Kyle stayed facing the window until the door clicked shut behind Leah. As much as he wished to have one last glimpse of her, the rational part of his mind overruled his desires. He’d be glad when he finished substituting for Dr. Hess. Keeping his feelings hidden would be difficult if Leah came in every day.
Heaving a sigh, he stood and headed for the office door. He’d just stepped into the hallway when the side door burst open and Leah dashed in. Racing too fast to stop, she barreled into his chest. Instinctively, he reached out to steady her and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close to his chest.
She relaxed against him for a second and lifted her arms. For a moment, he dreamed she was about to wrap her arms around him. Then, her eyes wide and round, she pressed her hands against his chest and wriggled backward.
Reluctantly, he released her and stepped a safe distance away.
Her cheeks had turned a becoming shade of pink. “I— I’m sorry. I, um…forgot to tell you…the code.”
Was she out of breath because she’d been running? Or had she had the same reaction to him that he’d had to her?
“The code?” Still tantalized by her nearness, he could barely concentrate. He thrust his hands into his lab coat pockets to prevent himself from reaching out.
“The code…to the door.”
“Oh, right.”
She rattled off the code so rapidly the numbers ran together.
Kyle held up a hand. “Wait a minute. I’d better write this down.” Before thoughts of holding her crowded out the random digits she was reciting. Before he did something he’d regret, like stepping closer. Or enfolding her in his arms again.
He ducked into the office to regain his composure and emerged holding a tablet and a pen. Leah repeated the code, and he kept his head down as he wrote. “Thanks.” His gaze remained glued to the paper even after he’d finished writing the final number.
“Joel is waiting.” Leah turned and scurried down the hall.
This time Kyle didn’t have the safety of the office to prevent him from watching her leave. After the door closed behind her, he walked the short distance down the hall to click the lock into place but couldn’t resist lifting the blinds to peek out.
Leah was getting into a car with an Englischer. She’d said Joel was picking her up. Was she dating an Englischer? What about the fiery-eyed Amish man—Ben, wasn’t it?—who’d entered the store the night Kyle had returned the boxes? He’d assumed from Ben’s jealousy he was courting Leah. Had they broken up?
As the car pulled away, Kyle shook his head. If she chose to date Englischers, it was no business of his. Except it made the attraction he’d been struggling to suppress even harder to resist. After the car lights disappeared in the distance, he let the blinds drift back into place. Those retreating taillights reminded him of his life. Everyone he loved ended up leaving him.
Warning himself not to fall for another woman who could only bring heartache, he trudged down the hall and into the house to microwave leftovers and spend the evening alone. While his food heated, he called the hospital for an update on Dr. Hess. Then he rang the doctor’s cell phone but got no answer. He left a message, letting the doctor know the day had gone well.
If only he had someone else he could call to fill the silence. But working long hours a week as a resident and then traveling to different states to work as a covering physician had left him little time for friendships. And with his past, he had little desire for relationships.
Maybe the combination of more leisure time here in the Lancaster area and Leah’s constant presence might explain his attraction. Or maybe not. He’d been drawn to her during his earlier visit, when he’d been bone weary and irritated with her natural remedies. He’d been surprised she hadn’t contradicted him today when he handed out prescriptions, but maybe she’d done that later while the patients paid their bills. It should upset him, but for some reason, it made him smile. Had he become so besotted with her he’d endanger his patients? Kyle shook his head. He had to find some way to get her off his mind.
After he finished his solitary meal, he wandered through the downstairs rooms. What would it be like to settle in one place and live in a house like this? After moving to several cities to fill in for other doctors, he’d become used to empty apartments, take-out meals, and reheated food. Somehow, though, being in the Hesses’ warm, cheery home—perfect for a large, loving family—added to the longing in his heart for closeness and connection.
Instead, he faced another lonely night, warmed only by the memory of holding Leah in his arms.
* * *
Leah woke the next morning with Kyle on her mind. Not only had she been dreaming of him, but last night before she fell asleep, she’d decided to be sure he ate some decent meals. She had no idea how long he’d be here, but if he spent all day with patients, he needed nourishing food. While she fixed breakfast, she prepared two meals to put in the Hesses’ refrigerator.
Joel arrived early to drive her to the doctor’s office, and she appreciated the warmth of the car and her brother’s willingness to take her. She’d have frozen if she’d driven the carriage in this wintry weather. Joel seemed glad for the opportunity to chatter about his plans for expanding and improving the shop. Leah didn’t want to deflate his eagerness by asking if he’d run his ideas by Daed, so she murmured encouragement. Many of his suggestions would attract new customers. Leah hoped Daed would step back and let her brother manage the shop.
“All those sound great,” she said. “I hope you can do them.”
Joel’s face twisted. “You mean, will Daed let me try them?”
Although Daed had asked Joel’s forgiveness and welcomed him back into the family, their father remained wary about trusting his non-Amish son with major decisions.
A touch of bitterness in his tone, Joel said, “I may not be with the church, but that doesn’t mean I’ve changed my morals.”
A buggy pulled out in front of them, and he slowed to its pace but craned his neck, evidently watching for a clear stretch of road so he could pass.
Leah reached over and laid a hand on his arm. “Give him some time. He believes your decision to leave the Amish means you’ve turned your back on all our teachings.”
“It doesn’t.” Joel almost shouted the words. Then he glanced over at her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Not when you and Mamm seem to understand.”
“It isn’t easy, but if you give Daed some time, he’ll come around.”
“I hope so,” Joel muttered, zipping around the buggy. When they neared Dr. Hess’s office, he took his foot off the gas and flicked on his turn signal. They coasted into the driveway, and Joel pulled into a parking space. “Thanks for listening.”
Leah smiled at him. “You’re welcome. And thank you for the ride. And even more importantly, thank you for taking over the shop. I’m looking forward to having more time to train with Sharon.”
Joel tipped his head toward the doctor’s office. “How do you plan to do that when you’re here every day?”
“I called Sharon yesterday to let her know I’d be here for a few days until Esther can come back. I just pray we aren’t both needed at two different places at the same time again.”
“I’ll pray too.” When her eyebrows shot up, he protested. “Just because I didn’t join the church doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God or prayer.”
Leah regretted her automatic response, but Joel’s admission eased her worries. “I’m glad you still have your faith. If you reassured Daed about that, it might smooth things over.”
“Maybe,” he said, but he sounded doubtful.
“At least try.” She got out and slid her heavy bag from the backseat. “Have a good day,” she said before she shut the car door.
A curtain on the second floor of the house fluttered into place as she crossed the parking lot. Had Kyle been watching them? Perhaps he’d only been checking to see if a patient had arrived early.
Leah punched in the code and entered. She locked up behind her and headed down the hall. She’d reached the reception area when the door to the house creaked open and Kyle stepped out, his hair still damp and slightly tousled, as if he’d just emerged from the shower. His white lab coat highlighted his crisp appearance and…
She lowered her gaze. “Is it all right if I put a few things in the Hesses’ refrigerator?”
“That looks awfully heavy. Do you need some help?” Kyle reached for the bag.
Leah drew back the bag before he touched it. “I can manage.” Her tone was sharper than she’d intended, because Kyle’s offer had started a strange fluttering in her heart. No one had ever coddled her before. That’s what Ben would call it. He’d expect her to handle it herself.
“If you’re sure.” Kyle opened the door to the house and held it for her.
Leah released a pent-up breath when it swung shut behind her. She unpacked the food and hurried back to the office. As long as they had no emergencies to take them past lunch, she’d slip into the house right before their scheduled lunch break to fix Kyle a hearty meal. Kyle had retreated to his office, so she could breathe easier. At least until the first patient arrived.
The brisk pace of the morning appointments kept Leah’s thoughts from Kyle, except when she’d announce a patient’s arrival or assist with appointments. Then she spent a few moments waiting for her pulse to slow to a normal level before answering the phone or greeting new arrivals.
While Kyle was in the exam room with the last patient of the morning, she headed into the house to heat her homemade chicken corn soup and make Lebanon bologna sandwiches on potato rolls. She added red beet eggs, canned pickles, and broccoli slaw. She’d just managed to sneak the food into the records room when Kyle emerged from the exam room with the patient, Mr. Garcia. She hurried into the hallway and shut the door, but Mr. Garcia sniffed the air.
“Something smells good. Can I join you for lunch?” His eyes twinkled.
“Of course,” Leah said. She’d give him her plate. She could cobble together a few things for her own lunch.
Mr. Garcia laughed. “I was only teasing. I have my own lunch waiting for me back at the office.”
“I hope it’s a healthy one.”
At Kyle’s stern tone, Mr. Garcia looked sheepish. “Not today. I promise from now on I’ll do better.”
“Until we get those numbers down, no sugar and limit your carbs.” He turned to Leah. “Does Dr. Hess have any pamphlets or printed diet sheets for managing diabetes?”
The soup would get cold while she rummaged through drawers looking for information, but the patient’s health came first. “I’ll check at the desk.”
Mr. Garcia and Kyle followed her out to the reception area and waited while she opened drawers. In the bottom drawer, neatly lettered folders listed various health conditions. She removed a handout from the one marked DIABETES and handed it to Mr. Garcia.
“I expect you to follow that.” Kyle folded his arms across his chest, looking every inch a commanding doctor, and Leah’s heart fluttered.
She turned her attention back to the paper. Ben, Ben, she repeated to herself. She shouldn’t allow another man to affect her like this. Not when she and Ben were courting.
Mr. Garcia glanced over the paper. “It won’t be easy, doc, but I’ll try. You do know you’re taking away all my favorite foods.”
“You’ll just have to make some new favorites,” Kyle suggested. “Like vegetables.”
Wrinkling his nose, Mr. Garcia nodded and reached for the door. “Enjoy your lunch,” he said, closing it behind him.
* * *
Kyle’s stomach rumbled at the warm, homey smells coming from the other room. “Your lunch does smell delicious,” he admitted, heading for the door to the house.
Another meal of leftovers for him, though. At least the food in the Hesses’ full refrigerator was more appetizing than the usual take-out containers he pulled from the refrigerators in his temporary apartments. And Esther had told him to help himself to anything.
“Wait. Where are you going?” Leah stepped toward him. “I brought lunch for both of us.”
“You did what?” Kyle couldn’t keep incredulousness from creeping into his voice. She’d made him lunch yesterday, but feeding him every day wasn’t part of her volunteer duties. “You don’t need to do that.”
She hung her head as if he’d scolded her. Had his tone sounded that way?
“I just thought…well, you might be hungry.”
“You thought right, and I’m not upset with you. It’s just that you don’t have a responsibility to feed me.” Although deep inside, he was grateful—more than grateful—she had.
Leah headed for the records room, and he followed, his stomach growling. She opened the door and handed him a full plate and a bowl of soup. “The Bible says we’re to feed the hungry. A doctor who doesn’t eat breakfast probably qualifies.”
“How did you know I didn’t eat breakfast?” he demanded as he inhaled the rich chicken-scented broth and the vinegary tang of the pickled eggs.
Her cheeks darkened to deep cherry. “Well, when you came down this morning…” She waved in the direction of his hair, then lowered her eyes.
So she’d figured out he’d rushed down here straight from the shower when he saw her in the parking lot. At least she wasn’t looking at him, because the color of his face probably matched hers.
“I’m afraid the soup is probably cold by now.”
Kyle didn’t care. He’d eat it at any temperature. He set his plate down on a nearby shelf and tried a spoonful. “It’s the perfect temperature.” His spirits rose at her faint smile. “We can’t stand here to eat, though.” He almost invited her into the house but stopped the words before they left his lips. The two of them at the table in a house made for loving families…
“Maybe we could eat at our desks.”
No, he wanted to shout, although it would be the wisest course of action. “Why don’t we eat in Dr. Hess’s office?” Perhaps the solemnity of the mahogany-paneled room would dampen his desire to cup her face in his hands and thank her by pressing a kiss on her lips.
He motioned for her to precede him down the hall and then regretted it. Following her didn’t reduce the temptation to take her in his arms.
After he’d settled into the old-fashioned oak chair with rollers, Leah took the hard-backed chair nearby and set her plate on the edge of the desk. Somehow, the office that had seemed massive earlier today now shrank until it seemed claustrophobic, and he could barely draw in a breath.
Kyle forced himself to concentrate on each spoonful overflowing with carrots, celery, corn, chicken, and noodles that he lifted to his mouth. Hearty and tasty, and so much like his mother’s. “Delicious,” he murmured. He could have eaten several bowls of soup if he didn’t have a full plate waiting for him.
He took one bite of the sandwich and closed his eyes, letting the sweet and smoky tang of Lebanon bologna linger on his tongue.
“Are you all right?”
At the alarm in Leah’s voice, he forced his eyes open. “Just reminiscing. It’s been years since I had this.” He held up the potato roll stuffed with Lebanon bologna, cheese, and mustard. After he left Pennsylvania for college and med school, he had no place to buy his favorite lunch meat. “My mom used to make this for my school lunches.”
Leah’s smile invited him to confide more.
“Mom’s been gone since I was in high school, but I still miss her.” Kyle glanced toward the ceiling, but his eyes hardly registered the brass-and-glass light fixture overhead. Instead, he stood at the kitchen counter while his mom made and packed sandwiches for three lunches—one for him, one for his dad, and one for his brother, Caleb. If only he’d known that night would be the last one he’d ever spend with her…
Kyle’s throat tightened. He’d gobbled the two sandwiches from his brown paper lunch bag the next day. If only he’d known the news that would greet him after school, he would have savored every bite rather than scarfing them down.
“Kyle?” Leah’s soft question broke through the mist of pain.
“I’m sorry.” He swallowed hard. “The last sandwiches she made me were ones like this. I sat in the school cafeteria eating them, never realizing she’d be gone by the time I got home from school.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring back bad memories.”
Kyle shook his head. “You had no idea. And I still love the taste.” Even if the memories accompanying it were bitter. “I just wish I could go back and relive the night before. She’d forced me to sit in the kitchen to do my homework so she could keep an eye on me while she prepared our lunches for the next day. I fumed and complained. If only I’d known”—he choked back the lump in his throat—“I would have told her I loved her.”
“Oh, Kyle…”
“When she lay unconscious in the hospital hooked up to a ventilator, I told her again and again. But could she hear?”
If only I’d known…
Those words had followed him every day since then.
If only he’d known the destruction his careless driving would cause…
If only he’d known how much pain he’d go through because he dated an Amish girl…
Leah leaned forward and placed a hand on his arm. The warmth of her touch spread down through the tips of his fingers. The images of his past slowly faded until they were replaced by her caring expression. It hit Kyle with a jolt—he’d fallen for her. And fallen hard. But this time there’d be no if onlys.