CHAPTER 25

Dear Earthling,

I am writing this letter to you from Space! It’s been an eventful day. It all started with a mad scramble to find my Breathe-Easy (I forgot to keep looking for it after I wrote my last letter to you). It turns out Great Aunt Grumbeloid had it the whole time. She thought it was a device to prevent snoring and has been popping it up her nose at night ever since she arrived at our house. She swears by it and says her snoring was so loud before that it even used to wake her up. Dad looked worried and promised to get her a replacement as soon as possible.

Everyone came to Space Cadets HQ to see the rocket launch. Great Aunt Grumbeloid said she didn’t much like the name of our rocket ship (it’s called “ABORT Mission”). I explained that it’s actually an acronym and stands for:

Astro

Blarch

Outer-space

Relay

Transporter

She just grunted and said it didn’t bode well in her eyes. I thanked her for her vote of confidence, at which she surprised me by giving me a really tight hug. Shriekfest seemed to pick up on the paranoia vibe and asked if she could have my “Grandmothers of the Universe” action figures if the rocket crashed. I told her that if she as much as looked at any of my stuff while I was away I’d make sure Father Christmas visited one night soon (I told Shriekfest the story you told me, and she’s been terrified about it ever since—thanks for that!).

My parents both hugged me, and then I stepped on the escalator leading to the rocket. Once on board I found a seat near Andi (who’s parents reluctantly agreed to let him come in the end) and strapped in ready for take off.

Everyone was chatting excitedly, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a commotion at the door. Someone was arguing with Sergeant Megatron 5000 and demanding to be let aboard. I turned to Andi, thinking at first it might be his mom-bot coming to drag him off, and rolled my eyes in a “Good grief, how embarrassing” kind of way. When I looked back round I was confronted with the cause of the kerfuffle—it was Great Aunt Grumbeloid! She hobbled up to me and announced loudly that she had knitted me a lucky hat, and I had to promise that I’d wear it—especially at night, because it can get chilly sleeping in a tent.

I took the hat (which was covered in brightly coloured crocheted flowers) and mumbled “Thank you” as I stuffed it into my pocket. My words were drowned out by the sniggers of my fellow cadets.

After Great Aunt Grumbeloid left, the door was locked, and there was a hiss as the escalator detached from the rocket casing. The next thing we knew, the engines started—a whine that built to a roar—and a countdown began on a big screen in front of us. We all joined in the countdown, and the atmosphere was much like celebrating “Whoop! New Year,” but without linking arms and singing the song that no-one knows the words to. When we got to “Blast Off!” the rumbling went crazy—I thought my teeth were going to rattle out of my head! Suddenly all of that pent up energy was released, and we were catapulted up into the sky. It was very exhilarating. The only way I can describe it is like a thousand tiny bumblebees tickling your soul.

We arrived in space an hour or so ago, and I decided to write to you as there’s not a lot to do at the moment because we aren’t allowed to walk around until we’ve made it safely through a black hole into the Cheese galaxy. I will write you another letter tonight when I’ve arrived on Blarch Space Station.

Your friend,

Dethbert Jones.