‘Grandad,’ I said. ‘I need something to believe in.’

‘Me too,’ Pop replied. ‘I believe I’ll have another beer.’ He took one from his fridge, unscrewed the cap and took a long swig.

‘I’m serious.’

‘Me too. I never joke about beer.’

I sat on Grandad’s couch and gazed out the window. It was a gorgeous afternoon and the grounds at the aged-care facility are splendid, even beautiful. Paths weave between garden beds and there is a slightly dysfunctional fountain in the central lake. Even at this distance I could make out Jim talking to a duck. It was peaceful. Not the duck, which seemed slightly agitated. Or maybe puzzled.

‘Is there one single thing,’ I asked, more to myself than anyone else, ‘that could be easily done to make the world a place less full of suffering and inequality?’

‘Of course there blankety is,’ said Grandad. ‘Simplest thing in the world.’

I waited, but he appeared to be done. He sat in the chair opposite, stared at the wall and sucked on his teeth. I had to ask, if only to stop the whistling.

‘And that is?’

‘What?’

‘What is it?’

‘What’s what?’

‘I don’t know why I talk to you sometimes, Grandad,’ I said, not even trying to keep the exasperation out of my voice. I would almost have welcomed the return of the whistling.

‘Neither do I.’

I took a deep breath.

‘What is the simplest thing to make the world less full of suffering and inequality?’

‘Vegetables,’ said Grandad.

‘Vegetables?’ I said. I knew I shouldn’t because it only encourages him.

‘And I’m not talking about the inmates here in the Old Farts’ Palace. I’m talking vegetarianism. I’m talking about how meat eaters like you are destroying the planet.’

He suddenly leaned forward and pointed his beer bottle at me.

‘Do you know what I think is the biggest blankety lie spread around by people who should know better?’ I opened my mouth to answer, but that apparently wasn’t necessary. ‘It’s that young people are better informed, have greater access to news and information than any generation in history. Frankly, Rob, you’re a bunch of blankety idiots who couldn’t find your own bumholes with a torch and a road map.’

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pop.’

‘Do you ever watch the news? On television or probably on those blankety phones you seem to have superglued to your fingers?’

‘Of course I do,’ I said. Indignation was definitely present in my tone. ‘Well, no, come to think about it. Not much.’

‘Well, get on your Raspberry phone or your iPatch and Goggle it. What would happen if the whole world became vegetarian? Go on, Goggle it. You’ll be amazed.’

I did.

I was.