Twelve

Robin

We met at Ruby’s house to get dressed for the prom. I’d never had a girls’ night with friends, and I imagined it’d be something like this. We did each other’s make-up and hair, and there was a lot of laughter and anticipation.

Too bad Ryan couldn’t see me now, I thought as I looked in Ruby’s full-length mirror. I missed him so much. He’d barely spoken to me after Ruby’s party, though he hadn’t shut me out the way he had before. We needed to talk about what was going on, and he said we would after prom. His family was spending much of their spare time either packing boxes for the movers or taking small loads of items over to the new house.

With my mom in full prom mode, we barely had a few minutes each day to talk and text.

Tonight, I’d get prom over with, and tomorrow Ryan and I would hash out what was going on.

The girls around me were excited as we got dressed, and I tried to match their enthusiasm. Our mothers were gathered downstairs waiting to take pictures, and our dads would show up minutes before the boys. It was going to be a noisy, crowded send-off, and I was actually looking forward to it. It would have been perfect if Ryan had been part of the plans.

“Robin, you look stunning!” Megan said. “The whole school is going to freak out when they see you with Slade. The boys won’t be able to take their eyes off you, and the girls will hate you.” She laughed, and I joined in.

I envied her and Danna. They were going to prom with guys they were completely in love with.

It made me miss Ryan even more.

I wanted things to be good between us. Even though I’d fallen in love with him, I’d reconciled myself to the fact that I’d have to settle for just being friends. Having him in my life as my friend was better than not having him at all. Right?

And once we went to college, we’d keep in touch and remain friends. That was my future, and the faster I resigned myself to it, the better. But first, we had to get past whatever was setting Ryan off.

When all the girls were ready, we headed to Ruby’s living room where the mothers snapped pictures and oohed and ahhed over their daughters. Mom seemed to fit in with the other girls’ mothers, and I was happy that she was having a good time.

The dads and dates arrived, and there was another round of pictures before we divided up to go in our separate cars. As we stepped out of the house, Ruby said. “I’ll see you there. I need to pick up my date.”

We all stopped. “Date?” Slade said. “What date?”

Ruby waved us away. “It’s no big deal. I’ll see you there.”

“How come he didn’t come here?” Slade asked her.

She rushed to her car and called over her shoulder, “ See you there.”

“That was weird,” Megan said.

Eli shrugged and escorted her to the limo he had waiting. “Let’s go. I can’t wait to show off my hot date.”

“And get your crown,” Aaron said.

Eli playfully punched him, and everyone laughed.

Slade and I went to his car and as we drove to the high school gymnasium where prom was being held, we listened to music and made small talk. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t completely comfortable, either. It’d be much better once we got to the gym and joined everyone else.

The school gym was everything I’d imagined it to be. Loud music, people everywhere, and a party atmosphere. My previous proms had been so much more low key. Both were fun in their own ways. Maybe I’d admit to Carla that I appreciated this experience. Maybe not.

“Want to dance?” Slade asked.

I nodded, and he led me out to the dance floor. It was a slow song, but that was okay. I was much better at slow dancing than anything else.

As we danced to the music, Slade seemed distracted. His gaze kept going to the gym door. “I wonder when Ruby will get here.”

“Are you worried about her?”

He blinked a couple of times and then forced a smile. “Just curious.”

I didn’t believe him. He seemed way more tense than the guy I’d met last week.

His shoulders relaxed, and a small smile formed on his lips. I half turned to glance at where he was staring and froze in my tracks. Ruby had arrived. With Ryan.

“Isn’t that?” Slade didn’t finish his sentence.

“Ryan.”

We stood still on the dance floor with the other couples dancing around us. I’d been wishing all night that Ryan was here. Now he was, and I regretted it. I didn’t want him here as a date for another girl.

Slade and I began walking at the same time and quickly made our way to the couple. He said something to Ruby, but I didn’t pay attention. My sole focus was Ryan, who looked devastatingly handsome in his tux.

“You look incredible, Robin,” he said.

“What are you doing here?” I said. “With her. Is this why you’ve been pushing me away?” My mind raced back to search for any clues that I might be right. Was it possible that Ryan was falling for Ruby? If it was true, my heart would shatter into a million pieces.

He grabbed my hand. “Let’s dance.”

I numbly followed him to the dance floor, and my traitorous heart skipped a beat when Ryan wrapped his arms around me and began swaying to the music. This was what I’d wanted, what I’d been missing all along. To be with Ryan. In his arms. And loving him. It felt like heaven, and I wished I could turn off my brain that was flashing warning signs and just allow myself to enjoy the moment.

But I couldn’t do that. I knew now that I wanted Ryan, and I didn’t want him dating Ruby.

“I love you,” he said in my ear, and my heart stopped beating. It was what I’d wanted to hear. But not like this.

I almost repeated the words, but not this time. I didn’t love him like a friend anymore. I’d fallen too hard, and if he didn’t want to be with me as something more, then maybe it was best if we pushed away from each other. Because I couldn’t be a bystander, watching him date another girl.

I shook my head. “No,” I said. “We’re not doing this anymore.”

Ryan

“No. We’re not doing this anymore.”

My heart pounded against my chest. I’d told her I loved her, and her response had been no.

Maybe it would have been different if I’d told her the speech I had prepared. I’d thought long and hard about what I wanted to tell her and how. But at this moment, I followed Matt’s advice to rush in, and this was the result.

Matt was an idiot.

I was an idiot.

“Can I start over?” I said. “Pretend you didn’t hear that, and I’ll tell you what I really want to say.”

“No,” Robin answered. “I’m done pretending.”

I stumbled a step in my dancing. “Pretending? What have you been pretending? Not with me.” Robin and I were completely honest with each other. I couldn’t imagine a scenario where she’d be keeping something from me.

“Especially you,” she said.

I stopped dancing. “Let’s go somewhere and talk.”

She turned on her heel and led me to the courtyard outside the gym doors. There were some picnic benches in the area, and she headed for the nearest one.

“We could go to a restaurant or something,” I suggested. “So you don’t get your dress dirty.”

“Let’s get this over,” she said and began to sit down.

“Wait,” I shrugged off my jacket and laid it on the seat for her to sit on.

She sighed as she sat down. “Thanks.”

I sat next to her. I didn’t know what confession she had to make, but I wanted to share mine. “Can I tell you now?”

“Let me go first before I lose my nerve.”

I held her hand. “Go ahead.”

She stared at our joined fingers. “I’ve always wanted you by my side,” she said. “You were my friend. You built me up and helped me to face things when I was scared. I thought we’d be best friends forever.” Robin let out a deep breath. “Until you told me it ended at college.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

She squeezed my hand. “It’s what I heard. And honestly, it’s what I needed to hear. That dose of reality woke me up. I realized I don’t want to be your best friend anymore. I don’t need you by my side all the time, and I don’t need you in order to face tough situations. I can handle them myself.”

A deep ache formed in my chest. “You don’t want to be best friends anymore.”

“No,” she said and stared into the distance. “I’ve been pretending that’s what I’ve wanted all along, and I realize it’s not.”

“But you’re—“

Robin placed a finger over my lips and cut me off. She stared deeply into my eyes, and I could see a sheen of tears forming. “I never want to hurt you, but I’ve changed. And what we had in the past isn’t going to work for me anymore.”

A single tear trailed down her face, and I watched its path in stunned silence. She didn’t want me anymore. I’d already been rejected before I’d had a chance to offer my heart to her.

But she wasn’t the only one who’d changed. The old me would have agreed to whatever she wanted and left. But the new me wasn’t here tonight, crashing someone else’s prom, just to remain silent.

“I didn’t realize how you felt,” I said. “And I’m sorry if this hurts you even more. But I have to say this.”

Her eyes raised from our joined hands to my face.

“I love you.”

She frowned, and before she could protest, I continued. “I love you as my neighbor. I love you as my best friend. I love you as the girl who’s been the standard for my first girlfriend. I love you as my first love, and the woman that I want to be with.”

“I, I don’t understand.”

“I’m in love with you, and it’s okay that you don’t feel the same way. That you want to dissolve our relationship and move on with your life. I’m not sharing this to make you stay. I’m sharing this because I’m no longer pretending, either.”

She shook her head. “I don’t believe you. You wanted us to break off our friendship after the summer.”

“I wanted to run away from my feelings. Which meant I was running from you.”

Robin swallowed. “I don’t know what to believe.”

I slid closer to her. “Want me to prove it?”

“How?”

Wrapping her in my arms, I pulled her closer to me and placed my lips on hers. I ignored the doubt and pain circling in my heart and simply showed her how much I loved her. If this was our last moment together, I didn’t want her walking away with doubts.

She received my kiss without any comment or movement and when I told myself I needed to walk away, she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me back.

My heart soared and wanted to continue kissing the girl I loved, but my brain stepped in with my previous doubts. I slowly pulled away from her, just far enough to stop the kiss, but keep her in my arms. “Does this mean?” I was too afraid to hope.

Her hand brushed the side of my face. “I can’t be your best friend anymore. I can’t watch you walk away from me when we go to college. I can’t watch you date other girls.”

“I don’t want anyone else.” I said.

She placed a finger over my lips, and I fought the urge to kiss it.

“Ryan,” she said. “I can’t do any of those things. Because I fell in love with you.”

I kissed her finger and then lifted my head to kiss her temple and her nose. “I love you so much, Robin. I never want to lose you.”

She sighed. “But what about Ruby? What will you tell her?”

A slow grin crossed my lips. “That our plan worked.”

“Plan?”

“After the cookout, I went to her house and told her that I wanted my best friend to be my girlfriend. So she agreed to bring me here where I could share everything in my heart.” I dropped a quick kiss on Robin’s lips. “Let’s break up as best friends and become girlfriend and boyfriend.”

Robin smiled. “I’d love that.”

She moved forward to kiss me, but I pulled back. “There’s one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m seriously hoping my new girlfriend will be my best friend. I had a great one, but I’ve lost her, and I miss her already.”

Robin laughed. “I’d love that.”

“Great,” I said. “Now let’s go to prom and let your date know he’s been replaced.”

We stood up, and Robin wrapped her arms around my waist. “Slade hasn’t been replaced,” she said. “Because he never meant anything to me. It’s always been you.”

I kissed her and then rested my forehead on hers. “It’s always been you. It always has been, and it always will be.”

She didn’t have to tell me she felt the same way. Her kiss did that. And moments later, we joined the Morgan High crowd to share our good news.

We were together. The way we were always meant to be.