Julian was stunned that Josiah had agreed to meet with the human team. He was surprised Josiah had agreed to leave the Bishop House, period. He was proud of Josiah, but he did wish this didn’t have to happen.
Josiah hadn’t been away from the Bishop House since he’d been brought there after being found in coyote territory. He’d been in bad shape, and while he’d healed physically, mentally, things hadn’t changed. He was obviously terrified, even though he was doing his best to keep his chin high and look everyone in the eye. Jacqueline, the coyote council member, wasn’t helping. She’d insisted on being here since she was a coyote shifter and their council member to boot, but Julian wished he could tell her to fuck off, and he wasn’t one for swearing usually. That was how much she got on his nerves right now.
“The band hasn’t approved this,” Jacqueline said.
Julian didn’t glare at her, but it was a close thing. “The band doesn’t have to approve the human team meeting with anyone.”
She glared at him so hard that he almost expected his hair to catch fire. She crossed her arms over her chest. “I won’t take orders from him. I don’t care whose son he is. He’s a carrier.” She put so much disgust and hate in the word that Julian didn’t have to ask to know what she thought about carriers.
That probably included him. He didn’t care. She could insult him as much as she wanted, as long as she left Josiah alone.
“So?” Kaspar asked. He was present because Josiah had wanted him there, and Julian was glad. It was slightly easier to face all these people with Kaspar behind him.
“Carriers cannot become alphas,” Jacqueline answered. “It’s obvious. There’s a reason why our past two alphas did what they did to this—this—”
“Will you shut up?” Josiah snapped.
Julian blinked at him. He hadn’t expected that, and he couldn’t help but smile.
“My father and my brother were alphas before me, and the position has always been in my family. I’m the only logical choice,” Josiah said. He looked Jacqueline in the eyes. “So yes, I may be the next alpha, and if you don’t plan to obey my orders, then the only solution I’ll have will be to kick you out of the band. Is that what you want, Jacqueline? Because it wouldn’t be a problem for me.”
Jacqueline’s cheeks flushed, and she looked away. It looked like Josiah had managed to shut her up, which was a small miracle in itself. When she started bitching, she never seemed to stop. The problem was that whatever she was bitching about was usually something everyone else agreed on, like having a carrier becoming alpha. She wasn’t a good person, and she’d shown it once again.
Julian and Kaspar exchanged a satisfied glance. Jacqueline wasn’t totally tamed by any means, but for the time being, she was silent, and that was a good thing. Still, Julian needed to keep an eye on her, or maybe ask someone else to do it, since he had no idea where to start when it came to that kind of thing. He didn’t doubt that Jacqueline would try something to get the upper hand again. She and her friends had the minority of the council, which meant they’d lost a lot of power. If Josiah became the next coyote alpha, she would lose even more. Even though Josiah and Julian hadn’t talked about it in detail, Julian hoped that if Josiah became the alpha, he would ask Jacqueline to step down as a council member and nominate a new one. Choosing someone else would be hard, considering the options they would have, but at this point, Julian thought that anyone would be better than Jacqueline.
So yes, she would try something. From the way she behaved, he suspected she might attempt to contact Luther and tell him something was happening. Maybe Julian had too much faith in Luther, but it seemed to him that the human leader was a good person. A lot of people would have pushed for the coyotes to choose an alpha right now, without caring about who the alpha would be or how they would lead. They wouldn’t have given them time to choose the right person and to make sure that the coyotes would be okay.
Some days Julian felt like the coyotes didn’t deserve any of this, but they were still shifters. He could understand why they had never done anything to help Josiah. He’d seen the same thing happen with the weasels when he’d lived with them, and that was the main reason he wasn’t planning to go back. Of course, Josiah hadn’t spent almost thirty years of his life alone in the forest. Their situation wasn’t the same, and Julian wanted him to heal sooner than he had.
There was a knock on the door, and Julian was relieved. He could see that Jacqueline wasn’t done fighting, but he’d had enough of her for today. He was here for Josiah, and she was making it hard to focus on him.
A guard opened the door, and the human team walked in. Julian kept an eye on Jacqueline, and he didn’t miss the way she looked at every single member as if trying to read them. That was probably exactly what she was doing. She wanted to know who was comfortable being in a room full of shifters and who wasn’t. That would tell her exactly who might be susceptible to whatever she had to say. Luther certainly wasn’t, but while he was the team leader, it didn’t mean the others didn’t have any influence on him. Things were getting complicated, and Julian wasn’t sure what to do about it.
“Good morning,” Luther said as he settled into one of the chairs on the other side of the long table. His gaze stopped on Josiah, and his eyebrows slightly rose on his forehead. “You’re new,” he said.
Julian blinked. There was no hostility in Luther’s tone, thank God, but there was something else, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.
Josiah’s cheeks pinked. “I am. Do you know why you’re here?”
This was surprising, too. Luther didn’t seem offended that Josiah was talking to him that way, though. He chuckled. “I know.” He looked at Julian and Calder. “You told me you wanted me to speak with the possible coyote alpha?”
Julian put a hand on Josiah’s shoulder. “This is Josiah. His father and brother were alphas before him. We’re trying to convince him to take their place now that they’re gone.”
Luther’s gaze jumped from Josiah to Kaspar, who was standing behind him, but he didn’t ask who Kaspar was. Apparently, he was only interested in Josiah. “So you’re a coyote shifter.”
“I am.” There was pain in that statement, even though Luther might not understand why. Julian squeezed Josiah’s shoulder, silently telling him that he was there for him. Josiah swallowed, then said, “Julian asked me if I would consider being the next alpha.”
Luther leaned back in his chair. “And will you?”
Josiah looked away from him. “I am considering it. You might not be aware of it, but my father and my brother had conflicting relationships, both with each other and with me.”
“They abused you.”
Josiah’s cheeks became even redder. “They did. They hurt me in ways no one should be hurt. That’s the main reason I’m wary of taking their place. No one in the band helped me, and my first instinct is to let them rot.”
“You won’t do that.”
“I won’t?”
“You’re here. You’re talking to me about becoming the alpha. You didn’t have to do that. If you’re really planning to wash your hands of this, you would have stayed home instead of meeting with me. So no, you’re not going to do it. I don’t know if you’ll accept, but you do know that this would be the best thing for everyone, so you’ll at least consider it.” Luther turned his attention back to Julian and Calder. “This is all I need for now. I’m sorry if you felt like I pushed you into making a decision. I understand how important alphas are for you, and I’m glad to see that you’re working on a solution. I’ll tell my bosses that.”
Julian didn’t slump in relief, but it was a close thing. Josiah had just earned them and himself a little more time to make the decision, which was what he needed.
Now Julian only had to pray that Josiah would be able to forgive what the band had done to him and make the decision to lead them.
* * * *
Kaspar, Julian, Josiah, and Julian’s alternate bodyguard were silent on their way home. Kaspar kind of wished Jacob had been with them, but he needed time off sometimes, and he’d stayed back at the Bishop House. Julian’s other bodyguard, Diana, wasn’t a bad person, but she was quiet. Instead of chatting like Jacob did, she watched everything with attentive eyes, and it was kind of awkward. She was good at her job, though, and Kaspar wasn’t about to protest. Julian needed her.
The meeting could have gone much worse than it had. He wished Jacqueline hadn’t been there, but they’d met her as they walked into the meeting room, and of course, she’d used the fact that she was the coyote council member to be at the meeting. She’d tried to raise hell, but Josiah had handled her surprisingly well. He had told her to shut up, and she’d obeyed. Julian was surprised, but he knew this wasn’t over. What he’d seen before and during the meeting made it obvious that she was a crafty person who wouldn’t stop for anything to get what she wanted.
She wasn’t done with Josiah by any means, and Kaspar would have to keep an eye out for him, too. Of course, that would be impossible once Josiah went back to coyote territory—if he ever went back. He might still choose not to become the next alpha, although, from the way things were going, Kaspar doubted it. Still, it was a possibility, and after the meeting, Kaspar wasn’t sure what he hoped for.
He wanted Josiah to be happy. He, more than almost anyone, deserved it. Being an alpha wouldn’t make him happy. It would keep the peace in the forest, though, and Kaspar had to wonder what was more important—Josiah’s happiness or peace. He knew which one he wanted to choose, but he also knew it might not be the right answer.
“We’re going to need to have a meeting with the entire council,” Julian said.
“After what happened with Jacqueline, I can’t say I’m looking forward to it,” Josiah answered.
“I don’t think anyone looks forward to meeting with Jacqueline, but she has to be there. Until someone replaces her, she is the coyote council member, and there’s nothing we can do about that.”
Josiah sighed heavily. “I have no idea who to replace her with.”
“Technically, it’s not your job. Not yet. Not unless you choose to become the next coyote alpha.”
Josiah looked tired, much more than Kaspar had ever seen him since he’d arrived at the Bishop House. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want her to continue being the coyote council member or for her son to become the coyote alpha, but I also don’t want to be the alpha. The situation is a mess, and I hate it.”
Sometimes it was easy to forget how young Josiah was. They all were. Kaspar was only twenty-five, yet he was one of the oldest carriers in the Bishop House now that Philip was moving out. Besides Julian, only Turner was older, and he was twenty-six. Josiah was a few years younger, and becoming the alpha after everything that had happened to him would be hard. He would have support, of course, but still, it wouldn’t be easy for him.
“You can always say no,” Julian said quietly. “A part of me wants you to. I want you to be happy, and I know this won’t do that, not in the short run.”
Josiah leaned against the window. “But there could be a war in the forest if the wrong person becomes the next alpha. I know. Trust me. I’ve been thinking about this since you came to me the first time. I still have no answers for you. I wish I did, but I have conflicting feelings about it.”
Kaspar was pretty sure they all did. It was good to see Josiah admit it, though.
Kaspar understood Josiah. He would never want to become an alpha, even if he had to. The thought of the responsibilities, of having so many people’s lives in your hands, was terrifying, especially when those people had hurt you.
It would be so easy for Josiah to take the job and make the coyotes’ lives hell. He wasn’t that kind of man, but he was a man who had lost a lot and who’d seen people who should have had his back look away when he most needed them. Even if he agreed to be their alpha, it would take a lot of work for him not to lash out. It would take a lot of work for him to do just about anything if he accepted the job, and Kaspar was relieved he wasn’t in his place. Still, he wanted to do more. He just didn’t know what.
Diana parked the car in front of the Bishop House, and Josiah hopped out as if his ass were on fire. He obviously couldn’t wait to go back to his room and rest, forget about this alpha business for a while, and Kaspar didn’t stop him.
The yelling did, though.
Josiah froze on the porch and looked at Julian and Kaspar. Two people were yelling at each other inside the house—from the sound of it, in the entrance—and it was obvious to all of them who it was.
Jacob and Chris were at it again.
Kaspar suspected it had to do with the other car in front of the house. He didn’t recognize it, so he suspected it was an alpha’s car. They were the only ones who were allowed to visit the Bishop House. Since Chris was involved in the yelling, it was probable that his father was here to pick him up and that Chris was yelling at Jacob for not fighting for him or something like that.
Julian opened the front door, and the yelling stopped. When Kaspar stepped inside, he almost laughed. Chris and Nico’s father, Alpha Wiley, was in the corner of the room, his eyes wide as he stared at Chris and Jacob in the middle of the entrance yelling at each other. They both looked like they’d run a marathon with their flushed cheeks and panting, but Chris looked like he wasn’t done yet.
He turned his attention back to Jacob, barely giving Kaspar and the others any attention. “I want you to fight for me,” he told Jacob. “Is that so hard to understand?”
“You’re leaving, Chris. What do you want me to do? Should I fight your father so you can stay here with me?”
Kaspar looked around. They could try to make a break for it and run for the stairs, but that would mean they would have to pass right between Jacob and Chris, and he doubted that was the best idea. Kaspar didn’t want to end up in the middle of the fight if he could avoid it.
“Come with me,” Chris yelled. There was desperation in his voice, as if he were about to lose everything. “I can’t stay. You know I can’t. But you can come with me.”
Jacob shook his head. “I am never going to become an alpha mate. I’m sorry, Chris. I wish things were different. You know I do. But this is impossible.”
“It’s impossible only because you are making it impossible,” Chris screamed. “I love you, you bastard. Don’t you understand that? I would give up anything for you, yet you’re not willing to do the same.”
“Would you really give up anything for me? Because it doesn’t look like it.” Jacob rubbed his face. He looked tired and sad, and Kaspar wished he could help him and Chris. “You’re not giving up anything for me, Chris. You’re asking me to give up my entire life to come with you. You’re going to go back to your life with your father and your brother, to your future position as the alpha. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? Even if I wanted to be an alpha mate, what do you expect me to do right now? It’s going to be years before you take your father’s position, and you’ll be busy until then, studying and doing whatever alphas do. And me? Do you expect me to be a house husband or something like that? I have a job here, an important one. I protect Julian.”
“Anyone can protect him.”
“Maybe, but you can’t expect me to go home with you and sit for the rest of my life while you go around doing alpha stuff. That’s not me. This is me,” Jacob said, gesturing at the room.
This was a disaster. Kaspar thought the two had talked, and maybe they had. But they were still fighting in front of everyone, yelling at each other and telling each other stuff they should have kept private.
Chris shook his head. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“It looks like you’re going to have to. I’m not coming with you, Chris. I’m sorry.” With that said, Jacob turned around and left.
* * * *
Julian hated feeling this way, but he was relieved when Chris and Nico eventually left with their father. Alpha Wiley ushered them away, looking around as if he expected Jacob to come back and stop him.
Jacob didn’t. Julian doubted he would change his mind. He’d sounded convinced of what he was saying and what he wanted. No matter how much Jacob and Chris loved each other, neither of them was ready to compromise, and without compromise, their relationship couldn’t work.
Julian couldn’t help but look at Kaspar, who was on the other side of the table. They were having dinner with the rest of the carriers and some of the guards, and Kaspar was saying something to Hector and laughing.
He and Kaspar hadn’t had to compromise yet, but Julian knew it would come. They were lucky enough to live in the same place, and Kaspar didn’t have a job. Neither of them was an alpha, so that wouldn’t be a problem. They were both carriers, but hopefully, no one would care about their relationship. Even if someone had something to say about it, as long as they were in cete or sleuth territory, they would be safe.
This relationship was everything to Julian, and he was ready to do anything to keep it. He would even leave his job as a council member if he had to. He thought he could do some good by representing the carriers on the council, but he wouldn’t do it if it meant losing Kaspar. He’d already given up so much of his life. He wasn’t ready to do that again, not when he knew there were so many other people who could step into his shoes and take his place on the council.
“You’re pensive,” Josiah said. He was sitting next to Julian, and Julian had been surprised to see him there.
He’d thought for sure that Josiah would avoid him since he didn’t want to become the next coyote alpha. Julian only wanted him to be happy, and if it meant that Josiah stayed away from the coyotes, that was fine with him. It would complicate things with the council and the humans, but Julian was convinced it was a problem they could resolve.
“I was thinking about Chris and Jacob.”
Josiah grimaced. “I feel bad for them.”
“So do I.”
“It’s not fair. I mean, I get why Jacob didn’t want to go with Chris. I get why he doesn’t want to be an alpha mate. But it’s not fair that Chris wouldn’t be allowed to step down, you know?”
Julian frowned. “Not allowed to step down? What are you talking about?”
Josiah shrugged. “I don’t know. It sounds to me like Chris is going to be the next alpha because he has to, not because he wants to. It’s what’s expected of him. As long as he’s been alive, his father has been telling him that he would be the next alpha. I don’t know if he realizes there are other options.”
Julian hadn’t thought about that, but maybe he should have. Did Chris actually want to become the next bobcat alpha? Or was he doing it only because his father expected it from him? At this point, both were possible, and Julian wished Chris was still here so he could talk to him. “Do you think he would have stayed with Jacob if he’d been allowed?” he asked Josiah.
“I have no idea, but I think he would have at least given it a thought. As it is, he always said that he couldn’t not go back home to follow in his father’s footsteps. He thinks it’s his duty, and while I understand where he’s coming from, I don’t think it’s right. Why should he become the alpha if he doesn’t want to?”
Why indeed. Julian had nothing to say to that. As much as he wanted to help Chris, he wasn’t sure he could. Even if Chris didn’t want to be the next bobcat alpha, Julian doubted he’d ever admit it. He was proud, and Josiah was right when he said that Chris had been groomed to take his father’s place eventually. It would be hard to step away from that, even for Chris.
Julian was relieved when he and Kaspar were finally able to go upstairs. He was used to physical labor, but being a council member was a different kind of work. It made him even more tired, and he’d been feeling queasy for a few days. Maybe he’d caught the flu or something. He couldn’t afford to be sick, though.
Now that they were away from the others, Kaspar seemed to be lost in his thoughts, and Julian left him in the bedroom while he went to the bathroom to shower.
Kaspar was still there when Julian came out of the bathroom. He was sitting in bed, his chest naked and the blankets bundled at his waist. He looked at Julian when he heard him come in and smiled, but it was a sad smile. “I hate what’s happening between Chris and Jacob,” he said.
“I was talking with Josiah about it. We agreed that it’s a pity, but I don’t think there’s anything we can do.”
“I don’t know. I guess I hoped they would find a way to work things out. Chris deserves to be happy. He’s young, but he knows what he wants, and he can finally have it, yet he and Jacob broke up.”
“Not everyone can make it work. Sometimes love is not enough.” Julian slipped into bed next to Kaspar and snuggled up against him.
He was still getting used to sharing a bed, but he loved it. He loved waking up in the middle of the night and turning to find Kaspar there, lightly snoring or mumbling in his sleep. He loved that in the morning, Kaspar was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes, and in the evening, he was the last. Julian wanted this to last forever, and he thought he and Kaspar had a good chance to make that happen. They would need to talk and to compromise, but he was more than ready to do that.
“I wish I could do something for them,” Kaspar said. He kissed the top of Julian’s head.
Julian smiled. Yes, this was the rest of his life, and he couldn’t wait to live it.
“What do you want?” Kaspar asked.
It took Julian a second to understand what he was talking about. “You mean for you and me?”
“Yes. It’s obvious that Chris and Jacob want to be together, even though they haven’t been able to make it work. Is that something you could want? Can you imagine yourself having a family with me?”
Julian frowned and sat up, but Kaspar didn’t release him, so he stayed close. “I told you. I can’t have children anymore.”
Kaspar bit on his lower lip and looked away. “Maybe, but I can.”
That was something Julian hadn’t thought about. “You’re right. You can.” Julian had no idea what Kaspar was trying to tell him, but a mix of fear and excitement made his stomach churn. “Is that something you want? Children?”
Kaspar shrugged. He was still not looking at Julian. “I never really thought about it, you know? I always believed that eventually I would have to get married, because otherwise, the council would get their hands on me. I didn’t think I would be with anyone for love.” He looked at Julian. “But now I am. Because I love you, Julian.”
Julian had to swallow because of how dry his mouth felt. “I love you too.”
Kaspar’s smile lit up the room. “That’s good.” He chuckled. “Of course it is. And I never thought I would have this. That’s why I didn’t let myself think about having a family, a home, children. But since you and I got together, I’ve been wondering.”
“You told me you weren’t planning to get pregnant anytime soon,” Julian pointed out.
“I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure how to handle it with your past. I didn’t want to hurt you. I know you hate that you can’t have more kids.”
“But as you just pointed out, I can. I just wouldn’t be the one carrying them.” And while the thought was a strange one, it wasn’t as bad as Julian had expected.
Only carriers and women could have children. This was what every other man felt like when he and their significant other decided to have children. They might not be able to carry the child, but it didn’t mean they would love it less, or that they would be less of a father.
“Is that something you might want?” Kaspar asked. “Other children? Even if I’m the one carrying them?”
“Yes.” Julian had never allowed himself to hope for a bigger family. He hadn’t thought he could have one, and he hadn’t wanted to hurt over it. But now, that was what Kaspar was offering him. “We can talk about it more, of course, but yes. I would be happy to have children with you.”
Kaspar’s smile widened. “I want to start trying.”
Julian blinked. “Start trying?”
“Every time we have sex, I’m the one making love to you.”
“Because I can’t get pregnant, and that way, we don’t have to use condoms.” Both of them had been examined when they’d arrived at the Bishop House, and they were healthy—except for the fact that Julian couldn’t have children.
“Right. But I want kids. You want kids. You don’t have a problem with me carrying the kids, and I don’t, either. Why should we wait? You’ve already waited long enough, don’t you think?”
“You’re only twenty-five.” But the thought appealed to Julian.
“So? We might want three or four kids. Who knows?”
“We could wait.”
“I don’t want to wait, Julian. I’m ready.”
He wanted children, and he wanted them with Kaspar. Why should they wait?
* * * *
It was crazy. They were crazy, but Kaspar held his breath and waited for Julian to answer.
He knew he was only twenty-five. He knew he and Julian had only been together for a few weeks. But it felt right.
Kaspar had never thought he’d have this chance. Even though Morris had been a good alpha, he hadn’t been able to work miracles. Kaspar would have had to choose someone to marry even though he didn’t love them if Morris and the others hadn’t fought for him to be free to choose. But now he was. He was almost twenty-six, and he didn’t have to get married if he didn’t want to.
But he kind of did. He didn’t know what it was about Julian, but he could tell that they would be together forever. They worked well as a couple, and he knew they would work well as parents, too. Julian had done a good job with Kari, and he’d been alone. Even though it kind of terrified Kaspar to have children, there was no one else he’d rather have them with.
But he knew how Julian felt about not being able to carry a baby. He didn’t want to take that away from Julian. He just wanted Julian to know that this was a possibility. He might not have thought about having children until recently, but he now did, and he wanted them with Julian.
“All right.”
Kaspar blinked. “All right?”
Julian was smiling, and Kaspar found himself relaxing. “You want children. I want children. We want them together. People are going to think we’re crazy, though.”
“And we care about what they think?”
“Not really. I’ve never cared about what anyone thought, although that’s probably because I’ve lived alone most of my life.”
“Except for Kari. Do you think he’ll be angry if we decide to have a child together?”
Julian shook his head. “He’s been pushing me toward you ever since he realized I felt something for you.”
“So he won’t have anything to say? He won’t even point out that it’s too soon?”
Julian snorted. “Who is he to say anything? He and Calder weren’t even together when he got pregnant.”
Kaspar didn’t know the story there, and he was curious, but he also realized it wasn’t Julian’s story to tell. He didn’t know if Kari would ever tell him about it, but even if he didn’t, it wouldn’t matter.
Even though technically, Kaspar would be Kari’s stepfather.
The thought made Kaspar shudder. He didn’t want to be anyone’s stepfather, but especially not Kari’s, and not just because Kari was his age and could probably kill him with a well-placed glare. He wouldn’t mind being a dad, though. He wanted it so much that it surprised him.
“So we’re doing this?” It was hard to believe.
“I want to. There will never be a perfect moment for us to have a child. I don’t think there’s a perfect moment for anyone to have a child. But we have each other, and we’re happy. We’re free. We have a family. I’m sure Thomas won’t mind if we ask him if we can move out of the Bishop House and into our own home. I have a job, and it pays well. You don’t have a job yet, so it would be the perfect moment for you to have a child. Once they’re old enough, you can look for something.”
Kaspar smiled. “I thought you said it would never be a perfect moment? Because it sure sounds like it might be.”
Julian narrowed his eyes. “You know what I mean. There’s always a reason why we shouldn’t have a kid. People are going to say that we don’t know each other well yet, or that we’re both carriers, or whatever. And they wouldn’t be entirely wrong. But I know I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Besides, I’m getting older. I might not be the one who will carry our child, but I’ll still have a role in their creation, and the longer we wait, the older I’ll get. I want another child while I can still enjoy them and be young with them.”
“You’re not old.”
“Fine. I’m not old. But you can’t deny I’m older. It’s time for us to think about the future now that we have one. Don’t you think?”
Kaspar wasn’t sure how to answer, so he pulled Julian closer and kissed him.
They weren’t usually frantic when they made love. Kaspar was always careful, because he knew that sometimes, no matter how much he denied it, the act reminded Julian of what had been done to him when he was younger. They’d only done this with Julian on the receiving end because Julian had insisted, but things would be different today. Kaspar didn’t even know where to start, so he continued kissing Julian as he reached under the blankets and tried to push Julian’s clothes away.
To his surprise, Julian rolled Kaspar onto his back. Kaspar’s eyes were wide as he looked up at Julian, holding his breath.
“You’re always the one in charge,” Julian murmured.
“Only because you never said that you wanted to be.”
“What if I do?”
Kaspar opened his arms. “I’m all yours, then. You don’t even have to ask.”
And he didn’t. Julian had to look away from Kaspar to grab the lube from the nightstand, and Kaspar took advantage of it, pushing his pants down his legs under the blankets. When Julian noticed, he arched a brow, but he didn’t say anything about it, and Kaspar grinned at him. He was impatient. So what?
He knew it would probably take more than once for him to get pregnant, but he was pretty sure Julian didn’t mind practicing. He certainly didn’t.
“You’re eager tonight,” Julian said.
“I’m always eager.”
Julian chuckled. “That’s true. And I can’t say I’m any different. I love making love to you.”
“Me too.” Because it was making love.
Kaspar and Julian were in love, and they were about to build a family. Kaspar didn’t know how long it would take for him to get pregnant, but he hoped it would be soon. He didn’t want to wait now that he and Julian had made the decision.
He opened his legs and dropped his knees to the mattress as Julian settled between them. Julian was gentle. He always was. He made sure that Kaspar was comfortable with the entire process, staring at his face as he pushed his fingers inside him. It had been a while since Kaspar had touched himself there. He didn’t need to, now that he had regular sex with Julian, but he missed it. He hoped they could continue to switch. They could get condoms after Kaspar had their kid.
But that would be in a while. In the meantime, Kaspar was going to enjoy feeling Julian inside him without a condom to separate them.
“Still sure you want a child?” Julian asked as he withdrew his fingers—Kaspar was pretty sure it was at least three—from Kaspar’s ass.
Kaspar nodded frantically. “I want your child. Fuck me, Julian. Make me yours and get me pregnant.”
Julian’s eyes widened and his pupils dilated. They hadn’t used any kind of dirty talk in bed yet, but they were still exploring what Julian liked and disliked. Maybe this was one of the things he liked. Kaspar would have to try again eventually.
But not today. Today, he wanted Julian in his ass, and he wanted him there yesterday.
The head of Julian’s cock poked at Kaspar’s hole, and Kaspar hooked his legs around Julian’s waist. He didn’t try to push Julian inside his ass. Even though they’d already made love lots of times, this was still a first for Julian, and Kaspar wanted him to enjoy it.
Julian moved inside Kaspar just like he moved every single moment in his life—gently but sure of himself, quietly strong. Kaspar wouldn’t have minded a bit more foreplay, but he doubted either of them would have the patience today.
It was strange to think that their lovemaking might result in Kaspar getting pregnant, but also exciting. Of course, sex with Julian was always exciting, and as he moved inside Kaspar, Kaspar closed his eyes and focused on holding the pleasure back for just a few moments.
All bets were off when Julian got a hand between them and wrapped it around Kaspar’s cock.
Kaspar’s eyes flew open, and he groaned when Julian jacked him off. He hadn’t expected Julian to be this assertive in bed, but he loved it.
No doubt Julian realized how much Kaspar loved it when Kaspar came, yelling Julian’s name. He didn’t even care if the people in the rooms around theirs heard them. They already knew he and Julian were together, and while they would no doubt tease them, he didn’t care.
If everything went right, if they were lucky, they were creating their baby, and Kaspar couldn’t wait.