The shift in Madison’s attitude was apparent when she joined us for pizza. She was talkative and actually nice to everyone, including Ryan this time. When Mom questioned me about it, I simply shrugged. Madison would come out when she wanted to. There was a reason she kept Alice to herself and I’d tortured her enough over it. I would support whatever decision she made and be the pillar of strength when she needed it.
After the second round of “Happy Birthday” that day, Mom handed me a gift.
I acted surprised when I ripped through the brightly colored wrapping paper, revealing the box containing a brand-new phone. “Thank you! Thank you!” I sang to my parents.
“We’re glad you like it,” Dad said.
“I love it!”
Madison gave me a charm bracelet she bought from one of the seasonal shops on the boardwalk. The charm was in the shape of a “C”.
I hugged her and kissed her cheek, thanking her.
She made a face and wiped away my kiss.
I laughed.
Mom dropped the pile of birthday mail onto the table. She always made us save the mail for our actual birthday to be opened with gifts. I opened the envelopes while she started to cut the cake. I stacked the checks and cash in one pile while placing the cards in another. My mind wandered to the things I wanted to purchase using the monetary gifts from our out-of-town family and friends.
The last item in the pile was a thick letter-sized envelope. I jolted when I saw my name across the front, scrawled in black permanent marker. I flashed back to seeing my name on the note at Joe’s house.
My hands dampened as I tightened my grip on the envelope.
I glanced at Ryan and he visibly stiffened. He’d stared at Joe’s note long enough to see the resemblance. I didn’t want to alert anyone to the possibility of a problem so I plastered on a smile and opened it.
I pulled out several sheets of paper.
Mom handed out the slices of cake she’d placed on paper plates. “Who’s that from?”
“I don’t know.” I unfolded the papers and read through the first page. They were adoption papers from the state of Tennessee. My gaze darted over the sheet, taking the information in small bites.
The date at the top of the sheets was familiar. It was my exact birthday, even the year. Yet the name, Sylvia Angelov, didn’t correspond with anyone I knew.
Ryan’s presence at my side made me jump and I pressed the papers to my chest.
“Cara?” Dad asked. As if he sensed the seriousness of the situation, he didn’t use his normal nickname for me.
“These are adoption papers,” I said, my voice sounding far away in my head.
I glanced down at the paperwork again. The date of adoption took place almost two years after Sylvia’s birth.
I flipped to the second sheet and confirmed my suspicions. My parents’ printed names and signatures were on the bottom of the paperwork.
“No!” I said, my body went numb. Heat flashed behind my eyes.
The knife fell from Mom’s hands, clattering against the table. She looked at Dad and his eyes were wide.
I didn’t even care that Ryan was reading over my shoulder. I shoved away from the table, the chair legs scraping against the floor. I drew in a breath and released it before speaking. “Was I adopted?”
“What?” Madison said, looking from me to Mom.
“‘What’ is right,” I said. “More like what the f—”
“Cara,” Ryan interrupted, touching my shoulder.
I whipped away from him and backed myself into the corner of the room. All of these people were strangers to me. I met Dad’s eyes and my neck flushed red hot. I tried to think back to my earliest memories; they all involved my parents. It couldn’t be.
A small part of me knew I was different. That I didn’t belong. I didn’t know how I knew but subconsciously I did. And all of that stemmed from the lies that my parents told me about where I came from.
“Sweetheart, please sit down,” Mom said.
“I will not sit down!” I snapped.
Mom put her hands in front of her in a surrendering gesture. “We can explain.”
“You want to explain now? I’m seventeen.” I said through gritted teeth. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
Mom’s eyes filled with tears. “It was a closed adoption. We were told the family you came from had died. We were going to tell you eventually.”
“When?” I asked. My whole life had been a lie. None of these people were my family. Family didn’t lie like this.
Mom lifted and dropped her shoulders, defeated. “When the time was right.”
“I’m not a child! The time could have been right for years.” Tears snaked down my cheeks, blurring my vision.
“Cara,” Mom said, her voice thick. “At the time I couldn’t get pregnant. And after doing some research I found you. It was fate. The situation around your previous home wasn’t ideal and I couldn’t imagine you staying in a foster home for one more day. I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you. I think we were hoping for another sign that would tell us the time was right.”
“What about me?” Madison said. “Am I adopted too?”
“No, honey,” Mom said. “You came along by surprise.”
Furthering the point that I didn’t belong in this family.
“Who sent this?” Dad asked, grabbing for the envelope. “This is unbelievable. And a blatant invasion of privacy.”
“Whoever sent it obviously cares more than any of you,” I said.
I turned to Ryan who had been silent the whole time. His hands were shoved in his pockets and he looked as uncomfortable as I felt.
I drew in a breath, trying to will away the throbbing in my head.
The happy celebration quickly veered down a path I never expected.
I needed air.
Dad and Madison were blocking the way to my room so I went for the sliding doors. I ripped them open and flung myself outside. The humidity pressed on my already heavy chest. I stomped across the deck and down to the lawn. My labored breathing filled my ears. I paced in a circle, unsure of where to go, I just had to be out of that kitchen. That sense of not belonging in school hadn’t been my selfishness to rise to the top: it had been ingrained in me somehow.
“Cara!” Ryan said, catching up with me. “I have your keys. Let’s get out of here for a little while.”
“Okay,” I said through my tears.
Ryan drove us around town for some time. My anger had subsided a little but my insides were wound tight enough to restrict my breathing.
“I can’t believe this,” I said.
“I don’t think they kept this from you to hurt you.”
“They shouldn’t have kept it from me at all.”
“They had their reasons.”
I glared at him. “Whose side are you on?”
“Yours, obviously.” He flashed a quick, reassuring smile. “But you’re smarter than that. Your parents love you . . .” He trailed off for a moment, almost wistfully. “I’m sure when everyone calms down they will answer any questions you have.”
“Stop being so rational,” I muttered.
I sighed and turned back to the window. I saw a parallel in our situations: lies and deceit ran rampant in my family. Would there ever be a breaking point?
“I’m not downplaying your situation,” Ryan said, “but I couldn’t help but notice something strange about how the information was delivered.”
It wasn’t lost on me, either. I pushed my anger to the side for the moment. “Do you think Joe knew about this?”
“You think a dead guy brought you a letter?”
“No,” I snapped. “It looked like the same handwriting from Joe’s note. Maybe Kat found it and mailed it.”
I wished I hadn’t been so hasty in leaving the information at the house. We could compare the handwriting. At least that would give me something productive to do instead of wallowing.
“Cara, this is starting to get creepy.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You think?”
“I think I should tell Phil everything we know.”
“No way!”
“Why not? We’re in way over our heads. Whoever did this illegally acquired closed-adoption files. That’s not easy.”
“We still don’t know if this is all related.”
“It certainly seems like it.”
I took a breath and laid out a different plan. “Let’s at least look at the other note. It could be Kat wanting to get back at me. Joe had a lot of friends. Maybe he figured out something and didn’t get a chance to approach me about it.” I paused, my mind moving the pieces together. Joe had said he wanted to set me free. Was this what he meant?
“We can look at the handwriting together, then I’m done. We’re done.”
“Okay,” I said.
Ryan parked in an empty spot by the beach. The sand was off limits after dusk but seeing the dark expanse in front of us was just as beautiful. I unbuckled my seatbelt and exited the car. I hopped onto the hood and sat, drawing my legs up to my chest.
Ryan joined me, the hood groaning against his weight. The gentle surf against the shore was melodic enough to calm the last of my jumbled nerves.
“I told your parents where I was taking you,” he said. “So they wouldn’t worry.”
“Okay.”
“You have such great parents—I’m sure they only lied to protect you.”
“I know,” I said. I wanted to be angry with them. But the look on Mom’s face was like a chisel, breaking through my anger. The one thing that didn’t subside was the icky feeling of betrayal that weighted my stomach down. I’d gone through my life not knowing the truth. I felt like an imposter and I had my own parents to blame.
“Do you?” Ryan cut through my thoughts.
“I guess. Can we talk about something else?”
“Like what?”
I struggled to keep my annoyance at bay. Ryan was only trying to help. “Anything.”
Ryan tilted his gaze upward and shook his head. “In comparison, my parents are splitting for good.”
“Ryan I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged. “It was inevitable.”
“Who’re you going to live with?” Even though my parents weren’t my biological ones, I couldn’t imagine choosing between them.
“I haven’t decided yet. Though there is a third option.”
“Which is?”
He turned and looked right at me. “That I stay here. With Phil.”
“And you’d want to do that?”
“It depends.”
“On what?”
He blew out a long breath and his lips spread into a wide grin. “On you.”
“Ryan I can’t make this decision for you.”
He took my hands in his and squeezed. “Cara, you can’t deny there’s something between us.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I admitted, something I hadn’t decided until that moment. “But you can’t move across the country for a maybe.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s ridiculous. We’re not in some romance movie. People—teenagers—don’t pick up and leave their home for someone else.”
“Well, the decision isn’t all about you.”
“That’s a relief.”
“I should have a better relationship with my brother. Believe it or not, he is less drama than my parents.”
I found that hard to believe. “That’s good.”
“And I want to live in a place with seasons.”
I smiled. “You should have led with that excuse.”
Ryan turned; his face was in silhouette from the street light behind him. It reminded me of the first time I saw him at the party. Sure, he had lied to me at first, yet I had, too. Now he knew more about me than anyone. And he was willing to pick up his life to be with me. I couldn’t deny that I wanted that. Especially since I was walking into senior year defenseless against Kat and anyone else who wanted to mess with me. I couldn’t be selfish with him. If we broke up, then I’d be to blame. I was being selfish either way.
“How about you stick with wanting to be with your brother. And I’ll be the consolation prize.”
“You’re no consolation prize.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Ryan, it would make me feel better about all of this.”
He rolled his eyes. “Alright, you’re the consolation prize.”
“Good.”
He stared at me and I found that I couldn’t tear my eyes from his. His head dipped close to mine and I closed my eyes. This was what I expected earlier in the evening when my life had been less complex. He didn’t disappoint this time. His lips were soft and warm against mine. His fingers brushed over my waist and I scooted closer, throwing my arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer to me. I wasn’t sure if it was a mix of the emotion of the day or the fact that he wanted to move to Chester Bay. It was the most selfless thing anyone had ever done for me and I couldn’t think of a better way to thank him.
We kissed for some time, the sound of the surf creating the perfect background for a nearly perfect seventeenth birthday.