The moment our lips parted and before I had time to sit all the way up, Michael was on the other side of the room. I sat frozen in surprise, my hands crisscross, fingers holding the bottom of my shirt. “Why did you...”
He face tightened as he struggled to gain his composure. His chest heaved as he was pressed up against the wall as if trying to disappear into it. His eyes were the deepest blue I had ever seen them. He shut them tight and clenched his hands into fists by his side.
“Michael –”
“Please... Rouge, give me a moment. I just need a moment.”
“Is something wrong?” I had no clue what had happened. Was he reacting this way because of me? Had Grace sent him a terrible message? “What’s going on?” I stood and walked over. “Is everything alright?”
He nodded curtly, his eyes still closed tight.
When I reached him, I put both my hands on top of his clenched fists. I didn’t move, I just stood there until I could feel his hands begin to relax. I laced my fingers into his and watched his face. He slowly opened his eyes to look at me. They were still blue, but a much lighter shade. I leaned forward and stood on my tippy toes to rub my nose against his.
He smiled, his body still pressed tight against the wall.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded.
“What happened? Did Grace send you a message?” Their uncanny ability to talk to each other inside their heads never ceased to amaze me. “Is everyone alright back in Port Q?” With my luck a pack a Grollics attacked the day we left.
He chuckled. “No. I mean yes.” He shook his head. “Everyone’s fine. It wasn’t Grace.”
“Then what happened?”
He grinned but avoided looking me in the eye.
I stood on my tippy toes, trying to catch his gaze.
His fingers left mine and trailed up my side and across my collarbone to the pendant around my neck. “I think it came from this.”
“What? What came from it?” I had no idea what was going on. “Did I shock you or something?”
“In a sense.” He smirked. “I’m not exactly sure if it came from the pendant.”
“Did I shock you? What the heck happened?” I couldn’t stop the frustration from entering my voice.
“We were... kissing. One moment our lips were pressed against each other, the next... Wham! I felt everything you were feeling. Like this massive balloon of desire coursed through you and burned into me. It was...” He smiled, one very sexy smile. “Incredible. It was unbelievably incredible. Could you do it again?”
I grinned, but shook my head. “I’ve no idea what I did.”
“You didn’t feel it?”
“I’m not sure. I mean, I was...” I whispered the next word, embarrassed but didn’t know what other word to use, “horny. But I didn’t try to send you any feeling.” My fingers curled around the Sioghra. “Maybe it was the pendant.”
He leaned close and pressed his lips softly against mine. “We’ll have to see if you can do it again.”
A tingling burned deep in my belly. “Now?”
He smiled wryly, taking a deep breath. “How ‘bout we eat something first.”
“Are you feeling light headed and faint?” I teased.
He looked at me with that sexy-smile that always melted my heart. “In a totally new way.” He tickled my ribs.
I jumped away, laughing. “Let me give Mrs. Hawthorn a shout before we go. Then let’s drive down to the Falls and do some sightseeing. My legs are dying to walk around after being stuck in the Jeep for so long.”
“Sounds perfect.”
I pulled Mrs. Hawthorn’s card out of my backpack and dialed her number.
“Hello?”
“Mrs. Hawthorn?”
There was a pause on the phone. “Rouge?”
“Yes!” I smiled. She remembered me. “I’m in town and was wondering if I could stop by and see you? I know you used to keep Tuesday morning’s open...”
Paper shuffled and a filing cabinet clicked shut in the background. “I have one appointment now and will be done in about forty minutes. Why don’t you came by in an hour?”
“Today?” I hadn’t expected to see her today.
“If that works for you.”
“Sure. I’ll see you in an hour.” I looked at Michael whose eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“See you then.” Mrs. Hawthorn hung up before I had a chance to say good-bye.
Michael checked his watch. “She can see you today?”
“I guess so.” I stood and grabbed the duffle bag I’d packed my clothes in. “I need to jump in the shower. I’ll be super quick.”
Michael knocked on the door as I turned the water on. “I’m going to go and grab us some food. I’ll find a drive-through of some kind.”
“Okay. Thanks!” I called out.
When I walked out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later, Michael sat at the desk, talking on his cell phone giving the address of our hotel with the room number. “Check the area and let me know what you find out.”
“Caleb?” I asked when he hung up.
“Yup.” He pointed to the dresser. “I just grabbed a sub. Wasn’t sure what else to get.”
“That’s fine.” I straightened my skirt. “I’m not that hungry actually. Maybe I’ll wait till after.”
“Eat a little. Please?”
Not wanting to show my anxiousness, I unwrapped the sub and took a small bite. “Why did you ask Caleb to check the area?”
“I don’t know how many Grollics are in the area. Caleb was looking into it. It’s not really something we have on a file. There are no Higher Coven members in this area so Grollics might be here because of that – or they may not be here for a completely different reason. I just don’t want to tick anyone off because I didn’t respect their squatter’s rights.”
“Squatter’s rights?”
“It is kind of like in real estate – you settle on a piece of land long enough, you kind of own it. I need to know the area better before I take any initiative. It’s not a big deal.” He picked up his empty sub wrap and tossed it into the bin. “Just not everyone is a fan of the Higher Coven.”
“Should I be worried?” I hadn’t thought about Michael’s safety. My focus had been on finding answers about my past. Guilt washed over me. I’d been so selfish.
“No. We’re just being cautious.” He grabbed the keys and tossed them to me. “You know where to go?”
I nodded.
Michael opened the room door. As we headed down to the car, he made an effort to distract me. “Sarah told me we have to go to Fort George and see Fort Niagara as well. She was here when they were built.”
“She fought in the war of 1812?” Impressive.
“She actually helped the Canadians,” Michael tapped his forehead. “I think he was actually English. Brock. His name was something Brock.”
“Sir Isaac Brock?” I asked, my mouth gapping open.
“Yeah, that’s it.” Michael tried to hide a smile. He was obviously enjoying my disbelief.
I laughed as we got into the Jeep. “I’m so asking Sarah the details when we get back.” I started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. Twenty minutes later we were in front of the familiar Foster Care – Children Services building. I parked the Jeep in the visitors parking. We walked together into the building, Michael’s warm hand holding mine. I gave my name to the secretary at the front desk and we sat in the chairs waiting for Mrs. Hawthorn to call me in.
Nothing had changed; the paint, the chairs, the pictures. Nothing here had changed, but to me, nothing looked the same.
Mrs. Hawthorn came out of her office, folder in hand. She looked up from her bifocals and called my name.
“Rouge dear, how are you? Oh, I see that you have brought a friend.” She looked at Michael and began fanning her face with her hand. “What a lovely, handsome friend you have!” She shook her head, as if trying to figure if she had said the words aloud or in her head.
I smiled and tried not to laugh – I had the same feeling every day.
The three of us walked into her office, she still had files piled everywhere. She moved files from a chair and plopped them onto the floor by the wall. She sat down behind her desk and pointed to the pair of chairs for us to sit in. Michael held the first chair out for me and then sat himself down. Mrs. Hawthorn gave him a winning smile.
“Thanks for seeing me, Mrs. Hawthorn. Mrs. Hawthorn?” It took me calling her name twice to turn her attention back to me.
“Sorry Rouge.” She folded her small hands together. “Why did you want to see me?”
“I was wondering if you would be able to give me a copy of my birth certificate from the hospital and any other information that might help me find my biological parents.”
She tutted. “Oh dear, let me see.” She opened the file in front of her and shuffled through the pages. “You turned eighteen back in January. So you are entitled to any information we might have about your birth. Let me what we have on file with our secretary. She’ll be able to get a copy of what we do have.” She stood and slipped out of the office leaving the door slightly open behind her.
As soon as she left, Michael was instantly behind her desk looking through my case file. I hadn’t even seem him move.
“Michael! What’re you doing?” I whispered.
“Just making sure sweet-ol’ Mrs. Hawthorn doesn’t leave anything out. Don’t worry; she won’t even know I looked.” He flipped through each page at lightning speed. How he could read anything that fast was beyond me.
He was sitting down beside me before Mrs. Hawthorn even came back into the room.
“Rouge, here are the forms to apply for the original copy of your birth certificate. We only have a copy. Here also are the hospital papers when we retrieved you.” Mrs. Hawthorn handed me a small stack of papers.
Retrieved me? What was that supposed to me?
Michael cleared his throat but Mrs. Hawthorn continued before he could speak.
“If you turn to the third page of the hospital notes and look on the left hand side, about mid-way down... you’ll see that you were born six and a half, nearly seven weeks, prematurely and weighed just over 4lbs. You were actually born in Utica, New York.” She skimmed through the photocopy on her desk, pushing her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose. “It’s a little confusing. Doctor reports show you being here, but the birth was down there.” She set the papers down. “Because you were so tiny, you were kept at the hospital in Utica for two and half months before being released.”
“So I was just left there?” I tried sorting through the papers but couldn’t seem to make heads or tails out of the doctor’s notes and other pages. A few slipped out and drifted to the floor.
Michael leaned down to pick them up.
“Your pediatrician check-ups from three months to somewhere around thirty-six months are in Niagara Falls.”
That made sense. If FACS picked me up then everything would have been done here. “Did my mother stick around to at least put her name on my birth certificate?”
“Stick around?” Mrs. Hawthorn’s eyebrows rose. “I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”
“Knew what?” Michael straightened beside me.
“Your mother left you at the hospital just after you were born and then came back when you were released.”
“What?” I was sure I had never been told that. I definitely would have remembered it.
“She picked you up,” Mrs. Hawthorn flipped to the front of my file. “The day FACS came, she showed up just before us and said she had changed her mind. She picked you up.”
My heart stuttered and its beat pounded inside my ears. “Really?” I whispered.
“Yes. She had you till you were about three and then brought you back to Utica Hospital. She signed you over again to us... and this time she didn’t come back.”
Michael reached for my hand and held it tight in his.
“I thought I was with the system since I was born.”
“Well, in a sense you were. You’ve been on file since your birth.”
“What’s my mother’s name?” I stood and looked over Mrs. Hawthorn’s file. “Do you have that?”
She leaned back against her chair, maybe surprised at my sudden movement. “She requested it not be released. When she handed you over the second time, she left written notice not to release her name.” Mrs. Hawthorn smiled sadly. “I’m sorry. I don’t have it.”
We’d come all this way for nothing then.
“So,” Michael said as he rose from his seat and stood beside me. “All you have for Rouge are the forms and what you’ve photocopied for her? Can’t you give her your file?”
Mrs. Hawthorn’s mouth dropped. “The file is state property! I can’t do that.”
“Psych evaluations, notes on her foster homes and all that crap is her business. Not the states.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why don’t you make photocopies and give Rouge the originals?”
Mrs. Hawthorn pointed a tiny finger at Michael. She obviously didn’t take bullying from anyone. “You listen to me, young man! I’ve been here a long time. If I could do that I would. Rouge doesn’t need what’s in this file. She needs to focus on moving forward with her life.” She slapped the file shut and pounded her fist on top of it. “Let her do that.”
I put my hand on Michael’s to stop him. “Let’s just go.” I couldn’t erase the image of what I had expected my mother to look like, fitting her into my internal fantasy, sitting, rocking me as a small baby and singing me to sleep. She had wanted me – at least for a little while. That would have to be enough... for now. “Thanks Mrs. Hawthorn.”
She stood and walked with us to the lobby.
Michael felt the back pocket of his shorts. “Shoot! My wallet must have fallen out when I picked up the papers for you. I’ll be right.” He jogged back to Mrs. Hawthorn’s office and disappeared. He was back a moment later, holding his wallet in the air. “Found it!”
We said good-bye and headed to the Jeep. I gave Michael the keys to drive. “Can we head back to the hotel?” I just wanted to sleep. I suddenly felt exhausted.
Michael pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road. He leaned forward, close to the steering wheel.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Untuck my shirt will you?”
As I pulled it out of his shorts, I felt something hard on his back. “What the...?” His shirt came free and a manila envelope appeared.
“I figured this belongs to you.”
I pulled the envelope out all the way, simply unable to believe what I found. “You stole my file?”
