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Me?
I didn’t believe them. Or I didn’t want to believe them.
It couldn’t be me. Could it?
Terrified, I shook my head unable to say anything to Joshua. One moment I had felt sweetness in a kiss and the next... I just wasn’t ready to deal with what I’d envisioned.
Instead I turned and headed to the boat. Getting in it and sitting there waiting for Rob and Joshua with my arms crossed over my chest. I refused to talk about it and for some strange reason, neither of them brought it up as they headed into town.
The shopping trip helped to lighten my mood a little, that and having Rob work endlessly to bring a little more humor into the day. The drive back up the side of the mountain was pleasant, the sun shining and the air cool enough for a jacket, but enjoyable. The vision of blood and carnage was tucked perfectly away for analyzing later. Or so I thought. I kept wondering about it. I wasn't sure what part of my thoughts had created the images. Was it due to lack of sleep, or high emotional stress of the past few weeks? Or worse, was I actually seeing some dastardly future that lay ahead?
"You look pretty." Joshua leaned around Rob and smiled at me as I half leaned out the window.
The soft cotton V-neck and shorts felt good. I wasn't so sure about them looking good, but honestly didn't care. "Thanks," I smiled back, deciding for tact over truth.
"Where are we going to start looking for clues as to Rouge’s abilities?" Rob glanced at Joshua as if he were the authority on all things.
"I don't know really. I've heard lots of stories about who she could become, but they’re just campfire tales." Joshua shrugged and pulled the truck up under the trees.
"I'm the object of campfire stories?" I laughed and got out of the truck, not feeling the sense of trepidation I expected to due to the large body of water that lay ahead of us. Was it this lake that my vision earlier spoke of?
No, it was the beach in Florida.
I shivered and moved to the boat that lay tied up on the shoreline as my stomach gurgled. I rubbed my hand across it and let up a small prayer. I was no good at being sick and hoped it would pass without me having to hit my knees and lose the great breakfast Joshua made or the lunch I’d scarfed down while we shopped.
"I think we should start with the journal." Rob moved up beside me and rubbed my back.
“Jamie’s journal?” Joshua asked.
I wanted to correct him to say Rouge each time he used my birth name, but I just couldn't force myself to do it anymore. I needed a clean break – a new life. Having a name that truly belonged to me would be healthy. My mother had put Rouge on my birth certificate for a reason. I was looking for the real me, so what better way to remind myself to stay on that trek than use my real name? Just seemed like an affront to Michael. A little knife to bury into his back. He’d be disappointed.
The image of him brushed across my vision, the smirk he always gave me causing my heart to ache. I needed him to fight with, to struggle with all of this with... to love. I fought back tears and nodded toward Rob as Joshua grunted, the boat having wedged itself good into the sandy bank of the lake.
Joshua watched me a moment. "I think you should take both journals out into the woods if you feel up to it when we get back. I could come or Rob could or, you could go on your own. It's safe this far up in the mountains." He smiled and held the boat still in the water. "Get in Rob, then help your sister."
I nodded and waited for my brother to get his footing. He grumbled and cursed about the water as if he were the one to almost lose his life to it the night before. I should have been scared, but I just couldn't muster the emotion. I loved the water too much to blame it for my ignorance. I wanted to take another quick dive in, but would have to wait until it was warmer. Much warmer.
I smiled and sat down as Rob glanced back at me. "What has you smiling?"
I tried to drop my smile but the corners of my mouth curved up again on their own. "I was just thinking about how much fun it would be to swim and lounge around up here in the late summertime when it's warm enough."
"It's a blast and it just gets more and more beautiful." Joshua's voice wrapped around me, comforting me in ways I couldn't explain. I pushed at the feeling, not wanting to betray my heart more than I already had.
"Do you think we'll still be here when that time comes?" Rob focused on me, though I wasn't sure if he was asking me or Joshua.
Without a pack, Rob was susceptible to Joshua's Alpha position. Having been an Alpha before joining us, my brother was taking all of it quite well. He could challenge Joshua for his pack, but he didn't even seem to have entertained the thought.
Good. We don't need another fight on our hands. We’ve enough already.
"I honestly don't know anything right now. We’re safe right now. Let me get rid of this bug and then I'll work on making a plan." I shrugged and leaned over, running my fingers through the water. Both men on either side of me let out a soft gasp and I growled, "I'm not a dainty flower. Don't treat me like one."
"Don't almost die every other day and we'll try not to," Rob bit back, the smirk on his mouth giving credence to his care for me.
We rode the rest of the way in a comfortable silence, the nature around us too beautiful and serene to disturb. Taking the trail up the side of the mountain just out of the back door of the house was going to be fun. I needed a calm adventure and I had no doubt that our current location would provide it. I just hoped that none of Joshua's wolves were around to purposely bother me. I hated to show them what I could really do with my power. That wouldn't do me any favors where our host and my mate might be concerned.
Mate.
It seemed so weird to even consider it. I wanted to pretend like I wasn't Grollic simply because I couldn't shift. It would be so much easier if I weren't, but knowing without a doubt who my father was... I couldn't deny the truth of my heritage.
I glanced back as Joshua looked up and winked. His dark hair brushed along his forehead and he pushed the oars through the water. His white t-shirt was tight on his chest and arms, the muscles flexing beautifully as he worked to get us to our destination.
There was no fighting the physical attraction I had toward him. I was grateful it was warmth and not a fire though. I didn't want to be anything to anyone but to Michael. I would have to keep myself on that path until I made the decision to let my dreams and hopes toward what Michael and I might still be simply die. Time would help. If I didn't wait, guilt would weigh me down and darken my soul. There would be no saving me if I started to walk down a path of darkness due to heavy emotions. Michael was the one to pull me out of those darkened alleys in my mind before now. Who would do it if he wasn't here?
Closer.
I glanced back, knowing without a doubt that Joshua would. He saved me the night before and risking his own life proved one thing: I might not think we were mated by fate, but he undeniably did.
"Rob, grab the dock." Joshua’s voice pulled me from my thoughts and I realized I was still staring at him as if studying his expressions, his movements, his actions. He didn't seem to mind, but I did. Heat rose up in my chest and coated my cheeks as I jerked around. The soft masculine chuckle behind me left me feeling like the delicate flower I just reminded the guys that I wasn't.
Rob moved quickly, his hands shaking, but he tried to hide it. He tied up the boat and got out as Joshua moved behind me, reaching down and taking my arms to help me up. I started to bark at him that I could help myself, but stopped myself. He didn't deserve me pushing him away just because I wasn't sure I could pull him close.
"Thanks," I mumbled and reached for my brother, getting out of the boat and walking to the house as they chatted by the lake. The smell of bacon slapped me in the face as I walked in and I grimaced. We needed to open some windows to get rid of the smell or I'd be sick again and soon.
I moved quickly through the quiet cabin, slipping into my room and pulling my backpack from the floor. I unloaded everything on the bed but my journals and zipped it back up. My fingers brushed by my chest, Michael's necklace having been against my skin far too long not to miss its absence.
Working quickly to get out of the house before the boys came in, I moved out the back door and back into the mid-morning sun. It brushed warmth across my skin as chill bumps lined my arms and legs. The air was cool, but not so much that I needed a jacket.
I pushed hard to get up the sharp hill behind the house, my blood pumping and heart racing by the time I hit the top. Turning around, I took in a long breath. It was magnificent. The deep hills and valleys of the mountains were covered in various greens, spring having shown up in full effect.
The tip of the farthest mountains I could see were still covered in snow. Tears burned my gaze as I stood there, taking in the beauty all around me.
"I wish you were here," I whispered into the emptiness. Giving myself grace to mourn the loss of my future with Michael was something I was going to have to stay true to. This wasn't going to be easy or quick. I just hoped more than anything that Joshua would understand that. If he didn't there was nothing for us in the future either. Even if he did... I wasn't sure where my feelings lay just yet.
A large pine tree in front of me was the perfect place to recline and see what I could uncover from the mysterious journal that sat in my backpack. I wasn't surprised anymore by how I came about it, only that I still had it in my possession. My father was tricky and far wiser than I wanted to give him credit for. If he wanted his journal from me... he would have it. There was some reason why it stayed in my possession for now.
I tugged it out as a bird cried out far above my head. I glanced up as the small book warmed in my hands. Rubbing my thumb across the top of the slick leather surface, I flipped through a few pages until I found what I was looking for.
The Power of Three. The words weren't in English, but somehow my eyes translated the wolf speak without much effort. I brushed my thumb over the word 'power' and it lifted from the page, turning crimson and twitching a little.
"What secret are you holding?" I rubbed my thumb over it again, tingles racing down my fingers into my hand and arm. Something was beneath the word as if magic held back truth.
"Show me what I'm looking for." I pressed against it again and gritted my teeth as I dragged my finger across, a small trail of blood covering the word. "Ouch."
I jerked my hand back and slipped my thumb in my mouth, sucking at the small cut in hopes of relief. The book warmed more and I forced myself to be steady and still. I wasn't going to get anywhere if I kept running from myself. Power was frightening, but it was mine and I had yet to take hold of it. Because of my cowardliness, I had lost almost everything. Almost.
The word 'power' twitched again, the blood dissipating and shifted the word from black to red as it twitched one final time. 'Strength' appeared.
"I knew it. Rob said strength." I shook my head. "Does this damn book tell me what I want to see or the truth?"
With no one to answer me, I gave up on my internal bantering and flipped a few more pages. I would need to figure out what the 'power of three' was. Sounded very much like inherent abilities of three people and not three objects. My first inclination when I started to research the power or strength was that it was people. Why had I diverted from that?
Joshua. Right.
The wind blew and the pages of the journal flipped back and forth in front of me, something far greater than the elements moving the sheets of paper. I took a shallow breath and settled myself.
"Show me the truth."
The dark stain on the page it landed on almost looked like an artistic ink blot of sorts. The words were jumbled on the page and I could have sworn it was a new entry. I hadn't seen it before and I had pored over the book many times since getting it.
The more I stared at the design, the more it took form. Black wings began to form at the edge of the design as I gave myself over to the power that bubbled up inside of me. Fear threatened to shut down the moment forcefully, but I pressed against it.
I needed to know more. Now.
Closer.
I lifted the book to my face and leaned in, my breathing becoming labored as the light around me snuffed out and the book was all I could see. A soft glow illuminated from the pages, allowing me to maintain focus on the words as some of them moved into focus.
An ancient power created as time began. I could only pick up a few words on the page, but the one at the bottom of it drew me in, the soft pulsating tempo of the word almost like a heartbeat. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I whispered it out loud as the image came clear.
"Malaz." Warmth rushed through me as the picture took shape, a dark set of wings appearing around the edge of the page. The calmness in me melted as the temperature rose around me. A soft scream lifted from my lips as I began to sweat, my body locked in stasis, my mind pushing hard for me to say it again.
"Help!" I whimpered. It was all I managed as two strong hands grabbed my shoulders and jerked me – hard.
