Chapter Sixteen

Ben

After Hannah leaves, the rest of the day drags by. It seems like forever before I close up the store and head to campus to meet her. My stomach churns with excitement and nerves. My hands are clammy, and my heart races every time I think of seeing her again. Our phone call on Thanksgiving and the texting for the rest of the weekend was great, but it almost didn’t feel real. Then she showed up in the store like a miracle, and I touched her. I kissed her. And it’s real and even better than I imagined.

A girl walks out as I reach Hannah’s residential building, and she holds the door for me. In front of Hannah’s dorm, I rub my palms down my jeans, because I’m sweating, despite the cold. I knock, and within seconds, it flies open under my hand.

It’s not Hannah or even Jasmine. It’s Sean, Jasmine’s Berlin Wall of a boyfriend. He’s huge in a way humans aren’t supposed to be. And he’s scowling at me like I’m something he just scraped off his shoe.

“What do you want?”

“Uh… Is Hannah here?”

Sean glares. “What do you want with her? You gonna lead her on and ditch her again?”

“What? No. That’s not—”

“Hold on, hold on.” Jasmine inserts herself between Sean and me, laying a hand on his chest. “It’s cool. I didn’t get a chance to tell you yet, but it’s all sorted out. Ben and Hannah are cool.”

Sean grunts, and I’m not sure what it means. It doesn’t sound like he believes it, or if he does, he isn’t very pleased about it. He still looks ready to snap me in half.

“You make her cry again and you’ll be sorry.”

I wince. “I promise I won’t do that again.”

“We’ll see,” he mutters.

“Sean!” Jasmine pushes on his massive chest, backing him into their room. “Relax, okay?”

“Hey, you’re here!” I start at Hannah’s voice beside me. She’s carrying an armload of mail. “Sorry, just checking the mailbox.”

“You ready to go?” Because I’m more than ready to get out of Sean’s glowering, Hulk-like presence.

“Sure, just let me dump this and grab my coat.” She slips past me into her room. I stay out in the hall, where it seems safer. A minute later, she’s back, bundled up in a red wool coat with a cream knit beanie on. She looks soft and touchable and really, really cute. I gently tug on a lock of hair. She smiles. “Ready?”

I exhale and cast one last look into her room. “Absolutely.”

“Bye, Jasmine. Sean,” Hannah calls over her shoulder.

“Have fun!”

“I’m watching you, Bookstore Boy!” Sean shouts as we turn to go.

I frown. “Bookstore Boy?”

“Forget it,” Hannah mutters, stabbing at the elevator button.

“Is that me?” I grin. “Is that what you call me behind my back?”

The elevator doors open and she sighs. “Shut up. What was that about with Sean?”

“Oh, nothing.” We step out of the elevator and start down the hall. “Sean’s just letting me know that he’ll end me if I screw this up.”

Hannah rolls her eyes and laughs. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

I hold the door open and usher her outside. “It’s okay. I’m pretty sure I had that coming. And I’m really sorry for hurting you like that, Hannah.”

She shrugs. “It’s not your fault. You just didn’t see me the way I saw you.”

I shake my head and reach for her hand, then twine our fingers together. “I’m an idiot. Things were happening between us, and I was just too blind and deluded to admit it. You were right to call me out on it.”

Hannah hesitates. “So what happened with Alex?” She clears her throat awkwardly, then adds, “Because you’ve liked her a long time, and you seemed pretty sure—”

“I wasn’t. Not really. She seemed like the right choice, but when I met you, I figured out what ‘right’ really feels like. And it wasn’t the same thing at all.”

She ducks her chin and smiles, blushing slightly. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t figure it out sooner. I was confused. Conflicted. Whatever. Anyway, I was a total dick to you about her, and I’m really sorry.”

“Maybe a little.” She smiles. “I was really mad at you that night of the party.”

I close my eyes and groan. “As you should have been. Frankly, I’m kinda mad at myself.”

She smirks and nudges my shoulder with hers. “Good. Then you can kick your own ass and save me the trouble.”

I squeeze her hand. “Deal. For what it’s worth, there’s nobody in my head but you now.”

She smiles, and her whole face lights up. “Then I guess that’s all that matters, right?”

“You and me.” And right now, that’s everything. All the bullshit I left behind at home fades away because I’ve got Hannah, and she’s giving me a chance to do this right.

We cross the bridge over the Tenumbrah River and enter downtown Arlington. Over the weekend, they put up the Christmas decorations. Strings of tiny white lights crisscross over Main Street, and the street lamps are wrapped in evergreen branches. Vendors have set up stalls all along the street, selling candles and jewelry and a bunch of other Christmas gift stuff.

Hannah gasps when she sees it. “It’s so pretty.”

“Yeah, they set up out here every year. I forgot this is your first year.” She tips her head back to look at the lights overhead. They play off her pale skin and make her eyes sparkle. My stomach flips and my heart pounds. How did I ignore what I felt about her for so long?

“Hey, Hannah?”

She turns to look at me, eyes still shining. I reach up and tuck her hair behind her ear, letting my fingers linger on her neck. “I like you.”

That blush I love so much makes an appearance. She laughs softly. “I like you, too.”

I step forward until our toes are touching and turn her hand over, until we’re palm to palm. “No, I really like you. Actually, I’m pretty crazy about you.”

“Well, you already know I’m crazy about you. I was shamelessly transparent about it.”

“I’m glad you were. If you hadn’t told me how you felt, I might have missed this. Thanks for being so brave.”

She frowns and shakes her head. “I’m not brave.”

“Are you kidding? You’re the bravest person I know.”

“So are you.”

I snort. “Me? Why?”

“It takes guts to stand up to your family. You’re following your own path even though they don’t approve.”

I swallow thickly and look at our joined hands. Right. That. Technically, I never said I’d stood up to them, but it feels like lying. Still, nothing’s settled yet. I’ll figure something out and never have to tell Hannah about the stupid law school application smoldering on my laptop, demanding a decision.

“Yeah, maybe.” I start walking again. “So, what are you hungry for?”

If Hannah caught that obvious subject change, she doesn’t say so. She falls into step beside me and leans onto my shoulder. It’s a perfect night, clear and cold, with the twinkling net of lights overhead and Hannah holding my hand. I want to stop time and live in this moment. The future can stay out there, unlived as far as I’m concerned, because this right here is all I want or need.