13

After dinner, Hope listened to the Christmas carols playing with a new ear.

Nick and Pastor Jack were in the study.

Lara was playing with the play people nativity set, while the baby slept and Cassie made a drink in the kitchen.

Hope glanced over at the window. The snow was falling again. Would it last until Christmas? That was only another four days. Where would she be then?

Cassie handed her a mug of hot chocolate, topped with cream and a candy cane sticking out of the side. “Try this for size. Lara calls this a melted snowman.”

“Thank you.” Hope inhaled deeply as the scent and sight took her right back to when she was seven. “We used to call this snowman soup.”

Snow lay thick on the ground, the whole town caught unawares by the sudden early snowfall. It was the beginning of December and it didn’t usually snow until January. Hope ran home from school trying to keep pace with her brother and two sisters. She knew without looking in a mirror that her cheeks would look like Grace’s—red and glowing, her eyes bright and sparkling and her breath freezing as it left her mouth.

Rick climbed over the back gate and jumped, landing feet first like a cat. “Come on you lot,” he called.

Hope climbed the gate and jumped. She landed flat on her back to the sound of her brother’s laughter. Winded, she lay there for a moment. Then she poked her tongue at him and made snow angels. Grace and Faith joined her. Rick, too old for such nonsense, just stood and watched.

Jumping up, Hope ran, laughing and breathless, after Rick to the house. They came to the back door and banged on it, stamping the snow off their shoes.

Mum opened the door. “Oh, look. Rick brought home three snow women for tea,” she said, a huge grin on her face. “I suppose you’d better come in.”

“I found them in the garden,” Rick answered. “They were making snow angels.”

“And Rick jumped the gate.”

“So did you.”

“You told me to.”

“OK, wet coats off and into the kitchen with you. I’ll make you something to warm yourselves up with.”

The four of them ran into the kitchen and climbed up on the chairs by the table.

“Ooh Christmas biscuits,” Rick said taking one and giving his sisters one, too.

“Yes... just don’t eat them all. I would like some left for the group meeting tonight.”

“Does this mean the tree’s going up soon?”

“Not yet. Once term has finished, perhaps.” Mum poured the milk into the pan to heat and hung their wet coats by the stove to dry.

Hope fidgeted with excitement as her mother got out the chocolate buttons and the marshmallows. “Are we having snowman soup?” she asked.

Mum nodded, making the hot chocolate. Then she added the chocolate buttons and marshmallows. She slid a cup in front of each.

“Where are the candy canes?” Four voices chorused in unison.

Mum laughed, reached into the drawer and pulled out four. “Here.”

“Yay!” Hope yelled happily. She took the candy cane, dipped it into the hot chocolate, and then sucked it vigorously. “Yummy.”

“The rest of the candy canes are to be hung on the tree,” Mom said.

Hope laughed, knowing full well that half of them would end up in snowman soup before the tree was even up.

Nick sat beside her. “You look miles away.”

“Just thinking about when I was little. Maybe I should write to my family, but I don’t know how to start or who to write to. I mean, they could be all over the country. Do I write different letters? The same one four times over, or what should I do?”

“Just write to your parents,” Nick said. “They can pass the message on, or maybe they’re all together for Christmas.”

“OK.” She looked down at the notebook on her lap. Dear Mum and Dad…

Pastor Jack came in. “Nate just brought this over for Hope.” He held out a large padded envelope, stuffed full of something. “And there is your photo back as well.”

Hope frowned. “For me?”

“It has your name on it.”

She looked at it. There were no postmarks or stamps and no return address. But it was her name. “Who’s it from?”

“Only way to find out is to open it.”

She looked back at the writing. And her heart stopped. Her tummy flipped and she swallowed hard, almost dropping the package as her hands went numb and cold. “It’s Dad’s writing.” With trembling fingers, she opened the seal and tipped ten years’ worth of birthday and Christmas cards into her lap.

“I’ll go,” Nick said.

Hope grabbed his hand. “Stay…” She picked up a letter and unfolded it.

Her hands shook too much to hold it, her eyes too full of tears to focus. “It’s from Mum. Read it to me. I can’t…”

Nick took the paper from her and began reading.

“Our dearest Hope, DI Holmes contacted us last night and said he’d found you. You’ve no idea what that means to us or how happy we are, knowing that you are alive, well and safe. As you can see from all the cards, we never stopped thinking about you or loving you. You are our daughter…”

Nick paused. “There’s a little arrow and someone has added and sister with a smiley face and no matter what anyone says or what you’ve done or think you’ve done, that will never stop us from loving you. As I write this, snow is falling and Faith’s dog, Patches, is sat by the conservatory door barking at it for all he is worth, for daring to land in his garden.

“Grace and Faith are both engaged now, to twin brothers, and are getting married in a double wedding on New Year’s Eve. Rick’s a detective sergeant now in Ely. Although he is off for Christmas and the wedding and also to help the girls move. Faith is moving in with Joel and Elliott is moving in with Grace. They live next door to each other at the moment, so we don’t have to carry boxes and so on very far.

“Faith lost her sight in an accident in May, but having struggled much at first, has now decided she’ll have perfect sight in heaven, so can manage with Patches and Joel’s help until then. I’m not convinced, but…Oh, Rick wants the pen. Here he is.

“Hey, sis—it is I, Rick, the tall serious one who wouldn’t know anything funny if it came up and hit him in the face.” Nick broke off from reading and looked at her, a frown on his face. “I’m assuming that means something to you?”

Hope nodded, rubbing her sleeve over her eyes. “He never got a joke or joined in snow angels or snowball fights or stuff. He took protecting us way too seriously. And since he became a cop he’s probably worse.”

Nick nodded. “Ah, OK. ‘Mum does like to ramble, doesn’t she? She’s crying again. She does that a lot, but its happy tears now. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been the past nine years. What matters now is the fact you’re alive and we want you home with us. Just for a visit, for Christmas if nothing else. Christmas isn’t the same without you. Well, nothing is.

“Do you remember that Christmas you broke your leg? You were so upset at having to be in hospital over Christmas. You cried and cried, thinking Santa would never find you there. Think you were about eight or nine then. I begged Dad to talk to the doctors to allow you home.’”

Tears ran down Hope’s face. “I remember,” she whispered. “I was eight. Dad came and got me late Christmas Eve and took me home.”

“He put you in my room as you insisted on sleeping with me. You wanted me to protect you from Jack Frost or some such thing. But that wasn’t as funny as the year you refused to put the stocking at the bottom of your bed. You weren’t going to have—”

“Some stranger in a red suit coming into my room,” Hope whispered. She smiled slightly. “We’d done stranger danger at school and I got really worked up about it. I mean he could do anything in there, like steal my teddy bear.”

Nick chuckled. “I am in complete agreement with you there. There’s no way I want a strange man in my room under any circumstances.” He paused. “Actually, thinking about it, we do our utmost to protect our kids and teach them to be careful about strangers, and then tell them about this bloke who breaks in, creeps around the house whilst everyone is asleep and leaves stuff in their rooms and we expect them to trust him. And we take the kids to visit him in shops, sit on his lap and pose for photographs with him. Thinking about it, that’s creepy.”

Hope nodded. “I always told Angel that Santa is a myth. Anything she got at Christmas only ever came from me.”

Nick resumed his reading. “Then there was the year we got snowed in and we found reindeer hoof marks in the snow on the front lawn. To this day I can’t figure out how Dad managed that one. We all miss you so much Hope, especially this time of year. We’re spending it together at Grace’s place, only we can’t be whole without you. It’s Christmas, season of good will and all. And Christmas really isn’t Christmas without my baby sister there. Love you sis. Always will. Your loving brother, Rick.”

Nick grinned. “Then it looks like there was a fight for the pen. Grace says hi, love you, miss you and please will you be my bridesmaid. Faith drew a heart with six people inside it. There’s a paw print from the dog. Your dad says please come home, even if it’s only to say hi, have some tea and some of your mother’s chocolate cake. You can even have the flake from the top this time and the pink dish…’ Whatever that means.”

“There was only one pink dish and we all used to fight over who had it.”

Nick turned the paper over. “Your mum carries on. DI Holmes says you have a daughter now. She is beautiful and so much like you. We won’t interfere unless you ask us too. But we want to know her and to be a part of your life again, even if it’s only a little part. We love you, baby girl. And we always will. Love Mum. And then they’ve all added their names and kisses and circles. Which I’m assuming are hugs.”

Hope nodded, tears running down her face. Her heart ached. As Nick had read, his voice had faded and she could hear the others speaking. Smell her mother’s perfume, almost felt their presence. She wanted to go home, so very much, but not without Angel and she didn’t suppose she’d ever get her back.

Pastor Jack came in. “Nick, we need to leave for the carol service.”

Nick glanced up, folding the letter. “OK, give us five and we’ll be right behind you. We’ll go in my car.”

“Don’t be late, you’re leading the service.”

“I know. Five minutes.” Nick waited until the door shut, before he gave into the urge filling him and pulled Hope into his arms. “You’re not alone anymore. That letter proves it.”

She nodded, her hands scrunching into his shirt. She could smell his cologne, feel the warmth and firmness of his body. With him she felt safe and loved. She didn’t ever want that feeling to stop.

“You know how I feel about you, don’t you?” His voice came over the top of her head, his breath warm in her hair. “I see you and my heart stops, my stomach does cartwheels and—”

She looked up, finding his intent gaze swallowing her whole. “I can’t breathe or think and all I want is to be with you. You’re the first man to see me as a whole person, to want to be with me doing normal stuff. You even took me shopping for clothes.”

Nick’s lips curved upwards. “That makes me either brave or stupid. Although I did learn how not to blush in the lingery…”

“Lingerie,” she corrected, and then laughed. “Did we linger in the lingerie section?”

He kissed her nose. “Something like that.”

She looked at the clock. “Don’t want to make you late.”

He looked at her seriously, his intent gaze rooting her to the spot. “One more minute won’t kill anyone. I know if we pursue things and do eventually marry, that I wouldn’t be your first because you have Angel.” He tucked her hair behind her ears. “Beyond that I don’t need to know. Your past is exactly that. In the past. Between you and God, forgiven and forgotten. Right?”

She nodded.

“So, help me out here. We’ll get Angel back with you where she belongs, get you on your feet, reunite you with your family, and see where God is taking the two of us. Right?”

“You do say right an awful lot, you know that?”

“That’s because I always am right.”

She snorted. “Yeah, if you say so.”

He kissed her cheek. “I do. Now, let’s get to church. Because I can’t be late.”

****

Hope sat in church, amazed at the difference a few hours made. The tree at the front twinkled in the low lighting. And for the first time in a long time she felt at home. God loved her, she knew that now, and she could almost feel His arms around her tonight.

The service began with “O Come All Ye Faithful” followed by “While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks.”

Nick led the service, telling the story of how he and his brother had learnt alternative versions of “While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks” from his grandmother, and another version of “We Three Kings” from school.

As they sang “Away in a Manger,” Hope heard a child singing clearly. The voice was hauntingly familiar.

Hope turned to look as they sat down.

Two rows behind, her parents sat, along with Grace, Faith, Rick, and two men. She recognized both as Elliott from that morning. Hadn’t someone told her the men marrying her sisters were twins? And her Angel sat between her sisters. Her family members looked the same, just a little older.

Tears flooded Hope’s eyes and she stood. She wasn’t ready for this. As much as she wanted to see them, to see Angel, she couldn’t just see them and then be parted again. She couldn’t take it. Leaving her seat, she ran down the aisle. She was at the back of the church when Nick’s voice from the pulpit halted her.

“When I was seven, I broke my mother’s favorite ornament. Convinced I’d never be forgiven, I ran away. It was raining and cold and I’d left in such a rush I’d forgotten my coat. Though my rucksack did contain a bar of chocolate, packet of crisps and my rabbit, Sebastian, who went everywhere with me. I got as far as the bus station. Not that I had money for bus fare to go anywhere, but I liked buses and it was dry and relatively warm.”

Hope stood still in the doorway, torn between leaving and hearing the end of the story.

“Anyway, it got to tea time and the only money I had was change for the phone. So I rang home. Dad answered and boy was he cross. He told me to stop being stupid, to come home because Mum was crying. I told him I’d only come home if it was all right with Mum and, if it was, he should hang a white towel out of the window. Anyway, I walked home and sure enough there was the towel.” He paused. “My point is that love is a lot bigger than anything we can do and we don’t need to do anything to deserve it. In fact, it’s when we don’t deserve it that we find we are loved the most. God may not hang a white towel from the window to show He loves us and wants us to come home, but He sent His Son to Earth as a baby to hang on a cross instead.”

Hope wanted to run to her family. Oh, how much she wanted to. Her gaze swung around the church.

Tommy Ackerman sat there, his dark eyes glinting with hate. He looked at her, smirked and drew his finger across his throat.

Hope shivered, turned, and ran.