Leah ached inside for Kyle. She yearned to go to him, to comfort him. If only she could erase his pain.
His face a mask of shock and betrayal, Kyle stood and staggered from the room. With every fiber of her being, Leah longed to chase after him. She wished the two of them were alone. But Esther and Martin were in the room, so she gripped the sofa arm to keep herself in place.
Sobs shook Esther’s body after Kyle walked out the door. “Will he ever forgive us?”
Dr. Hess hung his head and shielded his eyes with his hands.
“Give him some time,” Leah suggested. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to discover your whole life, as you’d always known it, no longer existed. You weren’t the person you thought you were. Your parents weren’t who you thought they were.
Esther dabbed at her eyes with a sopping-wet hanky. Leah reached for a box of tissues on the nearby side table and handed it to her. The small china clock on that table showed it was almost two o’clock. Ben had been expecting her to get home soon after she finished work at noon.
“Would you excuse me while I make a phone call?” When Esther nodded, Leah stood and headed for the kitchen. She paced toward the staircase leading to the bedrooms, wishing she had the right to mount those steps, to be with Kyle while he sorted out all his emotions.
Instead she hit the button to call Joel. And talk to Ben.
“No,” her brother said when she asked. “Ben’s not here. He waited an hour, then left.”
She’d done it again. “Was he angry?”
“Depressed, I think. Do you need me to come and get you? Dad’s home now, so he could watch the store.”
“I’m not sure.” She couldn’t leave Esther when she was so distraught. “Maybe in thirty minutes?”
“Will do. We have customers. Gotta go.” Joel hung up.
Leah returned to the living room. Not knowing what else to do, she bowed her head and prayed. By the time her brother arrived, Martin and Esther had joined her in prayer for Kyle.
In the car, Leah asked him to drop her at the Grabers’. She hoped she wasn’t too late, but Sharon had been right about a first baby taking its time. She and Sharon chatted with the parents while they waited another two hours, but Leah’s thoughts kept straying to Kyle. How was he coping? If only she could do something to help.
When the baby finally made his appearance, Sharon let her handle the delivery alone. Her mentor stepped back and watched. After holding the newborn, weighing him, and handing him to his mother, Leah’s eyes filled with tears to think newborn Timothy’s mother had left him behind. Even the Hesses had given him up. Poor Kyle.
Would every baby she delivered from now on remind her of Kyle?
* * *
Kyle had slipped upstairs to the room alone. He needed time to process everything he’d been told. In one afternoon, his whole life had turned upside down. It hadn’t been his parents who died in the car crash. He’d lost his parents—his birth parents—long ago. So long ago he couldn’t remember them. He didn’t even know who they were.
Had Caleb known? He’d been six. Surely he’d remember his mother bringing home a new baby. Had they presented the baby brother to him as a surprise? Would six-year-olds know about pregnancy? Nowadays parents told their children all about expecting a baby. But the Amish didn’t. And his parents had grown up Amish. But why did they choose to hide his adoption?
As dusk faded into darkness, question after question whirled through his mind. He arranged and rearranged facts, trying to make sense of it all. So many details from the past fit into the puzzle perfectly, yet others seemed to belong to a different puzzle entirely. He tossed and turned throughout a sleepless night as his dreams dredged up bits and pieces from the past.
As morning light filtered through the window, Kyle squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t bear to face another day. Downstairs, the Hesses prepared to leave for church. They’d tiptoed around all morning, trying not to disturb him, but he hadn’t slept. Once they were gone, he’d have the house to himself—the house that had once been his home. The house that his birth mother had lived in. The house that he’d lived in with the Hesses, his temporary parents. They might not be his parents, but they definitely were his uncle and aunt.
What did it mean as far as his heritage? Unlike his brother, Caleb, he had no Amish ties. His birth mother had been Mennonite.
Kyle’s thoughts whirled in circles, a tilting, ever-changing kaleidoscope of ideas, each one connected to the previous one but creating a different pattern each time, depending on the angle from which he viewed them.
The hardest question to reconcile was why all of them had lied to him for years—his parents, the Hesses, perhaps even Caleb.
Over the next week, he wrestled with the news that had rocked his world. He worked long hours in the office so he wouldn’t have to sit at the table with Martin and Esther. He waited until they’d gone to bed before he tiptoed into the house. He couldn’t avoid Esther on the days she filled in as the receptionist, but he kept his interactions crisp and professional. Although her eyes often revealed her hurt, he couldn’t bear to let down his guard around her. Not yet.
He much preferred the days Leah sat at the desk and tapped at his office door. He only wished she didn’t always appear to be tiptoeing around as if afraid he’d been permanently damaged and the least little thing might set him off.
“Kyle, are you all right?” she asked him the following Saturday after the last patient had left.
One week had passed since the Hesses had told him he’d been adopted. “I’m still processing the news.”
“I can imagine. It must be so hard.” Leah stayed in the office doorway, keeping to Esther’s instructions not to be in the room together. “If you want to talk about it, I’m happy to listen.”
At her caring expression, the questions churning through Kyle’s mind flooded out. “Who are my real parents? My birth parents? If it hadn’t been for them, I wouldn’t be here. But what about the people I called Mom and Dad?” He squeezed his eyes shut to block out the memories. “I believed them, but they lied to me about my true identity.”
“I wouldn’t say they lied, Kyle. They neglected to tell you the truth, but perhaps they planned to.”
“When? I was already sixteen when they died. And where do Esther and Martin fit in? Are they my parents, or aunt and uncle, or both?”
“Maybe that’s a question you should ask them. It’s obvious they love and care about you.”
As they talked, the chaos inside slowly untangled. He still had many unanswered questions, but with Leah’s gentle encouragement, he drained much of the poison and the pain.
“I’d better go,” she said when he finished. “We shouldn’t be here together.”
“Thank you for staying and listening.” Words were inadequate to express his gratitude for all she’d given him. “I can’t tell you how much talking to you helped me.”
“I’m so glad.” She flashed him a beautiful smile before she left.
Kyle sat in the antique wooden chair, one that had held several generations of doctors, pondering several still unanswered questions.
Was his birth mother still alive? Did he want to meet her? Who was his father? Was there any way to find out? Did he even want to search for him? What if he never found him?
Right now, he had no answers to those questions, but one thing had become clear. He might never know his birth parents, but the word father conjured up images of the man he called Dad while he was growing up. He’d always known his dad loved him. So had Mom. They’d taken care of him, made sacrifices for him, raised him. Didn’t that make them his real parents?
From the tears in Martin’s and Esther’s eyes, they’d loved him too, and they’d given him up because they thought he’d have a better life. Maybe he was looking at this all wrong. Rather than seeing himself as abandoned, he could choose to view himself as lucky. Despite not knowing his birth parents, he’d been loved not by two, but by four parents.
* * *
Leah closed the office door behind her and punched in the code to lock it. Kyle’s resilience amazed her after he’d had his whole life upended. Most people would have been knocked down by that unexpected blow, but he’d come out stronger. He still had things to work out, but she had every confidence he would.
She was grateful he’d trusted her enough to share his deepest thoughts and feelings. It brought them closer emotionally. Buoyed by that thought, Leah practically floated to Joel’s car.
“Wow, you’re looking cheery,” her brother remarked. “Ben will be happy to see that.”
“Ben?” Leah’s spirits plunged with a thud. “Is he waiting for me at the shop?” They’d gone on a brief make-up date last week, but he hadn’t mentioned stopping by today.
“Not yet,” Joel said. “You kept him waiting too long last weekend, but he did indicate he might stop by later.”
Was it wrong to hope he wouldn’t? What was the matter with her? She’d dreamed of marriage for years, envying her friends who had husbands and families. Now she had a wonderful Amish man who wanted to court her, yet the only man who filled her thoughts was an Englisch doctor.
When they got back to the shop, Ada’s buggy was parked near the door. “Josiah’s watching the children for a few hours while I run errands,” her friend said. “I was hoping I’d get to see you. Your daed said you’re working several days a week at the doctor’s office.”
Pulling open the door, Leah said, “Yes, I’m alternating days with Esther Hess. I have off Tuesdays and Thursdays, which works well for attending weddings.”
“I hope you’re planning to come to one this Thursday,” Ada said with a teasing smile.
“Hmm. I’m pretty sure Joel scheduled me for the shop that day.”
A worried look crossed Ada’s face. “You’d better not be working.”
“I’m only teasing. I’d close the shop for a whole day rather than miss my best friend’s wedding.”
“Good, because your best friend is counting on you to be by her side when she marries the man of her dreams.”
Leah’s heart overflowed with joy for Ada. “I’m so glad you found Josiah.”
“I am too.” Ada’s eyes sparkled. “I never imagined I’d find a man who’d want to take on all seven of my siblings and love them as if they were his own.”
“You opened your heart to his son,” Leah pointed out.
“That was easy.” Ada’s face softened. “Nathan is so dear. I love him as if he were my own child.”
Leah’s eyes misted. Had Kyle’s mom felt that way about him? She hoped so.
“Enough about me,” Ada said. “Let’s talk about you. What’s been happening?”
“Not much.” Now was not the time to spoil her friend’s happiness by mentioning how rocky her relationship had been with Ben. Kyle’s problems were private and so were her feelings for him, and Leah hadn’t told anyone about her health problems. “Oh, I did deliver two more babies on my own. Sharon observed, of course, but she let me do all of it.”
“That’s wonderful! Your face glows when you talk about it.” Tiny frown lines wrinkled Ada’s forehead. “Have you come to an agreement with Ben about it yet?”
“Not exactly.” The subject hadn’t come up when he’d stopped by the doctor’s office, because Ben had been too upset about her being alone with Kyle. But on their brief date the other night, Ben had revisited his concerns about her continuing to work with Kyle part-time.
Ada studied her. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t want to burden you so close to the wedding.” Besides, Leah couldn’t confide most of her secrets.
“It’s never a burden to listen to a friend.”
“I’m not sure Ben’s right for me,” Leah confessed. “I don’t seem to have the dreamy feelings for him that you have for Josiah.” How could she admit she felt that type of attraction to an Englischer?
“Not everyone falls in love at first sight. Sometimes people start as friends, and their romance grows.”
“Perhaps.” Leah worried her romance might never grow. Once Kyle left for his fellowship, eliminating that temptation might help. Maybe then her feelings would change. “I hope that’s the case.”
But if Ben knew the truth, would he even want to marry her?
Using wedding preparations as excuses, Leah managed to avoid Ben until Thursday. He sat on the men’s side of Ada’s living room, directly across from her. Leah tried to avoid looking at him as she wondered if Ada was right. Would love blossom if she and Ben married?
When the congregation began singing the opening hymn, Leah joined in, her heart bubbling over with joy for Ada and Josiah, who were downstairs being counseled by the bishop. A year ago, she and Ada were the last of their buddy bunch to remain unmarried, and they’d despaired of ever finding true love. Now Ada was marrying the man of her dreams, and Leah was courting Ben. For now, at least.
After a half an hour, the bride and groom entered and took their places. Leah rejoiced in their shining faces and the tender looks Josiah gave Ada. The Scripture reading and sermons seemed especially meaningful because Ada would now be a part of this sacred tradition.
Then Ada and Josiah stepped forward, and the congregation surrounded them as they exchanged vows. As they answered the bishop’s questions, Leah tried to picture herself going through this ceremony with Ben but struggled to feel the same joy and lightness she felt as Ada and Josiah responded.
When they reached the final question, Leah’s eyes welled with tears. “Do you both promise together that you will, with love, forbearance, and patience, live with each other and not part from each other until God will separate you in death?”
Could she and Ben answer the final question in unison with the same enthusiasm and love as Ada and Josiah? Another face intruded, and Leah tried so hard to erase it she almost missed the bishop’s closing statement. But she didn’t miss the couple’s clasped hands, the symbol of their union. Ada was married to a man she loved with all her heart. Leah’s eyes misted at their beaming faces. God had joined them together, and they’d go through the rest of their lives as partners, walking side by side.
Because she was in the bridal party, Leah sat with the bride and groom at the eck. Her seat at that corner table provided a welcome relief from being around Ben, who gazed at her longingly throughout the meal. They’d be partners for the evening meal, but right now, she enjoyed spending time with Ada.
Following the meal, the men went to the barn to talk, and Leah joined the other girls upstairs. Chatter flowed around her, but she barely heard it. Her mind remained on the promises Josiah and Ada had made in church. Every time she tried to imagine herself and Ben in their places, Kyle’s face intruded.
At a scream from downstairs, the babbling ceased. Everyone stampeded toward the sound. Amid the rushing crowd, Leah was jabbed by elbows and bumped so hard from behind she almost fell headlong down the stairs. She grabbed for the railing to avoid tumbling. A gaggle of girls entered the kitchen.
“What happened?”
“Rose reached up and grabbed one of the knives from the table.” Emma sat on the floor, holding her two-year-old daughter on her lap. She’d wrapped a dish towel around the cut.
Leah stopped suddenly. She had no idea Emma would be here. Although Emma had forgiven her, old twinges of guilt squeezed Leah’s insides, and she struggled to put on a friendly and calming smile as she knelt beside the little girl. “Can I see it, Rose?” One quick glance revealed that a bandage wouldn’t stop the bleeding. “She’s going to need stitches.” Leah applied pressure.
Behind her, people murmured, “It’s too far to take her to the emergency room,” and, “Call Dr. Hess. He’s close by. He’ll come.”
“Dr. Hess is no longer—” Other voices drowned out Leah’s words. She panicked.
Evidently, some of the women hadn’t heard about the doctor’s heart attack. They couldn’t ask Kyle to make this house call. Not after all he’d just been through emotionally. Maybe he no longer had feelings for his ex-girlfriend, but it would be awkward for both of them. And many in the crowd would recognize Kyle and remember the past.
Leah tried to protest again, but a teenage girl had already passed over her cell phone, and someone at the back of the crowd made the call.
“I called the doctor’s office. Esther said he’s not working right now.”
“Didn’t you hear he had a heart attack?” one woman asked.
“His wife told me that,” the caller said, “but she said if they can spare him, she may send his new assistant. It was a bit too noisy to hear, but I think she said his name’s Dr. Miller or Muller.”
One of the women who’d been a patient announced, “Yes, it’s Miller. Kyle Miller.”
“Not the Kyle Miller who…”
“Yes, that’s the one,” the woman confirmed.
Several people gasped, and most eyes focused on Emma.
Emma paled. “I don’t think…”
“I could hold Rose,” Leah volunteered.
“She’s shy and usually won’t go to anyone else.” Emma’s voice betrayed her distress. “Besides, if she’s getting stitches, I want to be there to hold her.”
“I understand.” Leah wished she could offer some comfort.
Emma lifted her eyes to the staring crowd surrounding them. “Could someone go out to the barn and get Sam?”
Had they told Esther the name of the patient? If so, perhaps she’d send Dr. Hess. Putting in stitches wouldn’t be too taxing for him. Leah hoped Kyle would be too busy. As much as she’d love to see him, she’d do anything to spare him this.
Her stomach roiled. Seeing Emma again might revive all those old memories of the accident. If it did, would Kyle remember Leah’s connection to the past?
* * *
Esther entered Kyle’s office and handed him a note with an address neatly printed on it. “A child needs stitches right away.”
“But I have more patients coming in.”
“Only two more. Martin can handle them. One’s here for some bloodwork. I usually draw that, so I think he can manage.”
The last thing Kyle wanted to do was make a house call, especially to this Ada Rupp’s house, which most likely was an Amish farm. But he had to help a child.
By the time he’d grabbed his coat and medical bag, Esther had set out the necessary supplies. He put them in his bag and rushed to his car. The Rupp house wasn’t far. When he pulled into the driveway, buggies filled the yard. Must be a funeral or a wedding.
Kyle hesitated. How could he face all these Amish people at once when most of them probably knew what he’d done? He steeled himself to endure their censure.
Freezing air stung his cheeks as he raced across the lawn. Leah pushed the door open as soon as he reached the porch. He smiled, happy to find one friendly face, but after he entered the house, he kept his eyes down. He avoided looking at people. He had no desire to see the recognition—or blame—in their eyes.
“The little girl is right over here.” Leah led him to a spot on the floor where an Amish mother held her daughter on her lap. A man sat beside her, one hand resting on the small girl’s head.
Kyle mumbled a greeting without looking up. He kept his attention fixed on the small hand wrapped in a dish towel. When he sank onto the floor in front of the child, Leah lowered herself to the floor beside him. How would he concentrate with Leah so close?
Focus on the child. Tuning out everything else in the room, he flexed his hands, stiff from the cold, and slid on disposable latex gloves. Then he reached for the child’s hand.
“Her name’s Rose,” Leah told him.
“Hi, Rose. Can I see your cut? I’ll fix it for you.” The little girl cooperated, but her mother was shaking. Kyle glanced up to reassure the mom her daughter would be all right, and froze.
Emma?
She appeared as upset to see him as he was to see her. No wonder she was trembling. She had no reason to believe he’d help her daughter. Not after what he’d done to her.
His throat parched and his nerves stretched taut, Kyle longed to mumble an apology. But what could he say to someone who’d paid a terrible price for his mistakes?
While he dithered, Leah opened the bag and set out the supplies. “I can hand things to you as you need them.”
Trapped between the woman he’d destroyed and the one he’d fallen for, Kyle struggled to concentrate on his work.
The cut, Kyle. The cut. He clicked his mind into doctor mode, blocking out Leah’s soft presence and Emma’s frightened face.
He unwrapped the towel and was relieved to see that, although the cut was deep, it was clean. It would be easy to stitch and should heal well. “This will pinch a little.” He repeated the lie most doctors used.
The small girl surprised him by remaining still throughout, which was more than he could say for Emma. Not that he blamed her. If she had her choice, she’d probably snatch her daughter and run as far from him as she could.
Leah passed him supplies as he needed them, and their fingers brushed. Being in Emma’s presence somewhat dampened those jolts of electricity, but Kyle still struggled to concentrate on his work, rather than Leah’s nearness.
While he finished the stitches and bandaged Rose’s hand, he parroted the care instructions. Leah helped him clean up and pack his supplies. But as Emma rose, Kyle’s conscience wouldn’t let him leave without an apology.
As her husband reached for their daughter, Kyle stood and faced them both. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”
Emma’s eyes filled with tears, and her husband set a hand on her shoulder. “We all forgave you long ago.”
Kyle shook his head. He had a hard time believing that.
“God has a reason for everything that happens.” Emma smiled up at her husband. “If it weren’t for the accident, I’d never have married Sam, and you wouldn’t have become a doctor.”
Emma was right. Who knows where they might have ended up if things had continued the way they had, but that didn’t absolve him of the damage he’d done.
As if she’d read his mind, Emma said softly, “You need to forgive yourself, Kyle. And also believe God can forgive you.”
Before he could turn and bolt, Leah set her hand on his arm as if she sensed his need for comfort. Kyle longed to interlace his fingers with hers. If only he had that right. She handed him his bag, and he turned to smile at her. The sympathy in her eyes touched his heart, made him want to enfold her in his arms. He forced himself to reach for the bag and head to the door before he acted on that impulse.
Leah’s eyes and smile stayed with him, but Emma’s words echoed in his ears as he crossed the lawn to his car. He wasn’t sure he could ever forgive himself. But maybe it was time to try.