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Carmen reached the restaurant where she was meeting Jake six hours later. He was pacing around the parking lot, waiting for her, his long strides carrying him back and forth. The sight of him there, tall and alone, his auburn hair the same colour as hers shining in the sun, was more than her heart could take. She burst into tears.
Jake looked up at the groaning of the bug’s engine as she pulled in and parked. Carmen slammed the car into park, jumped out, and flung herself at him. Her brother didn’t speak, only wrapped her tight in his arms and held her, letting her soak his worn T-shirt with her tears.
“I’m in love.” Carmen sniffled against his chest.
“Hmm,” Jake rumbled, “seems like it.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Welcome to the club.” Jake dropped a kiss to the top of her head. “I have gift certificates for cheese.”
Carmen giggled and looked up at him, drinking in his beloved, freckled face, so like her own. She and Jake had always resembled each other more than Marcy had. “I really missed you, Speed Bump. You’re a real ass for taking off like you did.”
Jake broke out in a wide smile. “I missed you too, doofus.” He threw an arm around her shoulder and steered her toward the door of his motel room. “So, do I need to kick this guy’s ass?”
Carmen shook her head. “No, he didn’t do anything. He’s a wonderful guy, Jake.” Her voice broke, and she leaned her head against her brother’s broad shoulder. “I’m just feeling a little lost.”
Carmen had been at Jake’s for three days, and they were making the most of their time together. Jake had taken her hiking and swimming. They’d eaten dinner on the back deck of his place most nights, looking out over the orchard that rolled away behind the old farmhouse. Five days in, they were both exhausted and curled up on the dilapidated couch that had been in the house for decades before Jake had come along. They were both zoned out, Carmen watching TV, Jake with his head in a novel, when Carmen’s cell rang, making them both jump. Carmen’s heart flew up into her throat as it had every time she’d received a call or text. This time it was warranted. Sawyer’s name glowed like a beacon from the screen.
She must have made a noise because Jake looked up from the book he was reading.
“That him?”
Carmen nodded. “What do I do?”
Jake smirked at her. “Just winging it here, but . . . answer it?”
“Oh, yeah. Good idea.” Carmen stood, swiping her finger up the screen. “Sawyer?”
“Hey, beautiful.” He sounded far away and slightly tinny. The reception at Jake’s was spotty at best. Still, the sound of his voice made Carmen’s heart simultaneously soar and pound heavily. Words rose in her throat, clogging it in their rush to escape. She longed to tell him so many things but still had no more idea what she wanted than she had the day she left.
“I miss you,” she said finally.
Over the line, she heard a shaky exhale. “I miss you, too. So, so much.”
“You didn’t call?” There was a hint of accusation in her voice that Carmen instantly regretted.
“I know. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”
“I did. I do.”
“Well, for now, I have some news. Constable Brown called, and they’ve arrested Billy.”
Carmen froze. “They did?”
“Yes, you need to give the station a call tomorrow and discuss charges.”
Carmen winced, pressing her fingertips against her forehead. She just wanted it all to be over. “I will,” she said.
“I have to go, for now. Noah is waiting for me, and it isn’t that easy for him to get out of the house, but . . . can I call you tomorrow?”
Carmen bit her lip to quell the smile threatening to break free. “I would like that.”
“Bye, beautiful.”
“Bye, Sawyer.”
****
“ARE YOU SURE YOU DON’T want to stay?” Jake asked, watching her sideways across the couch where they sat. It had become routine, even in the seemingly short time she’d been there. After dinner, they each made a cup of tea and sat, talking or watching some brainless show that made them laugh.
“Jake, I’ve been hanging around here for a week and a half. Don’t you want your own space back?”
Jack shrugged. “I like having you here.”
Carmen tugged the knit blanket tighter around herself, stretching her feet toward the blazing fire. “I like being here, and part of me totally wants to stay,” she admitted. “I love it here, Jakey—it’s so peaceful and beautiful. I’m honestly so proud of you.”
“Thanks, doofus.” He grinned, bumping her with his socked foot.
“I talked to the constable from Willow Brook this morning, though, while you were in town. They have Billy locked up and are working on a restraining order. I doubt I’ll push it any further than that.”
“Are you sure, Carm? The guy is a bit of a nut.”
Carmen sighed, staring into her tea. “I know, but my gut is telling me this will be the end of it, and I’m going to choose to trust it. They did say they would detain him for a few days.”
Jake nodded. “All right. Well, this place and I are here, whenever you need.”
“I’m glad you’re okay, though,” she said, studying her brother’s face. He looked rested but older than the last time she’d seen him. “Marcy still hasn’t—”
“No,” Jake said, his face shuttering at the mention of their older sister. “She still won’t talk to me.”
“You know how stubborn she is; she’ll come around one day.”
“How can I expect her to forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself?” Jake said after a second, his voice rough.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“Carmen, that accident was entirely my fault. You’re lying to us both if you say otherwise.”
Carmen opened her mouth, then shut it. It wasn’t her battle. “Okay, I’m sorry. I don’t want to ruin my last night here.”
Jake stared into the flames for a long moment, then sighed. “What will you do?”
Carmen nibbled at her lip. It was a question she wished she had the answer to. “I’m not sure. I have to get rid of the apartment. My lawyer has been in touch with the realtor and has the plates spinning for that already, so it shouldn’t be too bad. I’ll drive back, get all my stuff moved out while I know Billy won’t be around to bother me, and then I’ll go stay with Marcy for a bit. Try to figure it out.”
“What about Sawyer?”
Carmen was quiet for a long moment before she answered, lost in the maze of her own tangled thoughts. “I’m crazy about him, but we barely know each other. I can’t up-end my whole life and go there. What if he feels like he has to take care of me?”
Jake shrugged. “What if he wants to take care of you?”
Carmen laughed, unable to help herself. “I’m going to live out my days as a kept woman in Willow Brook?”
“Doesn’t sound so bad to me.” Jake turned his gaze on her. “You said you saw the job posting. Call the number. It is all right, you know. To reach out and take what you want. At some point, you have to put yourself first. You’re always worrying about me or dad or Marcy, even mom, but I’m not sure I can remember the last time I saw you worry about you.”
“Probably when I realized I didn’t get to be put first, even for the Olympics,” Carmen said, then shocked at her words, slapped a hand over her mouth.
“There you go, not so hard, to be honest, is it?” Jake’s smile was touched with sadness. “And that’s fair. But you matter, Carm. You matter to all of us so much. We just want you to be happy. I know I haven’t met him, but I suspect that Sawyer, and Willow Brook, make you happy.”
Carmen closed her eyes, drawing a long breath through her nose. “I suspect it, too,” she whispered, laying her head against her brother’s shoulder. They sat in silence for a few moments, then Jake said, “Will you say hi to them for me while you’re there? Marcy and the boys?”
“Of course,” she said.
“I miss them.” His voice was soft, taut, as if the words would break something inside him. Carmen slipped her arm through his, hugging it to her body as she blinked back tears.
****
“I’M GOING TO GET YOU!” Carmen slipped around the corner, her feet sliding on the hardwood floor of Marcy’s house. In front of her disappeared two skinny forms, shrieking with giggles. Marcy stuck her head out the door in Carmen's wake and scolded in a mock stern voice. “Auntie Carmen, how many times have I told you, no running in the house!”
More laughter erupted from down the hall.
Carmen rolled her eyes, grinning at Marcy. “Sooorryy, Mom.”
Marcy winked at Carmen, then shouted. “I think they’re hiding. Come on, let's go look outside!” Snagging her arm, Marcy dragged Carmen into the other room.
“There, that probably bought you a few minutes at least,” Marcy said, passing her sister a steaming mug.
“I love playing with them,” Carmen said. “But it is defiantly exhausting.”
“You’ve certainly given me a break over the last week.” Marcy studied Carmen across her mug until Carmen squirmed under the scrutiny. “So.” Marcy took a sip of her coffee, then continued. “How are you feeling?”
Carmen chewed her bottom lip a moment, assessing herself from the inside out. “I think I feel . . . free.”
Marcy smiled. “That’s good. That’s how you should feel.”
Carmen nodded, then she sighed. “I miss Sawyer,” she blurted.
Marcy took another long sip, studying Carmen over the rim of the cup. Then she set it down and sighed. “You should go back.”
Carmen blinked. “I should?”
“Something is going on in that little heart of yours that is special. Sawyer isn’t Billy, I think . . . you—” Her sister trailed off for a moment, her words disappearing into a brief hum. Then she drew another deep breath. “Don’t let fear stop you.”
“I don’t know. We haven’t known each other for very long. What if—”
“Fuck what if,” Marcy said vehemently. “Life is nothing more than ‘what if’—one long, drawn-out question. Ninety-plus years of ‘what if,’ Carm. Make this one your bitch. If it doesn’t work out, you come back, but I think your heart found its home in that place, and you’re wandering around like a nomad for no reason.”
Carmen closed her eyes. Thought of her life here, or what was left of it. No Sawyer. No more messy hair or ridiculous jokes. No more laughing until her sides threatened to split. No more mind-blowing sex with a man that looked like a Greek God. No more soft kisses in the morning before he slipped from the bed to go to work. She tried to picture meeting another man. Wandering the city streets hand in hand, but she couldn’t. Her throat spasmed, pushing a little sound free. Without opening her eyes, she whispered, “Marcy, I’m in love with him.”
Her sister let out a bark of laughter. “Oh, I know. So, what are you going to do about it?”
****
CARMEN SPENT ANOTHER two weeks with her sister and nephews, revelling in their love and noise. She tried to convince Marcy to have dinner with her, their father, and Jake, who said he’d drive down if there was even a chance, but Marcy refused. Carmen didn’t press the issue. Her family would have to come back to one and another on their own accord. There was somewhere she needed to be, and it could not wait any longer.
Before she got out of bed the following day, Carmen picked up her cell, her heart beating wildly as she waited.
“Hello!”
Carmen grinned at the sound of her friend’s voice. “Hey, Chuck, it’s Carmen . . . Listen, you said your roommate was moving?”
****
CARMEN CORNERED HER sister in the kitchen after breakfast on her last night at Marcy's. Without a word, she wrapped her shorter, older sister in her arms. Marcy made a little squeak of surprise, then her arms came up and wrapped around Carmen’s waist.
“I love you,” Carmen said.
“I love you, too,” Marcy said, tightening her grip. “You’re going back?”
Carmen nodded, her chin bumping on Marcy’s head. “I need to see him.”
“Have you guys talked?”
Carmen released Marcy and leaned a hip on the counter. “Not much, but I sort of want to surprise him. I’m going to live with Charlotte first. And take things slow with Sawyer. The temptation to rush into this is going to be strong, but I need some time.” She drew a deep breath, smiling at her sister. “I need to figure out who I am on my own, as well as with him. I’m interviewing for the pool job, and well . . .” she shrugged, fighting the smile threatening to take over her face.
Marcy twisted to smile at her, her eyes suspiciously bright. “I’m looking forward to meeting this guy. That smile better stay on your face, or he’s going to have to answer to me.”