Chapter Twelve

Ben

I’ve been at this damn party for forty-five minutes, and there’s no sign of Alex. She probably didn’t even come, which pisses me the fuck off, and it’s given me way too much time to think about what happened with Hannah earlier today, which isn’t helping.

I’ve been arguing with myself about it all afternoon. On one hand, she fucking blew up at me like we were dating and she caught me cheating or some shit. We’re friends, sure, but that doesn’t mean she gets to know every part of my life.

On the other hand, she wasn’t exactly wrong about what happened in her room last Friday—or what almost happened. I freaked out when we almost kissed, but I wanted to do it. Hell, I still kind of wish I had. So maybe that means I’ve been leading her on. I don’t know anymore.

Maybe this is for the best. Things were getting too complicated. Maybe it’s better that we stop hanging out, although I hate the thought of that. Maybe that makes me selfish. Not that it matters, since like it or not, I’m pretty sure we’re not speaking anymore.

Maybe I should fuck this stupid party and get drunk at home. Frankly, I’m halfway there, since I’ve been drinking tons of this punch shit they’ve got in red plastic cups just to have something to do. It’s bright red and way too sweet, which means it’s 80 percent grain alcohol, and I’ll regret it in the morning. Oh the fuck well.

Then I see the swing of Alex’s long, dark hair as she weaves through the crowd. I push past some people until there she is—holding some guy’s hand.

She spots me at the same moment, and her face lights up. “Hey, Ben! You came.”

I look from her to the guy she’s with. He’s at least six-two and seriously broad, with perfectly tousled blond hair and a square jaw. He’s wearing a tidy white dress shirt and chinos. Jesus, he reminds me of my brother, Gavin. This is who she wants? No wonder we’ve been talking for a year without a spark. I’m the polar opposite of this guy.

“Yeah,” I finally say. “I came.”

She smiles. “This is Chip. Chip, this is Ben. He works at the bookstore across the street from Oasis.”

Chip tilts his chin up in a vague bro nod. He scarcely registers my presence, which is about right with guys like him. I should know. I grew up with one.

He kisses Alex’s cheek. “Hey, babe, I’m going to find a drink.”

Chip heads off toward the kitchen, and Alex watches him go with stars in her eyes. All she’s missing are little birds and hearts circling her damn head.

She’s never even glanced at me like that. Maybe there’s a reason that nothing’s happened between us all this time.

Not that it matters now. Alex is taken. Out of my reach after I’ve been pursuing her for a year. But that’s bullshit, right? My pursuit, if you can call it that, was always half-assed until today. Why did I suddenly decide to make my move on her? Maybe this wasn’t about Alex at all. Maybe it was about Hannah and that almost-kiss last week.

Maybe that’s why, standing here, I’m not even pissed. Just tired. Over it. Irritated.

“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

She throws me a quick sheepish look and stares after Chip again. So she knew I was into her. She knew what this was about, and yet she still invited me here and played along like…

Fuck.

Like I did to Hannah. Not on purpose, granted, but still. Guess I can’t say I don’t deserve this.

“Yeah, Chip is great,” she says. “After that mess with Brick, it’s great to be with someone with a plan.”

“Brick?”

“My ex.” She shakes her head. “I have the worst taste in men. Really, it’s tragic. First there was Brick, then that debacle with Marc.”

“You were with Marc?”

She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Marc was just a drunken hookup, but yeah. Never sleep with guys from work. But I’ve finally figured it out with Chip. He’s the one. He’s smart and driven and he knows what he wants.”

“Yeah, seems like it.”

I am the biggest idiot on the planet. What the hell did I think I was doing? For all the time we’ve spent hanging out, I clearly know nothing about her life. And here I was buying her jewelry and declaring myself. I’ve been wasting my time and…

Jesus. Hannah was right, and not only that, I said some really shitty things to her because I thought I was hung up on this girl who is completely oblivious to me. I was a total asshole.

Alex is still talking, raving on and on about Chip and his MBA program, but I’m barely paying attention. Enough is enough. I have important things to think about. An important person. “Hey, Alex, I’m going to go.”

She blinks. “But you just got here.”

“Long day.” I shrug. “I’ll see you around.”

Before she can stop me, I turn and shove my way through the crowd. More people have shown up. The whole house is packed. The voices, laughter, and pounding music throb in my ears. I get to the front hallway just as Hannah slips between two giant guys and stumbles to a stop in front of me.

I’ve never been happier to see someone as I am to see her. Everything in me goes light; my chest feels tight and my hands itch to touch her. I don’t know how she’s here, but she’s here. This feeling… This was that look on Alex’s face when she looked at Chip. And I get it.

God, I’ve been so stupid. She was right in front of me all along.

Hannah, however, doesn’t look so happy to see me. She scowls. “Oh. It’s you.”

She looks different. Gorgeous. She’s wearing makeup, her hair is curled, and her shirt— Damn, have her breasts always looked like that? She’s also bleary-eyed and slurring and gripping a plastic red cup like a lifeline.

“Hey, Hannah,” I say warily. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s a party.” She waves her cup to indicate the mass of bodies around us. Some of the artificially red punch sloshes out on her hand, but she doesn’t notice. “Or wait. Are you asking why I’m not tucked up in bed at home like a good little girl?”

I roll my eyes. “Cut it out. You know that’s not what I meant.”

She takes a huge gulp of her drink, eying me over the edge of her cup. “I think that’s exactly what you meant.”

“How much of that have you had to drink?”

“None of your business.”

“Who did you come here with?”

“Also none of your business.”

Seriously? She’s got a right to be mad at me, but she doesn’t have to be so damn difficult about it. It’s just a question. “Come on, Hannah. Are you here alone?”

She laughs bitterly. “No, I came with Jasmine.”

“Where is she?”

Hannah waves her cup behind her, not spilling this time, but almost. “In there somewhere. I lost track of her. See, she knows I can take care of myself, because I’m not a child.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re being a lousy adult right now. Listen—”

Then some guy walks up behind her and slings his arm over her shoulders. “There you are. You got away from me.” He’s some preppy frat boy, and the way he’s looking at Hannah, like she’s his next meal, twists my stomach.

“I’m right here.” She throws him a fake bright smile.

“I found that video I was telling you about. Come on upstairs. My laptop’s up there, and I’ll show you.”

My vision goes red. Adrenaline floods my system as every warning alarm sounds at once in my head. “Yeah, okay, no fucking way.” I grab her wrist and pull her out from underneath his arm.

“Hey!” Hannah protests as I pluck her cup out of her hands and deposit it onto a nearby table.

“What the hell, man?” the douchey dude bro says, stepping toward me. He could probably kick my ass if he wanted to, but he looks drunker than Hannah, so I can handle him if I have to. I hope.

“Hey, man, the creepy date-rape thing isn’t gonna happen tonight,” I say.

Hannah shoves at my shoulder. “What do you think you’re doing, Ben?”

I ignore her, take her by the arm, and turn her toward the door. “Taking you back to your dorm.”

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“I don’t care. I’m not leaving you alone with that guy and whatever the fuck he’s planning to try upstairs. I can guarantee he’s not going to show you a funny cat video on YouTube.”

She’s still protesting, but I’ve got her outside now and down the steps. It’s quieter, and without the noise and the liquor fueling her, the fight goes out of her. She slips her arm out of my grasp.

“Fine, I’m going. You don’t need to babysit me. I’m sure you have better things to do. Better people to do, too.”

I ignore the jab. “I’m not letting you walk across campus alone at this time of night.”

She glowers at me but just turns and stomps off down the sidewalk. I catch up to her in a few strides because she’s wobbly in her heels and so much shorter than me. She ignores me as she types something on her phone.

“Who are you calling?”

“I’m texting Jasmine to let her know I left.”

“Will she be okay?”

Hannah shrugs. “Sean was on his way.”

“Right…Sean.” Jasmine’s linebacker boyfriend would have been handy to have around a few minutes ago when I was staring down Douchebag Doug back there.

Hannah huffs out a breath and glares at me. “I’ll be okay, too. Seriously, you don’t need to babysit me.”

“I’m walking you back,” I say stubbornly.

“I thought you had plans,” she snaps.

Alex’s tirade about Chip replays in my mind. “Nope. I most definitely do not have plans.”

She sniffs. “Too bad.”

I get that she’s mad—and honestly, she has every right to be—but I don’t like Hannah like this. I don’t like that I made her like this.

“Hannah, can we talk—”

“No!” She speeds up. “I don’t want to talk about anything. There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I think there is.”

“No, there’s not. It’s pretty clear that there is absolutely nothing to talk about.”

Fine. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, I guess I can respect that. I don’t press her further. “Did you finish the book?”

She barks out a hollow laugh. “Yeah, I did.”

“What did you think?”

“Awesome. Brilliant. It changed my life. They all did.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

She shoots a sideways glance at me and then looks back at her feet. She’s taller than usual in those heels, and the angle makes her calves curve differently. Her tight jeans stick to her legs like a second skin and hug her ass like—

“Sure, it’s a good thing,” she says, snapping me out of my inappropriate ogling. “You pointed me toward some amazing books that changed everything. So yeah, for what it’s worth, thank you.”

Something twists in my chest— Why is she talking like this is the last time she’s going to see me?

Maybe because I told her it might be. My words from our fight come back to haunt me. I blew off what we had together and implied she didn’t matter to me. I’m a dick. I thought pursuing Alex was the right thing, but all I did was hurt someone I care about.

I wish we could go back to how we were. I want her to come into the bookstore full of thoughts and feelings about what she’s read, desperate to tell me all about it. But I fucked everything up, and I have no idea how to get back to that place, or if we even can.

“Are you going home for Thanksgiving?” I ask to break the silence.

“Yeah,” she says softly. We’re at the edge of campus now, and she doesn’t sound angry anymore. Tired and sad more like it, but at least she’s not pissed. “My dad is coming to get me tomorrow night. You?”

She’s not biting my head off, so that’s something, I guess. “Yeah. I’m not driving back until Thursday morning, though. Trying to minimize my time in the cross hairs.” Her eyes flicker to mine because she knows going home sucks for me. But then she just looks away.

“Are you going to tell your dad about chemistry?” I ask.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Hannah, I know it’s eating at you, but he sounds really understanding. I’m sure if you just talk to him—”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” she snaps with an icy finality. I guess we don’t share like that anymore. I didn’t realize how much I’d gotten used to discussing this stuff with her. She was the only person I could talk to about my family, and now she’s gone.

When we get to her dorm, Hannah fumbles through her jean pockets for her key card. It’s no wonder she has trouble getting the card— Those pants are really tight. Not that I’m complaining. She has great legs…

She finally produces her key card and promptly drops it.

“Stop.” I hold up my hand. “I got it.”

She sighs and leans against the doorframe while I grab it and swipe us in.

“You can come up, but just to the door. No assholes allowed inside,” she says over her shoulder as we walk back to the elevators.

Ignoring the insult, I follow her in and punch six for her floor. She slouches against the far wall of the elevator and watches me warily. Her eye makeup is a little smudged, but it makes her look kind of sultry. I shift uncomfortably. Every time I look at her, I find something else I can’t stop staring at.

“Do you have aspirin?” I ask.

“What?”

“Aspirin. You should take some and drink all the water you can manage.”

The elevator doors ding open, and she forges ahead into the hallway. “Why?”

“It’ll help with your hangover tomorrow.”

She snorts and punches in the code to unlock the door to her room. “I won’t be hungover.”

“That stuff was mostly vodka. You’ll be hungover.”

“Fine.” She pushes the door open and walks into her dark room. The overhead lights are off, but the twinkle lights strung up over her bed are on. “I’ll take my aspirin and drink my water.” Not two steps in, the semi-darkness swallows her, and she trips over something.

“Hannah—” I’m inside before I know it and, somehow, manage to catch her before she hits the ground.

As soon as she’s back on her feet, she swats my hands away. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” She spins around and pokes me in the chest. “So the babysitting is done now.” I can barely make out her features in the low light, but her choked voice is impossible to miss. She sniffles, and my stomach sinks— Is she crying?

I gently hold her upper arms. “Hannah…”

“No!” This time there’s no mistaking the way her voice cracks. “Why are you even here? You’re not interested in me, remember? You want Alex. Quit fussing over me like you’re my big brother.”

I wince. “I’m not your brother.” She scoffs and starts to step back, but I pull her closer.

“No, you’re not,” she whispers. She’s so close.

“Hannah—”

She leans in, and her warm breath on my neck sends a chill racing up my spine, across my scalp. “And I’m not a little girl.”

“I know you’re not.” Jesus, do I know it.

What the fuck am I doing? What are we doing? It’s dark, I’m holding on to her, and she’s leaning into me. Our hot, whispered words fall into this tiny, electrified space between us. She looks up at me, and my gaze catches on her mouth. Her full upper lip is like sin. I’ve been trying so hard to be polite, to be a gentleman, but God, I want to know how her mouth feels and how she’d look if I pulled that tight shirt off her. I want to touch her smooth skin and wrap her silky hair around my fingers.

But I can’t. She’s drunk and pissed, and this is such a bad idea. I should go before I do something stupid. I shouldn’t be—

And then her mouth is on mine, and she is kissing me, and all thinking stops, like a bomb just went off in my brain. My mouth moves over hers. Her lips part and her tongue brushes my bottom lip, urging me to meet her halfway. I can’t help it. I touch her tongue with mine, shuddering when she gasps into my mouth. Her hands fist into my shirt, then slide up, her nails scraping my neck. Her fingers slide into my hair, and I moan— It feels so good.

I move one hand up to her neck, and her long, glossy hair falls over my fingers. I grip the back of her neck as we kiss—deeper, harder, more. My other hand slips down to her ass and grips her tightly. Her hips press into me— Jesus, I’m so hard.

She stumbles backward, pulling me with her. It isn’t far; just a few steps and her legs hit the edge of her bed. We tumble down until she’s on her back, and I’m lying over her.

In the dreamlike near-dark, I get lost in her mouth, the feel of her lips and tongue, the scrape of her teeth on my lip. God, she feels incredible under me. My head spins as I find her breast. It fills my palm perfectly. I stroke my thumb across her nipple, and her back arches up off the bed, pressing into me, so I do it again. I slide my hand up under her shirt, touching her smooth, warm skin, cupping her again with just the lace of her bra between us.

She grinds against me, and my dick presses between her legs. She wraps her legs around my hips— Her calves hook on to my thighs as we press against each other.

“Ben,” she whispers, fisting her hands into my hair.

My hips flex in response and I groan. My fingers find the button of her jeans, fumbling between our bodies. I don’t want clothes. I don’t want anything between us. My heart races, and her skin under my fingers is so hot. I pull down the zipper on her jeans and—

Crap.

I yanked her out of that party to get her away from the creepy date-rape dude, and here I am about to cross a serious line with Hannah. Hell, we’ve already crossed a line. Four or five of them. They’re about a mile back, scorched and smoking. It’d be so easy to take this the whole way.

Being with her feels so wonderful, so right, but I don’t want it to happen like this, both of us drunk, Hannah still angry.

Even though it’s the last thing I want to do, I pull back. When I stand up, I stagger— Right, I’m a little drunk, and Hannah is a lot drunk. This is wrong on so many levels.

“Ben, what—”

“Sorry,” I blurt out. “I’m really sorry. That was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that.”

She sits up. In the dim light, I can just make out her hair, a tangled mess from my hands, and her shirt, pushed up and askew. “It’s okay. I wanted you to.”

“And I want to. But not like this.”

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “Of course not. God forbid you do something you’ll regret tomorrow.”

Of course she’s misinterpreting me. Why shouldn’t she? I’ve got some serious making up to do. I sit next to her and cup her cheek with my palm, then turn her face to mine. Her eyes can barely focus— Sleeping together tonight would’ve been a seriously bad decision.

“No, I don’t want it to be something you regret. I’d like you to remember it, and right now, I’m pretty sure you won’t. Maybe we’d better try this again when we’re both sober.”

She scowls adorably. “You mean you’re not sorry?”

I chuckle and run my thumb over her cheekbone. “No, I’m not sorry.”

“Wow,” she mutters, almost to herself. “Jasmine was right.”

“Jasmine?”

“She said I should make the first move because you never would.”

“Yeah, I definitely needed a kick upside the head about this.” I brush some hair off her face and hook it behind her ear. “Look, sleep it off tonight, and we’ll talk tomorrow before we leave for the weekend, okay? I’m going to get you some water.” I press a kiss to her forehead, and she nods wearily.

I get up, find their mini dorm fridge in the dark, and grab a bottle of water, but when I turn back to the bed, Hannah’s toppled to her side and she’s sound asleep.

With a sigh, I set the water on the nightstand where she can find it later, take off her shoes, and pull the quilt over her. She’ll be in a world of hurt tomorrow, but hopefully after that, we can make everything better.

Just as I leave her dorm and close the door, my cell buzzes in my pocket. Who would message me this late at night?

Dad. Of course. Not who I want to talk to. But even he can’t tarnish how wonderful tonight was. I swipe my finger across the phone and open his text.