My new plan to get Kat back had involved “accidentally” running into her at our normal hangouts. It wasn’t much of an accident when I still had access to our shared calendar. Once I’d joined the group, Kat insisted that we collectively put our schedules together so our weekends were packed with nonconflicting activities. We had also been instructed to put down any appointments so we could know where the others were for said planning purposes.
I was sure they would have cut off my access, but I was surprised to see an alert for a nail appointment at Elegance Spa pop up on my phone one morning. From there I printed as much of the schedule as I could for fear they would revoke access at any time.
The insidious act was rewarded when I ran into the girls on the boardwalk as they were heading to the beach. It was my daily coffee run and Rachael had waved at me. Sure, it was a quick gesture that was hidden by a flick of her hair when Kat turned around, but it was progress.
I had been all wrong to go straight to Kat. While the others did as Kat asked, they had some influences. I was sure they would tire of being the focus of Kat’s frustration and anger and would be happy to get me back into the group for their own reprieves.
In my head the plan made sense, but as the days wore on I started to feel almost desperate. Recurring feelings from freshman year crept over me. The need to fit in. The wish to be in the top tier in the social ladder at school. I wasn’t sure where it came from, but I needed it more than I needed oxygen. Now I was claustrophobic again, under a ton of bricks and clawing for the surface. Kat, Rachael, and Brittany were the air at the top.
I checked the schedule to find that Rachael had a dentist appointment later in the afternoon one day that week. The knot in my stomach pulled tighter as I contemplated going to the same office right before her appointment. While it was the perfect plan to get her alone and away from Kat’s influence, would it alert the girls to my still having access to the schedule?
I decided to take that chance.
Luckily, the office building wasn’t too far from work. I had to go out of my way, but there were plenty of other doctors’ offices in the building. I only had to choose one as my decoy. As I read the list of practices, the automatic front door slid open. I glanced over my shoulder and sucked in a breath.
Rachael lifted her sunglasses off her face and her eyes fixed on mine. “Oh, hey,” she said. Her smile was shaky, almost as if Kat were pulling her marionette strings from a distance.
“Hi,” I said, a little breathless. I hadn’t expected this to be that easy. At least she was talking to me. This was progress.
Rachael took a step forward, slowly, as if she were navigating a minefield. “What are you doing here?”
I picked the first name I saw on the list. “I’m here to see Dr. Keller. You?”
“Dentist appointment.” Her eyes narrowed, moving down the list of doctors. They widened slightly. “Dr. Keller is my mom’s ob-gyn.”
“Oh,” I said, glancing at the list of doctors again. I should have researched more before I came up with this stupid plan. I didn’t want her to catch me in a lie, so I said, “Well that’s a coincidence.”
“She really likes him.”
I had no intention of doing that today, but Rachael was talking to me! That was my goal and I’d accomplished it.
She headed for the elevators and I stayed in step with her. We entered the elevator and she pressed the button for the fourth floor. I hadn’t checked which floor Dr. Keller was on but I had to focus on what I came there for. She shuffled away from me to the other corner of the elevator.
“How long is she going to be mad at me for?” I asked after the doors closed—I didn’t want Rachael to have an opportunity to avoid me.
Rachael winced and dragged a breath through her teeth. I could see her hesitance in the mirrored doors in front of us. “This is between you and her.”
“No it’s between all of us,” I said, my hands were fists at my sides as the pent-up aggravation from the last few weeks rushed out of me. “How can you drop the close friendships we all had over the past two years?”
The elevator bell dinged, signaling we were past the second floor. I didn’t have a lot of time.
She swallowed. “It’s not us. Brittany and I aren’t mad at all. Kat seems to think you used her brother to become friends with her.”
“That’s not—”
She stopped me with a wave of her hand. “We’ve all done things to keep our reputation intact.”
If Rachael and Brittany understood, why didn’t Kat? “So will you help me?”
The bell rang again and the doors opened. Rachael stepped out and I was on her heels.
“Rachael,” I said, clutching her arm.
“We can’t cross her,” she said. “You know that. Otherwise, next year is going to be hell.”
“And you and Brittany wouldn’t stand up to her? If we were a united front she’d have to let me back in.” Desperation colored my words.
“I’m sorry. We can’t take that chance. See you around.” She walked away from me.
My feet were rooted to the floor. Rachael and Brittany were my last shot. Now they were united with each other and Kat in the anti-Cara campaign. Was this really it? My breathing roared in my ears. After everything I’d been through with them, with Joe, and being the last one to see him. Was it all for nothing? I went back down the elevator, replaying the conversation with Rachael in my head over and over on the way home. The only thing I could do now was give them time and distance. Maybe then they would realize what they lost.