‘Miss Jacobs?’ Lucy looked at Josie warily. She really could do without being accosted in the playground right now. She’d actually told Jill that she’d do the meeting and greeting, and Jill could prepare the classroom. It had seemed a good idea at the time, to get some fresh air. Now all she wanted was a strong cup of coffee and a lie down though.
How could the woman even know she’d shared a pizza with Charlie and they’d got drunk again together? She felt like blurting out, ‘It was only a kiss, no sex involved. No nakedness.’ But she didn’t. She smiled.
‘Hi. How can I help?’
‘I want to apologise.’
That stopped her in her tracks. ‘Oh, er, there’s no need.’
‘No really, I was so rude to you the other day, and it’s really none of my business what Charlie does.’
Lucy had instinctively liked Josie when she’d first come into school with Maisie, and this seemed more like the woman she’d thought she was. Despite the way her stomach was churning, and her emotions were taking a hammering, she had to tell the truth. ‘But your daughter is your business and you need to do the best for her.’ Her mum had done the best she could for her child, she’d turned her whole life upside down, been prepared to leave a cosy life so that her daughter could be safe, could be happy.
‘I know things aren’t always what they seem.’ She’d taken the words right out of Lucy’s mouth. ‘I just overreacted,’ she held up a hand, ‘I know I did. I’d been trying to track Charlie down for days, because I really needed to talk to him before I made a decision about the school. He wouldn’t answer the phone, or return calls. You know what men can be like at the best of times, but after what I’d said to him…’ She smiled apologetically. ‘So I was already in a pretty ratty mood when I decided to go on a hunt.’ She smiled. ‘Then when I saw you semi-dressed I saw red, I wanted to lash out at somebody and just thought that he was too busy shagging to even be concerned about his own daughter.’
‘His own daughter?’ Lucy kept her voice soft, not wanting to inflame the situation.
Josie had the good grace to look embarrassed. ‘He told you?’ Lucy nodded. ‘I know I’ve fucked up, but Maisie thinks of him as her dad, and I do too. I just lost it when we had that massive argument, and once the words were out I couldn’t get them back. It was easier not to talk about it, just to go the whole hog and call it a day. But it’s important for me to know I’m doing the right thing now for both of them.’
‘Good. You’ve got a lovely daughter, whatever you’re doing it’s working fine for her. She does though,’ she paused, not wanting to add to Josie’s worries, but needing to be honest, ‘seem a bit over tired. The school change and everything is bound to be affecting her, but the early mornings… It’s a very long day for her.’
‘I know.’ Josie sighed. ‘I know. I had a, well, there was an issue with the place I was going to rent, but I think it’s all in hand now. It’s very short term, I promise you. She does seem alright?’
Lucy nodded. ‘We’re keeping an eye on her, you’ll be the first to know if I’ve got any concerns at all.’
‘Thank you.’ Josie rested her hand briefly on Lucy’s arm, then withdrew as though she wasn’t sure if she should have really done it. ‘We’ve got a lot to sort out.’ She shrugged again. ‘Look, I know you’re busy. I just wanted to say sorry. I’m not a bad woman.’
‘I’m sure you’re not.’ And she was being honest. Josie seemed nice, not the nasty woman that she could be painted as if you just took her actions in black and white. That was the trouble wasn’t it? Seeing the simple, biased picture and not the whole.
She’d been oblivious to the whole picture when she was young. She’d just seen a lonely lost girl who didn’t belong, rather than the abusive husband and father that had turned the safe, happy place into a no-go zone. Not that she’d known that. Who ever knew what was behind the heartbreak, what guilt people carried?
‘Are you alright?’ Josie touched her arm lightly again, and brought Lucy back out of her gloomy thoughts.
‘Sorry yes, I’m fine.’
‘It’s no excuse, but I needed to get away for both our sakes. At first I wanted to get through to him, startle him out of the way he was. Then I realised it was never going to work. Charlie was just married to his job, we didn’t have anything really. We’d grown apart, or maybe we just both grew up into different people. But I didn’t want to tear my family apart, I didn’t mean to hurt him or Maisie. I just,’ she looked briefly into Lucy’s eyes, then away. ‘I used the fact that I’d had an affair, that Maisie probably wasn’t his, as a way of lashing out at him. Then I felt so fucking guilty at breaking up what everybody thought was my perfect family. I felt so guilty I’d done it in the first place. It was a mad fling after we’d been married for a couple of years, we’d been invited to a big do and he’d pulled out at the last minute because of a crisis at work and I was furious, I went on my own, got drunk. Shit, I am so sorry at spewing all this out. You must just look like a good listener, or a good person… Maisie won’t stop talking about her wonderful teacher.’
‘It’s, er, fine.’ Lucy didn’t really want to hear all about the ins and outs of Charlie and Josie’s marriage, it felt disloyal, but Josie was so upset. She must have torn herself apart over the guilt of the affair which had had to come out into the open some time. Then she’d done a runner before the recriminations came. She probably was here trying to apologise, trying to slowly make it up to Charlie… if she could. And Lucy was going to have to watch her. And try and forget just how good it had been to have Charlie’s arms around her, to hear his steady heart beating at a rate that mingled with hers, to look into those gorgeous eyes, that serious, intent face.
‘I’m sure you’re doing absolutely the best you can for Maisie, and that’s what matters now, isn’t it?’ Her voice sounded tight even to her own ears.
‘I hope I am. Charlie will be picking Maisie up tonight, is that okay? Do I need to fill out a form or anything?’
‘No, no form filling needed, I’ll make a note of it.’
‘Great, and,’ Josie paused, ‘thanks, Miss Jacobs.’
‘Lucy.’
‘Thank you, Lucy. And forget what I said, you know the other day, you’ve been great for Charlie. You will look after him for me, won’t you? He’s a lovely guy, just not the right one for me.’
That was a strange thing to say. ‘Well, it’s not really, we’re not…’ She drew a breath. ‘It wasn’t really how it looked when you came round that day.’
‘Really?’ Josie smiled, and then she turned round and walked away. And Lucy wasn’t quite sure what had happened.
The rapping on the window made her turn round. Jill was there holding up a net in one hand, with a questioning look on her face. Lucy nodded and smiled, walking back into school. Pond-dipping it was, and this time she’d have a proper look at what a newt looked like.
***
‘Miss?’ Maisie slipped her hand into Lucy’s and looked shyly up.
She really was the most beautiful child. She squeezed, and Lucy felt like she was squeezing her heart. If she had to give up Charlie for anybody, then this little girl was the best ever reason.
‘Yes, Maisie?’
‘My dad’s picking me up today. I’m having a sleepover.’
‘Really?’ She knew there was a quake in her voice, but she was pleased for Charlie – and his daughter. This was progress. She would have given anything when she was eight to have been able to say the same words. Except now she knew that was something that would never have happened. Which hurt in its own way.
Yes, now she thought about it, her mum always had seemed happier when her dad hadn’t been around. But she’d been too busy doing her own stuff, growing up, to really notice, and just been cross when she’d been sent to her room so that the ‘adults could talk in private’.
He’d been a silent menace. She realised that now. Lucy sensed that the external bruises had been such a tiny part of it, it was the psychological threats, the fear, the awful anticipation that something terrible would happen that had been the really bad part. Her mother had been lucky enough to have had a good friend to talk to about it. A friend who had taken her seriously, recognised the warning signs for what they were. Helped her find a way out.
Her mother had told her about just one incident, once when he’d threatened to drown her, and practically carried out the threat. She’d skated over the details, but Lucy had heard the fear that still lingered in her voice. That one event had set the wheels in motion, had convinced her to confide in somebody, and then that disastrous party had made her realise she couldn’t wait any longer. Nothing was going to change. She had to be brave. She had to change their lives. A shiver ran down Lucy’s spine, a tug on her hand bringing her back from the brink of the nightmare.
‘My mum said she’ll come over later with my stuff. I saw him yesterday and I’m going to stay there for ages.’ She smiled, a wonderful full, happy smile. Lucy wasn’t sure it was for ages, but that was up to Charlie or Josie to correct.
‘That’s nice, Maisie. I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun. Now, isn’t that daddy over there?’
Charlie was hesitating by the entrance to the school playground, his hair tousled, his arms held awkwardly. Maisie spotted him, gave a squeal of delight and dashed over.
He smiled. The biggest, happiest smile Lucy had ever seen. The heat of tears filled her eyes and she tried to blink them away. But she couldn’t.
Charlie caught Maisie, swung her up in the air and she giggled. Then he kissed her, glanced over the top of her head at Lucy and mouthed ‘thank you’.
‘So what are you going to do?’
‘Sorry?’ Lucy turned her head to look at Jill, who had sneaked up behind her.
‘About super vet?’
‘I said I’d help, if he needed it. But he looks just fine.’
‘No nookie?’
‘Jill!’
‘Although I suppose it could be tricky with company.’
‘That was a one off.’ She tried to sound definite.
‘Oh yeah?’
Okay, maybe she hadn’t succeeded. ‘He’s got more than enough on his plate, and the last thing we want to do is confuse Maisie.’
‘Maisie is as bright as a button from what I’ve seen, I’m sure she’d cope.’
Lucy decided it was best to ignore that one, and carry on regardless. ‘I expect she’ll be spending a few weekends with him, I’m not quite sure what the arrangements are yet. But it is none of my, our, business.’
Jill grinned, ignoring Lucy’s attempt to kill the conversation. ‘Weekends? That’s not what a little bird told me. Come on, let’s get cleared up, I’ve got an episode of Emmerdale calling me.’
‘You go ahead, Jill; I want to catch Timothy before I head home.’
***
‘I’ve had an idea.’ Lucy sat down in the chair next to Timothy Parry’s desk, still wondering which little birds had been chattering to Jill.
‘About?’
‘Newt-gate.’
The headmaster raised an eyebrow.
‘Well not exactly about newt-gate, but it got me thinking about how to make sure our school isn’t top of the list for closure.’ After Charlie had told her he’d scratched his initials on one of the school desks, her and Jill had spent an amusing lunch hour looking at the old desks and been caught in the act by Jim. ‘Jim was telling me about all the past pupils who’d done very well for themselves.’ He’d actually been pointing out the names under the lids of the old-fashioned desks they’d found in the store room. ‘One of them was the Right Honourable George Cambourne.’ Which had rung a bell, and had her rifling through the photograph album that Elsie had been quite insistent she borrow.
‘Ah yes, Georgie, but I don’t quite understand…’
‘He’s on the county council?’
‘He is indeed. Lives not that far away, inherited a very nice place.’
‘Elsie leant me a photograph album, and she showed me a class photograph with Jim and George, at the big summer picnic.’
‘This one?’ Timothy picked up one of the many photographs that were scattered along the bookshelves.
‘That exact one. I think we need to resurrect the summer picnic on the green.’
‘We do?’
‘We do.’ She said it quite firmly. ‘And we need to invite all the people that are now influential. As Elsie pointed out, quite a few of the children that used to attend our little school have done pretty well for themselves.’
‘Ah.’
‘Elsie suggested a trip down memory lane, she said there was a lot of nostalgia about our pond. I thought that maybe if we resurrected one or two of our old customs and invited some of the past attendees to come and celebrate, and also see all the wonderful improvements we’ve made?’
‘And if some of those people are the decision makers…? I knew you were the girl for the job, Lucy. You’re brilliant!’