Leah sucked in a breath as the car fishtailed, then spun out of control. She bowed her head and prayed for their safety. Lord, give Kyle the wisdom to pull out of this.
They were headed straight for a tree.
When he’d turned and met her gaze, recognition had dawned in his eyes. He knew.
She squeaked out, “I’m sorry.”
But Kyle had already turned his attention back to the sliding car. He eased off the gas, turned the wheel in the opposite direction, and then righted it before lightly pumping the brakes.
The car shuddered to a stop inches from the tree.
Kyle leaned his head against the steering wheel. “Forgive me,” he whispered.
They both trembled from the near miss. Adrenaline still raced through her, making her jittery, and blood pounded in her ears.
“This”—Kyle waved his hand toward the snow—“happened before.”
She nodded. “Only this time no runaway buggy forced you off the road.” Her voice was as shaky as his.
“It was you,” he said dully.
Leah hung her head. “Yes. I saw your car swerve, but I didn’t realize I’d caused an accident until days later when people at church mentioned what had happened to Emma. I apologized to the Eshes immediately, but it was a long time before Emma was well enough for me to ask for her forgiveness.” When Kyle winced, Leah laid a hand on his arm. “Please don’t blame yourself.”
Kyle opened his mouth to protest, but Leah rushed on. “I never had a chance to confess my part in the accident because you left town right away. Ever since you returned, I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you the truth. That accident wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”
He looked over at her with tortured eyes. “You aren’t to blame for my reckless driving. I was livid and driving much too fast for the conditions. Too fast even for normal conditions. Plus, I’d taken my eyes off the road.”
“You’d never have skidded off the road if my horse hadn’t gone out of control,” Leah pointed out.
“Maybe not at that spot, but I certainly would have hit a patch of ice somewhere, and maybe with more deadly results. Although they were…” His face scrunched into a mask of agony.
“It’s all my fault. The guilt has been eating away at me ever since. I came out to your car at Ada’s wedding to ask your forgiveness.”
“There’s nothing to forgive you for. It was my foolishness, my pride, my temper. I destroyed so many lives that day.”
“You didn’t destroy anyone’s life. Everything’s over now, and Emma recovered.” Leah understood how he was feeling. She’d wrestled with her own guilt while Emma spent months in a coma and even longer recovering from amnesia. Not until she’d apologized to Emma and been forgiven did she experience closure. “Emma doesn’t seem to have suffered any lasting damage.”
“You don’t understand,” he said in a broken voice. “I didn’t only hurt Emma. I killed our baby.”
Leah sat stunned. A baby? Sick with guilt, Leah clenched her hands together in her lap. I killed a baby. An innocent baby.
Kyle rubbed his fingers hard over his closed eyelids. Leah’s dad and brother often did that to hold back tears.
She wished she could comfort him, but what could she say? The words I’m sorry seemed so inadequate in the face of the tragedy she’d caused. “I-I didn’t know…”
“Nobody did.” His words, low and husky, added to her guilt. “We’d only recently learned she was pregnant.”
An unborn baby. Poor Emma. To lose her first child. And Kyle too. How awful to feel responsible for your child’s death.
He shouldn’t blame himself, though, when she was the cause. How could she get him to understand that?
* * *
Kyle had just blurted out a secret that he never should have shared with anyone. He trusted Leah, but suppose she let it slip to a friend or family member, and the story got back to Emma’s dad? He’d know who’d started the gossip. “Listen, what I just said—it’s private. I never should have told you about it.”
“I’ll never share that with anyone.” Her expression revealed how seriously she took that promise.
Deep inside, he trusted her, and he held her secret about never having a child in strictest confidence. Leah impressed him as loyal, and as a midwife, she’d know many families’ private matters. He’d never heard her divulge any of them. He appreciated her discretion, and it was such a relief to finally be able to talk to someone about the baby.
Although both of them had stopped shaking after the near miss, Kyle’s anxiety levels remained high. No way could he get Leah home safely on these roads. Each bend in the road, each hidden patch of ice posed grave danger. Even though he’d only been inching along, the car had spun out of control and almost slammed into that tree. Another foot or two, and Leah might not be sitting here right now. He shuddered to think what might have happened.
“The Hesses’ house isn’t too far from here. I know Esther set strict rules about us being alone together in the house, but I don’t want to take a chance of another accident.” He promised himself he’d stay away from her. Though his attraction to her remained as strong as ever, her safety meant even more. He had to take care of her.
Leah stared at the snow blanketing the windshield in the short time they’d been here. “I don’t want to take any more chances than we have to on these roads. I can sleep on the couch in the office, and we can keep the house door locked, so we’re still following Esther’s rules.”
“The couch in the office is large enough for me, so I can take that. I’m sure Esther won’t mind if you sleep in the guest room.” He held up a hand to stop her protests. “You had surgery not long ago. You should be taking care of yourself.” Though he was pretty sure delivering babies had not been on her surgeon’s list of approved activities.
Leah didn’t contradict him, but from the steely glint in her eyes, she planned to dispute the arrangements he’d suggested. He’d fight her, though. But they could discuss that once they left this storm behind.
His heart tripping with trepidation, Kyle grasped the steering wheel and tapped the gas pedal. He blew out a breath as the tires bit into some gravel under the snow. He’d been worried he might have to dig them out of a ditch on the side of the road, but the car gained enough traction to move forward through the drifts.
Beside him, Leah’s lips moved silently. No doubt she was praying. He should offer up a prayer of his own. One of gratitude to God for saving them from an accident. He’d wait until he got home to do that. Right now, he needed all his concentration for the road.
By the time they’d crept a few blocks, Kyle’s hands ached from gripping the steering wheel, and his teeth throbbed from clenching his jaw. Foot by foot, they inched closer to the Hesses’ house.
“What’s that?” Leah pointed into the trees at the side of the road.
Kyle jumped. Her sudden sharp exclamation startled him so badly he jerked the wheel, sending them sliding, but he brought the car under control.
“I’m so, so sorry.” Leah looked as if she were about to cry. “I didn’t mean to alarm you.” A confused look on her face, she peered out the window. “A light bobbed over there in the trees. I hope nobody is caught out in this storm.”
No houses lined this stretch of road, so the person—if it was a person—would have to travel quite a distance to reach any shelter. As much as he disliked driving in this weather, he had to assist a person stuck in the blizzard.
“Could it have been animal eyes?” he asked.
“It disappeared now, but I don’t think so.” Leah scanned the dark woods. “I’m fairly sure it was a flashlight. I last saw it right over there.”
As much as he’d like to believe it was her imagination or the headlights glinting on a piece of metal, Kyle had to check. What if a person had collapsed in the snow?
He opened his car door. “I’d better take a look. Where did you see it again?”
“Between that huge oak and the small sapling.” She pinpointed the direction for him.
He shuffled through the calf-deep snow toward the trees she’d indicated. A quick rustling nearby caught his attention. He’d been right—Leah had seen an animal. The scrabbling stopped. Kyle turned to go, when a slight movement off to the right caught his attention. He stepped nearer.
Cowering behind the oak, a young girl wrapped in a huge black cloak, wearing a black Amish bonnet, crouched back against the tree trunk as if trying to make herself invisible. Her eyes squeezed shut, she clutched a penlight in her hand. It amazed Kyle that Leah had spotted such a tiny light. No glow came from it now. Had the girl turned it off, or had her battery run out?
“Are you all right?” Kyle asked. “What are you doing out in this storm?”
The girl didn’t answer. Instead, she straightened from her hunched position, and her wide, fearful eyes darted from side to side as if seeking an escape route.
“I won’t hurt you,” he assured her, but the anxiety didn’t leave her face.
“Where are you heading?” Kyle asked. “We can drive you there.”
“I don’t need help,” she rasped out.
“I can’t leave you alone to find your way in a blizzard like this. Why don’t you—?”
The girl groaned and doubled over. Her cloak hid her movements, but she seemed to be clutching her middle. His first thought was appendicitis.
“You need help.” Without waiting for her consent, he swept an arm around her as soon as she stood upright. “Let’s get you to the car.” He had no idea if an ambulance could come out on such treacherous roads, but if she did have appendicitis, he’d have to get her to the hospital, even if it meant driving her there himself.
The girl struggled to get away, and she was stronger than he’d expected from her petite height. Kyle kept a firm hand on her arm. She might not realize what danger she was in, but he was well aware of the complications if her appendix burst.
They’d made it only halfway to the car before she doubled over again. Her face contorted, and low moans came from her lips. The way her arms were puffing out her cloak seemed odd, though. Almost as if…
Before he could complete that thought, Leah hopped out of the car and hurried over. “What’s wrong?” Her practiced eye homed in on the problem immediately.
The girl groaned and clutched at her middle. This time, in the faint light of a streetlight, her pregnancy became obvious. What he’d thought was her arms tenting out her cape when she stood among the dark trees turned out to be a baby bump.
Leah stepped closer, slid her hand under the cloak, and placed it on the side of the girl’s protruding belly.
Alarm in her eyes, she glanced up at him. “I’d say she’s in active labor. That contraction was strong.” She waited until it subsided before asking the girl, “How far apart are your contractions?”
The girl stared at her with terrified eyes. “Let me go. Please. I can’t…” She moaned and doubled over.
“She’s almost ready to deliver.” Leah used a calm voice, evidently hoping to soothe the edgy teen.
Neither of them wanted to frighten her, but they had little time. He had to get her into the car.
Once they reached the vehicle, Leah turned to Kyle. “We need to get her somewhere safe. How quickly can we make it to the office?” She opened the back door to the car. “If we get stuck, at least the seat is lined with blankets. Thank the Lord for small miracles.”
Kyle was grateful for an even larger miracle. Leah’s presence. He could have done this alone if he had to, but having her here with him made it much easier to cope with everything that had happened in the past few hours. She’d likely be a calming influence on this agitated young girl.
Kyle kept his arm tightly around the girl. From the tension in her body, she intended to bolt the first opportunity she got. “Can you get into the car now?”
The girl pinched her lips together and shook her head.
“So you’d rather have me carry you?” She obviously hadn’t expected that to be her other option.
With a shaky no, she appeared to cooperate by taking the last few steps toward the backseat, but her gaze flitted toward the narrowing gap between her and the car. Kyle loosened his grip slightly as she bent over as if with another contraction. But when she tried to twist away, he hung on. She’d faked a contraction. She couldn’t deliver a baby out here in this weather. A newborn wouldn’t stand a chance of survival. Unless that had been what she’d intended?
If so, he’d do everything he could to thwart her. Never, ever would a baby die under his watch.
* * *
As Kyle turned the car around, Leah swiveled in her seat to study the girl, who appeared to be about sixteen. “Where were you headed in this storm?”
A sullen look crossed the girl’s face, and she crossed her arms, her lips tight.
Could she have made it any clearer that she didn’t want to communicate? She almost seemed angry they’d picked her up. Where could she possibly be headed during a snowstorm? Especially with no houses nearby. And why had she ventured out when her labor had started? If her parents discovered her missing, they’d be frantic.
Kyle slid to a halt at the next intersection. “I guess I should obey this stop sign in case someone whizzed through.” His attempt at a joke fell a bit flat because of the tension lines etched into his face.
Leah’s heart went out to him. He’d been through a horrible accident with Emma, where he’d lost his child. Then he’d come close to crashing into a tree a short while ago. Yet he continued to drive to get her and this teen to safety.
While he was stopped, she said, “Maybe our friend might want to phone her family or a neighbor who can let her parents know she’s safe.”
“Good idea.” Kyle pulled out his phone and handed it to Leah. “You gave your phone to Matthew. Do you need to call your family to let them know you’re safe?”
“Um, no. Thank you for thinking of it. With all this snow falling, Joel had suggested I stay overnight at Matthew’s place tonight. He promised to stay at my parents’ house to keep an eye on them and to shovel out the parking lot tomorrow. It’s probably better not to worry them.”
Besides, Leah would rather not endure the grilling she’d get if she told her parents or Joel she’d be spending the night at the Hesses’. Everyone in town, including her parents, knew the Hesses took their annual vacation this time of year. With the blinding snowstorm, she only hoped their arrival might pass unnoticed by any nearby neighbors.
Leah held the phone out to the girl as Kyle crossed the intersection and headed down the last block. The teen’s quick intake of breath, followed by a long, low cry, indicated she was having another contraction. Leah prayed they’d make it in time. She assumed this was the girl’s first baby, so hopefully it might take its time.
As they turned into the snow-covered driveway, the car fishtailed. Leah sucked in a breath and held it until Kyle regained control. Then she blew out the air to release the pent-up anxiety she’d held since they’d started this journey. It had been a long day, but this delivery would soon begin.
“We’re here,” Kyle announced. “I’ll try to get as close to the door as possible, but the drifts by the house may make that difficult.”
“Thank you, Lord,” Leah whispered. He’d answered her prayers. Now she had one more. A safe delivery for the teen in the backseat.
Kyle hopped out of the car and opened the girl’s door. “I don’t want you to fall. We also need to take good care of that baby.” Then he wrapped an arm around the girl and supported her to the door. Over his shoulder, he called to Leah. “I’ll come back for you as soon as I get her inside so she can warm up.”
Leah wasn’t about to wait for him to return. That girl needed help, and she needed it now. Leah opened the car door and stepped one foot outside. Snow closed over her shoe and ankle and reached the hem of her dress. Thankful Kyle had his back turned, she lifted her skirt and apron slightly to keep them from dragging in the drifts. Then she stepped from one of Kyle’s footprints to the next to keep icy, white crystals from sliding into her shoes.
The snow that had already crusted on her shoe melted from her body heat and slid in freezing rivulets inside her shoe to puddle under the arch of her foot. Inside, her shoes squelched, while outside, they crunched. She squelched and crunched her way to the door, which had slammed shut behind Kyle.
She quickly grabbed the handle and made her way inside. She had a baby to deliver.
The teen stood in the hallway, her mouth set in mutinous lines. Leah puzzled over her attitude. It almost seemed she didn’t want their help. She certainly didn’t plan to have her baby alone. Did she?
“Let me take your cape and bonnet,” Leah said. If they didn’t hurry, the poor girl might deliver her baby standing here in the hallway.
The teen appeared reluctant to part with either, but Leah coaxed them from her. Under her black bonnet, the girl wore a kapp without strings. Either she worked in a shop where kapp strings might be hazardous, or she was signaling her rebellion from the Amish faith. Judging by the girl’s condition, Leah suspected her second guess was probably correct.
“Please don’t worry,” Leah said as she escorted the girl into an exam room. “We should have introduced ourselves sooner, but with the harrowing conditions out there on the road, things were a bit nerve-racking. I’m Leah Stoltzfus. I’m studying to be a midwife.”
The girl’s eyes rounded more in fear than surprise. Was she afraid of having an unskilled midwife attending her?
As if sensing that might be the case, Kyle introduced himself. “I’m Dr. Hess’s new assistant, Dr. Miller, and I’ve attended several of Leah’s deliveries. She’s quite competent. You have nothing to fear.” Then he turned to Leah. “I’ll get your bag out of the trunk.”
The girl doubled over again. Leah waited until the contraction had passed before asking, “What’s your name?”
The teen stood there stone-faced.
She didn’t want to give them her name? What was she running from? “We won’t hurt you. I promise. Or tell anyone you’ve been here if you don’t want us to.”
Still no answer.
“We’ll need a name for the birth certificate.”
The girl looked off into the distance. “I’m…Mary. Umm, Mary Esh.”
Leah had a sneaking suspicion that she hadn’t given her real name. Perhaps after the baby was born, they’d convince her to be honest.
“I’m going to wash up,” Leah told her.
“Hang on a minute.” Kyle lugged in her bag. “I need to get something from the storage closet. I’d like you to check it.” He returned in a few seconds. “See if these are all right.” He stood in the doorway with an arm full of rubber sheets.
Why wouldn’t they be all right? “They look fine to me.” She headed to the door.
As she passed, he leaned close to whisper, “I think she wants to escape.”
Leah nodded. That fit with the girl’s refusal to give her name. Where did she think she could go in this storm that would be better for a delivery than here?
Leah scrubbed up and put on latex gloves. Then she entered the room and, as Kyle had just done, guarded the door as he went to wash up.
Mary moved closer to the exit but then doubled over.
“Panting sometimes helps,” Leah suggested. She waited until the contraction had passed. “Now, let’s get you on the examining table so we can check how far along you are.”
While she’d been gone, Kyle had draped the rubber sheeting over the usual paper covering on the examining table and spread the other sheeting on the floor around the table.
But Mary balked at climbing onto the table.
“Would you prefer the floor?” Leah asked.
When Mary nodded, Leah assisted her to sit on the nearest sheet. Kyle returned to the room, allowing Leah to relax her vigil. Soon neither of them would need to block the door. By the time Leah convinced Mary to let her do an examination, the baby’s head had almost crowned.
They’d barely made it here in time. Leah whispered a prayer of thanks for God’s protection. If she and Kyle had passed by that spot in the woods a few minutes later, this child might have been born outside in the blizzard. Leah forced that dire thought from her mind and concentrated on the delivery.
“Could you give me the massage oil from the bag?” Leah asked Kyle.
Kyle rummaged through the bag to find it. “What for?” he asked.
“This is her first baby. If we’re patient, I can stretch her skin to avoid tearing.”
“That’s what episiotomies are for.”
Leah sighed. “Those are rarely necessary if we’re careful. Most doctors don’t want to take the time to do things the natural way.” She took the oil and applied it while Mary panted between contractions. When the next contraction began, she said, “Now push, Mary. The baby’s almost here.”
Her face red and eyes bulging, Mary shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” Leah encouraged. “Wait for the next contraction and bear down.”
Mary’s no turned into a whimper, then a howl. With gritted teeth, though, she cooperated with her body’s urges and pushed.
“Again,” Leah said. She murmured encouraging words until the baby’s head and shoulders appeared. “Now, one final push.” The baby slipped out into her hands.
“You have a lovely little girl,” Leah announced.
Kyle added his congratulations to the new mother.
With sweat rolling down her forehead, Mary collapsed back on the floor, shivering, and tears rolled down her cheeks. While Kyle covered her with several blankets, he kept a close eye on the baby and Leah’s procedures. Then he took the baby from her.
Seeing him with a baby in his arms did strange things to Leah’s insides. Then her spirits plunged. She’d never have a child of her own. Any fantasies of Kyle with a child made her heart ache. She shook herself. If he had children, it would be with someone else, not her. She had no business entertaining thoughts like that. None at all.
First of all, he was Englisch. Besides, she made her choice to remain single and be a midwife. She’d get to hold babies, rock them, feed them sometimes. What difference did it make if they weren’t hers? She could love them the same as if they were.
Once Mary had stopped shivering, Leah helped her into the house to get cleaned up. When they returned, she seemed more docile, relieved almost. Perhaps her earlier desire to flee had been connected to the pain of childbirth. Maybe she’d been confused and upset when her labor started.
While they were gone, Kyle had fixed the small table with low sides they used for examining babies into a makeshift bassinet, and he’d dressed the baby in an adult-sized T-shirt and tucked a small knitted blanket around her.
At her raised eyebrows, he defended himself. “The doctor has formula samples and disposable diapers in case of accidents, but they don’t keep baby clothing here. This was the softest thing I could think of to cover her.” He lifted the blanket so she could see he’d knotted the shirt at the bottom to form a sleep sack. The extra-large neck and one sleeve had also been knotted to keep the soft cotton close to the baby’s chin.
Leah hadn’t thought about clothes. They’d only wrapped the newborn in a blanket at first. “That was a good idea.”
Kyle had his knuckle in the baby’s mouth, and she was sucking hard. “This little one is ready to eat,” he said to Mary.
She backed away, her hands crossed in front of her, a look of horror on her face.
Leah had hoped she’d been coming to accept her role as the baby’s mother, but maybe her youth and inexperience caused her to feel inadequate. “I’ve helped plenty of first-time mothers,” she assured her.
Mary shook her head and refused to look at the baby.
Kyle sighed and turned to Leah. “When I got the diapers from the supply room, I noticed a few new-mother kits on the shelf. From the advertising photo on their covers, they seem to include a bottle, a pacifier, a box of baby cereal, and a few other infant supplies inside.”
“I’ll go see.” If they didn’t have a bottle, she’d have to find a way to make do. During an emergency when she was young, she’d helped her neighbors feed baby goats by poking a hole in a latex glove. They had plenty of gloves here, but it seemed a shame to feed a newborn human that way.
To her relief, the kits contained bottles. She felt guilty raiding them and taking the supplies the doctor kept for needy patients. They had to care for this infant, though, if the mother refused.
How could any mother reject her sweet newborn? Leah’s eyes filled with tears as she reached for a sample can of formula. Why, God? Why can’t I have children, but this young girl turns her back on her child?
She leaned her head against the shelf edge and tried to compose herself. The baby’s wail in the background urged her to hurry back, but Leah needed a few moments alone to deal with her grief.
“Leah?”
Kyle’s voice behind her made her jump. She hadn’t heard him come into the room. Perhaps because she’d been so lost in her own world, so full of self-pity.
“Are you all right?” His gentle tone opened the floodgates.
Leah tried to bite back her sobs. “It feels so unfair. I wanted children more than anything in the world. Yet Mary has an adorable baby and turns her back on her newborn.”