I wrote this while babysitting my cousin’s three children for a week. I was late with one of my books so I was stressed. I was out of my usual controlled environment, I wasn't sleeping properly, and I had to do a social event which was stressing me out. I found myself mainlining banana cake and eating handfuls of Haribos (those gummy, sour sweets that are basically 100% sugar.)
I would feel better briefly and then I would crash. As I had my hand back in the packet for the umpteenth time, I realized that this had definitely gone too far, so I wrote the letter below.
Sometimes, we have to hit that point too far in order to change our lives.
20 May 2017
Dear Sugar,
We’re breaking up.
You’re an addiction, and you’re killing me slowly, sweetly – but killing me nonetheless. I crave you and think about you all the time. When I feel low, I want you, and a few bites of sweetness leave me feeling better.
When I get a headache, you help me to keep working and you help me talk to people when my introversion makes me just want to stay home. I choose you for celebrating, for a treat, for when I need to reward myself for a job well done, for comfort and TV watching after dinner. I choose you when it’s sunny and I'm happy, and I choose you when I’m sad, annoyed, frustrated or angry.
You have been my sanctuary for many years.
But you come at a cost.
I hate being an addict. I hate dependence. I hate using you as a crutch. It’s not how I want to define myself. I don’t want to be thinking about you all the time. I want to eat to live, not live to eat. I want my body to work properly again.
I hate feeling sluggish, bloated, overweight. I hate the headaches that return when I stop filling myself with you. I hate the fact that I shy away from getting naked with my husband. I hate my bloated stomach and the fact I can’t fit in my jeans.
I hate waking up feeling heavy and unable to move. The sleep of the insulin coma from the sugar rush the night before. I know that you only return me to the baseline of feeling okay and then when the rush fades, I just want more.
I know that you make me fat inside and out, you give me mood swings, you clog up my blood and lower my immune system. You are linked to dementia and Alzheimer’s, and I need this brain for as long as I can happily use it!
You are poison to me, and it’s pleasurable poison, but I’ve had enough.
I can’t use you in moderation because I am an addict.
So I choose to be sugar-free. I've weighed up the pros and cons, and I understand that there are pleasures associated either way, but I'm making a choice for my life and my health, both physical and mental.
I choose to happily say no to sugar, changing my habits so I can enjoy life without dependence and chemical addiction.
Thank you for all the great times, but I’m moving on.
Joanna
Six months later.
Going sugar-free for me was more about overall health, not weight loss. The link between sugar and diabetes as well as Alzheimer's Disease worried me, and I didn't like my addict behavior.
I'm still mostly sugar-free, and I've lost my taste for chocolate and sweets, although the psychological craving still rears its ugly head sometimes. I do have fruit and the occasional dessert at a restaurant, but my taste buds have adapted, so I can taste sweetness so much more clearly now. It's strange, but a carrot or a parsnip can be sweet to me now, whereas before, they were just vegetables.
I saw a hypnotherapist for the first few weeks of giving up. He helped me with the reasons behind my cravings – the need for a reward after working so hard, or finishing something, or starting something, or just because I'd made it to the afternoon!
In terms of my habits, I replaced snacking on sugary stuff with other non-sugar snacks. Little tip. If you want to lose weight, don't use cheese and pork pies as sugar replacements!
So I haven't lost any weight, but I feel better in myself because I'm not bloated. I have more energy that lasts longer – and now I can move onto the next phase of changing my diet slowly.
The improvements have been significant in terms of sleep and mood normalization. I go to sleep more quickly and wake up more easily without that sluggishness that accompanies a sugar coma effect. I don't have the afternoon crashes that I used to and choose nuts to snack on instead of going to get a chocolate bar.
Before I gave up sugar, it felt like it would be the hardest thing I could ever do, but months later, I look back, and it wasn't that hard at all. Give it a month and see what the changes are in your body and your life and you won't look back.
Resources:
- The Sweet Poison Quit Plan: How to Kick the Sugar Habit and Lose Weight – David Gillespie