Paradise
“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” Lydia Wagler’s husband, Al, whispered to her as their driver’s van approached the road that Eleanor and Vic lived on.
Lydia blinked rapidly as she looked at him. “Of course it’s a good idea. It wouldn’t be right if we left Pennsylvania without saying goodbye to our daughter and son-in-law. I am sure they would be hurt if we did not stop and see them.”
“Eleanor might be hurt, but I’m not sure about Vic.” Al frowned. “He barely said two words to us yesterday after his brother’s funeral, and I doubt that he would care one way or the other if he said goodbye to us or not.”
She reached across the seat and placed her hand on his, giving it a few gentle pats. “I’m sure that’s not true, and even if it is, we still have to do what’s right.”
Al gave a brief nod. “You’re right.”
She leaned forward and tapped their driver, Ike, on the shoulder. “This is our daughter and son-in-law’s place. I see their address on the mailbox over there on your side of the road.”
“Okay.” Ike made a left-hand turn and drove his vehicle up the driveway, stopping close to the house.
The home was small compared to many other Amish houses in the area, but the barn adjacent to it was twice the size. Lydia figured her son-in-law would probably add on to the house if needed, once children came along and their family grew. Either that or they would find a bigger place and move.
“We should have called to let them know we were coming,” Al said when Lydia opened the door on her side of the van.
She turned and squinted her eyes at him. “Unless one of them was in the phone shed when we called, we’d have had to leave a message. And,” she added, “they may not have gone out to check for messages before we got here, so our stopping by would have still been a surprise.”
“Good point.” Al told their driver they shouldn’t be too long and asked him to wait for them.
“Sure, no problem,” Ike responded. “If you decide to stay awhile, let me know, and I’ll drive into town and find someplace to eat.”
“Sounds good. I’ll come back here shortly and let you know if we plan to stay longer than half an hour or so.” Al gave a wave and followed Lydia up to the house.
Lydia reached out to knock on the door, but it opened before her knuckles even connected to the wood, and Eleanor stepped out onto the porch. “Mom. Dad.” Looking a bit perplexed, she glanced out toward the van. “Are you heading for home?”
“Yes, we are,” Lydia replied, “but we wanted to stop here first to say goodbye and see how you and Vic are doing today.”
“Vic’s still sleeping, and I was about to start breakfast. If you haven’t eaten yet, you’re welcome to join us.”
“Danki for asking,” Al said, “but we ate breakfast at the hotel where we stayed last night.”
“You look mied.” Lydia reached out with both hands and touched her daughter’s pale cheeks.
“Jah, I am tired. The last few days have been exhausting. We haven’t had much sleep since …” Her voice trailed off, and tears sprang to her eyes. “It’s been really hard for Vic and everyone in his family—especially his mom and dad.”
Lydia bobbed her head. “I can only imagine how devastated Susie and Ethan must feel.”
“Like I said when we talked on the phone, Vic blames himself for his brother’s death.” Eleanor swiped a hand across her tearstained cheeks. “I don’t know what to do or say that might make him feel better.”
“It’ll take time,” Al said. “When a tragic accident occurs that takes someone’s life, it’s not unusual for a person who was close to the deceased to take the blame.”
“Your daed’s right,” Lydia interjected. “Eventually your husband will work through his grief and realize it was not his fault that his bruder got in the water without waiting for Vic to teach him how to swim.” She moved closer to her daughter and enveloped her in a tender hug. “It must be hard being here, though, so close to where the accident happened.”
When Eleanor pulled back from the hug, she wiped at more tears. “Jah, Vic and I have both had a difficult time dealing with the idea that the pond is still back there. We wish it wasn’t on our property, and we’ll probably avoid going there from now on, which is why Vic wants to hire someone who has the proper equipment to come and fill in that small body of water. If it’s taken out, there will be no ice-skating or bonfires at the pond to look forward to this winter, though.” Eleanor sniffed. “I had thought that maybe someday, when the pain wasn’t so raw, we’d be able to go there again and enjoy spending time at the water, but if Vic has his way, there will be no more pond out behind our home.”
“I can understand why he would want to take out the body of water where his little brother perished,” Al put in. “But it could be quite costly to have it done, and would removing the pond really solve anything? The memory of his brother’s drowning will most likely stay with Vic for as long as he lives.” He moved closer to Eleanor and placed his arm around her waist, pulling her close to his side. “The important thing is for Vic, and you too, Daughter, to allow God to heal your emotional wounds, and realize that it will take some time.”
Eleanor sniffed. “I—I know, Dad, and I’ve been asking for God’s comfort and help.”
Lydia’s eyes watered, and she wiped away the tears. It hurt to see their grown child in such heart-wrenching pain. Oh, how she wished she had the power to make things better for Eleanor and Vic, but like her husband had said, God would be the one to heal her daughter’s and son-in-law’s emotional wounds.
Moving away from Eleanor, Al cleared his throat and nudged Lydia’s arm. “We shouldn’t make our driver wait much longer. Besides, Vic is resting, and we don’t want to disturb him.”
Eleanor gestured to the partially open door. “Would you like to at least come in for a quick cup of kaffi or something else to drink? I’m sure it won’t wake Vic if we go in the kitchen.”
Al shook his head. “As much as I’d like to, I think we should head out. We’ve kept our driver sitting out there in his van long enough, but if we did stay longer, I’d have to go there and let him know.”
Lydia shook her head. “No, you’re right, Husband. We should be on our way. It’s a long trip back to Indiana.” She gestured to Eleanor. “You are clearly exhausted and should probably rest.”
“You’re right, Mom. I do feel the need to lie down for a while. I appreciate you both coming all the way to Pennsylvania for Eddie’s funeral. I’m sure it meant a lot to all of his family, and it certainly did to me.” She gave them both a hug. “I’ll be praying for you to have a safe trip home, and when you get there, would you please call and leave us a message?”
“Of course.” Lydia gave her daughter’s back a few gentle pats. “And we’ll certainly be praying for you, Vic, and all of his family.”
“Danki. We need all the prayers we can get right now.”
Eleanor waved before the van pulled out, and after it was out of sight, she stepped off the porch. May as well go get the mail, because there’s probably some since we didn’t check the box yesterday.
She looked toward the barn and shook her head. I suppose I’ll be checking on the horses and the barn cats again since Vic won’t pry himself from the bedroom. Seems like all he wants to do is stay put in bed.
Eleanor had fed Checkers early that morning and fixed their breakfast, now being kept warm in the oven, but she wasn’t sure her husband would want to eat anything when he finally got up. The past few days, Vic hadn’t said more than a few words to her. That made it even more difficult to offer him the comfort he needed. Vic’s attitude had become more and more negative, and when he did say anything to Eleanor, he tended to snap at her for no good reason. She wondered whether Vic would be able to go back to work next week. If he couldn’t communicate with her or anyone in his family, how would he be with his boss and coworkers? Her steps slowed while she asked herself, How far could Vic sink into himself, and how long can I handle all of this alone?
Eleanor had only made it halfway to the mailbox when Checkers came alongside her, pawing at her skirt and begging for attention. For a moment, looking at the dog made her smile. It was a normal action for Checkers to want to play, and right now Eleanor craved some sense of normalcy. The last time she’d seen the dog, he’d been sleeping on the floor beside Vic’s side of the bed. Eleanor was sure that Checkers sensed the pain Vic felt, for nearly every minute since the accident during the time they were at home the dog had been at Vic’s side. Eleanor figured it might be good therapy for Vic to have his pet close by, which was why she’d decided not to make a fuss about Checkers being in the house.
“Did you come here because you knew that I needed your company?” Eleanor bent down and stroked the dog’s ears.
Checkers looked up at her and let out a Woof! Then he darted off and came back with a stick in his mouth. Eleanor gave it a good toss, and while the dog chased after it, she hurried to the mailbox, where she discovered a few bills, some advertisements, and two envelopes. The return addresses showed that one had come from Doretta’s parents and the other one was from Doretta. She figured they were probably sympathy cards.
Eleanor carried the mail back to the house and seated herself on the porch swing. The first envelope she opened was a sympathy card from Doretta’s parents, Elmer and Amanda Schwartz. They had written a note stating how sorry they were to hear about the passing of Vic’s young brother. On the bottom of the card beneath their signature, they had written the words of Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” Eleanor hoped that when she showed the card and verse to Vic, it would offer him some comfort.
She opened the second envelope and found a card from Doretta, along with a letter:
Dear Vic and Eleanor,
My heart goes out to both of you and the entire Lapp family during this difficult time. I cannot begin to comprehend the grief you must feel, but I’m sure that our heavenly Father understands. Please know that I am, and will continue, to pray for you in the days ahead.
May you feel God’s presence as you grieve and allow your hearts to heal. I hope this passage of scripture from 1 Thessalonians 4:13–14 might help: “I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.”
Love & blessings,
Doretta
Eleanor squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to keep tears from falling. Oh, dear friend Doretta, I do hope that my husband will heed your words and allow God to heal his broken heart. She released a heavy sigh. With Vic inconsolable, it seemed that she wouldn’t be able to have Doretta come and stay with them for a while this summer. Right now, and for the foreseeable future, Eleanor’s focus needed to be solely on her husband.
Vic rolled over onto his right side and groaned. His head felt like someone had pounded on it with a hammer. The last time he’d had a headache this bad was when he had suffered a hangover from drinking too much. Of course that had been a few years ago, before he and Eleanor had become serious about each other. Once he’d decided to settle down and join the church, Vic had given up all the wild and crazy things he’d done during his time of running around. He was a twenty-seven-year-old man now, with a wife to support. He had set his desire to party and drink aside, replacing it with hard work and the determination to make a good life for him and Eleanor. Things were different now, with Eddie gone and himself to blame. Vic felt empty inside—like he had no purpose in life. He didn’t want to eat, sleep, or do any work. He just wanted to find a way to numb the pain bottled up inside of him, screaming for relief.
He shielded his puffy eyes from the ray of sun streaming into the room through the partially open window shade. He looked at the empty spot on Eleanor’s side of the bed and wondered if she had lifted the shade a bit when she got up, hoping the light coming through would wake him.
“Well, it worked,” Vic muttered, pulling the covers over his head. But I have no reason to get up, so I may as well lie right here for the rest of the day.
He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but when the sheet and blanket were lifted from his face, he turned onto his back and opened his eyes. Eleanor stood beside the bed, looking down at him and holding two envelopes in her hands. “These are sympathy cards. They came in today’s mail. Would you like to know who they are from?”
“Not really. I’m sure there are lots of people who feel sorry for me right now.”
“Not just you, Vic, but your whole family.” Eleanor took a seat near the edge of the bed. “The first card is from Elmer and Amanda Schwartz. They included a verse of scripture at the bottom. Would you like me to read it to you?”
“No.” He started to pull the covers up again, but she reached for his hand and clasped it firmly.
“You’re not solving anything by closing yourself off like this. Doretta’s parents care about you, and I think you should listen to the verse they included.”
“Okay, whatever.”
“These words are from Matthew 5:4. It says, ‘Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.’ ”
Vic sat straight up in bed. “That’s baloney! People who mourn are not blessed. I mean, where is the blessing in grieving for someone who has died?” His face scrunched up until his cheeks ached, which forced him to relax his facial muscles a bit. “An innocent child like Eddie did not deserve to die, and I have every reason to mourn.”
“Of course you do, Vic.” Eleanor spoke softly, and she looked at him with a tender expression. “But God will offer comfort if you allow Him to.”
He shook his head vigorously. “I don’t need God’s comfort or anyone else’s, for that matter. I need to be left alone.”
“You can’t pull inward or stay in bed all day, feeling sorry for yourself. I’d like you to get up, wash your face, put your clothes on, and come to the kitchen. Breakfast is ready to be put on the table, and you need to eat.”
Eleanor’s forceful tone irked Vic to no end. Who did she think she was, telling him what to do? “You are not my mother!” he shouted. “And I’m not a child who needs to be told when he should get out of bed or eat a meal. I’ll leave this room when I’m good and ready, is that clear?”
Eleanor flinched as though she’d been slapped. “I–I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like your mother. I’m your wife, and I’m very concerned about you.”
“Well, you needn’t be. Just worry about yourself for a change.”
“I will lay the other card we received on the table, in case you wish to read it later on.” Eleanor’s chin trembled and her eyes filled with tears, but before he could offer a response, she turned and rushed out of the room.
Vic had been too harsh with her, but he couldn’t keep the words from pouring out like water when a dam had broken, creating a destructive flood.
He rolled over onto his stomach and gave his pillow a few good punches. I am not only a lousy brother, but I’m also a horrible husband. I wish I had drowned in that pond. Eddie did not deserve his fate.