After dinner, we found an empty bench on the boardwalk to sit. We huddled over my phone. Ryan’s was ancient and took several minutes to boot up. I decided to use mine. I didn’t want to be sitting here until winter.
I pulled up the website I’d memorized after seeing Joe on it so many times before.
“JoeFlo?” Ryan asked after I typed in the username.
“He wasn’t the most creative guy.” I felt a little bad for making fun of him. He wasn’t the best boyfriend in the world but he still didn’t deserve to die. Especially with the small possibility that someone else was involved.
I handed Ryan the phone. “Do your thing.”
He clicked the “Forgot password?” link.
“Really?” I asked sarcastically.
“What? Sometimes the easiest way works.”
“I thought you were going to hack the account.”
“Not unless I have to.”
I eyed him. This was a different Ryan than I’d got to know over the past weeks. The mystery surrounding him had been discovered. We’d both changed a lot over the years. I wouldn’t admit it aloud, but I enjoyed peeling back his layers.
On the screen, another window opened asking to confirm the email to send the password.
My stomach dropped. The email was blanked out except for the first several letters.
Ryan confirmed the email and a message appeared that a new password would be sent.
I sensed Ryan looking at me but I couldn’t take my mind off the email address.
“What is it?”
“I think you’ll be needing your hacking skills sooner rather than later.”
Years ago Joe had initiated his interest in me via email. I wasn’t sure how he got my address but I never complained. For weeks we emailed back and forth while at school he continued to ignore me, other than quick glances and smiles when we passed in the hallway. Looking back, I realize it was probably a sign of what was to come, but getting attention from him at all had clouded all reasonable judgment. Our little secret romance flourished before we publicly came out as a couple, which was why everyone was surprised. Especially Kat. Later, I learned that that email account was the key to all of Joe’s dirty little secrets.
It was his most cherished secret. And the most guarded. He would flip out any time I was near him when he went into the account. I never really understood or cared why. But this could be the answer to getting more information that could lead to the answers we sought. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten about it.
I explained all of this to Ryan and was surprised when he didn’t give up, as I had.
“You don’t understand. He was crazy about me not knowing,” I pressed.
Thinking about it some more, I wondered if it was a good idea for me to read his emails. If he had contacted me through them, who knew what else he was hiding. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to know that much about him yet. Or ever.
And a part of me wondered if we should tell Devereaux about the email account. A flash of his cold eyes and condescending expression kept that idea in my head. If we found something important, we’d tell him.
“This is a good lead, Cara,” Ryan said. “But I won’t do it if you feel uncomfortable.”
I took a moment and watched those around us. Families of all different sizes and ages. Would they want to know the truth if someone harmed their family? I sure would.
“We should keep going,” I said firmly. I didn’t want to back out now. And a very small part of me had wanted to see what else Joe was hiding from everyone. For the time I wasted on him, I deserved to know the truth, didn’t I?
“I’ll work on it tonight,” Ryan said.
The part of me that was still hurt by Ryan’s lies made me hesitate.
As if Ryan read my mind, he said, “I won’t read anything. I’ll wait for you.”
“Thank you,” I said, and my shoulders relaxed for the first time since we’d sat down.
The next morning at work, I couldn’t wait to see Ryan. I didn’t text or call him, since I didn’t want to appear desperate, but all night I had dreams of our finding emails from girls Joe had hooked up with while he was with me. I woke up knowing I had dreamed those scenarios, but that didn’t prevent my stomach from flip-flopping all morning.
Ryan didn’t show up for work. Dad said he called out for a personal day. I didn’t know we had those. I waited for Dad to make a disapproving remark about the last-minute shortage in staff, but he didn’t. Ryan had somehow convinced my dad he needed the day off. I hoped he was closer to getting into the email account.
I counted down the seconds until lunch and hid in the custodial closet to call him.
Ryan picked up and immediately said, “Sorry!”
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Phil doesn’t know I have a job. He’s home today and wanted to spend some time bonding or whatever. Of course, he picks today to get to know me—for the first time ever, I might add. I hope your dad wasn’t upset with me. I really need this job to keep me out of the house all day.”
“No, he didn’t seem bothered.” Did Devereaux suspect Ryan of hanging out with him and keep his brother close to prevent that from happening?
“Good.” His relief was evident over the line.
“Did you get into the email account?” I asked, not wasting any more time.
He chuckled. “Anxious much?”
I ignored his teasing. “Did you?”
“Yes. And, in anticipation of your next question, I didn’t read anything.”
“Where can we do this?”
“You can come to my house tonight.”
I hesitated. “I’m not sure about that.”
“Why not? Do you have plans?”
I sighed heavily. “Last time I was over, I ran into your brother on the way out.”
“And?”
I sighed heavily. “He told me to stay away from you. I’m not sure how he would react if I showed up there again.”
“What did he say?” Ryan’s tone was razor sharp.
“Something along the lines of keeping his personal and professional life separate.”
Ryan cursed. “He had no right.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “The less he knows about us the better.”
“How so?”
“If I come over to the house, then he might start hiding the information he takes home. We need all the help we can get. Even if he doesn’t know he’s helping us.”
Ryan paused before speaking. “You’re really getting into this.”
“If I can bring a murderer to justice, I would say it’s worth it.”
“Where do you want to meet, then?”
“How about at my house?”
“That’s fine with me.”
“Good. I’ll tell my mom you’re coming for dinner tonight.”
“Okay, text me your address. I have to go,” he said. “Phil wants to go out to lunch with me. This day can’t go any slower.”
After saying goodbye, I ended the call and took a breath. I hoped we’d be able to find something that helped with the investigation, but a part of me feared the worst.
That evening, I spent more time helping in the kitchen than I ever had before. I needed to keep my mind and hands busy while waiting for Ryan to show up. We still had the obligatory dinner with my parents but I knew I’d feel more comfortable when he was in the same room as I was. The situation was a stark contrast with the beginning of the week, when I wanted him to leave me alone.
The doorbell rang just as Mom went outside to start the grill.
I rushed to the door and flung it open.
“Hi,” I said.
Ryan took a step back, his hand falling from the doorbell and to his side. “Hey. That was quick.”
“Come in,” I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him inside.
He stepped into the house and my stomach fluttered. I looked around the room with fresh eyes, suddenly self-conscious about my home, as I had been when I’d first brought Kat and the girls over.
I didn’t have to wonder for long.
“Nice place,” he said.
“Yeah, it’s home to me.” I turned away and rolled my eyes. That was a stupid thing to say. I needed to calm down.
Madison walked into the room and stopped in her tracks when she saw Ryan.
“Hey there,” Ryan said to her.
She looked from him to me but said nothing. She continued into the kitchen.
“Don’t mind her,” I said. “She just hit puberty.”
“I can hear you!” Madison came into the hallway, holding a soda.
“I know!” I said.
The sliding door slammed closed from the other room.
Ryan smiled. “I see the sibling thing doesn’t change much between families.”
“It’s all in good fun.”
I could tell Madison didn’t agree by the way she looked at me. She’d have to get over it.
I brought Ryan through the kitchen and onto the back patio. Madison sat on the tire swing further down the yard, her back to us.
“It’s nice to see you again,” Mom said, lowering the grill lid. “Dad should be home shortly. I’ll put the burgers on after that. Can I get you a drink, Ryan?”
“That would be great.”
Mom excused herself and lightly pinched my arm. I swatted her hand away.
When she was inside, I turned to Ryan. “We have some time.”
“Let’s wait until after dinner, when we won’t be interrupted.”
“Yeah, that’s a better idea,” I said, wringing my hands together.
Ryan placed his hands on mine to steady them. “Jumpy much?”
“This is exciting.” I was unable to hold back my smile. “Why aren’t you more excited?”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “I’m looking at it from an outsider’s perspective. You, on the other hand, are somewhat involved.”
It was true: knowing even some of Joe’s secrets intrigued me. I almost forgot why we were doing this. A weight settled on my mood. The only reason Ryan had wanted to see me was because of Joe’s death. Would he have otherwise bothered to seek me out when he came to town? My mind and heart were in a constant state of unrest since Ryan revealed why he infiltrated my life.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, breaking through my thoughts.
“Nothing.”
He cocked his head. He definitely didn’t believe me. He already knew I was focused on the goal for tonight.
“I don’t get a lot of home-cooked meals,” he said. “The emails aren’t going anywhere and I promise I won’t go anywhere until I show them to you. Give me a couple hours to enjoy myself before I go back to an empty house.”
I nodded. “How about an hour?”
He grinned.