Inside, twinkling Christmas lights were strung across the walls of the living room. I had a sneaking suspicion they were from six months ago and not specifically hung for the party.
I squeezed my way through the others; most were already several drinks in and didn’t notice my presence. I narrowly avoided some guy stepping on my foot. Various snack foods crunched under my heels. I waved to a few girls I recognized from Joe’s graduating class.
One of them rushed over to me. “I’m sorry to hear about Joe. He was such a great guy.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Then her other friends joined us and offered their own drunken condolences. The room closed in around me and, once I found an opportunity, I extracted myself from their reminiscing and promptly left the room.
I didn’t want to lose my nerve, so I pushed through to the kitchen to find Kat and the girls.
Kat was in the center of the kitchen, sitting on the small wooden table. Rachael and Brittany flanked her on both sides. Her elevated height undoubtedly made her ego inflate, as anyone who entered would see her in their eyeline first.
I swallowed, plastered on a smile and headed over.
“Hey,” I said.
Kat glanced at me and continued her conversation with some guy, turning her body away from me.
“Hi, girls,” I said to Rachael and Brittany.
They were unnaturally still. I knew they heard me but neither said a word; they were going off Kat’s cue.
I took a deep breath, the scent of cigarettes and pot filling my nose. “Kat, can we talk?” I raised my voice so enough of the people around us heard, and, if she didn’t answer, she’d be the rude one.
Kat whirled around, glaring at me. I didn’t get why she was still doing this to me. We’d been friends for two years; she needed to get past this.
She slid off the table and adjusted her tight burgundy dress, then flipped a chunk of her hair over her shoulder. “Talk.”
She wobbled on her heels and, by the harsh beer breath, I knew she’d been drinking. I already had her attention and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could wait to speak with her. At this point, she was going to keep drinking, so this was my only chance.
I eyed the crowd around us, their attention suddenly glued to me. “Can we go somewhere private?”
She smirked. “Nope.”
I cleared my throat and decided to come right out with it. “Alright. Why are you still angry with me?”
She blinked so slowly a few times that I thought she would fall asleep before answering.
“Why am I mad at you?” She rocked back on her heels. The guy she’d been talking to pressed his hand on her lower back to steady her.
I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be in my favor. “Yeah, you haven’t responded to my texts or calls all week.”
She glanced at the girls and smirked. She spoke to me in a condescending tone. “I thought I made it perfectly clear.”
“Made what perfectly clear?”
Kat stepped closer to me and lowered her voice. “Don’t make me embarrass you.”
“Kat, what are you talking about? We’re best friends.”
She laughed, a cackle I’d heard from her only when she was drunk or putting someone else down. I was about to be hit with a double whammy. “We’re not friends. We never were friends. I tolerated you when you and Joe got together. Joe even asked me to be your friend since he didn’t want to be dating a loser. Now that he’s gone, I can finally cut the cord with you.”
I shook my head in disbelief. I looked at Rachael and Brittany, who both found their nail beds intriguing at that moment. They were my last chance to get in with her. “You all feel like this?”
“We do,” Kat answered for them.
My shoulders slumped. “I don’t believe you. You’re still grieving. I can give you more space—”
“Cara, stop embarrassing yourself,” Kat interrupted. “It’s sad. You can spend the rest of break finding new friends because, believe me, you’re going to need them when school comes around.”
She curled her finger at the girls. “Let’s go somewhere else. I’m over this room.”
I watched the three of them walk into the hall. The few who’d witnessed the conversation avoided my eyes; some were laughing or whispering to one another.
The air in the room became thick, making it impossible to breathe. The stares from the others made my skin crawl and heat radiated throughout my body.
I went in the opposite direction of the girls to the back door. Those talking about me had the audacity to continue to pass on the story before I had a chance to leave the room.
I stumbled down the few steps and strode across the backyard, past the bonfire, and toward the water’s edge. I avoided everyone’s eyes, firm in my goal to get as far away from the house as possible. I tried to hold back my tears: Kat didn’t deserve them. At least from that distance they couldn’t see them flowing down my face, betraying my need to keep composure. I knew my mascara was smudged. I didn’t intend on going inside the house again to freshen up, so I wiped away as much as I could and hoped the darkness of the night would cover up the mess.
I wanted to flee to my car, but that wasn’t a possibility. I couldn’t go home, for then Mom would have even more questions for me. And I had nowhere else to go, since most places in town were closed at that hour other than restaurants and bars. I didn’t want to risk any of my parents’ friends seeing me and asking why I was sitting alone at a restaurant. And I wasn’t old enough to go to a bar. And wasting gas driving around town wasn’t an option, either. I worked hard enough for my money and Kat wasn’t going to take that from me.
I checked my phone. I could hang out away from Kat for an hour. I was sure Mom would be asleep by then, since she would have an early shift in the morning. It was a solid plan.
There weren’t as many swimmers as there usually were, which was perfect for me. I headed the farthest away from the house as possible, down the long rickety dock attached to the yard by slanted wooden polls. It took me a second to gather my bearings on the wobbly surface. A part of me wondered if that was the safest course for myself and my heels. I had no intention of falling into the water, only to gracefully wallow for an hour. I took off my shoes and walked to the end of the dock, the warm, damp wood against my feet grounding me in my new friendless reality.
I sat down and dangled my feet over the side, my toes skimming the slow wash of cool water below me.
I let out a small groan. Was our friendship really over? The heat of embarrassment lingered on my body, but the warm breeze around me gave some reprieve. I took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. How did I not see that coming? Kat had laid the foundation at the funeral but I didn’t know she would blow up like that. I wondered if I shouldn’t have come tonight and, if I didn’t, then I could have met up with her one on one and she wouldn’t be buzzed. Maybe I could give her a few more days. Joe’s death had to still be affecting her—it was only two weeks. If I gave her enough time to calm down, then we could say it was a misunderstanding and then carry on with senior year as we intended. Kat could barely tolerate her food order being wrong, so how would she have lasted two years being around someone she hated that much? I didn’t believe it. Her unstable emotional state would balance out eventually, then I would get my friends back.
My new long-term plan eased my mind. I leaned back, dipping my feet deeper into the water, and looked out into the peaceful distance. Without the disheveled nature of the house and numerous drunk teenagers, the property was impressive. I wouldn’t mind lounging on the dock in the summer or seeing the frozen water from my bedroom in the winter. I wondered if Jordan felt the same way.
A loud crash jarred me out of my thoughts. A guy stood at the end of the dock, his face twisted in anger and he was looking right at me.